Evil, Shady Dealings
by TheDeathlyMarshmallows
Summary: "One must always wear red when engaging in vindictive or merely rebellious activities." - Set in Season 3 (and more recently the Season 3 - 4 gap), a look at all the conversations and attempted evil plots between Morgana and Morgause that we never got to see...
1. Questions, Questions, So Many Questions

_Authors Notes: OH HAI. So, this is 'Evil, Shady Dealings', which is set during Season 3 and revolves mainly around Morgana and Morgause, because I feel there is a distinct lack of fanfiction involving the two of them. It puts a (hopefully) humorous spin on things and I dare say you might enjoy it if you give it a chance.  
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_Disclaimer: I obviously do not own Merlin or any of the characters etc. Otherwise I would currently be crying with sheer happiness. As it is, I am writing fanfiction.  
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_**Evil, Shady Dealings**_

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**1.**

**Questions, Questions, So Many Questions**

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"Sister!"

Morgause rushed forwards, moving to clasp her hands tightly over her younger sisters', her face breaking into a rare smile. "I was beginning to think you would not come."

The raven haired woman returned the smile, though Morgause noted it looked a little forced. "I had a little trouble getting past some of the guards, that is all." She reassured the older woman, before breaking away from her touch to walk further into the cave, slowly bringing down the hood of her red cloak as she did so.

Something was bothering Morgana, that much was evident. But what in the Old Religion's name could it be? Morgause furrowed her brows, concerned that her worst fears had come true. "Has somebody found out you have magic?" She questioned, her tone calm even though she felt anything but.

"No. It is something far worse."

"Worse?" Morgause spluttered, unable to fathom what could possibly be worse in a kingdom where magic was banned. "Sister, I can assure you that there is no greater threat to you than-"

"I am wearing _red_."Morgana interrupted, sounding thoroughly disgruntled.

A vast silence stretched out before them.

The older woman stared blankly at the back of her sister, taking in the beautiful cloak that gently brushed the ground, making a mental note that _yes_, it was decidedly red rather than any other colour. Yet, Morgause still failed to see how this was worse than being burnt at the stake for possessing magical abilities.

"...that would appear to be the case." The witch ventured finally, hoping her sister was well in the head.

"Not just that, I am wearing _high heels_."

"Evidently."

"I feel as though you are failing to see the problem here, Morgause." The younger sibling huffed moodily, turning to face the other, her cloak swishing dramatically across the cave floor as she did so. "Look at it!"

"But-"

"_Look at it_!"

Morgause's dark eyes resignedly followed the cloak as Morgana began to sway from side to side. The material billowed about most magnificently. "...I can assure you I am, I merely do not understand what point it is you are trying to ma-"

"It is flapping about in every direction and _it is red_!"

"Yes."

Morgana ceased swaying and let out a groan of annoyance. Sometimes her sister could be stupendously unintelligent for one who was supposed to be such a powerful and feared witch. She decided to try things from a different angle. "Sister, do you know why it is I had such trouble getting past the guards on my way here to meet you?"

"I assumed that there were more patrols than usu-"

"It was because I was wearing a red cloak and high heels!"

Morgana was met with silence and a faintly concerned look on her sister's face which gave the distinct impression that Morgause thought her mad.

"Are you purposely attempting not to understand the crisis I was faced with?" Morgana questioned irritably, finding that her patience was starting to wear thin. "I was trying to steal out of castle inconspicuously, wearing a _bright red cloak_." She paused, hoping that her sister would now be able to see the enormity of the problem, but was yet again faced with silence and a worried expression.

"_Bright. Red. Cloak_." The raven haired witch reiterated, beginning to sway again so that the cloak swished around her. "I was lit up much akin to a Christmas tree! The guards would have been able to see me from a league away! And that was only half of the problem, sister, _only half of the problem_!"

Morgause gave a slow nod, wondering if perhaps her sister had hit her head on a low branch on the way to the cave.

"I was also wearing footwear with heels. _High heels_." Morgana continued, the tone of her voice rising with every word "Every step I took echoed out loudly down the corridors. _I declare I may as well have attached a banshee to myself, for all the noise I was making!_"

The younger witch was looking thoroughly angered by this point and stopped her swaying to fix her sibling with a fiery glare. "Have I made my point crystal clear, Morgause? Because I do not see how I can continue to tiptoe about Camelot unseen when I am wearing such ridiculous apparel!"

There was a small silence, in which Morgana was trying her best not to actually _snarl_ and Morgause stood with her arms folded across her chest, looking every inch the calm and collected older sister. "Well, you cannot possibly wear any other colour." She replied simply.

Morgana stared at Morgause.

Morgause stared at Morgana.

"_Have you lost your mind?_" The younger of the two asked incredulously, feeling as though she might as well slam her head against the cave walls for all the good this talking was doing.

"I am in perfect health, I assure you." Morgause answered coolly "You simply seem to have forgotten the first rule of malevolence."

"Really? And what, pray, is that?"

"One must always wear red when engaging in vindictive or merely rebellious activities."

Morgana, apparently, was speechless, unable to comprehend the seriousness with which her sister was speaking about these matters.

Morgause took this rare opportunity of silence on her sister's part to continue "As for your footwear, high heels gives one a few added inches of height which allows for condescending looks down upon others who are less fortunate than you are in either appearance, status or both."

Morgana merely blinked, her mouth slightly agape in sheer disbelief at the other woman. This didn't even...she was completely failing to see that wearing such clothing could end in _capture and demise_...what was she even...she couldn't even...

However, Morgause was apparently unfazed and was already heading to take a seat at the battered, wooden table at one side of the cave. "Oh and sister, do close your mouth. It is most unbecoming of a future Queen to gawp like that."

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_Authors Notes: So, uhhhh, review, ok? Ok. It will make me almost impossibly happy. I might even sing or dance. But more likely I'll just melt into a pile of joyous mush. Cool cool._


	2. A Matter of Ponchos

_Authors Notes: Thank you to all my reviewers! Your lovely words were all greatly appreciated and, as a thank you, here's another update already! Enjoy!_

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_**Evil, Shady Dealings**_

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**2.**

**A Matter of Ponchos**

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Gwen couldn't help but think Lady Morgana was sleep deprived, or ill, or had perhaps simply gone insane. After being presented with her breakfast, the raven haired beauty had proceeded to stare blankly at the wall before her instead of graciously tuck in like she usually did. In fact, she hadn't even seemed to have acknowledged the presence of the plate of food at all.

"Milady..." Gwen started uncertainly, faintly scared that if the other woman _had _gone insane she might leap across the table and assault her at the sound of her voice "...are you quite well?"

There was no response. Absolutely nothing. Not so much as a blink or any sign of breathing or general life. Gwen's face paled. _What if Morgana had died? _What if she had simply sat down for breakfast..._and just died? _Sometimes there weren't always explanations for deaths, sometimes people who seemed completely healthy could just _sit down for breakfast and inexplicably die_.

This was terrible. This was horrific. Not only had she lost somebody she considered to be a great friend, Gwen was also certain that she would be punished for this. Never mind that she had carried a plate of delicious food all the way from the kitchens, up the spiral stairs to Morgana's room without dropping it all. Never mind that it wasn't her fault the ward had decided to just die for no evident reason, and it happened to be on her watch. _Never mind that she had spent years of her life dressing the woman and helping her to bathe and cleaning her room and –_

"Does Gaius _only_ wear ponchos?"

Gwen would have liked to say that she didn't shriek, but the simple truth was that Morgana's velvety voice had never scared her so much in her life, and shriek she did.

"_Whatever is the matter with you Gwen?_" Morgana questioned incredulously, a look of disgust at the maidservant's apparent lack of social graces evident on her flawless features.

"Oh, milady! I'm so sorry!" The dark skinned woman panted, trying to regain her composure and any shred of dignity she had left "You just startled me, is all."

There was an awkward pause, where Morgana continued to look almost impossibly unimpressed and Gwen attempted to get her breathing back under control. The sounds of a horse neighing outside and its hooves clattering down on the ground, followed by some surprised yells from the guards as the noise of hooves faded into the distance could be heard from the open window. Gwen cleared her throat nervously. "What was it you asked, milady?"

Morgana let out a weary sigh. Sometimes, Gwen tested her patience to its very limits. "Gaius. Does he always wear ponchos?"

"I...err..." Gwen frowned, unsure of where Morgana's train of thought was going "...yes. I believe he does wear ponchos an awful lot."

"You see, that's exactly what I thought too." The ward replied, sounding rather pleased with herself. "_Exactly what I thought_..."

And it was thus that Morgana picked up her cutlery and began to consume her breakfast with all the grace and panache of a Lady, while Gwen stared at her in what could only have been described as utter perplexity.

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Morgause didn't want to seem rude. She always tried to be the epitome of civility when around her younger sibling, but occasionally there were moments when Morgana was so blindingly unintelligent that she just simply couldn't hold her tongue.

"Are you completely brainless?" She demanded from across the table in the cave, pausing in her spreading of some odd mixture across her slice of bread.

"Sister!"

"I have never heard anything so ridiculously stupid and dim-witted in my life. Usually I am stunned by your maturity, but today I am left wondering as to why I ever bothered to take you under my wing at all."

Morgana scowled, furious at being ridiculed for her obviously brilliant plan. "You just lack imagination and creativity." She muttered eventually, watching as her sister gently placed the knife back onto the table.

There would be no time for spreading anything onto her bread now. She had to help Morgana realise her own stupidity. It was a harsh learning curve, but somebody had to batter the basic rules of evil into the young witch's skull. "Sister, you do comprehend what you just suggested? You do grasp the notion of what you were implying?"

"Of course I do!"

"It is just intriguing that you can do that, yet not realise its complete and utter idiocy."

"_Morgause!_"

The blonde haired woman leant back in her chair, calmly folding her arms across her chest as she always seemed to do when about to impart great wisdom upon her sister, who was currently getting very red in the face and annoyed. "I would like you to repeat what you just suggested to me."

"Oh for Goddess' sake, Morgause!"

"Repeat it."

Morgana's scowl seemed to have taken on a threatening edge to it by this point, yet through gritted teeth she did as her old sister asked: "We should enchant one of Gaius' ponchos."

Morgause left a small silence, allowing the words to sink in, before she spoke again "Now, I would like you, for just one second, to appreciate the absurdity of this moment and respect it."

Using every ounce of her willpower and self control, Morgana managed not to start spouting obscenities or hurl her own plate at Morgause, and instead opted to allow a brief pause before retorting "I don't feel like you have given this plan room to breathe."

The older sister let out a long, drawn out sigh of displeasure. She had hoped Morgana would have realised the error of her ways and dropped the whole idea, but it seemed as though Lady Luck was not on her side tonight. "Sister, that is because your ill-considered 'plan' does not deserve room to breathe, it deserves to be forgotten with immediate effect."

"But you haven't even allowed me time to explain it properly! I barely opened my mouth before you began to verbally assault it!"

Morgause sighed again. It appeared that her younger sister was not going to let this wretched scheme drop. She was in one of her spoilt, stubborn moods. "Alright. Against my better judgement I will allow you to clarify what exactly you meant when you thought it was appropriate to say 'We should enchant one of Gaius' ponchos.'"

"That is all I ask." Morgana replied, her tone rather chirpier than before. She probably enjoyed getting her own way more than she should "You see, it came to my attention that Gaius only seems to wear ponchos, and I believe that we could enchant these ponchos so that whichever one he chooses to wear, it would cause him to start dancing during council with the King."

"You have failed to impress me thus far."

"That is not relevant. What _is_ relevant, however, is the fact that everybody would be witness to his inappropriate dancing acts and think him a madman. Then I, being Uther's ward, could subtly suggest to him during dinner that Gaius is old and _sadly_ losing his mind, and then the King would fire him from his position, thereby removing Gaius from the castle grounds and keeping him out of my way. Merlin would be _inexpressibly_ upset, causing his apparent ability to sense something going wrong from a mile away to lessen and I would be able to murder Uther and flourish as Queen of Camelot."

There was a huge, hanging pause, in which Morgana eagerly awaited her sister's reply. She was sure to acknowledge the greatness of this plan now, it simply could not be denied any longer. She would suddenly have to start wiping tears of awe away from her eyes and apologise for her stupidity. She would –

"Where was the drama?" Morgause questioned, sounding weary beyond measure. "Where was the horror and suspense?"

"I...what?"

"Where were the undead armies? The giant scorpions?"

"I...I don't..."

"It is as though you put absolutely no thought into this plan whatsoever, sister. It is as though you _don't care_."

"Of course I care!" Morgana replied indignantly, still trying to process the fact that the older witch disliked her plot even after having it so wonderfully explained to her.

"Do you? _Do you_? Then please reveal to me the logic behind such a stupendously dull and unexciting plot!"

"_It would work_, unlike your overambitious schemes!"

Morgause stared in shock at her sister, completely taken aback by this painfully truthful outburst.

Morgana took a deep, steadying breath, trying to regain her cool. She cleared her throat, relaxing her shoulders before repeating, much more calmly this time "It would work."

Eventually, Morgana had to leave the cave and head back to Camelot without receiving a reply.

Morgause was still sitting by the table, eyes wide in disbelief, well into the early hours of the morning.

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_Authors Notes: Poor Morgause, she just can't seem to accept that her plans are far too dramatic to ever work. As always, reviews would be about as wonderful Gaius' ponchos. And that's saying something._


	3. I Can't Even

_Authors Notes: A shorter chapter this time, but I felt it captured the moment well..._

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**_Evil, Shady Dealings_**

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**3.**

**I Can't Even...**

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Morgause sensed her sisters' presence long before the raven haired witch appeared at the entrance to the cave. She hadn't been expecting a visit, so this was a most welcome surprise. On evenings when Morgana did not venture out of Camelot to see her, Morgause usually spent her time admiring her reflection in her crystals – which although it shocked her to say so, had rather grown tiresome as of late. One could only handle so much beauty in an evening, after all.

The older woman's face broke into a smile and she hurried forwards to greet her younger sister, who was returning the smile with great enthusiasm.

"Morgana!"

It was at this moment that the ward's smile faltered and Morgause came to an abrupt stop a few feet away from her, looking more than a little puzzled herself. "I...I don't...I don't quite know what..." The blonde stammered, apparently unable to fathom what had just happened.

How could she have - ?

"Who _are _you?" Morgana asked quietly, the smile now irrevocably replaced with an expression of disgust.

A good question indeed, one that Morgause was asking herself over and over again in her mind. She had done the impossible, the unthinkable. She had become one with all that was wrong and horrific in the world (and that was saying a lot with Uther sitting on the throne). She had degraded herself and her sister so much that she was unsure of how they would ever get over this revolting moment in their lives. How were they to move on? _To regain their dignity_? She had a horrible feeling they never would because she, _Morgause_, the fierce witch who could wield a sword and _bring kingdoms to their knees_, had...she had...

She had greeted Morgana with her name. _Her name._

There had been no welcoming, albeit somewhat overly-affectionate and inappropriate _"Sssssister!"_

There had been no dramatic, albeit again somewhat overly-affectionate and inappropriate embrace.

There had been no _definitely_ overly-affectionate and inappropriate stroking of Morgana's face.

There had simply been "Morgana!"

And that was wrong, wrong, wrong. It was a cataclysmic, vile attempt at a greeting. It was just an empty word. It was nothing. Morgause was nothing. She was a nobody.

"I...I do apologize!" She attempted, stumbling over her words. She was a mess. What had happened to her? _How could she have let such a thing happen_?

Morgana glanced over her sister in utter repulsion, looking as if the very sight of her was bringing her physical pain. "I don't know where you begin or end anymore." She settled on eventually, shaking her head slowly and then turning on her heel to leave.

Perhaps she would have liked Morgause to try and stop her, to plead for her forgiveness, to ask her to take pity on her for being such a disappointment.

But Morgause didn't try to stop her.

Morgause watched her sister's figure disappear from view, and then she reached out an arm to steady herself on the cave wall. She felt ill. Maybe she _was_ ill. In the head. Something was clearly wrong with her at any rate. She felt bile building at the back of her throat and had to fight the urge to be sick.

Later that night, when she had calmed herself sufficiently, Morgause had to throw an old, tattered piece of cloth over the crystals.

She couldn't bear the thought of seeing her own reflection.

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_Authors Notes: You only have yourself to blame Morgause. That greeting sort of made me sick too. I want the creepy 'Ssssiiisstterr', damn it! If there isn't a bit of inappropriate tension between you and your sister during an episode, it isn't an episode of Merlin!_

_Thank you again to the people who have reviewed. You are wondrous and I will greet you with an overly-affectionate drawl of your name any time you want.  
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	4. A Ridiculous Notion

_Authors Notes: Oh reviewers, you make me so happy. It's amazing to know that people are actually enjoying this story! I FEEL SO PROUD, I MAY WEEP. But before I do, I wish you enjoyment in reading this update! It was ridiculously amusing for me to write at any rate._

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**_Evil, Shady Dealings_**

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**4.**

**A Ridiculous Notion**

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Morgana let out a bored sigh from the table, resting her chin on a hand as she watched Morgause scurry from one end of the cave to the other, determination etched onto her face. The blonde paused for a moment, looking intently at the sword in her hands, before glancing quickly around the cave and moving off again.

This was getting ridiculous –

"Morgause..." The younger sibling drawled, her voice dripping with irritation "I can't help but shake the feeling you are putting rather too much thought into this."

"Then clearly your intuition is lacking." Came the sour reply, as Morgause paused again briefly, only to give a decidedly unfeminine grunt of annoyance and gaze around the cave. "Besides, I believe this whole process would have been much quicker had you had the good grace to offer me your opinion."

"It is a _sword_, Morgause. It can go anywhere for all I care."

The blonde fixed her with an irate glare "It is this _exact_ attitude of yours, sister, that will be the undoing of you."

"Oh, you exaggerate."

"I assure you I do not."

Morgana scowled. All she had wanted to do this evening was share a dinner with her sister and plot the downfall of Camelot. It wasn't too much to ask, was it? She was the one who had to sneak out of the castle after all, she was the one putting her life on the line. But no, all Morgause had wanted to do tonight was discuss whereabouts in the cave her sword should be placed. Should it be propped against a wall, should it be mounted beside the entrance, should she just carry it with her at all times, would it be socially unacceptable if she simply laid it on the table, should she hide it under an old rug, should she do this, should she do that? It was utterly unbearable.

"Just put it down _anywhere_."

"I will do no such thing!" Morgause retorted defensively, clutching the hilt of her sword in an almost protective manner "This exquisite piece of steel has been with me throughout every battle. I cannot remember a fight where it was not safely in my grasp!"

Morgana rolled her eyes and waved a hand in defeat. Sometimes her sister could be so over dramatic. "I relent, I relent! Do please feel _free_ to take your time in this _important_ decision."

A grumpy huff was all the young witch received in reply, and Morgause went back to examining every square inch of the cave in the hopes of finding a sufficiently decent spot to place her beloved sword.

At least another half hour went by, and just as Morgana was near to losing the will to live she heard a satisfied, "It is perfect!" from her sisters' direction. The raven haired woman turned her head, her eyes landing on the form of Morgause who was standing facing one of the cave walls. Morgana raised a slender brow. It looked exactly the same as all the other walls in the cave to her. "And what, may I ask, is so special about that spot of wall as opposed to any other spot?"

"It is ideal!" Morgause breathed, something akin to a tone of awe in her voice "It is faultless! The impeccable backdrop to the greatness of this sword!"

"I do not hasten to ruin your glorious mood, sister, but I am compelled to point out it looks identical to every other inch of wall in this ca-"

"It is above reproach!" The older witch interrupted, refusing to be questioned on her obviously wonderful decision. "The tip of the blade shall be imbedded into the ground a few inches before it, and the wall shall compliment it magnificently!"

"I really do not see why that spot of wall is so-"

But Morgause was not going to wait for her younger, and clearly deluded, sister to finish. She grabbed the hilt of the sword with both hands and with one smooth motion she brought it down, the blade sinking into the ground until it was far enough to stay upright on its own.

With a proud smile, she turned to face the other witch, only to be confronted with a very taken aback expression on Morgana's face. "Whatever is the matter, sister?" She asked worriedly. Perhaps the perfection of the spot she had chosen had just been too much for her to handle –

"You did it again."

"Did what again?"

"That thing."

"You are being rather vague, sister."

Morgana took a deep breath and tried to reorganize her facial expression into something resembling normality. "It was the way in which you placed the sword into the ground. It was the time it took."

Morgause frowned. She was not usually confused, in fact, the blonde prided herself on her intellect, but this moment was one of those moments when even _she_ could not decipher what it was her sister was attempting to convey. "The time it took? Whatever are you talking about?"

"Sometimes..." Morgana whispered, her voice laden with disbelief "...I would go so far as to say that I feel you are moving in slow motion."

The blonde gave her a quizzical look. Ever increasingly these days, she was unsure of her sisters' mental health.

"Moving in slow motion?" Morgause scoffed, taking a seat at the table beside Morgana and reaching to comfortingly pat her on the hand "What a ridiculous notion."

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_Authors Notes: Because has an episode ever gone by where Morgause hasn't completed most of her actions in slow-mo? No, because that would be weird and foreign and people wouldn't know how to handle it._

_As has been said before, reviews are intensely appreciated. Probably appreciated too much, but I can't help my feelings so you'll just have to deal with it and click that button and review anyway. (:_


	5. The Accurate Definition Is 'Stalker'

_Authors Notes: ASDFGHJKL. The reviews! The. Reviews. I wasn't expecting that many and then all of you reviewers were like 'BOOM, have some absolutely shockingly awesome reviews that are so nice and pretty and nice and..pretty that you'll ALMOST DIE.' I just. I almost can't even handle it. That's how happy I am. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH. Actual, genuine love. I would cry rainbow tears and send them to you all if I could. You might not want this amount of love, but you're sure as hell getting it. So embrace it. Embrace the love._

_Oh, and a special 'N'AWWWHHH YOU'RE SO NICE' to Kitty O, who said - and yes I AM GOING TO QUOTE AND BOOST MY OWN EGO HERE - 'I love the huge vocabulary and the way you have of dancing about ridiculously with your words'. I just. Oh my God. You're too kind. It is the best way of speaking/writing though, no? Absolutely contagious too. I'm just going to go and sit over there with my inflated ego and sense of self worth. Asdfghjkl._

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**5.**

**The Accurate Definition Is 'Stalker'**

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**"Lady Morgana definitely has an admirer. And I am speaking of a creepy level of admiration." Gwen gushed, her dark eyes wide as she relayed the news to Merlin and Gaius in their quarters. "I took no notice of it at first. I thought it was sweet, a rose here, a note there. It entered my mind that it was a charming, mysterious knight who would come to sweep her off her feet...but then..." She trailed off, a fearful expression taking a hold of her "..._it has just become too much_. And I'm beginning to doubt it is a knight at all. I fear for her life, I truly do."

Merlin and Gaius exchanged puzzled glances.

"_Really_." Gwen emphasized, feeling that she wasn't getting the enormity of her point across at all. "Twenty bunches of flowers just appeared in her room _over night_. Nobody else goes in that room apart from myself and Morgana, and it certainly wasn't me so it must have been _her admirer_."

The two men looked to each other again. It was so very difficult to address such matters when Gwen had no idea of Morgana's descent into evil. The poor woman didn't even know that the Lady she so looked up to had recently attempted to send the King mad with a mandrake root and bring about the fall of Camelot by raising an undead army.

Gaius cleared his throat, trying his best to convey an expression of mild concern at the very least "I can assure you that Merlin and I will look into it, although there is only so much we can do. Sending gifts to the Lady Morgana is hardly a crime. If they were putting her in danger, then it would be a different matter altogether, you understand?"

Gwen stared at the both of them in utter disbelief. Merlin awkwardly shifted his weight onto the other leg and Gaius remained motionless, with an eyebrow raised as usual. "_Twenty bunches of flowers._" The dark haired woman reiterated "In her room. Over night. _Strange forces are at play_."

Neither of the men moved. Gaius didn't even bat an eyelid.

"Well – well I'll...I'll...!" Gwen faltered, trying to think of an appropriate course of action that a maidservant could take on these suspicions. "I'll...! _I'll just keep my eye on it then_!" And, in what she liked to think was a very dramatic fashion that greatly indicated her displeasure at the both of them, Gwen stalked out of the door and down the corridor.

Sadly, the impact was slightly lessened when she had to, moments later, sweep back into the room to pick up the washing she had put down on the table.

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Hiding the gifts was becoming an ever increasing problem for the King's ward. Morgana had appreciated the occasional note, hidden safely in her jewellery box or somewhere equally secure, but recently she was waking up to find the room filled with flowers or new dresses, and a very perplexed looking Gwen pulling back the curtains to find a heart chiseled into the windowsill. The dark skinned woman had even approached Morgana about the matter recently, asking whether it might be an idea to alert the King and seek help. After all, 'This admirer is obviously a madman.' Morgana had told her not to be silly and to stop worrying.

But this did not change the sad fact that this admirer was not a madman, it was, in fact, her over affectionate sister.

And so it was that she rode out to the forest, with the ridiculously inconspicuous red cloak billowing out behind her in all its glory. Morgana soon reached the cave that Morgause had deemed appropriate to reside in, even after she had complained about the dust wrecking havoc with the fabrics of her dresses.

"_Sister!_"

The raven haired woman had barely dismounted her horse before she was swung into a dramatic embrace by her older sister, whose joy at seeing her could evidently not be contained.

"Are you well? Are you content? How have you fared? You look pale, have you seen enough sunlight? I feel as though perhaps you have spent too much time inside." Morgause pulled back slightly and glanced over her sister, a disapproving look on her face. "I have told you time and again, Morgana, _you are too pale_. You need to seek the sun."

"Wha – Morgause - !"

"I have tired of this topic now. Come inside and have a drink."

"But you most definitely just told me I spend too long insi-"

"Your insistence to talk about this subject irks me. I would enjoy moving onto a new conversational matter greatly."

"I declare that it was _you_ who seemed so interested to talk about my complexion in the first pla-"

"Let us not split hairs, sister. You have only just arrived." And with that, the blonde haired witch took a firm grasp of Morgana's left arm and all but dragged the infuriated woman into the cave and pushed her down into a seat beside the table. As she sat down herself, Morgause noted the scowl that had appeared on her sisters' face. "This apparent mood of irritation does not suit you very well, Morgana."

"Then perhaps you should not incur my displeasure so!"

Morgause made a 'tutting' sound and moved her attention towards pouring the both of them some strange liquid out of a pitcher that, to Morgana's disapproval, did not look at all as if it were silverware. Morgause pushed a glass in front of her sister before leisurely leaning back in her chair and taking a large sip from her own glass.

The younger witch stared down at the beverage that had been placed, _without her consent_, before her, the scowl on her face worsening as she narrowed her eyes at the liquid. "This does not look appetizing." She stated eventually.

Morgause rolled her eyes. Her sister could be so incredibly spoilt and rude sometimes. "Well you do not know until you try, sister."

"I do not want to try. I am positive it would taste utterly ghastly."

"And what are you basing this decision on, exactly? Looks? That is ridiculous. You cannot base anything on looks alone. Some people may pass you in the market and think you look unattractive, yet that has no bearing on your personality. In a similar fashion, this drink may look unappealing whilst in reality it tastes delicious."

Morgana stared at her sister for a few moments with a rather dead pan expression on her face, before declaring, "My looks are flawless. Whatever are you trying to insinuate?"

A long, drawn out sigh was her response. Evidently, the younger sibling had completely missed the point of the example and had taken it as a personal attack instead. Morgause waved a hand in exasperation "My wisdom is wasted on you sometimes. Do not concern yourself with the example. Tell me, why is it I have the...pleasure of seeing you this evening?"

Morgana gave a look that clearly indicated that the example was not going to be forgotten for very long, before she pushed the glass away from her immediate vicinity and answered the question, "It is regarding a most concerning matter that includes you. In fact, it is _due_ to you that this serious matter has even arisen in the first place."

The other woman raised a brow. "I cannot recall any event that I partook in that could have troubled you so, sist-"

"_Really?"_ Morgana snapped irritably "Can you not remember the time you left twenty bunches of flowers in my room? Can you not remember the time you chiseled a heart into the windowsill, hm? Have you erased from your already rather loose memory, the countless times in which you left me gifts with scant regard for how I was to explain them to Gwen?"

"Morgana-!"

"The woman is growing positively paranoid about this whole charade, and I fail to see how you expect me to remain inconspicuous when _you draw so much attention towards me with all your ridiculous gifts!_"

There was a pause, in which Morgana attempted to calm herself and get her breathing back under control and Morgause sat numbly on her chair in shock. "Are you..." The blonde began shakily after a moment or two "...Are you trying to tell me you _do not like my gifts_?"

Morgana gulped. Morgause was evidently getting rather emotional about the topic, and when Morgause got emotional she could quickly descend into a fierce rage at the slightest provocation. And that would not end well for either of them. "It is not that I don't like the gifts, sister." Morgana began cautiously "In fact, I appreciate the gesture _wholeheartedly_. It is merely that gifts such as the sword you had sent to me a couple of days ago are getting rather difficult to explain to Gwen."

"_Did you not like the sword_?"

"Morgause, I was most pleased with the sword, but that is not the issue. As I said before, it is-"

"_Do you not recognize the time and effort I put into giving you such gifts_?"

"I cannot help but feel as though you are rather missing the point, Morga-"

"_ARE MY GIFTS NOT WORTHY OF YOUR ATTENTION_!" The blonde witch suddenly roared, catapulting up from her seat and sending her glass soaring towards her younger sibling, who let out something akin to a shriek and leapt up from her own chair and out of harm's way.

"MORGAUSE!" The raven haired woman bellowed, utterly repulsed at her sisters' inability to hold a conversation without flying off the handle "Would you please cease indulging yourself in such hysteria! There is a time and a place for drama and you seem to harbour an innate inability to recognize when that time and place is!"

"Well forgive me for caring about you so!" Morgause retorted, now storming away from the table and to the other side of the cave, before whipping back around and pointing accusingly at the pitcher which was now lying haphazardly on its side upon the table. "And dare I assume that my pitcher was not good enough for your ever increasing standards either?"

"Stop being so ridiculous!"

"Am I? _Am I being ridiculous_, Morgana? Because I distinctly recall a look of disapproval on your face when you took note of such objects! What exactly is wrong with my pitcher? Please enlighten me with your abundance of knowled-"

"WELL IT ISN'T SILVERWARE!" The younger sibling suddenly shrieked, unable to contain her disgust at the _thing_ any longer "It is an abomination! It is so far out of fashion I can barely even comprehend it! Everybody who is anybody has silverware these days! Soon the _peasants_ will have silverware, and here you are with your hideous pitcher made out of...made out of...!"

Morgause shook her head in disbelief "You can hardly even bring yourself _to say it_, can you?"

"...made out of...!"

"_Say it_!"

"_CLAY!_ It is made out of clay!" Morgana yelled "And it disgusts me to my very core!"

"_AND HOW LONG IS IT BEFORE YOU JUDGE ME TOO AND I BECOME JUST ANOTHER CLAY PITCHER TO YOU_!" Morgause screamed, evidently too far gone in her rather self-absorbed moment to listen to any reason that might have had yet to come. "I send you gifts, I send you flowers, _I leave you heartfelt notes_ and all I get in return is '_You haven't got any silverware'_! That is the real abomination here!"

"You can hardly blame me for having _taste_ that you so evidently lack, Morgause! And as I _tried_ to tell you before, I appreciate the gifts, they are just almost inconceivably unhelpful to our cause!"

"How else am I supposed to show my undying devotion to you? I am merely being generous!"

"Generous? _Generous_? Sometimes I wake up and find you standing at the end of my bed watching me sleep! The accurate definition is 'Stalker', Morgause!"

The two glared at each other from opposite sides of the cave. The word 'tense' did not even begin to describe the atmosphere.

Morgause took a deep, steadying breath and attempted to unclench her fists. "I will not apologize for looking out for my younger sister." She announced eventually, with a certain air of indifference now about her. "And I most certainly will not cease leaving you gifts and messages. We are siblings and we need to stay connected somehow. I do not receive visits from you every evening as I might have hoped, after all."

"_Every evening_?" Morgana spluttered "That is absolutely impractical and you know it! It's difficult enough meeting you once or twice a week with this ridiculous red attire you have _insisted_ on me wearing!"

"That is a whole separate issue, Morgana, and I do not feel like opening up a debate right now! I have had enough arguing for one evening! Now, let us just sit back down and enjoy one another's company."

The two sisters begrudgingly moved back towards the table and sat themselves beside each other once more. Time passed slowly and silence seemed to stretch before them endlessly. Morgana made a mental note to bring the issue of gifts back up again in perhaps a week or two, once Morgause had calmed down sufficiently.

"I am _not_ a stalker." Morgause eventually muttered, arms folded tightly across her chest. "I am merely watching you."

There was a slight pause.

"Always."

* * *

_Authors Notes: Because, let us be serious, Morgause is obsessed with Morgana to the point of being an actual creeper. S'cool though. I dig it. In a weird 'I realize you're just trying to be nice but completely failing' kind of way._

_Review because you know it'll make me writhe with glee? Yes? Plzkthxbye. (:_


	6. The Honesty of Eyebrows

_Authors Notes: I present to you all, chapter six of 'Evil, Shady Dealings'! And I present to all my absolutely Goddamn freaking gorgeous reviewers...a metaphorical cake made with joy and love and tears of adoration. It is rainbow coloured and magical. And it tastes like sunshine. Enjoy._

_To Kitty O: Why yes, your deductions were correct. I am indeed of the female variety. And I am very glad you understood and laughed at that sentence. Without tooting my own horn, it was a sheer stroke of genius. Asdfghjkl my modesty has died. Awh, well you can use any of these ideas if you would like, so long as you put the link to this story or credit it or whatever -INSERT BLATANT SELF ADVERTISING HERE-  
_

_To Kizzia: 'you have a real way with words'. A REAL WAY WITH WORDS. You are too kind! I curtsy most graciously to your genuinely lovable review._

* * *

**_Evil, Shady Dealings_**

* * *

**6.**

**The Honesty of Eyebrows**

**otherwise known as**

**Don't Trust Anybody with Eyebrows Like That**

**

* * *

**This whole situation was ridiculous and unbelievably embarrassing. And it was all Arthur's fault, the arrogant, dim-witted Prince that he was. If only he had just shut his mouth and sat silently at the feast, rather than stupidly challenge the _most gracious and fair_ _Lady Morgana_ to a 'Who-can-do-the-most-outlandish-and-outrageous-things-during-a-feast-without-getting-caught'.

The absolute fool.

It had all started off when Arthur had made a mashed potato mountain on his plate and then put half of it into Uther's goblet of wine when he wasn't paying attention. The King had looked inexpressibly perplexed after attempting to take a sip of his beverage and, now with an added mashed potato moustache on his upper lip, Morgana had had to fight the urge to erupt into loud, unchivalrous laughter right in his face. Pressing a dainty handkerchief to her lips and pretending she was in the midst of a large, albeit still ladylike and feminine coughing fit to cover the giggles escaping from her pale lips, Morgana had caught Arthur's eye.

And the man had actually dared to mouth '_Your turn_' in her direction.

Well, Morgana now had no choice but to graciously accept his ill thought out challenge and completely and utterly, irrevocably _destroy _his pride by winning. Her first counter had been to place a pea on her knife, bend the blade back slightly, and then let go in order to send the small vegetable hurtling into Gaius' face. The poor man didn't seem to know what had just happened. One moment he was innocently sitting at a table, partaking in the consumption of the feast, when suddenly something small and hard had catapulted into his face, bounced off and then fallen into his tankard. As the elderly physician leant forwards to peer over the rim of his tankard and investigate further, Arthur was well on the way to executing his own counter to Morgana's rebellious act.

And so the evening went on. Gravy was spilt, Uther's crown was quickly tapped off of his head, spoons were launched across the table...things escalated. Things escalated _too far_.

Morgana was not proud of what she had eventually chosen to do. She had been, she would ashamedly admit, overwhelmed by the utter absurdity of the things she and Arthur were doing. She grew over-excited in her determination to always get one over the Prince and she had, regrettably, deemed it appropriate to put a small, half eaten carrot up one nostril.

And it had got stuck.

It had got so stuck and firmly wedged up that one nostril, that it had crossed Morgana's mind she would have no other choice but to undergo painful surgery to remove her entire nose. And she would be noseless. The _noseless_ Lady Morgana. People would forever laugh when she walked by, or when her name was mentioned they would nudge the person next to them and murmur 'She's noseless, that one.'

The young witch had hastened to cover her still intact nose with her handkerchief and, hurriedly excusing herself, she had fled the dining hall and taken refuge in the safety of her room. When Gwen attempted to enter her chambers later that night to see if she was 'quite well', Morgana had slammed her body up against the door and adamantly refused Gwen entry, shoving the door shut each time the concerned maidservant tried to open it. Thankfully, Gwen had relented and stalked moodily away down the corridor, leaving Morgana to count down the minutes until everybody was in bed.

Then, she would seek help.

When the time was ripe, the ward tiptoed down the spiral staircase and silently made her way to the court physician's quarters, knocking gently on his door. She prayed that Merlin was asleep by now and wouldn't see her in such a hideous, unpresentable state. He was the enemy and he most certainly, _one hundred percent_, could not see her in this weakened way.

After a moment or two, the door was opened and Gaius, taking one look at Morgana's face, hastily beckoned her in.

And so here she was, sitting on a table in Gaius' quarters with the old man examining her nose.

"How in the name of - ?" He began in a tone of utter confusion, squinting at the half of the carrot that was _not_ up the ward's nostril.

"You will remember your place and _fix _this matter, _not_ question it." Morgana snapped quickly, wishing that this moment had been over _yesterday._ "Just dislodge the..._carrot_...and I will be on my way."

"It is not that simple, I'm afraid." Gaius replied matter-of-factly, taking a step back to allow the whole view and situation to sink in. "Your nose has swollen and there is no way of removing the...perpetrator until the swelling lessens, which could be a day or more."

Morgana stared at the old man. She stared and stared and stared until she thought her eyes would merrily pop out of their sockets. "Gaius..." She began, voice quiet but threatening "...I do not think you realise the gravity of the situation. I am the _King's ward_. I _cannot_ have a carrot embedded in one nostril for _any length of time_."

"As I said," Gaius responded "I can do no more until the swelling goes down." He paused, watching as Morgana's expression crumbled into a look of complete defeat "...Could I offer you a sleeping draft instead?"

The glare he received signalled that no, _no he could not._

_

* * *

_Morgause sensed that something was wrong with her sister all the way from her residence in the cave. She could not decipher what _exactly _it was that was the matter, only that it was a complete and utter travesty of _enormous_ proportions. And this worried the woman a great deal.

After what seemed like an eternity, Morgause heard the sound of hooves outside. She hastened out of the entrance, pausing only to pick up her sword. After all, the problem could have been that Morgana's magic had been discovered and soldiers had chased her younger sibling all the way here.

Completely, and almost indescribably, ready to cut a man or two, Morgause spotted the figure of her sister dismounting her horse. Thankfully, there seemed to be no pursuers in sight.

"Sister!" The blonde haired witch called, hurrying over to greet the other "Whatever has happened? I sensed that something was wrong and-" She paused, noting that the hood of Morgana's cloak was so far up that her face was completely under the cover of shadow. "Sister, I cannot _see_ you. Let down your hood so we may speak."

Morgana made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a sob before raising a hand and obediently pulling down her hood.

She was met with a piercing, horrified shriek from her older sister, who in her terror swung her sword blindly in Morgana's direction, praying to whatever Goddess there was that she would _slay this monstrosity_ before it dealt her any damage.

"_MORGAUSE!_" The ward screamed, dodging out of the way of the sharp blade just in time "It is I! It is _I_! _It is Morgana_! Pull yourself together!"

The other woman, about to attempt to decapitate _the foul beast_, paused in mid-swing and stared in shock at her sibling's face. Nay, at her _nose_. "...How can this be?" She eventually breathed, unable to comprehend the sight before her. "What have you _done_?"

"It was Arthur!" Morgana all but sobbed, disgusted with her very being "He made me! _He challenged me_!"

"The Prince of Camelot _challenged you to lodge a carrot up your nostril_?"

"No, no! You do not understand, Morgause! You were not there! Everything happened so fast and I cannot...I do not..."

"You had best come inside, sister." Morgause said softly, lowering her sword wielding arm back to her side. "We shall see what can be done."

Gently guiding the weeping ward into the cave and onto a chair beside a small fire she had recently made, Morgause tried to get to grips with the situation. She took a step back, glancing over her sister again just to make sure that _yes_, she did have half a carrot firmly wedged up one nostril. Well, the poor woman already seemed to be in a state, so questions about _how exactly_ this happened would have to wait until later. Right now, Morgause had to figure out how to remove the accursed thing.

As the blonde was searching around the cave for any magical books she might have to help the situation, Morgana's sobs regressed into small, emotional sniffs. She peered at the chair she was sitting on, noting how cushioned and comfortable it was compared to the usual old ones. "I-Is this new?" She asked, her voice still wobbly from her indulgence in tears.

"Oh, that? Yes, quite new." Morgause replied, glancing over her shoulder to take a quick look at the piece of furniture, "I thought that perhaps you would appreciate some comfort during your visits here."

There was a long, drawn out sniff from Morgana's direction as she attempted to stop herself from bursting into tears again. "T-That's so k-kind of you." She replied, her voice cracking mid sentence. Evidently in her emotional state, her sisters' kindness was too much to handle, and the ward suddenly let out a hysterical sob, descending back into loud weeping.

Morgause's jaw clenched at the piercing sounds and she took a deep, steadying breath in order to stop herself from launching into a verbal 'Be-quiet-this-instant!' assault at her younger sister. The young witch _did _have a carrot up her nose after all, it was enough to make anybody emotional.

"W-Where did you get i-it from?" Morgana's grief ridden voice echoed out between sobs. Sadly for everybody, it seemed as though the ward was going to try and resume the conversation despite the fact her voice was wavering madly and any attempt at speech was clearly beyond her control.

"Some travellers were passing nearby and I stole it from their wagon." Morgause replied through gritted teeth, flicking through yet another book in the hopes of some kind of magical rescue. "I had to kill the man sitting on it though."

There was a pause in Morgana's weeping as she took in the new information. She stared down at the chair, her grip tightening on both arms of it.

_Kill. Kill. Man sitting on it. I had to. Man. Kill. Sitting on it though. Kill._

"T-That's lovely." The raven haired witch responded quietly, her body frozen to the chair in a mixture of shock, horror and disgust.

Thankfully, the news had stunned Morgana out of her sobbing. Morgause smiled and continued her searching for another five minutes or so in glorious silence. But then –

"Gaius keeps trying to give me sleeping potions. In fact, his answer to almost every ailment is to hand over drugs."

Morgause let out a weary sigh, turning the page of yet another book. "That is fascinating sister, please do tell me more."

Missing the sarcastic tone in her sisters' voice completely, Morgana launched into what she thought was a very engaging response, "Well, when I went to see him about this...current predicament, he offered to give me a sleeping draft and I can't help but feel that was a very inappropriate course of action. Did I speak to him because of a matter regarding my sleeping patterns? No, I did not. Yet he offered me such an elixir anyway. And merely a day or two ago, I heard rumours that he attempted to give a sleeping potion to a soldier who had fallen from a parapet and broken both of his legs. Surely the soldier would have needed surgery or the such like, but Gaius was apparently adamant that all he needed was a long sleep. I cannot help but think that perhaps he is growing rather too old for the job. What are your thoughts, Morgause?"

"I do not trust anybody with eyebrows like that."

There was a long silence. Morgause reached for another book, blissfully unaware that her response was far from what Morgana had desired, and the younger witch blinked rapidly in bewilderment.

"You...whatever do you mean, Morgause? Do not be so ridiculous!"

"I am being far from ridiculous, sister. In fact, I am being the epitome of logic and reason."

"One cannot decide whether or not they trust somebody on account of their _eyebrows_!"

"On the contrary, I believe eyebrows are an excellent predictor of a person's trustworthiness."

"However did you - ?" Morgana spluttered, the word perplexed not even beginning to describe what she was feeling.

Morgause, finding a spell on a page which looked fairly suitable, wandered back over to the middle of the cave, sitting herself down on a chair in front of her confused sister. "One of his eyebrows _is always raised_. Always. The few times I have had the utter misfortune to lay eyes on him, one of his disgustingly bushy brows has been raised. That is unnatural and I simply refuse to have anything to do with a person who has eyebrows like that."

"But-"

"Ssshhhhh. I do not know whether you have forgotten, but you have a carrot lodged up one nostril, sister. Do not exert yourself by speaking."

"But I-"

"Sshhhhh."

"I-"

"_Sssssshhhh_!"

Silence befell the two, and Morgana stared disbelievingly at her older sister. Morgause, meanwhile, was cheerily murmuring the spell to herself, making sure as to get the words just right. "Sister, we are ready." She eventually announced, pulling her chair closer to the other.

"What are you going to do? Are you sure this will work?" Morgana hurriedly questioned, a hint of panic in her voice.

"I am positive this will go all according to plan. Do not worry yourself."

"But sometimes spells can go wrong. What if this goes wrong? _I do not want to be noseless_!"

"_Do get a grip_, Morgana! I am confident in my powers and I assure you all will be well!" And, without waiting for yet another alarmed reply, Morgause hovered a hand over her sisters' nose and spoke the magic words.

There was a small, bright light and Morgause leaned backwards in order to admire her work.

Her face fell.

Morgana, now with a carrot for a nose instead of an actual nose, stared back at her sister in horror. "What? What is it, sister? What's wrong? What happened? What have you done?"

"I...I just..." Morgause murmured in shock "I...you...you look wonderful. There is absolutely nothing to worry about. Just...I need to...I think I need you to stay seated there whilst I look through the rest of my books."

"Morgause - ?"

"Everything is fine, sister." Morgause said soothingly, brushing a stray strand of hair affectionately behind Morgana's ear as she rose from her chair "Just sit there and do not attempt to touch your nose."

"Why? Whatever is the matter?"

"Ssshhhh. Just sit." Morgause gave a reassuring smile and then hurried over to the pile of books she kept at one side of the cave.

The horrified, high-pitched shriek that soon echoed throughout the cave, and quite possibly the whole of Camelot, sadly indicated to Morgause that her sister had, in fact, gone against her advice and attempted to touch her nose.

* * *

_Authors Notes: What is it with Gaius' eyebrows? Seriously? Like, I don't even know. I can't handle them. It's too much. Just like having a carrot up your nose is._

_Oh reviewers of golden repute, please click thou review button and make thine day shine with the brilliance of a thousand splendid unicorns. I adore all of my reviews to the point of almost imploding with joy. For real. So pretty please take the time to review? :D_


	7. When Senses Fail

_Authors Notes: OH REVIEWERS. YOU MAKE ME SO HAPPY. Om nom nom, compliments and ego-boosting niceness. I love you all. More than is possibly legal. But I ain't even mad, y'all can just accept it along with the mountain of imaginary cookies I am sending you all. I hope you like this chapter too. It contains a considerable amount of arguing...but then most chapters do. :P_

_To Tianne - I DON'T EVEN. OH MY GOD. Compliment overload! You almost just killed me. In a good way. Like, I just...I AM NOT WORTHY BUT THANK YOU. You literally made me glow with pride.** Literally**._

_To Kitty O - Oh. My. Word. I just read your poem about Gaius' eyebrows and almost died from laughter. Aaaahh lordy, my eyeliner is wrecked from my tears of joy and I look like a panda, but I don't even care. :'D Hope you like this chapter better than the last one...it's not so random (:_

_To phoenixfaithc __- 'This entire story is glorious'_ _Glorious? GLORIOUS? Excuse me while I just go and explode from sheer happiness...  
_

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**_Evil, Shady Dealings_**

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**7.**

**When Senses Fail**

* * *

Morgause was worrying. She was worrying _a lot_, actually, if anybody had cared to ask her. Not that they would. The last people who innocently strayed too close to the cave had promptly had fireballs launched in their general direction and Morgause had taken a chair outside to sit down and watch as they ran about on fire, shrieking and flailing. The woman smiled at the memory, recalling how she had conjured up a glass of wine to leisurely sip during the enjoyable occasion.

But alas, she digressed. The issue to focus on currently was the fact that she had not seen her sister for many days now. She had even sent a magical message to appear on Morgana's mirror when the young witch looked at it, but still no word. No visit. _Nothing_. She was stranded in this barren cave with nobody to talk to, nobody to even swing a sword at or merrily punch in the face. There was literally _no life_ here except for herself, which she had to admit was very fine company indeed as she was, after all, one of the most intelligent, beautiful and powerful witches in the world. But even the greatest of people could become lonesome and tetchy.

The blonde, sat beside the old table in the cave, drummed her fingers across its wooden surface. Perhaps Morgana was ill, or had been arrested or had engaged in a fierce game of croquet that had resulted in huge mental fatigue. There were an infinite number of explanations for her apparent vanishing from the face of Camelot, but Morgause decided that the time had come to investigate things further. She would sneak into the castle and find her sister and demand to know what was going on. Yes. That sounded like the perfect plan.

Although that was hardly a surprise. She was the one who had come up with it after all.

* * *

Hooves kicked up dirt, blonde hair billowed out in the wind dramatically. Morgause held the reins tightly, an arrogant smirk on her face. She adored riding out towards the castle with intent and purpose, such as she was doing now, largely because of the fact she fancied she looked incredibly powerful and impressive. How could she not? She was, as she herself had said many times, _extraordinarily_ beautiful and -

Morgause quickly pulled on the reins, bringing her horse to a stop as she spotted another rider heading towards her from between the trees. What was this? A challenger? _A foe_? How ridiculous. She would _obliterate _them. She would conjure up a whirlwind of fire and send it spinning in their direction, relishing in their screams as they set alight and –

"_YOU!_" Came the accusing shout from the other riders' direction as they neared, a red cloak faintly becoming clear as they journeyed through the mist. "You absolute failure of a witch! You traitor of a sister! Where exactly have you been, hm? _WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING_? Have you just been riding around the forest enjoying the scenery? _HAVE YOU_? _Is that all you've been doing_?"

Morgause blinked, unable to quite understand what she had done wrong or what she was being accused of. She gave a slight, uneasy nod of acknowledgment in the other woman's' direction. "Sister."

"_DON'T YOU DARE 'SISTER' ME, MORGAUSE_!" Morgana roared, halting her horse a few feet before her sibling. Even from this distance, Morgause could make out the expression of sheer fury on the young witch's face. "_DO NOT BEGIN TO THINK FOR ONE SECOND THAT YOU ARE STILL IN MY FAVOUR_!"

Well. How _very rude_. The older witch wrinkled her nose at the unsightly scene her sister was currently cultivating with growing enthusiasm, and briefly wondered whether she should send a fireball in her direction to set her back in her place. "Aside from the fact that it is _I _who should be discontented with _you_, Morgana, I feel as though this attitude of yours is not going to get us anywhere."

"_YOU_ DISCONTENTED WITH _ME_?" The ward shrieked, in a tone that indicated heavily as to the utter absurdity of Morgause's words "Well, _do_ forgive me! I had not realised that _any_ action I embark upon would result in _such_ displeasure on your part! I suppose my breathing is upsetting you profusely as we speak? Should I stop blinking? Shall I cease living? For that seems to be exactly what you are so _ungraciously_ implying!"

"I am implying nothing of the sort!" Morgause retorted defensively, her own temper rising by the second "Do not be so ludicrously self-absorbed! Why in Goddess' name should I wish death upon you? I have been attempting to contact you for days, using nothing but my own intellect, magic and wiles! What a _colossal _waste of my precious time and effort only to wish for you to drop dead at any moment!" The blonde let out a loud, unimpressed huffing sound and shifted her weight slightly upon her saddle. She rather wished this conversation were not taking place on horseback, it was not the most comfortable of places to situate oneself.

In the short silence that followed, Morgause fixed her sister with a steely glare and Morgana occupied herself by looking sufficiently surprised as she processed this new information. "You...have been trying to contact me?" She queried, her voice now suitably meek.

"Of course I have!" The older sibling snapped, unable to quite believe Morgana's stupendous display of unintelligence "You vanished from my life without so much as a wave of goodbye! Was I to just sit on my laurels and accept your disappearance without question?"

"But...did you not sense why I was unable to visit you?"

"For the Old Religion's sake, sister! I have many talents – _too_ many talents I think sometimes for one person to have – but sensing your reasoning behind your inability to visit is_ not_ one of them."

"But I...I do not understand...!" Morgana stammered, brows furrowed in confusion.

Morgause rolled her eyes and flicked the reins, moving her horse forwards to circle around Morgana's and then stop beside it. Noting Morgana's still adorably perplexed expression, the blonde gave a weary sigh and leant across to take her sisters' hand in her own. "Perhaps you can enlighten me as to why you have such absurd thought processes as we make our way back to the cave?" And, without waiting for a reply, she steered her horse towards the direction of the hideout, Morgana's horse following beside.

"They are anything but absurd, Morgause!" The younger sibling replied moodily as they journeyed steadily through the trees "I was victim to a horrific ordeal that, and I do not exaggerate when I say this, almost killed me! And _you_ completely failed to sense my distress and rescue me!"

Morgause gave a look of the utmost concern in her sisters' direction. _Morgana had almost died_? Whatever had happened? "Sister - ?" The blonde began, voice thick with worry and uncertainty.

"Oh, yes! So _now _you decide to be anxious about my welfare. _After_ the event has happened." Morgana interrupted irritably, her mood evidently still engaged in a steady decline "Since you seem so inexpressibly _sick_ with worry, I will have you know I was on my way to dispose of Uther with that beautiful dagger Arthur presented to me for my birthday. Everything was going absolutely splendidly, I was walking dramatically, I was wearing my red cloak, I was well on my way throughout the castle corridors..._I was closer than we have ever been to killing Uther_...and..." Morgana paused, staring at the older witch in annoyance at her apparent lack of social graces "_You know it would not kill you to input some praise here, Morgause_!"

"Oh!" The blonde blinked in surprise and cleared her throat awkwardly "Yes, quite. I am...very proud of your efforts."

"Thank you. It was no trouble." Morgana replied haughtily before settling back into telling her story "As I was saying, I was nearing the end of a corridor, the dagger safe in its sheath on my belt. There was not a worry in the world but then somehow, and truly inexplicably, the torch beside me simply flared up and fell towards me! So I had no choice but to dodge to the side in order to avoid being set alight, only to find out that the spot beside me was, in fact, the beginnings of a staircase. And I fell. I fell all the way down that staircase and almost died."

"_Sister_!" Morgause breathed, in a way that she felt clearly expressed her concern and sympathy.

"Yes, well. That show of worry is of no use to me now that I have recovered, is it?" Morgana huffed "And here we reach my main point and reason for my confusion. _How did you not sense my fall_? You sensed my distress when Merlin poisoned me, which may I add is a _far _more subtle way to die, yet when I go _catapulting down an entire staircase_ and my skull all but _caves in on itself_, you sense _nothing_. You are entirely unreliable!"

Morgana emitted an annoyed sigh, turning her head to scowl at the passing foliage. Morgause, on the other hand, stared blankly at the dark, misty scenery of the forest in front of them. For the first time in her life, her magical prowess was being questioned and placed under what she felt was unjust scrutiny. Was it _entirely_ her fault that she had not sensed such an immense event? No. It simply could not be, because she was Morgause and she was the embodiment of perfection itself.

"Perhaps you did not fall correctly."

Morgana's head whipped back around, her eyes snapping to her sisters' figure on the horse beside her. "_What_?"

"Perhaps you fell in a way that simply made it impossible for me to sense your injuries."

Morgana gave a small, hollow laugh, dropping her sisters' hand in disgust "Do not be so ridiculous! How can one fall in such a manner that they _disable _magical senses?"

"Well then perhaps you were not distressed enough during the event." Morgause proposed, wondering why in Camelot her sister was getting so irritated by her suggestions. She was just seeking to find out what external factor had hindered her powers, after all.

"_Not distressed enough during the event_? I fell down a _whole_ staircase, smashing my head against almost _every single_ step on the way down! I could not have been more distressed had a _dragon_ been waiting at the bottom with its jaws wide open!"

Morgause thought for a moment, a slender brow being raised before she turned to meet Morgana's gaze with an expression of contemplation on her face "Perhaps you subconsciously did not wish for me to sense that anything had happened."

"Oh for Goddess' sake..."

"And thus, I was unable to sense your suffering as you had, perhaps without even your own knowledge, put up a barrier to ward off any sensory sorcery-"

"_WOULD YOU PLEASE JUST ACCEPT YOUR FAULTS, FOR ONCE_?" Morgana suddenly shouted, her patience now well and truly worn out "Your inability to sense my near-death experience was not _my _fault, it was _yours_! You are not unflawed, as you so vainly seem to believe, you are just like everybody else!"

"_I certainly am not_!" Morgause replied furiously "Do not reduce me down to lowly level of peasantry and servants and the..._the average person_! All one needs to do is _look at me_ to realize I am _vastly_ superior in intellect, charm, grace _and_ power! In fact, I am being too modest, I am vastly superior in _all_ aspects of _everything_!"

"_Morgause_! You are utterly intolerable sometimes!"

"I speak nothing but the truth, sister! Unlike your lying self, with your accusations of mediocrity aimed in _my _direction. _My _direction! _Me_! As if_ I_ were anything but the _absolute epitome_ excellence!"

By this point, the two had reached the outside of the cave, their horses coming to a halt just before the dark entrance. Morgause, now thoroughly angered, dismounted as soon as they had stopped, wishing for nothing more than her sister to be quiet and accept her incorrectness. "I cannot believe I spent all those days worrying about you! I should have known you had participated in some preposterous activity that you would later blame _me_ for! It is hardly my fault that I am not attuned to sensing your _complete_ stupidity! In Goddess' name, what kind of witch falls down an _entire_ staircase? Were you not taking in your surroundings as you travelled throughout the castle? I cannot help but feel it is _your_ senses that have failed here!"

"Yes, because _you_ have never fallen over anything or been sent flying backwards!" Morgana spat sarcastically, dismounting from her own horse in order to march towards her sibling lividly. "I am going to give you a choice here, Morgause. Either you accept that your powers are not as faultless as you care to declare, or I am going to skip this visit and go back to Camelot!"

The sisters' glared at each other for a moment or two, both secretly wishing for the visit to go ahead but neither willing to back down. Morgause weighed up her choices; live through another intolerably lonely evening by herself or accept that she was wrong.

"You had best leave then." The blonde replied primly, giving off a total air of indifference about her sisters' whereabouts. As if _she_ would ever admit defeat in an argument.

"Yes...well...maybe I shall do _just_ that!" Morgana retorted, sounding, much to her annoyance, very disappointed that Morgause would choose an evening of solitude over a visit from her very own sibling. The young witch, determined to at least _exit_ the scene in a dignified, unconcerned manner, turned on her heel and strode back over to her horse, ready to femininely mount the steed and graciously canter off into the swirling mists of the forest. Morgause would be _so _upset. She would probably retreat into her cave and_ weep_ at having missed such a wonderful opportunity to see her sister. And she, Morgana, would have the moral high ground and –

"_ACK_!" Something had flung itself full force at her back, all but knocking the wind out of the poor ward and causing her to emit a highly unladylike sound of surprise. _What in Camelot was that_ - ?

"You cannot leave without a _hug_, sister!" Morgause grumbled moodily into the other woman's back, her arms wrapped tightly around Morgana's waist. She could not believe that her sibling was about to depart and completely avoid the usual embrace! That was breaking a highly important unwritten rule and she would not be _Morgause_ were she to allow such a thing! "_We always have a hug_!"

Morgana, slightly put out that her dramatic exit was now ruined, gave a huff of annoyance. "Sometimes I can barely keep up with your mood swings, Morgause! One minute you're angry, the next you are sympathetic and worried, then you are furious again and _now_ you want a hug! You are like an ill-disciplined child that cannot make its mind up!"

"Oh, do be quiet. You are ruining the hug."

"I do not _want _a hug."

"That is not important."

"_Morgause_, I am in the middle of leaving! Let me alone!"

"_Must_ you leave?" Morgause complained, unwilling to release her one chance of socialization "Can you not just accept that I am right and you are wrong?"

"I will do nothing of the sort!"

"Then can we not simply agree to disagree?"

There was a slight pause.

Morgana let out a sigh. "Oh, alright!"

Giving one of her most pleased smiles, which Morgana always found slightly unnerving and creepy, the blonde let go of her sister and, grabbing a hand, tugged Morgana in the direction of the cave. "You will not regret your decision, sister! We shall converse until _sunrise_!"

"Until sunrise?" The ward echoed uncertainly, rather feeling as though she _were_ regretting her decision already. "Must we speak for so long?"

"But of course! I have days of socializing to catch up on! I have so much I want to say, so much to discuss!"

Morgana, being forced down into a chair within the cave, could not help but mentally weep at the prospect of listening to the blonde speak for the endless hours ahead. She could only hope her older sibling would choose a topic that, uncharacteristically, would not focus on her own strengths or vanity.

"Yesterday," Morgause began, her tone cheery as she remained unaware of her sisters' despair "I had the fortune of glancing at my own reflection in my sword, and I realised that I look almost as beautiful in reflection as I do in person."

Deep inside the recesses of her mind, Morgana screamed.

* * *

_Authors Notes: Did anybody else find it weird that Morgause sensed when Morgana was going to die when Merlin poisoned her, but not when she smashed her face in? Like, seriously. I think she needs to get her act together. Although she does slightly make up for it by being so intolerably vain and arrogant, which I oddly find rather lovable. Asdfghjkl._

_Reviews? Because you love to make me love the fact you loved this story enough to share with me your love? Yes? Did that make sense? Wonderful. Clicky click review. (:_


	8. Someday You'll Say Something Intelligent

_Authors Notes: Glee and mirth and delight and general happiness involving rainbows and reviews and jellybeans and all that is good in the world! Oh, reviewers. You make me feel feelings I like to feel when I am feeling such a feeling that I feel I don't want to stop feeling the feeling you are making me feel. That is the only way I can describe what you do to me. You joyful bunch of people with fingers that type me reviews. Asdfghjkl and, just to mix up my gleeful inability to write anything intelligible anymore, lkjhgfdsa._

_Dragons of Egypt - Awhhh, everybody loves a Morgause glomp :3 They are so rare, after all. The poor woman is rather socially inept. And if you felt sorry for Morgana in the last chapter...I wish you luck reading this chapter :P_

_PoisoningPigeonsinthePark - OH GOD. You typed so many nice things with your handfingers I can barely even function. Perhaps I will write a chapter where they DO enchant Gaius' ponchos...just for you. :D I will never question Richard Wilson's eyebrows again. It's just that...**one is always raised.** For all of time. Maybe he should go on Britain's Got Talent or something, I don't know. Hohohoho. Oh, and I read your one-shot which made me laugh more than is probably healthy. I was on the verge of a heart attack or something, I swear. And I blame **you.**_

_Kitty O - Aaaah, I know. Me and reviews seemingly have an intense love affair that will never be quenched. Never. Be. Quenched. Your sister is like Morgause? I don't know whether to be worried for you or to find it amusing. I think I shall do both. At the same time. ASDFGHJKL. Morgana was meeting Morgause then? My bad. Well, I might correct it if I can ever be bothered (which will, in all probability, be never). Om nom nom, Morgause's vanity. Om nom nom, more compliments. Om nom nom, 'beautifully written'. You make me **happy.**_

_Dawn that Shines - That is high praise indeed! That is the highest praise I can conceive of. I am smiling like a loon (if you could see, you would probably be scared, but I'm afraid that's just how my smiles roll). PS. It's ok, nobody makes sense here. Especially me. :D_

_vikky-leigh - GOSH. Thank you. It was quite a splendid line, dare I say so myself. :)_

* * *

**_Evil, Shady Dealings_**

* * *

**8.**

**Someday, You'll Say Something Intelligent**

* * *

Morgana was _in place_. Plan number five hundred and sixty eight: Take Out Arthur From Behind By Throwing A Suitably Heavy Object In The General Direction Of His Skull was ready to be attempted!

Hidden behind a curtain with a brick tightly in her grasp, the raven haired witch listened as the sounds of footsteps echoed out from down the corridor. As Morgana silently prayed that she would not be found, the door to Arthur's chambers was swung open and the Prince himself entered the room.

"Merlin, you complete idiot!" Was the first thing the ward heard, and she rolled her eyes, battling the urge to let out a fully fledged groan of irritation. All Arthur and Merlin ever seemed to do was argue. How very childlike and immature. Morgana liked to fancy that she and Morgause engaged in far more intellectually challenging activities, such as plotting to take over an entire kingdom. They were far above petty squabbling.

Morgana frowned, flashbacks of times when she and her sister had spent hours at a time shrieking at one another flooding her mind. There had even been a few particularly nasty moments when Morgause had flung glasses and pitchers in her direction, screaming such vulgar things that Morgana had thought hell itself would open up beneath her and swallow her whole.

Hm. Yes. Perhaps they werenot _quite_ as mature as she would like to admit –

"Where is my left gauntlet?"

"Uhh..." The sound of Merlin shifting nervously from foot to foot could be heard "I...I think I must have left it back at the training ground." Well, how incredibly _typical_. Morgana could almost envisage the sheepish grin appearing on the servants' face. The fool.

There was a pause. No doubt Arthur was staring pointedly at Merlin, who was of course without the brain power to understand such a look. Morgana almost wanted to blow her cover completely and spring out from behind the curtain, throwing the brick forcefully in the servants' direction. He was so stupendously dim-witted it was nearly physically intolerable to witness.

"_Well go and get it then, Merlin_!" Arthur finally ordered, his voice raised in exasperation. Hasty footsteps echoed out, finally fading as Merlin disappeared back down the corridor. Arthur muttered something that Morgana could not quite make out, but no doubt it was of little importance. The Prince rarely said anything that the ward found vaguely interesting these days.

Then, the sound of Arthur moving about the room. Now was the most dangerous moment of the plan – the moment where Morgana had to peek out from behind the curtain and wait until Arthur was facing the other direction so she could fling the brick at his head.

The young witch carefully peered around the edge of the curtain and, much to her relief, found that Arthur was indeed facing the other way. He was looking towards the door, no doubt waiting to impart a generously angry glare on Merlin when he scurried back. Morgana silently stepped out from behind the curtain, taking a small step forwards, hand holding the brick raised.

Now was her moment. Her time to prove that all of that training with Morgause had been well spent, her time to show her killer intent, her murderous malevolence! _HER TIME TO STRIKE!_

The brick was suddenly hurled in Arthur's direction, hurled with _force_ and _rage_ and –

Morgana's face fell. Time itself seemed to slow down as she watched in horror as the brick missed Arthur's head by centimetres and crashed loudly into the wall instead.

Arthur swung around with startling speed, eyes darting around to find the intruder. And find the intruder he did as his eyes landed on none other than Morgana herself, arm still outstretched.

"_MORGANA_?"

"I...I..."

"_WHAT EXACTLY WAS THAT_?" The Prince demanded, absolute shock evident on his handsome face "You could have_ killed_ me!"

"I..." Morgana stammered, her face pale with dread. She had to think up a reason for throwing a brick hard in Arthur's direction _right now_, otherwise she could be accused of anything. Right. Now. At this moment. She needed to speak up for herself. This awkward silence was doing anything but help her cause. All she had to do was say something! Anything! _Anything would do_ – "Well I just...you see there was a...there was a...a fly." She gushed eventually, doing her best to look serious.

"A _fly_?" Arthur repeated, sounding none too convinced. "You threw a brick, almost killing me in the process, in order to hit a _fly_?"

"Yes." Morgana replied, possibly a little too quickly "Absolutely. Those things are _devils_."

There was a long silence, in which Morgana continued to stare resolutely at the Prince, giving a small, slow nod as if to try and help influence him to agree with her. Arthur stared back at her in utter bewilderment. "Where did you even come from?"

"...Oh...you know...I was just...around..." Morgana replied, vaguely gesturing around the entire room.

"In my _chambers_?"

"No, no! Heaven's no! I came in through...the..." It was at this moment that the ward realised the only way into the room was through the door which Arthur had been facing towards. And he most obviously would not have seen her coming through the door, on account of the fact she had, in fact, been hiding behind the curtains. "...through the window."

Another silence. Morgana did her best to keep a solemn expression on her face, despite the utter absurdity of what she was suggesting.

"You came in...through the window?"

"_Evidently_, Arthur. Do not be so stupid."

"I'm sorry," The Prince retorted, trying to get his head around the situation "You expect me to believe that you climbed up through my window, holding a brick, in order to squash a fly?"

"Now you _are_ being ridiculous." Morgana snapped, trying her best to keep control of the conversation "Of course I did not climb through your window just to dispose of a fly. I...just thought I would...pop in to say 'hello'. And then I happened to spot the fly on the wall and there was a brick on your windowsill, so I did what _anybody else_ would have done and threw the brick in the hopes of vanquishing the fly from the room."

A third silence. The longest one of all. Morgana rather wished she were anywhere else but in Arthur's room at this moment.

"You...you popped in, _through my window_, to say 'hello'? And there was a spare brick on my windowsill? I don't..." Arthur shook his head, brows furrowed in confusion "I don't think I quite believe you, Morgana-"

"_WELL REALLY_!" Morgana shrieked, the pressure finally getting too much for her "I can't do anything around here without being accused of doing something dreadful! Can a girl not climb through a window anymore? Are those days gone? You are so _rude_ sometimes, Arthur! I shall go straight to the King and complain! I am the King's ward, _I have rights_!" And with that, she marched towards the door, practically radiating waves of displeasure.

Arthur, not quite believing what was happening, could only stand dumbfounded and watch as Morgana stormed out of the room, just as Merlin reappeared carrying his left gauntlet.

"_Get out of the way, Merlin_!" The ward snapped angrily before she vanished down the corridor.

Merlin frowned, glancing to the shocked looking Arthur. "Is...is everything alright?" He asked cautiously, not wanting to incur the Prince's short temper.

"I...I don't..." Arthur shook his head disbelievingly "...I think I need a drink..."

* * *

Morgause, to put it simply, could not believe her ears. "You said _what_?"

"I know, I know! Don't be like that, Morgause! Please! I felt so under pressure and it just came out!" Morgana whined ashamedly, wanting to dig herself a hole in the cave floor and stay hidden in it forever. Sadly, as it was, she was sat on the comfortable chair which had, after only a visit or two, become _her _chair. The wards' legs were curled underneath her, her shoes having been kicked off in a rather childlike tantrum when she first entered the cave. Everything about her posture indicated that she would like to just disappear from view altogether. "You should have seen his face. I don't think he believed a word of what I said."

"_Really_?" Morgause drawled sarcastically, sitting opposite her sibling on a chair that was rather more uncomfortable. In contrast to her sisters' withdrawn pose, the blonde was looking decidedly more at ease, leisurely leant back in her seat with her legs outstretched before her, feet resting on a stool. "_Really_, Morgana? Your deductive powers never cease to amaze me with their accuracy."

"Morgause! Do you not think I have had enough tribulation for one day? Would it hurt you to be kind and sympathetic for once?"

"I will be kind when you eventually decide to engage with your brain and say something intelligent."

"Oh, really - !"

"It is high time you learnt to lie effectively. What use are you as a spy in Camelot when you cannot think up plausible lies on the spot in order to cover yourself?" The blonde questioned in a tone that indicated she thought her sister more or less a complete fool "Tell me a lie."

"What?"

"Tell me a lie. Now."

Morgana frowned, mouth opening and closing a couple of times in pathetic attempts to conjure up some fabricated statement or story, before she scowled and shook her head. "This is ridiculous!"

"No, what _is_ ridiculous is your inability to do anything correctly or well whatsoever! If it were not for me, I do not know _what_ would have become of you! Now, _lie_."

Begrudgingly deciding that she was too tired to argue, Morgana took a deep breath and stated, "I find Merlin's big ears incredibly attractive."

No, no, no, no, _no_. Morgause let out a loud, long suffering groan. How she and her sister were _at all_ related, she had no idea. "But that's just not plausible, is it?"

"It could be!" Morgana replied defensively "You get rather accustomed to them after knowing him for so long and-"

"Do not try to justify your ludicrously poor attempt at a lie, sister. I am not sure I can handle so much of your stupidity in one evening."

"_Morgause_!"

"Honestly, you are an utter travesty to the world of magic, you do realize that? You are so full of promise...so full of _potential_, yet you relentlessly seem to ignore this in exchange for sheer idiocy."

The raven haired witch gave a disgruntled huff, moodily staring at the fire to the side of them. Morgause, taking into account her sisters' rather defeated looking posture and apparent unwillingness to argue (which was stunningly uncharacteristic), decided to relent a little with her insults. Morgana had, after all, had a very difficult day.

"Try again." The blonde ordered, albeit in a somewhat gentler tone than she had been speaking with before.

"I don't want to now." Morgana replied sulkily, reminding Morgause greatly of a small child.

"I am only trying to help. We do not want you getting into another situation where you make a complete idi-" The older woman paused, catching herself just before she flung another insult at her younger sibling "...We do not want you to have to go through such a terrible ordeal again, do we?" She tried again, hoping the softer approach would appeal to Morgana.

And appeal it did, as the young witch slowly turned her gaze back upon her sister. "Fine. If you think it will help." She grumbled. Taking a moment to think over what she could say, the ward eventually settled on "Uther fell off a parapet today and died."

Morgause's jaw clenched in irritation, her very short patience all but gone already. Taking a steadying breath, the blonde forced herself to stay calm and level headed "Sister, that is not a lie, that is a wish."

"I think you will find it is both." Morgana retorted haughtily. "Must we do this? I am tired. I want to rest."

"You can rest once you have told me _one _lie that is in the least bit believable."

"I have just told you two! You have just chosen not to believe them!"

"Due to the fact they were not believable!" Morgause replied exasperatedly, wondering why she even bothered to impart her infinite wisdom upon somebody so unwilling to learn "Try again."

Morgana eyed her sister for a moment before, with a hint of an amused smirk on her face, drawling "I dislike my sister immeasurably."

"Morgana!"

"You cannot disprove it."

"Do not be absurd. Clearly it is a lie."

"How have you decided that? You do not know my mind."

Morgause scowled, disliking intently where this discussion was going "If you did not like me, sister, then you would not be here."

"Perhaps I felt obligated to visit as we are related."

"_And perhaps soon I will feel obligated to throw you and your disastrous personality out of this cave and into the rain_!" Morgause bellowed, the fire beside them briefly flaring up as her anger spiked.

Morgana shrunk back slightly in her chair, feeling much akin to somebody who had been poking at a cat and then been surprised when the animal pounced. She really should keep in mind, _at all times_, that Morgause had possibly the shortest temper known to the world -

"_I completely despair of you sometimes_!" The blonde was roaring furiously, having gotten up from her seat in order to stomp around the cave "My_ eyebrows_ have more tact and intelligence than you have ever displayed in all the time that I've known you! I took a year of my life to train you in the vain hope that one day you would do something of _some_ worth, and instead you launch a brick at the Prince of Camelot, managing to miss his _entire_ head when you were only _feet_ away, and blame it on account of the fact you were trying to hit a fly. _A fly_, Morgana! Out of all the excuses you could have come up with! For Goddess' sake! Here I am attempting to cultivate a terrifying, powerful witch out of you and all you do is skip about in frivolity! Half of the time you sit there spouting some nonsensical drivel about fashion or hair, and I simply feel like throwing myself into a den of mountain lions _just so I have something more productive to do_!"

And then...silence.

Morgause halted in her mad pacing for a moment, attempting to bring her breathing back under control. She glanced to Morgana, noting the young witch was looking very meek and sorry for herself indeed. _Urgh_. The blonde scowled, trying her very best to remain unaffected by her sisters' large, apologetic eyes. As if _eyes_ could influence her mood. As if the fact Morgana was reminding her very much of a kicked puppy could do anything but _worsen_ her mood and –

"Morgana this expression of yours is not going to affect my decisions in the slightest."

Yet still, the puppy dog eyes.

"Oh, for the love of the Old Religion!" Morgause relented "I declare I _may_ have spoken _somewhat _out of term."

Pause.

Big, shiny remorseful eyes.

With a disgruntled huff, the older sibling dragged herself over to stand beside Morgana's chair "You needn't look so sorry for yourself, it is _your_ fault I became so angry after all." And still no verbal response. Morgause, much against her better judgement, was beginning to feel rather guilty over her actions "Really, Morgana! _Must_ you resort to emotional blackmail?"

Apparently the answer was a resolute _yes_. The two continued to stare at each other for a moment or two more, and eventually Morgause plonked herself on the other woman's lap, looking thoroughly displeased with her own lack of willpower. "_Fine_. I apologize. There was no reason for me to be _quite_ so discourteous."

Morgana's expression immediately switched to a large beam of triumph, and she latched her arms around her sisters' waist gleefully. "No reason _at all_. But you are forgiven as I realise you have grave anger issues."

"I do _not_ have anger issues." Morgause retorted a little too defensively, a scowl still evident on her face.

Time passed peacefully for a minute or two more, with Morgana relishing in her victory over causing her sister to apologize. It so very rarely happened that the moment had to be savoured to its utmost, and Morgana intended to do just that.

But then - a small, unimpressed huff from the woman on her lap.

"This does not change the fact that you still unreservedly fail at lying."

The blonde was promptly pushed off of her sisters' lap, crashing to the ground in a manner that was anything but flattering, and she was left looking utterly perplexed as Morgana stalked moodily out of the cave.

* * *

_Authors Notes: Awwwh, puppy dog eyes. They make even the fiercest of people melt. Actually, I'm going to push the boat out here and admit that I have a thing with dog ears. Not like, a** weird** thing. Just a 'THEY ARE SO SOFT AND I WANT TO...JUST LIKE...EAT THEM OR SOMETHING' thing. Or is that weird? That's probably weird. Don't judge me. You ain't Judge Judy (unless you are, in which case, please feel free to judge, Mrs. Sheindlin. You and your hammer of JUSTICE)._

_I need to stop talking now. I am rambling. And that never bodes well for me or my attempts at pretending to have some ounce of sanity left. Cool cool._

_Just forget you are reviewing a mad persons' story and clickity-click-click that button and SPEAK TO ME. Tell me how the story is going. Tell me if you liked the chapter. Tell me you like unicorns. I don't care. I just crave REVIEWS. OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM._


	9. If You Go Down To The Woods Today

_Authors Notes: Oh, reviewers. Oh, readers. You make me so happy. I look at the stats of this story...I look at how many hits it has had...and I die a little bit inside with sheer, uncontainable delight. You are all killing me. In a lovely, sweet, graciously wonderful way. And I adore you all for it. Every single one of you. **Every. Single. One.**_

_lilyplusjamesistotallove - Auntie? **Auntie**? Oh good lord, you flatter me so. Stop it! You'll make me blush!_

_Dawn that Shines - It can be a word. I dig it as a word. S'cool. Ah, the ending. It made me giggle as I wrote it. :3_

_Kitty O - Ooh-err. Volatile relationship. Such fun! I'm glad I made you laugh but...how did you hurt your ribs? D: The ear thing is groovy. But yes...probably weird. YOU ARE A UNICORN? Do you have hooves? I feel like you should have hooves. Tell me you have hooves. OH. Your favourite? HIGH PRAISE INDEED._

_Seillean - Class act. **CLASS. ACT.** OH GOD. SO MUCH PRAISE. I can't even function asdfghjkl._

_phoenixfaithc - Awwwhh, the hug even made me squee a bit. And I wrote it. :3 OH GOOD LORD. You recommended this fic on Tumblr? AAAHHH. JOY. Tumblr? YOU HAVE ONE? SPEAK TO ME. MESSAGE ME YOUR TUMBLR. I WILL STALK YOU. ALL SHALL BE WELL IN THE WORLD. RAINBOWS AND GLEE. **RAINBOWS AND GLEE.**_

_Kizzia - I make you smile? I MADE SOMEBODY SMILE. MIRTH AND JOY. Yes. Dog ears. The fluffy, the velvety, the asdfghjklydw. There are no words. I'm so glad I made you laugh through your pain I cannot even describe it. Just. Like. I AM YOUR HUMBLE WRITER AND I AM MOST PLEASED._

_Dragons of Egypt - Oh gilly gosh. Awkward times are awkward. Although I'm happy you laughed, I apologise for possibly making you look a bit...'special' in your class. Hehe, Morgana chair. Such an amusing image. I ended up feeling a little sorry for her too...but then she's an absolute BAMF in this chapter so that makes up for it. :D_

_PoisoningPigeonsinthePark - Goddamn. Awesome. Review. Unicorns ftw.  
_

* * *

_**Evil, Shady Dealings**_

* * *

**9.**

**If You Go Down To The Woods Today...**

* * *

The blade wasn't meant to have been 'ruined for all of time', as Morgause had only too furiously roared earlier. It wasn't like Morgana had purposefully set out to cause it damage. It wasn't like she had _meant_ to swing it into the cave wall and make a dent in it, plus a multitude of minor scratches. The sword had just been there, embedded in the ground, and Morgause had been outside collecting firewood. Morgana had been left on her own in the cave and had simply grown bored as she eyed her sisters' prized weapon.

It was hardly_ her _fault that she had drifted over to the blade, taken it from the ground and begun to practice a little sword fighting. If anything, she had been _forced_ to do so due to the lack of attention given to her from her sibling. So really, it was _Morgause's_ fault that she had eventually become a bit too enthusiastic with her imagined sword fighting scenario and smashed it into the cave wall beside her.

And _honestly_, Morgause's reaction had been absolutely hysterical. She had shrieked, she had wept, she had kicked the table over, she had thrown chairs across the cave, she had hurled firewood in Morgana's direction, she had flung _lit_ firewood in Morgana's direction, she had fallen to her knees before the blade (which had been dropped to the floor immediately once Morgana had realised what she had done) and screamed and screamed and screamed. She had even deemed it appropriate to blame the situation on _Morgana_, which the ward thought was a bit rich considering it was _Morgause's_ fault she had been left to her own devices, after all.

The raven haired witch let out a sigh as she surveyed her own reflection in the mirror in her room. How could anybody even _be_ angry with her? She was flawless and adorable and -

"How would you like your hair today, milady?" Gwen's cheery voice cut in as she appeared behind the seated ward "Up or down?"

Morgana scowled at the reflection of her maidservant. Why in Camelot did she have to insist on being so _happy_ all of the time? Did she not realise that other people had _grave problems_ to think about? _Urgh_. Trying her best to not make the scowl quite so obvious, Morgana let out a huff and replied, "Well that all rather depends on whether there are any formal occasions today."

Gwen took a moment to go deep into thought, her brows furrowing slightly as she sieved through her memories "I haven't heard of any." She eventually mused aloud, picking up a brush from beside the mirror.

"Mm. I shall have my hair down today then, thank you, Gwen."

And so Morgana continued to sit before the mirror, brooding about her situation, whilst Gwen happily attended to her hair, humming a tune to herself all the while.

_But what was to be done about Morgause? _She had been indescribably upset, utterly inconsolable. She had practically thrown Morgana out of the cave, shrieking "_YOU ARE NO SISTER OF MINE_!" – which Morgana rather hoped had not been serious and had only been voiced because the blonde had become a bit too caught up in her emotions.

"Gwen?"

"Yes, milady?"

"What do you do when you need cheering up?"

The dark skinned woman paused mid-brushing, looking to Morgana in the reflection of the mirror and giving a smile "I pick flowers."

"Oh." Well Morgause certainly wasn't the type of person to appreciate flowers, let alone to go out and_ handpick_ them herself. This suggestion wouldn't do at all. "Do you _only_ pick flowers, or do you participate in anything else?"

"I just pick flowers, milady." Gwen replied in a somewhat dreamy manner, her gaze drifting out to the scenery through the window "_I like flowers_."

There was a pause that seemed far, far too long despite being relatively short in reality. Gwen continued to gaze out of the window and Morgana stared at the other woman's' reflection in a mixture of disbelief and awkward uncertainty as to what to do next. Did she sit here silently? Did she interrupt the maidservant's apparent regression into daydreaming about flowers? Did she leave the room, even though it was _her_ room in the first place?

"Gwen...?" The ward ventured hesitantly, not wishing to completely ruin the cheery mood of her friend.

Thankfully that seemed to snap the dark haired woman back to reality, and with a couple of blinks she was turning back to the job at hand: Morgana's hair. "Oh! I am sorry! I just...drifted off into my own thoughts for a moment or two..." She gave a sheepish smile, beginning to brush again.

"I see." Morgana replied slowly, in a way that indicated that _no_, she did not see or understand at all "Well, what do you think _other_ people do to cheer themselves up?"

"Like who, milady?"

"Just...anybody else." The ward replied vaguely, trying to think of examples "Like Gaius or Merlin."

Gwen pondered over this for a moment or two, then answered rather uncertainly "Well, I think Merlin would talk to Arthur or Gaius...or maybe to myself or...you," (Morgana had to stop herself from snorting with laughter here) "but I'm not sure about Gaius. He doesn't really seem to do much other than mix potions."

Pause. Morgana could feel her irritation rising at still failing to acquire a helpful answer from the other woman.

Then, "...Perhaps he goes on picnics."

_Picnics._

_**Picnics.**_

"That," Morgana replied with a smile on her face "sounds like a lovely way to cheer oneself up."

* * *

"No."

"I have yet to say anything!"

"An irrevocable, unshakable no."

"Morgause!"

"And I do not recall forgiving you for your atrocious act, so I am rather perplexed as to why you are here at all."

"_Morgause_!" The young witch, standing in the cave entrance with a large basket clutched in her hands, stamped a foot in annoyance "You know that was an accident!"

"It was despicable and I find your excuses loathsome." Morgause replied without hesitation, standing a few feet within the cave and glaring at both her sister and the ridiculously large basket in her grasp. "Now please remove yourself and that...wicker catastrophe from my residence."

"You are being melodramatic! You can barely see the dent and scratches on the blade, and I still fail to see how they are _any_ different from the multitude of _other_ dents and scratches on its surface!"

"Because the dent and scratches you so _idiotically_ imposed on my sword are not from battles! They are not symbols of fights I have won, or leftover scars from clashes, combat and conflict! No, instead _they are a constant reminder of your stupidity_!"

Biting back a retort, that was going to emphasize Morgause's _complete_ absurdity, Morgana took a step forwards. Arguing was not about to sort out their differences, _but a picnic might._ "Then will you not let me make it up to you?"

Morgause eyed her sister, and not to mention the basket, suspiciously "How so?"

"Well, the weather today is _wonderful_ and I have managed to sneak out of the castle before lunch in order to dine with you."

"To dine with me?"

"_Outside_." Morgana affirmed with a nod, before presenting her sister with a most pleased smile and a small shake of the basket.

Oh Goddess. _Oh Goddess no_. "A picnic?" The blonde choked, feeling repulsed just from saying the word. _A picnic_? With all its connotations of cheerfulness, frivolity, childishness and...and..._folly_? No. No, no, no, no, no. A powerful, awe-inspiring,_ terrifying_ witch such as herself...participating in a...in a _picnic_? This could not be. She would not be able to take herself seriously ever again. This simply was _not_ going to happen. She would throw a tantrum before she would go on a pi-

"_I have fruitcake_." Morgana's voice floated across the cave.

Fruitcake? Fruitcake was delicious. But the _shame_! The shame of sitting down in the outdoors and looking ridiculous with all the food spread out and all the...all the...with all the...fruitcake. _No she could not_! Curse Morgana and her tempting offer of such a delectable food! Curse picnics! Curse the weather! Curse everything but the tantalizing, luscious invention of fruitcake! _Fruitcake. Fruitcake residing in that basket-_

Oh, to hell with it-

"Fine." Morgause relented, albeit in a grumpy tone, "But we will plot the downfall of the monarchy whilst we eat, otherwise I fear I shall be _sick _with the gaiety of it all!"

* * *

_Clink, clink._

Morgana narrowed her eyes in irritation.

_Clink, clink._

Her grip on the basket tightened to a worryingly level, her knuckles turning white.

_Clink, clink._

"Was it _absolutely_ _imperative_ that you wore _armour_ on this excursion, Morgause?" The ward finally snapped as they walked through the trees, throwing her sister an angry glare.

The blonde looked back at her with a raised brow. "But of course, sister. What if a patrol finds us, or we encounter an unfriendly creature? I should like to have some sort of protection as I battle them."

"Oh, and I suppose that is why _you have your sword in tow_ as well?" Morgana questioned tetchily.

"Evidently."

"I cannot believe this."

"Do _please_ tell me why." Morgause drawled, switching her gaze to wearily watch the scenery they passed by.

"I bring you on what I had hoped to be a pleasant outing and you insist on gearing up as if you were charging into battle!"

"Well, for all we know sister we _may_ be heading straight for a battle."

"You are such a pessimist!"

"I am no such thing! I merely like to be prepared for anything I might encounter!" The blonde retorted defensively, giving her sword a swing out to the side and cutting all of the heads off of the flowers beside her. She glanced at the blade and, noticing the new dent and scratches, let out a sad sigh. "...It is blemished."

"Oh for Goddess' sake..."

"It is tainted."

"Not this again, Morgause!"

"It is tarnished and devoid of its once perfect nature."

"Can we please forget about the sword and try to enjoy this rare afternoon together?" Morgana asked crossly as they came upon a large clearing in the forest. Taking a deep, calming breath, and resolving to have a pleasant time even if it meant she had to knock Morgause out, the ward moved towards the side of the clearing where it was shady underneath the trees.

"Where _are_ you going?" Morgause's voice cut in, causing the younger witch the freeze with one leg outstretched in front of her.

"I was about to venture a little further and sit down underneath one of these trees, Morgause."

There was a disgruntled "Urgh!" sound from the blonde's direction, before Morgana felt a hand grip her left arm and tug her across the grass in the direction of the middle of the clearing. "Wha-_Morgause_!"

"_You are too pale_." The older woman stated, emphasizing the sentence heavily as if in the hopes that would help her sister to understand her point more clearly "I keep telling you this yet you keep heading directly for shade or the shelter of a building. You are so pale you look akin to a walking corpse; you need to be exposed to the sun once in awhile!"

Ignoring all of her sisters' protests and insults, Morgause dragged the young witch right to the middle of the clearing, where the sun was beating down and the grass itself was hot and looked yellow and dry.

"Ah, this is_ infinitely_ better." Morgause remarked happily, releasing her siblings' arm and plonking herself down on the ground.

Morgana stared around her and then to her sister in disbelief "Better? _Better_? In what way is this better? _It is so hot the grass is dying_!"

"I shall enjoy watching it wither." Morgause replied pleasantly, placing her sword down to one side and then patting the free spot next to her. "Now hush and sit."

"Will you not get too hot in all of that armour? You will _overheat_! This is ridiculous! Let us go back to the shade and-_ACK_!"

A hand had grabbed a hold of Morgana's forearm and pulled her forcefully down into place beside her sister, who offered a most pleased smile. "_I like it here_." She stated, in a way that ended all further negotiations about the matter.

Scowling and muttering to herself, the raven haired sister watched as her sibling pulled the basket to reside in front of them, before she delved into it and retrieved a hunk of fruitcake. Sitting back happily, the blonde began to munch on the food, apparently most content to get herself something to eat yet not offer to get anything for her sister.

_Who was going to suffer from heatstroke._

"I am hot." Morgana announced, hoping to at the very least get a little sympathy about her predicament. When none came, she tried again, "I am hot and I am in the middle of a clearing and I am wearing a red cloak and dress."

"Then take your cloak off." Morgause suggested in a tone that indicated she was not at all interested in her sisters' discomfort. Especially not now she had a fruitcake to focus her attention on.

Realizing she was here for the duration and that there was no way she was going to get Morgause to move, Morgana irritably took off her cloak, flinging it childishly behind her.

"Sister, you did not fold it."

"I do not care. I am hot."

"It will crease."

"You did not offer to get me any food from the basket."

"You can get it yourself."

"You are making me unhappy."

"You ruined my sword."

They settled into silence for a time, with Morgana eventually getting herself something to eat, although a fair few glares were thrown in Morgause's direction as she did so. There was a minor dispute when the blonde attempted to cut herself another slice of fruitcake with her sword (Morgana told her she was 'primeval' and 'lacked any etiquette') but other than that the next twenty minutes were quiet and uneventful.

It was only when Morgause moved to try and cut the fruitcake with her sword yet again that they engaged in conversation.

"_Morgause_! What did I _just_ say?"

"You have been silent, so I dare say nothing."

"You know what I mean! Do not try and – _Morgause_! Stop it!" Morgana leant forwards and snapped the lid of the basket closed again, just before the blade reached it. "Do you have _any_ social graces? You cannot cut food with a _sword_! There are peasants out there with no bread! You should be a little more respectful-"

"Well then let them eat cake."

Pause.

"_What_?"

"Let them eat cake!" Morgause reiterated, waving a hand in dismissal at any further protests from her sister "If there is no bread, feed them cake. Cake is far more delightful at any rate. I'm sure popularity rates of the monarch will soar. Which leads us onto our next topic, the overthrowing of Camelot."

"But you cannot just-"

"I have been thinking about that plan you came up with weeks ago, the one regarding Gaius' ponchos, and I am beginning to think that perhaps it is not quite as absurd as it first seemed."

"The peasants-"

"You see, it is so radical that it may just work. I think we can safely say that nobody in Camelot will be expecting such a turn of events."

"The cake-"

"It may just be the most effective way of gaining the throne that we have thought of to date and-"

"**OVER THERE**!"

The two sisters froze, staring wide-eyed at each other and then slowly turning their heads in unison to spot the small patrol heading speedily their way across the clearing.

"Ah." Morgause murmured as the soldiers charged ungracefully towards them "How troublesome."

"_TROUBLESOME_?" Morgana screeched, jumping to her feet in panic and whirling around, trying to find her cloak "I have just been spotted having a picnic with the most wanted witch in Camelot! _Everything _is ruined! _We will both be killed_!" Grabbing her cloak, she turned to find Morgause still leisurely seated on the grass, resting her arms on her knees and watching as the patrol closed the distance between them rapidly. "_MORGAUSE! I WOULD ENJOY SEEING SOME MOVEMENT GREATLY_!"

"Mm." Was the reply, as the blonde squinted against the sun in order to see one of the soldiers stumble in his haste and almost fall to the ground.

"_NOW, MORGAUSE_!"

"_Alright_! Do not be so _hysterical_, Morgana!" The older sibling responded, slowly getting to her feet and picking up her sword. "You can cause such a _scene_ sometimes!"

"_CAUSE A SCENE_?" Morgana repeated in disbelief, her gaze on the nearing soldiers behind Morgause "THERE IS A PATROL HURTLING TOWARDS US!"

"I dare say there is. How perceptive of you." Morgause replied in a tone of complete unhurriedness. She looked to her sword, gave a sniff of discontentment at the dent and scratches on it, and then looked back to her sister. "Do excuse me for a moment."

And with that said she turned around and swung her sword across one of the soldier's neck as the patrol finally reached their position. Morgana, rather disliking all the commotion and sprays of red, took a few hasty steps back to apprehensively observe her sister, in a rather relaxed manner, taking care of the patrol. Wrinkling her nose in annoyance, the ward even watched as some blood splattered onto the basket. _That would never clean out _–

There was a clearing of a throat and Morgana looked up to see Morgause standing , surrounded by bodies, a few feet in front of her, looking very indifferent and undisturbed. "Shall we continue the picnic here or...?"

They exchanged stares.

It was fairly safe to assume the picnic had been ruined and, effectively, was over the moment a patrol had spotted them and Morgause had nonchalantly murdered them all.

Morgana gave a grumpy huff "No. I don't feel like a picnic _now_."

And so the two of them headed back out of the clearing and towards Morgause's cave, leaving the basket and deceased patrol behind them.

The blonde, who had linked arms with the other woman, couldn't help but smirk as they walked. "...What was it you said about my decision to wear armour?"

Morgana gritted her teeth.

"Pessimistic, you called me."

"_Morgause_..."

"I wonder...who is the foolish one now?"

The sharp elbow in the side she received was painful, but it didn't stop the blonde witch from laughing gleefully in victory.

* * *

"It was a small patrol sire, found in a clearing in the East of the forest." Sir Leon relayed, standing before the King, Arthur and Morgana. Behind him, the rest of the Knights and Merlin, Gaius and Gwen stood anxiously, watching the proceedings.

Uther furrowed his brows, leaning forwards slightly on his throne. "And...all of them...?"

"Dead, sire."

"We must find the culprit."

"At once, sire."

Sir Leon paused, just as he was about to turn. "...Your highness..."

"There is more?"

"Well, it is just that..." He glanced to Arthur and to Morgana (the ward tried to remain looking calm) before settling his gaze back on the King "...we found a basket, sire, full of food just a foot or two away from the bodies. Some of it was half eaten and it was...it was as if..." He took a deep breath "...it was as if they had been having a _picnic_, sire."

Uther raised a brow, and Arthur frowned in bewilderment. The Knights murmured amongst themselves in confusion. Gwen looked horrified. Gaius and Merlin stared resolutely at the King's ward in a knowing way.

Morgana merely smirked.

* * *

_Authors Notes: Yes, I did just insert a __Marie Antoinette reference in there. Because I can and the image of Morgause saying that was too much for me to handle on my own. I had to share. Sharing is caring. Accept it._

_I wonder...will the poncho plan ever go ahead?..._

_REVIEW YOU BUNCH OF WONDERFUL BEINGS. You've read this with your eyes, now review with your fingers. Unless you want to try reviewing with your eyes, but I think it would hurt and I don't recommend it._

_But still, the option is open to you. And the result might make me giggle :3_


	10. Operation Ponchos: ENGAGE

_Authors Notes: I AM ALIVE! **I HAVE UPDATED!** ALL IS WELL IN THE WORLD! I do most heartily apologize for how long this chapter took to write, but I do actually have valid excuses which I shall now cheerily impart upon you all: I have been applying to Universities and that process takes A LONG TIME, I have had a crazy amount of coursework to do for college, I have dressed up in pirate costume and then a toga costume for college in the space of a week, I have unsuccessfully attempted to find Narnia, I am lazy, I like cheesecake._

_I hope you all understand, yes? Yes? Ok. Now, this particular chapter is dedicated to all of my reviewers who expressed a most vast of interests in seeing the poncho plan in action. In fact, I feel I shall write you a small dedication..._

_**Dedicated to those reviewers who wanted to see Gaius dance in a poncho**_

_**I couldn't have done this without you**_

_**Well, actually, I could have**_

_**But the thought was there, so thanks and all that jazz**_

_**(:  
**_

_I am also GREATLY...GRATEFUL that people continue to read and enjoy this story. Your reviews make me melt with happiness, but just seeing the number of hits also kinda makes me want to dance down my highstreet naked. Which would be unfortunate for everybody else but I ain't even mad. Anyway, enough of this tom-foolery! ONWARDS TO THE CHAPTTTEEERRR!  
_

_PoisoningPigeonsinthePark - You may never recover? Op. I'm still writhing in glee. I mean, feeling sympathetic towards your situation. Honest. :P YES. GWEN. SIMPLETON. I am afraid that is sort of how I see her character, so I'm glad you liked it. FRUITCAKE. FRUITCAKE IS GOOD. OM NOM NOM._

_Kitty O - I'm a minion? **MINION**. I like that word. I am most pleased with this occurrence. Asdfghjkl you quoted so many lines I MIGHT **DIE** FROM JOY. The guards...they shouldn't have charged at Morgause. She's a BAMF. :D Mwhahaa. I LOVE IT THAT YOU LOVE LOVING THIS STORY._

_mysilentwitness __- 'absolutely hilarious'? . I TRY. I AM GLAD YOU FIND THIS STORY FUNNY. :D P.S. I would say I'm sorry you had to be rushed to E.R from laughing, but I'm not. I'M PLEASED AND I REGRET NOTHING._

_lilyplusjamesistotallove - AUNTIE. YOU KEEP CALLING ME **AUNTIE**. WHAT IS THIS. I CANNOT EVEN. ASDFGHJKL. I just want to pick you up and DRAW HEARTS AROUND YOU. I'm so happy I made you laugh so much!_

_Dawn that Shines - OHGOSH. You reread it that many times? THE WORDS MUST BE INGRAINED IN YOUR EYE SOCKETS. AND THAT PLEASES ME GREATLY._

_Ambah - AAAAHHHHHHH. Thank you! I did try to keep them in character as much as I could so I am flinging FLANGING happy that you appreciate this! :D_

_Namikaze Artemis - Ooohhhh myyyyyyy I wouldn't go that far! That story is a LOLFEST. BUT YES. A picnic! The image was in my brain and it just had to be SHARED. I hope you broke all your ribs from laughing! :)_

_Rhemila - Oh my lordy, lordy, loorrddyyy. You AND your brother? TWO. THAT'S TWO PEOPLE RIGHT THERE WHO ENJOYED THIS STORY. I AM HAPPY. I AM TOO HAPPY FOR WORDS. **I AM DYING.**  
_

* * *

**_Evil, Shady Dealings_**

* * *

**10.**

**Operation Ponchos: ENGAGE**

* * *

"_There is a feast tomorrow night and that will be your chance, sister. You will excuse yourself by saying you have a slight headache and then you will head towards Gaius and Merlin's quarters. It is imperative that you are not seen."_

A figure moved from shadow to shadow, pausing only once to duck into an alcove and out of sight as guards passed by down the empty corridor.

"_Once you are inside, you must find the cupboard Gaius stores his clothes in. Time is of the essence, Morgana, so do not dawdle like you usually do."_

A door was softly opened, quiet footsteps sounded against wooden floor. A woman crossed the room and stopped before a small cupboard, reaching forwards to open the cupboard doors and reveal the contents within. A smirk appeared on red lips.

"_When you gain access to the ponchos, you must make sure to enchant them all. Remember, the enchantment only works for twenty four hours and if you miss one poncho and that just so happens to be the poncho Gaius chooses to wear in the morning – it is all over. You have one opportunity, sister. Refrain from wasting it as you seem only too happy to do with all our other plans."_

Words from an ancient language were uttered, eyes glowed golden.

"_This will not only be Gaius' downfall..."_

The cupboard was closed and the witch silently left the room, a look of triumph etched across her flawless features.

"_...this will be the downfall of the entire kingdom."_

_

* * *

_

Morgana did not want to admit she was worried, but the fact remained that time was passing and the old physician was not dancing. In fact, he was doing the exact opposite. He was motionless and silent. He was merely standing before The King, Arthur and herself as the council session continued. He was just there. Existing and deteriorating and occasionally blinking.

"...I do not want to waste resources. If a more effective use of the land can be managed then we should strive to achieve this..." Uther's voice faded in and out as the ward stared resolutely at the white haired man before her. Merlin was stood next to him, of course, and all of the knights were assembled. Even _Gwen _was at this council, standing behind the physician, although Goddess knew why. It wasn't like she had any real obligation to attend these mundane sessions, yet here she was in her yellow dress, staring unreservedly at Arthur.

_What was it with Gwen and her gawping at the Prince anyway? It was as if she had never seen royalty before -_

"_Gaius!_"

The quiet hiss was all Morgana needed to hear in order for a smirk to find its way onto her features. Sure enough, Merlin was discreetly nudging the old physician with a frown on his face, uttering in perplexity "Gaius, _what are you doing_?"

In all honesty, the white haired man didn't know. He had just been innocently standing still when all of a sudden his right leg had kicked up and now he was leisurely shimmying from side to side.

"_Someone will see_!"

"I can't help it, Merlin!"

"What do you mean you can't help it?"

"My body is out of my control!"

"_What_?"

"I said my body is out of my-" However, Gaius was cut short as he suddenly lunged forwards; starting to do what seemed to be a waltz with an imaginary companion. All discussion immediately stopped and silence filled the throne room to bursting point.

All eyes were on Gaius.

"What _are_ you doing, Gaius?" Uther demanded after he had witnessed enough of the dancing charade to feel suitably insulted "We are in council! Remember your place!"

"I am _trying_, sire!"

"Well stop trying and start-"

There was a loud crash as Gaius waltzed rather forcefully into one of the knights, sending him reeling backwards into one of his fellow knights stood behind him. The two knights glanced to the King, holding their hands up as if to say 'This has nothing to do with me' before they quickly had to dart to the side as Gaius continued on his merry way around the room.

"I am terribly sorry, sire! I don't know what's come over me-"

"_This is unacceptable, Gaius_! Control yourself!" Uther roared, slamming a fist onto an arm of his cherished throne. He had never before seen such absurdity in his own castle! This was unheard of!

"But that's just the problem, sire! I can't-" And as if to illustrate his own point, as the physician neared a startled looking Gwen, one of his arms snapped upwards to form a pirouette and smashed the maidservant sharply in the face, sending her hurtling to the ground.

"_GAIUS!_"

"Gwen! I do apologise, I didn't mean to-"

Uther leapt to his feet, pointing wildly at the physician "_SEIZE HIM!_"

"Sire, I swear to you that if I could stop I would! This must be an enchantme-"

"_**SEIZE HIM NOW**_!"

Without further ado, the knights closest to the dancing old man closed in around him and attempted to take a hold of him, which was no easy feat as Gaius suddenly launched into what seemed to be a very fierce tango.

Merlin had rushed over to Gwen and was helping her up, although he kept glancing worriedly in Gaius' direction. He couldn't do anything to help him now, he would just have to wait until later and talk this through with him. It all seemed so unreal that the young warlock could barely get his head around the situation, although he appeared to be faring better than Gwen, who was looking incredibly dazed and was probably engaging in double vision as Gaius was dragged out of the room, still claiming his innocence.

A small silence followed. _Now was Morgana's chance to instil the seeds of doubt in everybody's mind that Gaius was still capable of doing his job!_ The ward cleared her throat, feigning an expression of the utmost tragedy. "It is such a cruel thing, time, is it not? It can rob even the most intelligent men of their mind."

Ignoring the glare she received from Merlin, Morgana shifted her gaze to look sadly at Uther, who seemed to be taking in the significance of what she was suggesting. "Quite...quite..." The King eventually replied, slowly resuming his position on the throne. "Well...let us continue..." He looked to Arthur, who was, for some reason, staring at Gwen with an expression of the greatest concern. "Arthur?"

The Prince blinked and turned to meet his father's gaze. "I...uh...yes, of course. The land usage..."

As the blond haired man lowered his eyes to the unrolled parchment in his hands, Merlin quietly helped Gwen out of the room, glancing back only to see the most triumphant smirk on Morgana's face that he had ever had the misfortune to witness.

_And that was never going to be a good sign._

_

* * *

_

The raven haired witch was engorged with the feeling of success. Her poncho plan was, as she had always suspected, a winning formula. Morgause would be positively thrilled at her younger sisters' evident excellence, and Morgana would bathe in the compliments she was sure to receive and –

"Y-you just...you think y-you know someone and then t-they...they p-punch you in the face!"

Morgana let out a small sigh and gave her distressed maidservant a soothing pat on the back. The two were seated on her bed, with Gwen in tears and Morgana wishing she were elsewhere doing something of infinitely more importance than this. "I'm sure he didn't mean to, Gwen. He is just...growing old now and perhaps he doesn't always know what he is doing."

"It w-was in front of e-everyone!" The dark skinned woman blubbered, wiping at her eyes furiously with a handkerchief Morgana had kindly given to her once she had started to break down whilst tidying the room. "It was s-so embarrassing!"

"Well I think you remained very..." The ward paused, trying to find a suitable word as Gwen gave her a hopeful glance "...dignified."

"R-Really?"

"Absolutely."

Gwen smiled and gave a small sniff. Thankfully, she seemed to be regaining her composure. "Is it true what everybody is saying, milady?" She asked after awhile, unfolding and refolding the handkerchief nervously on her lap. "That Gaius cannot fulfil his duties properly as court physician anymore?"

"I could never comment on such rumours." Morgana replied gently, resting a hand on top of Gwen's to stop the woman from folding the handkerchief for the twentieth time. "But...sometimes...age does impact a person's judgement. You understand, of course?"

Gwen gave a small nod, her shoulders slumped sadly.

Morgana eyed her friend for a moment or two, then, unable to bear the sight of her looking quite so unhappy for any longer, she rose to her feet and offered a smile. "Well, enough of this talk! I need to prepare for dinner!"

"Oh, yes milady! Sorry!" Gwen jumped to her feet, setting the handkerchief down on the bedside table before moving towards the wardrobe. "Which dress would you like to wear this evening?"

"Surprise me!"

Gwen glanced over her shoulder, giving Morgana a smile, before she started searching through the contents of the wardrobe.

Sometimes, although ever decreasingly as of late, there were moments when Morgana wished Gwen wasn't quite so trusting and loyal. It made her heart clench and a sick feeling swirl around the pit of her stomach.

* * *

Merlin stared around the ramshackle hovel in disbelief. It was dark, cramped and filthy with mud and bits of dirt scattered around the rotting floorboards. "No. No this isn't right." He stated through gritted teeth, clenching his fists in anger "This can't be the right place, Gaius."

"Although it pains me to say it, I think it is, Merlin." The old man replied with a heavy heart, moving to place his belongings down on a very unsteady looking table.

It had been only three days after the dancing incident and Gaius had been, as Uther had put it, 'relieved of his duties as court physician'. His old quarters were to be needed to house the new physician (when he was found) and the only other accommodation available had been this hovel in the lower town.

"They can't do this to you! After everything you've done for them and they send you here!" Merlin all but choked out, the mixed feeling of fury and disgust almost too much to bear. "They should have allowed you to stay in the castle! All of those rooms they have free and they couldn't give one to you even-"

"Merlin. It is just how things are. There is no use complaining, I shall just have to get used to it."

The young warlock stared at Gaius as the white haired man slowly seated himself on a chair that looked as if it might break at any moment. The expression of resignation on his mentor's face only fuelled his anger. "None of this was your fault though. You were enchanted, you said so yourself!"

"Merlin-"

"We can't just let this happen! Your side of the story was never heard and I won't just stand here and allow Uther to do this! He has to let you explain! We can go there now!"

"But Merlin-"

"Please!" The warlock begged, a pained look on his face "Please."

Gaius let out a sigh and turned his head. As soon as he met Merlin's gaze, he knew 'No' wasn't going to be an acceptable answer.

* * *

Morgana was walking. No, she was not just walking; she was achieving something decidedly superior to that. She felt that what she was engaging with was more of a stride than a walk, but then perhaps it did not have enough _purpose_ behind it to be a stride. Moreover, a 'stride' did not sound as feminine as Morgana would have liked, so it could very well be a _glide_ that she was accomplishing as she moved towards the throne room, and not a _stride_.

Whatever the case, the witch liked to think that as she proceeded through the open doors she was looking both self-assured_ and_ graceful. As always. "My lord." She greeted, eyes landing on his slumped frame seated on the throne.

"Morgana." The King acknowledged, his tone containing a hint of unhappiness.

The ward came to a halt a few feet before Uther, hoping for an expansion on his welcome. She received none and the King was looking more miserable and wretched than when he had found out he had, as Morgause had rather bluntly put it, 'thrown a troll into his own bed of his own accord and merrily gone about having a good sha-'

"I am not sure I have done the right thing." Uther stated, shaking his head.

"Oh? Concerning what matter?"

"Gaius. He has done so much for me, for all of us, and now he is residing in a hovel."

"I am assured you did what had to be done, he was aging and the knights were no longer confident in his abilities." Morgana replied smoothly, making her way over to a small table at one side of the room. A wine bottle, tankards and goblets were placed atop it, and the witch decided that this was the kind of the situation where alcohol would do the King some good. "Would you like a drink?"

There was a small, murmured "Thank you" from Uther's direction as he closed his eyes and buried his head in his hands.

Morgana paused as she took a hold of the bottle of wine, and turned to glance over her shoulder at the depressed man. A brilliant, albeit risky, plan formed in her mind. There were no guards in the room (Morgana assumed Uther had dismissed them on account of 'the need to think') and the King had his eyes closed. And she, Morgana le Fay, had a heavy bottle in her hands.

This situation was so akin to something she and Morgause had aimed for in plan number seven hundred and forty two: Bludgeon The King to Death, that Morgana could only feel rude and guilty if she did not take use of the moment.

And so it came to be that the raven haired woman silently reached Uther, who was apparently very deep in thought, and raised her arm holding the bottle. A triumphant, though somewhat mentally unhinged, smirk appeared on the young witch's face and then the bottle was brought down with such force upon the King's head that it broke in half and he fell forwards off his throne and onto the cold stone floor before it.

There was red, there was glass, there was _success_.

There was Morgana standing beside the scene with half a wine bottle in her grasp.

There was Merlin and Gaius appearing around the door and coming to a halt, complete shock on their faces.

There was victory and joy and a hopefully-soon-to-be-dead Uther splayed out on the –

Wait. _What?_

Morgana's eyes widened in horror as she stared at the two men stood speechless in the doorway. Oh Goddess. _Oh Goddess Oh Goddess Oh Goddess Oh Goddess Oh Goddess._ She was doomed. She was done. She was at the scene of the crime with _half of the weapon in her hand_. How could she possibly get through this unscathed? She had to think quickly, _quickly_. Lie effectively as Morgause had tried to teach her. Now. _Right now_. Smoothly. Intelligently. _Now_. _OhGoddessOhGoddessOhGoddess-_

"Oh, alas!" Morgana abruptly announced, dropping the remnants of the bottle from her hand and letting it smash to the floor in feigned surprise. "The King has been assaulted!"

There was a slight pause and silence filled the room. Although Merlin and Gaius were soon moving towards the unconscious King, the moment had seemed to last forever. Morgana was almost _pleased _when the young warlock instigated conversation as Gaius knelt down beside Uther.

"Morgana!" Merlin started accusingly, standing himself firmly in-between the ward and the injured King in case Morgana suddenly decided to leap forwards and finish the attack. "What have you-"

"It was not _I_!" Morgana interrupted, rather too defensively than she had hoped "An assassin appeared from..._the rafters_, and struck Uther on the head with a...a mallet!"

"This was you - !"

"I did _nothing_ of the sort and I do not very much appreciate what you are insinuating!"

Merlin, disbelief etched across his face, glanced back to see Gaius checking over Uther. "This is – how could-" He turned back to Morgana "_You were holding half of the bottle_!"

"Well, _of course_, Merlin! I had to fend off the assassin with _something_, didn't I?" The ward snapped as if it were common sense "The bottle broke in the commotion!"

"I don't believe a word of what you-"

"This is hardly the time to be so _abrasive_, Merlin! The King is wounded! Go and get help!"

"I'm not leaving you here with - !"

"Merlin," Gaius briefly looked up, his expression grave "Somebody needs to get Arthur. Quickly."

"But-" Merlin looked back and forth from Gaius to Morgana.

"I can hardly run in this dress." The ward pointed out, giving the servant a look that clearly indicated he had no option but to leave for help and allow her sufficient time to gather her wits. Nobody would believe either Merlin or Gaius if they claimed she had attacked the King. After all, all they had seen was her holding one half of a wine bottle and, as she had said, that was to battle the 'assassin' with.

If _anything_, she was a heroine.

Merlin begrudgingly sprinted from the throne room to find Arthur, and Morgana was left to stand beside Gaius and Uther.

It disheartened her greatly to see Gaius had his medical bag with him and was already treating the King.

* * *

Everything had _gone wrong._

Why did every plan always seem to go wrong? It wasn't fair. Morgana put so much time and effort into every murderous act, yet people still _insisted_ on living. _Even after they had been clobbered around the head with a wine bottle. _It was sheer madness.

Uther had eventually awoken and regained his strength. Morgana had been praised for fighting off the 'assassin' and Gaius had been welcomed back into the castle for his 'heroic' efforts in saving the King's life at the scene of the attack. The physician had explained that his dancing must have been due to some odd enchantment and his job had been quickly handed back over to him.

And now there were patrols sweeping Camelot in search for a magic user who had created the enchantment in the first place.

Things were actually worse than they had been _before_ the poncho plan, and Morgana had not been much looking forward to her sisters' reaction.

When she had reached the cave and recounted the unfortunate events, the blonde witch had _immediately _descended into a violent rage, screaming and shouting abuse at her younger sibling for being so 'stupendously lacking in intellect' and 'ludicrously dim-witted'. There had even been a very tense moment when Morgause had become so furious that her magic had flared up and the hem of Morgana's dress had burst into flame.

"_Whatever happened to the concept of the silent killer_?" Morgause was demanding, the two now seated at the old table in the cave. Morgana had managed to calm her sister sufficiently so that she was no longer in a potentially life threatening situation, but Morgause had still outright refused to sit next to her, opting to situate herself at the other end of the table instead because 'Your existence infuriates me to the point of lunacy at this present moment!'.

"Well...I just...the bottle was there and I thought maybe-"

"_That is the problem_! You actually _thought_ about something! What have I told you about thinking? It is clearly beyond you! You have an astounding, _abhorrent _inability to make correct choices!"

"Morgause! That isn't fair-"

"_EXACTLY_!" The older sibling shrieked, her short temper once again getting the better of her "_It isn't fair, Morgana_! After all I have done for you and all of the time I spend plotting! And you insist on ruining everything through your own astonishingly dire decisions!"

"_Morgause_!"

"I knew this was a terrible plan right from the beginning! You are stupid! _Stupid, stupid, stupid_! How in Goddess' name I ever agreed to it _I will never know_!"

"You said you thought it might be one of our best plans to date!" Morgana replied indignantly, disliking having her plan stamped down on quite so harshly.

"I said no such thing!"

"You said it on our picnic!"

Morgause pulled a disgusted face "Do not remind me of that _excursion_. It was absurd and I still cannot believe I engaged in such a ridiculous activity. I could not look at my reflection for weeks." She gave a moody huff and folded her arms irritably across her chest "I don't know _how_, but you always manage to make me do ludicrous things and I dislike you immensely for it."

Morgana gave a small, mischievous smile "It is because I am your younger sister and, under that rather brash manner of yours, you would do _anything_ to please me."

"Do not flatter yourself, Morgana, I just told you I disliked you."

"You do not mean it."

"I certainly do."

"You do not."

"Morgana, I will not hesitate to set your dress alight again."

There was a pause. The raven haired woman didn't really fancy pushing her sister any further, just in case of another fiery encounter, so the two settled into silence, in which Morgause continued to look utterly disgruntled and unapproachable.

Morgana shifted slightly on her chair. Then, "When Gaius danced...he punched dear Gwen in the face."

The siblings exchanged glances.

Morgause raised a brow. "He...actually...?"

"She was sent to the floor."

Pause.

Morgause could not stop an amused smile from appearing on her face, and had to bite down on her lower lip to stop herself from chuckling. Morgana, however, appeared to have no such self-restraint and had her head thrown back as she laughed and laughed and laughed.

Plotting to overthrow the monarchy could wait until another day.

* * *

_Authors Notes: OH. MY. LEROY. JENKINS. Yes, I did actually insert a little bit of angst in that chapter. BECAUSE I CAN, OK? OK. It will help develop characters or something, I don't even know hohohohoho don't judge me._

_Just review me. Well, not actually me. Unless you want to. In which case feel free but I'd really rather prefer a review FOR THIS STORY. Get on it like Sonic. You know what to do._

_If you're new and don't know what to do - CLICK ON REVIEW AND SPEAK TO ME. I may come across as mad, but I promise I won't eat you._

_Well._

_Maybe a little nibble depending on whether you let me season you or not._

_What am I even._

_Why am I still talking?_

_UNTIL NEXT TIME, BEAN CATS_


	11. A Lesson in Fashion

_Authors Notes: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Update again! I AM ON FIRE. I AM ON AN ACTUAL ROLL LIKE A ROLLING STONE ROLLING TOWARDS THE TOWN THAT IS FOREVER ROLLING. You know what else has put me in a fan-freaking-tabulous mood? Well, (VERY small spoiler alert for Merlin Series 4, although a spoiler it is all the same, I guess, so stop reading now and skip a line or two if you don't want to see) Mooorrggaauuusseeee livvvessss! And she will be back! And alive and back and alive! THE JOY I FEEL CANNOT BE EXPRESSED FULLY ENOUGH. Asdfghjkl_

_Wooooaaahhhh, it's just too much to handle. _

_So, anyway, that aside: ENJOY MAH UPDATE OF UPDATED UPDA...TION. I felt like there wasn't enough of Morgana and Morgause in the last chapter, so here they are doing what they do best: shrieking at each other :)_

_PoisoningPigeonsinthePark - But how do you know you don't taste nice? Has anybody taken a bite out of your arm before? COME HERE. **YOU WILL LET ME SEASON YOU AND YOU WILL ENJOY IT.** I mean, urhm, yes. Gaius dancing. I had entirely too much fun writing it. And poor old Gwen. Everybody just shouts at her or punches her in the face in this story really...but at least she gets to spend her free time picking flowers :)_

_Namikaze Artemis - Ohmyjollyhockingsticks, YOU LAUGHED THAT MUCH? AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH SO MUCH PRIDE. And yes, everything you said was most definitely a better idea than what Morgana did. The silly sausage still can't lie, bless her._

_Bean Cat - May I just say, BEST NAME EVER. I am completely unbiased even though it came from my last A/N. Honest. Thank you for reading and reviewing! :D_

_Unformal Sorrelle - You just...you just made the word epic even more EPIC. ASDFGHJKL. YES. Thank you! I do attempt to keep them at least a little in character! COOKIES. COOKIES FOR ME? OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM **NOM**._

_fortheloveofcamelot - 'an extremely good writer' WHAT. EVEN. IS. THIS. I CAN'T EVEN HANDLE THE AMOUNT OF JOY I AM FEELING TODAY. MY FEELINGS ARE FEELING THINGS I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND. Thank you! I am full of like, I DON'T EVEN KNOW. You even spoke about unicorns and you have a horse and I CAN'T EVEN. LOOK WHAT YOUR REVIEW HAS DONE TO ME. **LOOK WHAT IT HAS DONE.**_

_Eavis - **A FELLOW TOGA WEARER**? Can this be? IS THIS THE REAL LIFE, OR IS THIS JUST FANTASY? I'm glad you like my story, and thanks for reviewing! :D_

_lilyplusjamesistotallove - I can't even. Ok. Ok get it together, girl. You can respond to this review. You can. **I CAN'T.** THERE WERE SO MANY NICE THINGS AND I CAN'T EVEN DEAL WITH IT. AND YOU CALLED ME AUNTIE AGAIN. I AM AT DEATHS DOOR BECAUSE OF THE AMOUNT OF HAPPINESS I AM FEELING AND I AIN'T EVEN MAD._

_Dawn that Shines - YAY. You looked insane! THIS PLEASES ME. Intruging idea for Morgana's next plan...intriguing indeed... :)_

_mysilentwitness - **HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND JAZZ HANDS AND PARTY POPPERS.** It's all gravy, I laughed when she was smashed in the face too. 'phenomenal' NO NO NO NO NO. I MEAN YES. BUT NO. YOU ARE TOO KIND._

_Kitty O - Um um um, I suppose that was a little unsporting of NA but TALLY HO and PIP PIP, I get super awkward about things like these so I AM MOVING ON - **TO SEASON YOU AND ENJOY YOUR REVIEW.** Which I enjoyed immensely, by the way. **IMMENSELY.****  
**_

* * *

_**Evil, Shady Dealings**_

* * *

**11.**

**A Lesson in Fashion**

* * *

"...and there were so many fabrics to choose from! They were all different colours and I just couldn't decide whether I wanted another green dress or whether I should perhaps break away from my usual conventions. I mean, green is _in_ fashion at the moment, but I just keep thinking to myself 'Morgana, you are the King's ward, you can _lead_ the fashion'. So, I may very well go back to the market with Gwen and see if the purple material is still there and then I could have a purple dress fashioned. You do not think that is foolish, do you?"

Morgause, who was seated opposite her sister in a very slouched and disinterested way on a tattered chair in the cave, gave a slow blink.

Morgana, sitting on _her_ much more comfortable chair, acknowledged that her sibling was alive and took this as confirmation to continue speaking. "And dear Gwen, she kept looking at _all_ of the yellow material available. Did you know that she only ever seems to wear yellow? There have been odd occasions scattered throughout the years where I might have seen her trying a blue colour or, on more daring days, a smatter of red, but other than that she really does seem intent on looking like the human embodiment of a sunflower."

The young witch paused to take a small breather, having been speaking for the past half hour at least. Her eyes glanced over the blonde opposite and she noted that for all intents and purposes Morgause looked as though she were at about to cease breathing at any moment if she dared to care any less about the conversation she was currently engaged in. _Passively_ engaged in, to be correct. The older witch hadn't uttered a word since Morgana had brought up her favourite topic of choice and had instead slid down in her chair, with her legs stretched out resting on a battered stool in front of her, and a glass of wine in hand that had quickly been downed within the first few minutes of conversation.

"Morgause, have you even been listening to a word I have said?"

She received another impassive blink in response.

"I am getting the distinct impression that you are barely awake!"

Pause.

. . .

Blink.

"_Morgause!_"

"Sister." The blonde responded, with not a note of any emotion whatsoever in her voice. It seemed as though the woman were almost dead. She had even sunk a little further back into her chair and the thought drifted into her head that she might as well go and lie down on her bed for all the enthusiasm she was showing.

"Would it kill you to offer _some _form of opinion in this conversation?"

"This is not a conversation. This is another one of your fashion monologues."

Morgana narrowed her eyes and it was plain to see that she had taken the other woman's statement very personally. As she usually did with every statement her sister articulated, because, as she had said many times before, her sister was 'rude, intolerable and vastly unsupporting in any venture anybody attempts.'

"_Excuse me_?"

Morgause let out a long and tired "Uurrrggghhh" sound, before attempting to reach the bottle of wine on a small table beside her. Sadly, in her slouched position, she found that her arm could not stretch so far and with a disgruntled huff she gave up and stared accusingly at the raven haired witch opposite instead. "Look what you have done to me! I am reduced to inertia!"

"What _I_ have done to you?" Morgana exclaimed, looking not at all as though she agreed with her sisters' evidently ludicrous allegation. "I do not see how your unwillingness to participate in conversation is my fau-"

"_Conversation_? _That_ was anything _but_ conversation! What you have just subjected me to is more akin to torture!"

"Well perhaps if you took more of an interest in your appearance then you would not find the topic of fashion so unpleasant!" Morgana replied irritably, a sulky frown now very evident on her features. Here she was, sharing all of her _vast_ knowledge of fashion with her sister and all the blonde could do was complain! It was utterly insufferable.

Morgause was eyeing her closely, a decidedly dangerous expression on her face, and for a moment or two Morgana shifted uneasily on her chair. She rather wondered whether she should have announced her last words. Morgause did have a habit of indulging in her fractious temperament after all –

"_WHATEVER ARE YOU SUGGESTING_?" The blonde abruptly roared, a crack suddenly appearing on the glass still clutched tightly in her hand.

_Oh Goddess, magic was flaring up and cracking glass, abort conversation path, abort conversation pa-_

"_I AM AT ALL TIMES THE VERY EPITOME OF SPLENDOUR_!"

"Oh, goodness, yes! I was not for one moment suggesting otherwi-"

"DO NOT ATTEMPT TO BACKTRACK NOW, MORGANA! THAT KIND OF COWARDICE _DISGUSTS ME_!" And with that bellow, the glass in Morgause's hand promptly exploded, sending tiny shards of glass hurtling in every direction. Not that the older witch seemed at all bothered by this occurrence as she continued to send a fiery glare towards her sister.

Morgana, who had shrunk back into her chair to avoid the flying glass, took a deep breath to gather her courage. And then, bravely, "It is merely that you...you continue to wear white shirts with the sleeves rolled up and dark trousers, which are not at all becoming of a lady and-"

"_They are practical_!" Morgause broke in, and her voice although quieter was no less threatening. "I am living in a _cave_, Morgana, and practicality is _key_. Does fashion not accommodate for practicality?"

"Well, I-"

"I know one thing that _certainly_ falls short regarding practicality. And that is your pathetic excuse for armour."

Morgana's eyes widened with indignation "I think you will find my armour is both fashionable _and_ practical!"

"I will find no such thing." Morgause scoffed "I have only seen you wearing it but a few times and even then it was plain to see that your armour was not serving its true purpose."

"Yes it is! There is absolutely nothing wrong with it - !"

"Sister, it is made out of what looks like sequins. If I challenged you with a fork, I think it is safe to assume I could deal you some serious damage."

Morgana folded her arms across her chest moodily, turning her head the other way to stare resolutely at the cave wall instead of her despicable sister. She outright refused to have anything more to do with her. She was being incredibly quarrelsome and difficult to talk to. Just as she always was. Why couldn't the blonde be more approachable and friendly? Why in Goddess' name did she, _Morgana_, deserve to have such an argumentative and stubborn witch for a sister? The injustice of it all -

"Morgana, I do not know whether you have noticed, but you are staring at a wall."

_Just ignore her. She was just being her usual impolite self and –_

"I realise you are sometimes mentally challenged, but I must confess that this is a little odd even for you-"

"_I am ignoring you_!" The younger sibling snapped, eyes still locked onto the cave wall as if it were the most intriguing scenery she had ever encountered "You are in one of your unreasonable moods and I have decided that I will no longer speak with you unless you appease me!"

"Unless I appease you? You are not Queen _yet_, Morgana."

There was an offended huff in reply, but it seemed as though the young witch was going to keep to her word and remain silently upset. Morgause tried a few more attempts at socialisation (although admittedly these mostly contained insults and heavy sarcasm) before announcing that she gave up and Morgana might as well leave.

And leave she did.

_Even without a hug._

_

* * *

_"It's nothing, really Gwen. I am just going with Arthur and some of the knights to visit a few of the outlying villages and Uther has _demanded_ that I wear armour. All we want to do is show face and lift some of the citizen's spirits but, of course, the King likes to make things difficult."

Gwen paused in the middle of Morgana's room, with the raven haired woman's rather light armour in her hands and a small frown surfacing on her face "I'm sure his foremost thoughts are of your safety, milady."

The ward glanced to her maidservant, and her rather adorably loyal expression, and let out a small sigh. She should have known Gwen wouldn't encourage complaints about the King. "Yes, yes. I'm sure you're right. Now," She gave a smile and turned around "Dress me!"

"But you are already clothed, milady."

"I was referring to my armour, Gwen."

"Oh!" The dark skinned woman hurried forwards, feeling thoroughly embarrassed and flustered and helped Morgana into the silvery chainmail. "There we are!" She announced as she took a step back, hoping to brush aside her earlier stupidity, "You look lovely!"

"I look _what_?"

Gwen froze. What had she said? Had she said something wrong? She must have said something wrong. She wasn't having a good today. She was doing everything wrong today. She wished it wasn't today. She wished she were out picking flowers and –

"WHAT ARE YOU INSINUATING?" Morgana screamed, whipping around to face her maidservant with furious eyes "DO YOU NOT THINK I AM ADEQUATELY PREPARED FOR ANY BATTLES I MAY FACE? IS THAT WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO SUGGEST?"

"No, no, no, no! I wasn't saying anything of the sort, milady!" Gwen gushed feebly, waving her hands as if to both reinforce her innocence and attempt to calm the enraged ward "I was just commenting on how nice you look today, even with your armour on, and I-"

"Oh, so it_ is_ about my armour then! _However did I guess_! I will have you know this armour is _incredibly_ practical, thank you very much!"

"I think you misunderstood, I really didn't mean-"

"_I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEANT_!" Morgana shrieked hysterically, storming towards the door in a very dramatic way that she hoped emphasized her displeasure.

"But I-"

The ward paused briefly in the doorway to shoot Gwen an incensed glare "You may be of the opinion that I might as well wear a sack cloth for all the good this armour is doing me, _but I will not sacrifice fashion in order to compensate for safety_!" And with that said, Morgana flung herself out of the room and down the corridor, leaving a very perplexed maidservant behind.

"I AM THE KING'S WARD!" Another shout suddenly echoed out from far down the corridor, startling Gwen and causing her to jump slightly "_I AM THE FASHION_!"

* * *

Against her better judgment, Morgana was on her way to see her sister. It had been three days since her last visit, and the raven haired witch had decided this was long enough to ignore Morgause for. The blonde would be feeling entirely isolated and lonely, and she was sure to run into Morgana's arms _begging for forgiveness_ and –

"_THERE YOU ARE_!"

The young witch had barely dismounted her horse before Morgause popped out and into view from the entrance of the cave, carrying some heap of fabric in her arms. "_WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN_? I have only been waiting for _three whole days_, sister! For Goddess' sake! I try and do something nice for you and you refuse to appear!"

Morgana blinked, pulling her red hood down to get a better look at her infuriated sister. _Oh joy, she had so missed being screamed at –_ "I was merely showing you that I will not sit around and tolerate your rudeness, Morgause."

"Well that is simply _wonderful_, sister. Please _do_ tell me more, only know that I am completely uninterested as I have something of _much_ greater magnitude to speak about." The older sibling replied as she reached Morgana.

"_Morgause_!"

"Oh _do_ hush and look!" And, with a flourish and a big smile, the blonde presented the other woman with the material she had been holding protectively in her arms.

It billowed out in the wind and all Morgana could understand was that it was purple and a complete mess. She could not, for the life of her, comprehend what it was supposed to be. There was stitching, there was uneven lengths and there was _purple_. "I...I don't..." The witch faltered helplessly, not wanting to dampen a moment that her sister was evidently very proud of.

"It is a _dress_, Morgana!" Morgause pointed out, giving the material a small shake as if she thought her sister was hard of sight "I made it for you _without_ the aid of magic! And it is that _exact_ purple fabric of which you were speaking about on your last visit. I was thinking about how I had upset you, and I tried to think of a way in which I could reconcile with you, so I went _all_ the way to the market in disguise, snatched up this purple...whatever it is, and _made you a dress_!"

There was a long silence, in which Morgause continued to absolutely_ beam_ at her younger sister, and Morgana stared in mixture of shock and disgust at the _thing_ before her.

"That is _not_ a dress, Morgause."

"Of course it is!"

"That is a catastrophe. You have utterly butchered that material-"

The blonde's features quickly contorted into her trademark scowl. "Oh, well _do_ forgive me for attempting to be kind to you! I have only been working on this...this..._thing_ for the past forty eight hours! But nothing is _ever_ good enough for you, so I shall just set it alight and _have done with it_ - !"

"No, no, no! Morgause!" Morgana moved forwards, quickly snatching the purple material out of her sisters' grasp and holding it close to her in an almost defensive manner "You are so sensitive! You did not let me finish!"

Morgause narrowed her eyes suspiciously "I think you had said quite enough-"

"What I was so_ close_ to saying," The young witch interrupted before the blonde could get any further "Was that although this is, in every sense of the word,_ hideous_, it is also one of the nicest things somebody has _ever_ done for me."

"...oh."

"'Oh' indeed." Morgana replied with a smile on her face, bouncing forwards to fling her arms around the older woman, the purple abomination squashed between them.

Morgause sunk into the hug in a somewhat disgruntled manner, her chin resting on the other's shoulder. "It is not as bad as you are making it out to be though."

"I am afraid it most certainly is."

The blonde gave a moody huff, but stayed in the hug all the same.

She had just spent the best part of two days sewing.

There had been needles, there had been swearing, there had been cursing and magic causing things to shatter and explode.

She needed an embrace just to get past the trauma.

* * *

_Authors Notes: I literally should have been out of the door and going to do some important stuff like TEN MINUTES AGO so I have to keep this short and sweet:_

_REVIEW BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME AND I LOVE YOU AND IT IS MUTUAL LOVE._

_Asdfghjkl_

_HEARTS AND STUFF_

_x  
_


	12. Can't We All Just Get Along?

_Authors Notes: I BRING GOOD TIDINGS AND MIRTH AND A SPARKLY NEW CHAPTER. I bring joy that so many people are still reading this story! I bring cookies and marshmallows for you all! I bring unicorns! I bring...saxophones! I bring...I...I bring...like...curtains! And...mittens! And...y'know, like...stuff that...is nice! For you all! **YOU ALL.**_

___Kitty O - Ah yes, Morgause and her smexy red dresses. She's just taken to wearing easier clothing in this story...seeing as she's in a cave and all. :P And good old Gwen. I know. I do make her out to be a bit of a dunce. But she'll probably end up doing something cool in this story at some point. When I get my act together. HOHOHOHO. Hilarious AND cute? IN ONE LINE? YOU FLATTER ME. Asdfghjkl. You said adorable and you think it's better than you could do and NO. Like, yes, I AM DYING FROM GLEE. But no! I'm not that amazing but I AM SO HAPPY YOU THINK SO HIGHLY OF ME. **I AM GIVING YOU A HUG.** YOU JUST CAN'T FEEL IT. Your story! I shall read it with **MY EYES**. Oh, and also: -sprinkles some seasoning on you-. I HAVE SEASONED SOMEBODY. I CAN NOW DIE HAPPY._

___Namikaze Artemis - A happy dance? FOR ME? SQQQUUUEEEEEEEEEEEE. Yes, they are both rather mentally challenged, aren't they? I feel some counselling might be in order...OH. Naruto? YES. I KNOW OF IT MUCHLY. ANOTHER FAN. **I AM FEELING JOY.**_

___Dragons of Egypt - I can't. This review! I JUST CAN'T. Best line? BEST. LINE. WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO TO ME? **I AM DISINTEGRATING FROM SHEER PRIDE.**_

___PoisoningPigeonsinthePark - N'awwwhhh. -Hides seasonings- Fine. I won't season you...yet. OHGOD. Medieval WAG. **I AM CRYING**. She really is, though. YESSSSS. I MADE YOU FEEL SOMETHING OTHER THAN DISLIKE FOR MORGAUSE. She's a great character in an evil, horrible, smug, arrogant, vain kind of way! Honest. She just can't explain her feelings very well. :') AN AWESOME WRITER? AWESOME. WRITER. I just...I...I CAN'T._

___lilyplusjamesistotallove - Outdone myself? YOU. YOU CHARMING, FLATTERING BEING YOU! Next to Shakespeare? WHAT EVEN. **I CANNOT HANDLE THIS**. I CANNOT. I CANNOT EVEN. MY WORDS. ASDFGHJKL._

___fortheloveofcamelot - Flawless. You just. You just said it was. Flawless. What is this I can't even. MUNCHKIN. **OH GOD.** SO ENDEARING. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FUNCTION. You are too kind! AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT._

___Dawn that Shines - I MADE YOUR LUNGS SPASM IN LAUGHTER.** THIS PLEASES ME GREATLY.** Amazing? AAAAAHHHHHHHHH. Thank you! 'Asdfghjkl' is simply a way to express oneself when one is feeling feelings that they cannot even describe. I usually use it when I am passing out from happiness. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE X? AT LEAST YOU GOT ONE MY LITTLE NIBBLET. YOU ARE NOT PART OF THE X-MEN. ...are you? Ohmygodwhatifyouare. HERE! HAVE MORE X'S! _

___mysilentwitness - YES SHE DOES. IT IS SPLENDID NEWS INDEED. It was on a website with an interview with Emilia Fox...but I can't remember which website! D: Ohgosh. YOUR SANITY RAN AWAY WITH YOU. **I MADE YOU SANITY TAKE YOUR HAND AND RUN**. I AM. I CANNOT. I HAVE A HAPPY._

___phoenixfaithc - Hilarious! Perfection! I AM SO. I HAVE FEELINGS THAT. I CAN'T. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS. I MIGHT BLUBBER. **YOU MAKE MY EYES MELT WITH PRIDE**. THANK YOU 'O BRINGER OF JOY.  
_

* * *

**_Evil, Shady Dealings_**

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**12.**

**Can't We All Just Get Along?**

* * *

"What if I do not get back to the castle before dinner? People will start to suspect."

"You will be back well before dinner, sister."

"What if it turns out that he is our enemy, pretending to be our ally so that he can ambush us when we least expect it?"

"I can assure you that Cenred does not harbor the intellect to concoct such a scheme-"

"I do not wish to go!"

"You have to show your _face_, sister! We are attempting to negotiate the downfall of an entire Kingdom!"

"Well, I do not enjoy his company!" Morgana confessed, a pout on her face as she looked sulkily down at the reins in her hands. She heard Morgause let out an exasperated sigh from the horse beside her as they continued through the trees, but the blonde managed to control herself enough not to snap back some sarcastic remark.

Apparently they were journeying to a small clearing in some dubious part of the forest, where upon they were to be greeted by Cenred and discuss matters concerning their next plan of action. Morgana had always been of the opinion that they did not need Cenred's help, but Morgause, in contrast, was adamant that they attend this meeting and keep relations with Cenred high. After all, the support of his army could turn out to be a decisive factor in future plans.

The younger witch had only met the man once, very briefly, but his hideous leather attire had been enough to make her question his motives from the start. And she really _would_ rather be at the market with Gwen browsing dresses, having to hide an amused smile as the maidservant flung herself at yet another yellow outfit and –

"Morgana, please _do_ pull yourself together." Morgause's voice interrupted, "We are almost there and only a mother could love the current expression you have plastered on your face."

"_Morgause - !_"

"I exaggerate not." The blonde hissed as they entered the clearing, a tent with a few dozen soldiers guarding it coming into view "_Now, look pleasant and amiable_!"

Just as Morgana was about to push her sister forcefully off of her horse in fury, Cenred himself appeared from out of the tent flap with an overconfident smile. He opened his arms in a friendly gesture as he made his way towards the two "Ah, they have arrived! It is our pleasure!"

The siblings dismounted and Morgana watched moodily as Morgause gave the dark haired man a smile that was anything but innocent "Cenred." The blonde greeted, her voice low and husky.

"I hope your journey was not too tiring."

"I can think of...one or two things that could be more tiring."

_Oh for Goddess' sake._ Why was it that every time Morgause came into contact with this man she reverted to some ridiculous seductress?

"You look as well as ever. Perhaps even more so than I last remember you."

"You certainly know how to try and charm a lady."

"I know _many_ things, Morgause."

"Perhaps one day you can show me."

"I would be only too happy-"

"Well!" Morgana announced loudly, throwing her arms up into the air in defeat "I'll just leave you two to it then, shall I?"

Cenred let out a sigh, dragging his eyes over to the other sibling. "And do I not get a welcome from the younger sister?" He asked eventually.

All eyes stayed on Morgana. She scowled. "N-"

"Are you not going to invite us into the tent to begin negotiations?" Morgause interrupted quickly, throwing a glare in her sisters' direction as Cenred, with a raised brow, turned around and began to lead them all across the clearing.

"Do not be so _rude_, Morgana!" The blonde snapped quietly to the other as they neared the tent, "We need him on our side!"

"The two of you act like teenagers! It is ludicrous! Have you no shame? Honestly, I knew your mind could wander into the gutter occasionally, but I have never been so embarrassed in my li-"

"After you." Cenred's voice interjected, as he held the tent flap open for the two women to pass through.

The tent was not spacious. That was the first thing that came to Morgana's mind as her eyes scanned the space before her. She supposed that, being a tent, it was never going to be that large, but she felt as though this was just another example of how Cenred was surely going to become nothing but a liability. If he could not pitch a larger tent, then what in Camelot did that say about other aspects of his life?

Morgause had leisurely occupied herself on the most comfortable looking seat near the middle of the tent, looking as though she owned the place. Although, Morgana contemplated, she did have a habit of looking like that wherever she went. The ward was fairly sure her sister could walk into hell itself, irritably push the devil off of his throne and take it for herself without batting an eyelid, and, for all intents and purposes, look as though she had always been entitled to the position since she was born.

Moving to take the seat next to the blonde, as she had presumed would be the done thing, Morgana suddenly found herself having to come to an abrupt halt as Cenred casually pushed past her and took the seat for himself. He glanced up at her and asked, in a somewhat mocking tone that indicated he thought her very young and reliant on Morgause, "You do not mind allowing me the pleasure of sitting next to your sister, do you?"

Apart from the fact that she did, _very much_, mind the taking place of such an occurrence, Morgana decided she was not one to crack under ridicule from such a vile man. She gave a sniff and a look of indifference as she turned around, cloak sweeping the floor, "Of course not. I was not about to sit there anyway!" And with that said, the dark haired woman gracefully seated herself on a rather battered old chair opposite the two of them.

Sadly, and Morgana had really rather hoped they wouldn't, Cenred and Morgause continued where they had left off and non-subtle flirtations were thrown about into the air with ease.

"I am feeling somewhat..._thirsty_."

"Then perhaps I could be the one to..._sate you_."

"I would like to see you try and live up to the..._challenge_."

There was a brief, merciful pause when a servant wandered into the tent, plonked a tray with wine and grapes on it down onto a table and then ambled out again. Morgana would have taken a grape herself, if it were not for her sister taking the entire bunch and suggestively eating one or two before offering some to Cenred.

The whole thing was utterly disgraceful. Morgana's jaw was practically on the floor for the entire duration. Just when she thought her sister could not degrade herself anymore, she was promptly proven incorrect.

"I do not make a habit of relying on men. I have yet to be..._pleased_ adequately by their..._actions_."

"I think you have not met many great men then. I would be honoured to..._show you_...the actions of a..._real_ man."

"Of course _you_ would but how do I know that_ I_ would be..._satisfied_...?"

"The best way to find out is to..._engage_ in such an..._activity_."

"You seem very..._confident_."

"I am certain I could..._entertain_ you for an hour or two."

"Let us hope it would...be my..._pleasure._"

"_Pleasure_ is _definitely_ the correct term-"

"_Were we ever going to discuss the overthrowing of the monarchy_?" Morgana interrupted finally, having sat through more innuendo than she ever would have had she thrown herself into a _brothel_ "Or were you two planning on retiring to another tent?"

Cenred leant back in his chair, an amused smirk on his face "Ah, your sister seems troubled by such conversation. Perhaps she is feeling left out."

"I certainly am not! I simply do not have time for such petty subjects!"

"My sister does have a point." Morgause admitted, popping another grape into her mouth "We still need to formulate a plan regarding Uther's untimely demise."

The dark haired man furrowed his brows in thought. "You know my feelings on this, Morgause. As much as it would..._please_ me to see your sister on the throne, taking over Camelot is an impossible task."

The blonde let out a grunt of annoyance "I thought you were a _real_ man?"

"I can assure you I am."

"Then let us hear an idea."

There was a small pause, in which Morgause nonchalantly helped herself to another three grapes and a generous sip of wine, and Morgana sat praying that Cenred would overexert himself by thinking and suffer a heart attack. Alas, he eventually answered, "By all accounts we could dig tunnels under Camelot and then coat them with flammable liquid and set them alight. Then the ground of the city would reach scorching temperatures and perhaps set the wooden houses on fire."

Morgause's eyes lit up with hope and, with a wave of a hand and a brief murmur of old words, a map of Camelot appeared in her hands "Add to this some creatures I am sure I could summon in the lower town... and there would be chaos!"

"Devastation."

"Horror!"

"Complete catastrophe."

"Fire!"

"Anguish."

"Although..." The blonde murmured thoughtfully, taking a small glance at the map and then placing it on the table "...the practicalities of creating such tunnels would be difficult. Perhaps we could create some sort of digging device?"

"It would have to be silent though, otherwise they would catch onto us quickly."

"Hm, yes. I may well have to look up silencing spells-"

"_Oh for Goddess' sake_!" Morgana all but spat in frustration "Honestly! I have never heard such a ridiculously overly-ambitious scheme in my life! _Why do we not just invade Camelot_?"

Morgause and Cenred exchanged glances.

"I am not suicidal." The dark haired man replied matter-of-factly, rolling his eyes slightly as if he thought the ward an idiot.

"_Suicidal_? Camelot must only have about eighty soldiers in total, whereas you have over twenty thousand!" She stared in bewilderment at the two opposite her, who seemed to be unable to comprehend the magnitude of what she was saying "_I think you can defeat them_!"

"Do not be so ridiculous." Cenred looked to Morgause "Is she mad?"

"I have moments where I do wonder."

"_Morgause_!"

"I speak nothing but the truth."

Cenred let out a weary sigh. He found Morgana very taxing. "If you remember, we attempted to take over Camelot in that fashion once before and, even with the aid of an undead army, we failed."

"_YOU DID NOT FAIL, YOU SIMPLY FLED_!" Morgana shouted in response, having had enough of this wretched meeting. She hated the way Cenred spoke to her, she hated the way he eyed her sister, she hated the way her sister acted around him and most of all she hated his utter stupidity! "We would have won had you kept the assault going! You still had half of your army to get over the walls!"

"Do not speak to _me_ about the tactics of warfare! I know exactly what I am doing! And what would you suggest? A simple attack on the castle instead?"

"Can you blame me? It would work!"

Cenred turned his head to look at Morgause and appeal for input. She gave a small, vaguely uninterested shrug. "I am afraid my dear sister is not very well acquainted with how we operate." The blonde shifted her gaze to the younger witch "Morgana, have I not spoken to you before about drama? Anybody can 'just go and invade Camelot'. It takes real power to devise cunning plans."

"But your plans _aren't cunning_! _They always fail_! Why don't we just try the normal, tried and tested approach to conquering a Kingdom – _invasion_?"

Cenred scowled. Bickering sisters did not very much appeal to his nature. "I don't think this discussion is going anywhere usefu-"

"Oh, _be quiet_! Who asked _you_ for an opinion?" Morgana snapped brashly "As if anybody could take a man dressed like you seriously!"

"_Morgana_!"

"What do you mean? My clothing is hardly anything to mock-"

Morgana let out a laugh, getting to her feet and looking the foolish man up and down in disdain "Look at yourself! You have deemed it appropriate to clothe yourself _entirely_ with leather! Have you even _attempted _to find out what the latest fashion is, or have you simply run out into a field and skinned alive the nearest cow to you? And those absurd swords on your back! _For Goddess' sake!_ Can you even raise your arms high enough in that skin tight leather monstrosity in order to take them out of their sheathes?"

"I...I-"

"_No! I suspected as much_!" Morgana yelled and, with an angry flourish, she stormed out of the tent and towards her horse.

_Stomp, stomp, stomp._

Stupid Cenred, stupid Morgause, stupid Camelot, stupid tent, stupid leather, stupid everything! _Why was everybody stupid_? Here she was, offering the perfect plan, and what did she receive in return? Recognition? _Applause_? No! All she got were insults and arguments and criticisms! Not to mention all the years of mental scarring she had incurred after witnessing her sister all but _mount_ Cenred –

"_Sister_!"

Oh, wonderful. Speak of the devil. Morgana refused to look at her. She was disgusted with the other woman. She much preferred the company of _her horse_ than her sister at this current moment and–

"I hope you are pleased with yourself! That spectacularly senseless displayed marked the end of this meeting and Cenred is _anything_ but happy with the way negotiations are going!"

"Good!" Morgana replied angrily, mounting her horse and yanking the reins. "Let us hope we have no more to do with him!" And with that, she began to ride out of the clearing, jaw clenched.

Of course, Morgause being Morgause, she could not give Morgana a moment or two to calm down, and she soon rode up alongside her, a furious expression on her face. "I have had just about enough of this immature attitude of yours! Cenred may not wear the latest clothing, but he _is _dense enough to manipulate! He has an entire army at his disposal! An alliance with him wou-"

"YOU EVEN FED HIM GRAPES!" Morgana shrieked emotionally, the whole situation getting the better of her "You leant over and _you fed him grapes_!"

"I am only doing what is necessary to keep him on side an-"

"HAVE YOU NO DIGNITY? Were you even _vaguely_ aware of what you were saying half of the time? I am honestly finding it difficult to muster up an_ ounce_ of respect for you at this moment!"

"He is a man! He easily succumbs to such...behaviour! It is the simplest and quickest way of-"

"It was disgusting!" Morgana spluttered, looking as though she might be sick at any given moment "And you _completely_ ignored me! I was sat there for an eternity being subjected to acts that were more suggestive than some of the things I have seen women of ill repute doing in the lower town!"

There was a minor pause and Morgana glanced over to her sister only to see a smug look on the blonde's face. "Jealousy does not suit you very well, Morgana." The older witch drawled pompously as they continued at a steady pace through the forest.

"Jealously? _Jealously_? I am_ not_ jealous! I could not care less about the matter! I am utterly indifferent!"

"Sister, you are being _astoundingly_ jealous. In fact, you were rather green-eyed throughout the whole thing."

"I certainly was not!"

Morgause offered an infuriating smile "I do not blame you. You have become completely accustomed to being the only one I give my attention to, after all."

"Well...I don't...I just...!" Morgana attempted in a very flustered manner "It has nothing to do with that! _I just do not like him_!"

"Of course, of course."

"I just...it wasn't...!"

Pause.

"_WOULD IT HAVE KILLED YOU TO LOOK AT ME_?" The ward broke down, completely overwhelmed by hysterics "YOU JUST IGNORED ME AND I FELT UTTERLY INSIGNIFICANT! And I thought you had replaced me with him and you didn't try to make me feel included and...and..._I AM YOUR SISTER! ME! I_ NEED THE ATTENTION, _NOT HIM_!"

Morgause's eyes widened at the sudden outburst of emotion from her sibling and, worrying for the other woman's mental health, she steered her horse closer to the other and took Morgana's hand. "Oh, _honestly_, Morgana! You know you are the only person I actually like! As if I would choose Cenred over my own sister!"

"_I FELT SO ALONE_!"

"Is there really a need for such melodramatics?"

"_And I have had such a hard day_! Gwen dropped my breakfast and then she kept apologizing and I told her it was fine but it wasn't! IT WASN'T FINE, MORGAUSE. I had to have...have...porridge or something horrible! And then I thought I was going to get to have a nice day with you but you drag me to some uncivilized tent in the middle of nowhere and spend the time flirting with a man dressed in leather and you utterly ignore me and I am feeling absolutely ghastly and...and..." She took a deep, staggered breath, trying to contain her sobs "_I JUST WANT A HUG_!"

And a hug she would have! Morgause, getting rather swept up in her sisters' own hysteria, moved to lean across and wrap her arms around the poor ward. _Moved a little too quickly, actually._

Such was Morgause's hurry to console her sister, she flung herself forcefully into the other woman rather than gently embraced her. And such was Morgana's surprise that the two of them, with a united shriek, fell off their horses and crashed to the ground.

There was the sound of hooves and the two women, blinking in confusion, looked up from their position on top of one another to see Cenred dismounting his horse only a few feet away.

_What the Goddess was he here for - ?_

"You forgot your map!" He declared as he strode towards them, waving the rolled parchment in the air. But then, as he actually took in the sight before him..."Well, well, well..." He drawled suggestively, a smirk spreading itself across his face.

With a huffs and scowls, the two sisters hurriedly stumbled to their feet. Morgana, seeming rather more worried about the dirt on her cloak than what Cenred was saying, began to quickly brush herself down. Morgause, on the other hand, was no longer in the mood for Cenred's flirtations.

Storming over to him, the blonde snatched the map from out of his grasp and, with a fiery glare, hissed "We may be allies, but if you dare to open your mouth and insinuate _anything _about what you just saw, I will not hesitate in cutting your tongue out."

The dark haired man attempted to speak once or twice, but when no sound came out and he obviously could not muster up a suitable come back, Morgause smirked triumphantly and stalked moodily back to her sister.

"Stop worrying about your cloak! If you hadn't been in such hysterics this wouldn't have happened in the first place!"

"Oh, well I do apologize for having feelings!"

"Do not be so sentimental!"

"I dislike you so intently sometimes!"

"You do not."

"I do!"

"Cease muttering and get back on your horse, Morgana!"

"I will not do as you say! I am my own person! I shall mount my horse when I want to!"

"Oh for Goddess's sake!"

Cenred stood there for a time, watching as the two sisters engaged in a loud argument that eventually lead to Morgause picking Morgana up and forcibly shoving her onto her saddle. This caused a lot of indignant shrieking on Morgana's part and a lot of insults from Morgause, and finally the two rode away and out of sight.

He briefly wondered why in Camelot he was currently tied to the two witches in an alliance.

But then he remembered Morgause...the grapes...

Cenred liked grapes.

And all of a sudden, the alliance seemed like a good idea again.

* * *

_Authors Notes: Because the awkward sexual tension between Cenred and Morgause will embarrass me for all of time. There was no 'subtle' to their text. They just happily engaged in porny dialogue even though Merlin is meant to be a family show. And poor Morgana. I don't think she would have liked it one little bit._

_So, um. I feel like I'm forgetting something..._

_Hm. Whatever could it b-_

_REVIEWS. GIVE ME THEM. LATHER ME UP WITH THEM. I AM READY FOR THEM. I SHALL ENJOY THEM._

_Although maybe not quite as much as Cenred and Morgause enjoy flirting with each other._

_Maybe._

_But then again maybe I will._

_You can't stop me. I can enjoy them to a creepy degree if I want._

_But then again maybe I won't._

_You will never know._

_Don't question the circumstances. _

_Ssshhhh. Just give me them._

_x  
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	13. And Then Suddenly: A Shark

_Authors Notes: MY PEOPLE! MY READERS! MY REVIEWERS! **MY LOVES OF THE EARTH!** Another chapter for you! A chapter full of fire and shrieking! YUSH. YUSH IT IS. OM NOM NOM NOM. And I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoy looking at the hits for this story and reading the reviews! I think I enjoy that aspect too much actually. In many ways. But you can't stop me. I do as I wish! Which is mainly hugging you all from afar! You can't feel the embrace yet...but you will. **You will.** Just give it time. It will feel like warm spaghetti arms looping around your waist. Because that's the vibe I've sent out. Spaghetti arms. Mmmmmm...  
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_Kitty O - BUT I WANT TO SEASON EVERYBODY! D: Oh gosh you're even reviewing my review replies! IT'S LIKE INCEPTION. But with reviews!...**Reviewception**! Asdfghjkl. Yes. Morgause and Cenred. It makes me feel feelings I do not enjoy feeling. URGH. Haha, yes, the two sisters do rather seem to take turns in being intelligent. I feel like they both have their moments of brilliance, contrasted wonderfully by their moments of complete retardedness. It pleases me. Much like your review does. Except your review pleases me more. 'This was genius' WWHHHYYYYYY DO YOU COMPLIMENT ME SO? YOU KNOW I WILL DIE FROM PRIDE. STOP IT! ... Except actually don't. You stop and I will cry. Because that's how much your reviews mean to me. BIG LOVE.  
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_mysilentwitness - I CAPTURED IT PERFECTLY? PERFECTLY? **PPUUUURRRFECTLY**? OH GIANT SLIPPERS OF JOY! You are so kind! Hehee, yes, I think Morgause found Cenred's comment rather inappropriate. :P Clearly, stabbing was the only way forward. Like in so many situations. I mean...erm...TOTALLY HILARIOUS? WHAT EVEN ARE YOU? A REVIEW GODDESS OR SOMETHING? You make my lips move upwards in a fluid motion of smiling pleasure! **FLUID I TELL YOU.**_

_Namikaze Artemis - DATTEBAYO! OH GOSH. There is nothing like finding a fellow fan! :D I don't think many people like Cenred. He wears altogether far too much leather to be trusted. A great chapter? GREAT? THIS BRINGS CONNOTATIONS OF ALEXANDER THE GREAT TO MY MIND. **THIS IS A JOYFUL EVENT. **I AM LIKE A KING. BUT FEMALE AND NOT ON A THRONE. IT IS EVERYTHING I COULD HAVE WISHED FOR AND MORE._ '_And when Morgana has the most common sense, you know you're in trouble ' - This made me laugh. Laugh like a locomotive. Which kind of goes like this 'HAHAHOEOEHAHEOEAHEOO'. It was lovely._

_Eavis - AAAHHH. Thank you! She does rather seem to be quite the fierce woman, doesn't she? And yes...perhaps doomed to fail...but in an utterly dramatic and arrogant fashion I hope :P_

_bubblepunk12 - HILARIOUS? OH MY MITTENS. That is what I strive for, and it is so very nice of you to say so! Thank you!_

_Dawn that Shines - YOU LIKE THAT WORD TOO? THIS IS LUDICROUS! THIS IS MADNESS! **THIS IS SPARTAA**! I am glad my fantastically odd way with words is infecting you too. We can speak of nonsense together. YOU LOVE ME? **YOU LOVE ME**? I GENUINELY CANNOT EVEN. Of course I want your love! I LOVE YOU TOO! MUTUAL LOVE! THIS IS A WONDROUS OCCURRENCE!_

_Kizzia - I know! I even shocked myself a little bit. Brilliant? OH MY. Parody to end all parodies...and I...I can't even...my heart is so full of pride it might explode and I might die but I would die happy and I don't even...my words aren't...OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS THAT I LOVE, INCLUDING OVEN GLOVES. Thank you!_

_Bean Cat - YAY for laughing seizures in class! **I LOVE GIVING PEOPLE SEIZURES**. I realise that sounds kind of...wrong...BUT AT THIS POINT IN TIME I AM CARE FREE AND FULL OF HAPPINESS AT YOUR REVIEW. Best yet? Beautiful? NAY. YOU ARE TOO KIND. SO KIND I WANT TO TEAR OFF MY ARMS AND POST THEM TO YOU SO I CAN HUG YOU. Asdfghjkl._

_PoisoningPigeonsinthePark - Ooh-err, lathering! ;D I suspect an awful lot of chaffing does occur within the confines of Cenred's trousers, but the less we think about that the better. I WILL NEVER STAY AWAY FROM YOU. I SHALL BE WITH YOU. IN THE WIND. **ALWAYS.** Grapes are sort of delicious and I mean who WOULDN'T make an alliance with witches when grapes are involved? :P OM NOM NOM. Marvellous? EAGERLY ANTICIPATE? Not just anticipate...but EAGERLY ANTICIPATE? TOO MUCH. SO MUCH TOO MUCH THAT I AM MUCHLY OVER MUCHED. AND THAT MAKES ME **HAPPY**._

_Velociraptor256 - NO WAY. OH GOSH. YOUR KIND WORDS ARE MAKING ME MELT. Perfectly? Brilliant? ALL THE RIGHT NOTES? **LET ME DIE.** LET. ME. DIE. IT IS ILLEGAL TO BE THIS JOYFUL WITHOUT DRUGS._

_IceCreamDoodle13 - **SO MANY THINGS YOU HAVE SAID HAVE PLEASED ME BEYOND ALL MEASURE.** YES! Morgause's character makes me laugh too. She's my favourite evil, arrogant witch ever! WOOP FOR SISTER HUGS. They make everything better. Except perhaps for encounters with Cenred. I don't think anything will help Morgana get over that mental scarring. :P INSANE DYNAMIC? DID YOU REALLY JUST SAY THAT? **THAT PLEASES ME**. IT'S WHAT I WAS GOING FOR. And then you just had to round off your review with...with...'comedy God'. I CAN'T. **I JUST CAN'T**. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS. COMPLIMENT OVERLOAD. NOBODY HAS EVER TAUGHT ME HOW TO RESPOND TO SUCH...SUCH...NICETIES! I did as you said! I went and put words together and **I HOPE YOU ENJOY**. ASDFGHJKL.  
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**_Evil, Shady Dealings_**

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**13.**

**And Then Suddenly: A Shark**

* * *

Morgause was trying to sleep. She thought this would have been evident in her body language, not to mention the fact she was sprawled out on her bed where she had collapsed mere minutes before, but clearly it was not.

Had it stopped Morgana from attempting conversation with her? No. _No it hadn't._

"...I must confess, it was such a shockingly good idea that I almost blurted it out as I was sitting there at dinner. It is so simple, yet so flawless..."

_Urgh! _

Morgause took a hold of her pillow and crushed it over her head in the vain hopes of vanquishing Morgana's voice. Or, failing that, the notion drifted into her head that she might _smother herself instead._

All the blonde wanted was some rest. She had not been expecting a visit from her sister and so had spent the whole day practicing a nifty new spell that included a most generous helping of fire. It had been hard work but Morgause was fairly confident in her ability to control the newfound spell and, deciding she had earned some sleep, the witch had wearily made her way to her bed.

Not that it was the nicest of places to sleep, seeing as her 'bedroom' was situated down a small tunnel from the cave that eventually broadened into a large enough space to arrange a few pieces of furniture. Morgause rather longed for the much more comfortable bed residing in her castle miles away but, for the short-term at least, she had promised to stay close to Morgana.

And if that meant living in a cave, then that meant living in a cave.

Besides, the blonde had been so exhausted that she had barely even cared that this old bed (conjured up weeks before) was not as comfortable as most. All she cared about was the fact that she could fall on top of it as haphazardly as she liked and close her eyes and _drift off into blissful sleep._

At least, that had been the plan.

Morgause had got as far as closing her eyes when the sound of her younger sister calling her name had echoed throughout the cave and then the raven haired witch had bounced into the 'room', announcing chirpily "Oh, _there you are! _I have wonderful news_!_"

_Injustice and anger and fire! What loathsome luck! What wicked plans of the Goddesses! What cruel fate! 'O pitiless fortune and -_

"Morgause? Are you listening?" Morgana was asking presently, brows knitted together in confusion. "You have not responded in any way since I arrived and I am growing worried for your health."

"Mmfpfphpfpppfff."

"I...pardon?"

"Mpfpfpfpfffhfhfhffpfff!"

"Morgause, I cannot hear you with that pillow over your head."

There was a disgruntled "_Urffgh_!" sound from the blonde's direction before she begrudgingly raised the pillow and placed her tired head back on top of it, eyes still valiantly remaining closed. Maybe if she stayed silent for long enough, Morgana would think her dead and leave or -

"Morgau - ?"

"_Sssshhhhh_." Morgause interrupted in a hushed tone, "...Do not speak."

Pause.

Morgana frowned and glanced around the room. Was there some creature her sister wished not to disturb? An enemy? _A foe?_ The ward edged a little closer to the bed. "..._Are we being watched_?" She asked quietly, even somewhat _fearfully._

_What even – ?_

Morgause opened her dark eyes just enough to peer irritably at her younger sister. Morgana's large, apprehensive eyes stared back at her. _Oh for Goddess' sake_... "_Yes_, sister. We are being watched." The older sibling replied sarcastically.

Sadly, any note of mockery seemed to have been lost on the young witch, who turned an even paler shade than usual and queried, with a tremor in her voice "..._Should I move_?"

"_Yes_, Morgana. Do whatever you feel is necessary under the circumstances."

Apparently, and much to Morgause's disdain, her younger sisters' definition of what qualified as 'necessary' included her darting quickly forwards onto the bed and squashing herself up as close to Morgause's back as possible, arms clinging onto her as if she might disappear at any given moment.

"Morgana, _what in the heavens are yo_-"

"Sssshhhh!"

"Wh-"

"_We are being watched_!"

The blonde took a deep, steadying breath and reminded herself that she needed Morgana _alive_ if the downfall of Camelot was to ever come about. But _honestly_. It was such a shame her sister was the way she was. She would have been quite gifted if she hadn't have been so overwhelmingly unintelligent –

"What are we being watched by?"

"_What_?"

"What is currently observing our every movement?"

Morgause rolled her eyes and let out a weary sigh. She refused to answer such ludicrously dim-witted questions, even if it _was_ her sister asking them. At any rate, if she didn't reply then there was always the possibility that Morgana might fall asleep in the silence that followed and _that_ would then open up the possibility for she, _Morgause_, to fall into an idyllic sleep and recover from exhaustion. Which was really all she had wanted all along and –

"Is it a puma?"

_Oh Goddess. Please no._

"I have it on good authority that they like caves."

_Why was Morgana even born with a mouth? Why couldn't she have been deformed and unable to speak?_

"Apparently they are a stalk and ambush predator. That might be why it is watching us."

_Please, please, please. Could the ward not just fall into a coma?_

"I think we had best make the first move, Morgause. What if it attempts to leap onto the bed and attack us? We would be unable to defend oursel-"

"_Honestly, Morgana!_ Can you not remain silent for more than five seconds?" The blonde suddenly snapped, realizing with great irritation that there was no way she would be allowed to sleep whilst she and her sister were occupying the same space. With an angry huff, Morgause slapped the arms around her. "And for Goddess' sake! _Let me alone_!"

Morgana gave an indignant squeak of surprise, quickly retracting her arms from the others waist and sitting upright to give Morgause a generous glare. Not that the blonde noticed as she had promptly shut her eyes again. _How very rude_ – "_Morgause!_" The younger sibling hissed "I do not know whether it has escaped your attention, but we are being watched by a puma and this sort of behaviour is _anything_ but desirable given the situation!"

"For the love of - ! _There is no puma!_ What is _wrong_ with you, Morgana?"

"But you just said - !"

"_I did not say there was a puma residing in this cave!_ How dare you suggest that I said something as foolish as that!" The older witch tetchily retorted, moving to prop herself up on her elbows and return the glare, although she liked to think hers had more scorn to it than Morgana's. "I pray every day that you will soon remember you have a brain and engage with it! But do you? _No_! You skip about, preventing people from sleeping as you witter on about puma's, _even when there are no puma's to be found_, and then lay the blame for your stupidity on another! As if _I_ would suggest there was a puma in this cave! Are you of ill health? Are you near death and hallucinating? Or are you just _completely senseless_?"

"You told me we were being watched!" The ward replied, her voice a little high-pitched in her innocence.

"And so you assumed it was by a _puma_?"

The siblings continued to glare at one another in the silence that followed. Morgana was determined not to be the first one to look away, as was usually the case since Morgause's glares could make one so uncomfortable that they almost wished they were dead. And, as a matter of fact, Morgana did very well. She managed to keep eye contact for a good minute or two until she noticed an amused smirk start to appear on her sisters' lips. _Oh, how she hated that mocking expression!_ She could not stand it! She would not tolerate it!

So, of course, there was only _one_ thing to be done.

And that was to push Morgause off the bed.

With one, perfectly swift movement of the arms that even took Morgana by surprise a little as she did it, the blonde was sent crashing to the floor, letting out a rather unladylike shriek of shock as she went.

There was a slight pause. The raven haired woman, now fully comprehending the magnitude of what she had just done, tried to remain calm and keep a cross look on her face. She couldn't back down now. Morgause hated cowardice and –

"_**YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE WENCH**_!" The older witch roared, quickly getting to her feet again in order to fling a fierce look at the other woman, her hair a wild mess. The entire cave had even seemed to reverberate slightly at her furious words which, Morgana noted sadly, meant the blonde's magic was probably spiking in her rage. "AFTER ALL I HAVE DONE FOR YOU! _WHO EXACTLY DO YOU THINK YOU ARE_? YOU CANNOT JUST GO AROUND THROWING PEOPLE OFF OF THEIR OWN BEDS IN A FIT OF SPITE! _ARE YOU DERANGED_?"

"W-Well! You have not even let me tell you about the great plan I have formulated! All you have done since I arrived is tell me to be quiet and-"

"THAT IS BECAUSE I WAS TRYING TO SLEEP, MORGANA! _SLEEP_!" Morgause shouted, unable to quite fathom how her sister could be so self-centred at a time like this "_I AM EXHAUSTED_! LOOK AT ME!"

Morgana cringed, taking into account for the first time since she had arrived that her sister did look rather the worse for wear. "Y-Yes...sorry. I did not realise. But in my defence, your head _was_ under a pillow for quite some time."

Morgause let out a disgruntled huff, still not at all pleased with her sisters' display of childishness that had included sending her hurtling onto the cold cave ground. She eyed Morgana for a moment and, seeing the almost impossibly apologetic look on her pale face, the blonde decided against setting her cloak on fire. She was rather tired after all.

Resignedly taking a seat on the edge of the bed, Morgause opted to change topic. It might help her calm herself down at any rate. "Tell me about this _wonderful _plan of yours, then."

"Oh!" Morgana exclaimed in surprise, briefly wondering why she wasn't on fire and why her sister wasn't throwing furniture at her, "Well! It came to me at dinner quite suddenly. I thought to myself, 'there are an awful lot of flowers in the castle!' I rather have my suspicions that its Gwen's doing, but that is beside the point. The point is, we could create some poisonous daffodils that, when smelt, would kill the one foolish enough to smell them!" She smiled widely, as if she had just offered an utterly foolproof plan and was ready for congratulations.

She did not receive any. "Morgana, what even -"

"No, no, no, no! Really, Morgause! It is _ever_ such a good idea! Uther could take one inhalation and it would all be over!"

Morgause stared at her sister. She stared and stared and stared until she thought she could stare no longer. _How were they even related_? – "Sister, when was the last time you witnessed Uther smelling flowers? He is a _man_. Men _do not_ float about commenting on how wonderful flowers smell! The only person who would meet an untimely end in that plan is your maidservant Gwen!"

"_Fine_! I _knew_ you would react like this! None of my plans are ever good enough for you! I suppose there isn't enough drama or ambition in this scheme for your liking?" Morgana retorted touchily, rather wishing she had enough courage to shove her sister off the bed again "Well, I will have you know I was ready for such a refutation! I have another plan of equal, if not superior, excellence ready!"

Morgause's heart sank.

"This second plan is flawless! Perfect! And there is more drama in it than you could ever dream of!" The ward paused, and one got the distinct impression she had done it purposefully for dramatic effect. And then, "We place a shark in Uther's bath!"

. . .

_Why, why, why, why, WHY?_

"I feel as though you have not spent enough time considering the logistics of this." Morgause replied through gritted teeth, using every ounce of self control to stop from launching herself at Morgana and pushing _her _off of the bed instead.

"Of course I have! I shall conjure up a shark into the King's bathtub when I know Uther is there! And then he will have absolutely no chance of escape!" Morgana offered another, hopeful smile "It _is _a good plan, Morgause! You just need to accept it-"

"No! _Goddess give me strength_! There are so many things wrong with this plan I do not know where to begin!"

"You exaggerate!"

"I certainly do not! To start with, and most importantly of all, you are not powerful enough yet to conjure up a shark in the first place!"

An expression of absolute offense crossed Morgana's face, her eyes wide in indignation "Of course I am! Do not insult my abilities! I could conjure up a shark if I desired to do so!"

"No you could not!"

"Yes I could!"

"You could not!"

"I could!"

"Could not!"

"Could!"

"Could not!"

"Could!"

"Could not!"

"_MORGAUSE_!"

"_I AM STATING A FACT_!"

"_YOU ARE BEING ARGUMENTATIVE AS ALWAYS_!" Morgana shouted hysterically, her pride feeling well and truly bruised. "Why must you always put me down? Why can you not encourage me for once?"

"Because your plans are ridiculous and you constantly spout nonsense that _I can barely even comprehend!_"

"I HATE YOU!"

"_Morgana_!"

"DO NOT 'MORGANA' ME! YOU ARE SO CRUEL TO ME! I DETEST YOU! _YOU ARE LOATHSOME_!"

"WELL FINE! I DO NOT MUCH ENJOY YOUR COMPANY EITHER! YOU ARE BRAINLESS AND AN UTTER LIABILITY!"

"YOU ARE UNCARING AND INSENSITIVE!"

"YOU ARE SHALLOW AND VAIN!"

"YOU ARE POMPOUS AND ARROGANT!"

"YOU ARE HYSTERICAL AND-"

And then suddenly:

A shark.

Quite inexplicably and out of nowhere. A shark. In all its greyish-white, black eyed glory, at one side of the 'room', crushing the old set of drawers beneath it. A shark.

There was a split second where a look of complete and utter perplexity appeared on both sisters' faces and then: havoc.

"_**MORGAUSE?**_!"

"_**WHAT THE BLOODY HE**_-"

Chunks of wood went hurtling through the air as the shark began to thrash wildly, utterly destroying the drawers beyond all recognition. Using its powerful fins, the creature began to lurch across the small space, jaws madly snapping, towards –

_OHGODDESS!_

"_MOVEMENT, MORGANA_!" The blonde managed to bellow as she flung herself at the other witch and sent them both crashing off of the bed - just as the sharks teeth plowed into it. Apparently wood and bed sheets did not taste all that pleasant, and the shark swung around violently, setting on course for the sister's direction again.

"_KILL IT_!"

"_MORGANA, BE QUIET_!"

"_**KILL IT WITH FIRE**_!"

With a united shriek the siblings dived in opposite directions as the shark slammed against the wall.

"_IT HAS TO DIE AT SOME POINT! IT IS ON LAND_!"

"_WELL IT LOOKS POSITIVELY LIVELY TO ME, MORGAUSE_!"

There was another screech of terror as Morgana leapt to the other side of the 'room' and hurriedly opted to unfasten her cloak and throw it in the general vicinity of the shark. This seemed to at least occupy the creature for a moment or two as it attempted to eat the fabric and Morgana gestured wildly to her sister. "_NOW, MORGAUSE_!"

"_NOW WHAT_?"

"_BURN IT OR SOMETHING! I DO NOT CARE! __**JUST KILL IT**_!"

Almost wanting to point out that she was very tired and had had an extremely difficult day, Morgause realised she had no other choice but to use her magic to save them both from a horribly gory end. Well. If anything, this would be a perfect real life situation to test her newfound spell on!

Just as the shark began to thrash about again and make its way mindlessly to Morgana who, much to Morgause's distaste, was screaming absolute bloody murder, the blonde quickly uttered a few words from the old religion and her dark eyes glowed golden.

And then fire.

Fire everywhere.

Fire in rather more places than Morgause had intended.

Such as on her sisters dress.

The raven haired witch, if she had been screaming beforehand, was now entering the realms of supersonic, and was madly undressing herself whilst flinging herself out of the way of a burning shark.

The creature soon stopped moving and the odour of cooking fish wafted around the small space, which Morgause did not find altogether unpleasant. Morgana, on the other hand, did not seem to be at all pleased.

Now, only in her underdress and with mild scorch marks on her skin, the ward was sending such a furious glare towards Morgause that the blonde almost felt like she had done something wrong. "_**Morgause**_! _Would you care to explain to me just what the Goddess was going through your mind when you set me alight during a confrontation with a shark_?"

"I assure you that your welfare was at the front of my mind at all times-"

"_YOU SET MY DRESS ON FIRE_!"

"And _you_ conjured up a _shark_!" Morgause snapped defensively, not sure whether she was angry or slightly in awe...or perhaps both. "_You_ decided to conjure up a _shark_ in a _confined space_!"

"Clearly I did not mean to! I was just very angry and I wanted to prove you wrong and...and..!" Morgana broke off, tears welling up in her eyes. She did not understand how her sister could just stand there looking so unconcerned and unfazed after what had just happened! "AND I HAVE JUST BEEN ATTACKED BY A SHARK AND SET ON FIRE AND I DO NOT KNOW HOW I CAN GO BACK TO CAMELOT IN ONLY MY UNDERDRESS! _THEY WILL THINK ME A HARLOT_!"

Morgause had to admit she did not like to see her sister being attacked by a shark, but what she liked even less was seeing her cry. With a rather concerned expression on her face, the older witch swept over to the young ward and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Oh, do not cry Morgana. What we have just witnessed is a brilliant display of your magical potential. _I_ would find it difficult to conjure up a shark, and yet you just did so without thinking." She offered a smile and decided not to voice her opinion that, although astonishing, it was rather worrying that her sister could lose control of her magic in such a colossal way.

Morgana gave a sniff and glanced at the shark, noting it was still slightly alight and seemed to be well on the way to being roasted. "What are you going to do with it?" She asked, her voice still trembling slightly.

"Oh. I thought I might eat it over the next few days."

The ward looked to her sister and was concerned to see that she was absolutely serious about the matter. Well. It was best not to dwell on such disturbing subjects. "I'm sorry about your bed and...and the drawers."

"All is well. I can easily create replacements with my magic. Speaking of which, I really did not mean to set you on fire."

"Apology accepted."

Morgause frowned. "I was not apologizing. I was just stating that it was not my intention to burn your dress. If anything, it was your fault for being in the way."

The two exchanged looks, with Morgana appearing very aghast indeed. _How could her sister be so - ? Urgh! _She was too tired to argue. With a slumping of the shoulders Morgana turned her gaze to the remnants of her dress. "How am I going to return to Camelot?"

Morgause smiled and patted her affectionately on the back. "Sister, you need not worry about such matters! I have just the answer!"

Morgana raised a brow as her sister disappeared down the tunnel to the main part of the cave. Why was she not filled with confidence in Morgause's ability to solve the situation?

"Here!" The blonde's voice echoed out, before she appeared in the 'room' again. She held out her arms to present Morgana with the purple fabric in her arms "You never did get a chance to wear this, did you?"

Morgana's face fell.

* * *

_Authors Notes: Yes. A shark. I felt it was necessary. **It was necessary**. Everybody wants to see the witchy sisters frantically confront a shark in the confined space of a small part of a cave. The idea pleased me. And I liked writing a whole chapter solely involving the two, because I haven't done that in awhile. OM NOM NOM. Roast shark._

_But you know what I like even better than eating shark?_

_EYEBALLING YOUR REVIEWS WITH MY EYEBALLS. They genuinely make me feel feelings I cannot describe._

_It's like. Like. At first, it's all "ASDFGHJKL A REVIEW" and then it's all "WHY ARE THEY SO NICE WHAT IS THIS I CAN'T EVEN" and then it spirals out of control into "NOTHING CAN EVER AMOUNT TO THE JOY I AM FEELING NOW. LET ME DIE. LET ME PRINT OUT MY REVIEWS AND EAT THEM AND THEN CHOKE ON THEM WITH GLEE" and it sort of descends into an unintelligible fit of happiness from then onwards._

_And you know you like doing that to me._

_YOU KNOW YOU DO._

_SO ENCASE ME WITH YOUR REVIEWS. I WILL ENJOY THEM. I WILL HAVE A SEIZURE._

**_LIFE IS GOOD._**

_x  
_


	14. The Ward & her Knight in Shining Armour

_Authors Notes: So...is it just me or has this site been kinda buggy lately? Like, I don't know if any of you will get alerts to this update, because I don't and I've tried it a couple of times...and it seems to have decided it won't say it's been updated today (12th April). It's stuck in the void of whatever the hell is happening right now. Err...and I'm not sure whether I'll even get your reviews either...so...sad times for us all. Especially me because I need reviews to live. :(_

_ BUT ANYWAY:  
_

_ANOTHER CHAPTER HAS ARRIVED. I have said it before, and I will cheerily shriek it again: I LOVE EVERYBODY WHO IS READING THIS STORY. You make my life worth living and you're all so nice and IT IS TOO MUCH TO HANDLE IN A FRIGHTFULLY DELIGHTFUL WAY. So, take my hand and let us take a gander to Morgause's castle in this chapter! GANDER I TELL YOU. **GANDER WITH ME**_

**_Warning: This chapter contains the cheesiest scene involving a book to have ever cheesed from the fictional tree of cheese. I feel like the scene is so fluffy and asdfghjkl that you may pass out. That is all._**

_IceCreamDoodle13 – YOUR REVIEW. HOW DO I EVEN RESPOND TO SOMETHING LIKE THAT? It was so nice and kind and kind and nice! I love that you love how I make the two interact with their creepy affectionate love! **EVERYTHING IS LOVE AND NOTHING HURTS**. Except possibly the scolding you'll get for laughing during an exam. BUT I AIN'T EVEN MAD. I am joyous! A VIRTUAL BAKERY? **FOR ME**? OH GODDESS YES. I shall name it: 'Let Me Bake You Some Baking Bakes of Baking Good Bakeryness In The Baking Oven Of Bakes And All That Is Baked'. AAAAHHH THIS PLEASES ME. You used 'ASDFGHJKL'! I have only one response to that, and that is...ASDFGHJKL!_

_Kitty O – You were thinking about this story? THINKING ABOUT THIS STORY? OH MY LOVELY GOLDEN LOCKS. It has made an impression on your brain! **ON YOUR BRAIN**! I am tearing my face apart with joy! And yes, I could die happy now I've seasoned you, but I could die from a gleeful overload of mirth if I seasoned EVERYBODY. AH! The puma line! It just came to me so I ran with it on my long spaghetti arms and legs! :D Ooh-err, yes Morgana did seem to be embracing the femslash somewhat ;P AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHSDFGHJKL. **THANK YOU FOR MY SEIZURE**!_

_Dawn that Shines – OM NOM NOM WORDS. **THEY TASTE LIKE LITERATURE**. Let us eat them together in a bowl made from paper! I am worthy of moos? I AM LIKE A COW GODDESS OR SOMETHING I DON'T EVEN KNOW. I am glad I make your reviews crazy! THERE NEEDS TO BE MORE CRAZY IN THE WORLD! Embrace it! Embrace it with full force! You're signing your reviews with 'love'? **I LOVE YOU TOO YOU GORGEOUS PIECE OF PIE.**_

_mysilentwitness – Darling? **DARLING**? Oh my oh my oh my, you will MAKE ME BLUSH with your lovely greeting! And yes, Morgause, the poor dear! She never gets a moments peace with her sister running about the place. OH. MY. BOSOMS. 'Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better'? A CHAPTER NEEDS TO REVOLVE AROUND THIS AT SOME POINT. Asdfghjkl! I'm glad you liked that line! xD 'Perfect end'? **PERFECT END?** OH. OH I SIMPLY. I SIMPLY CANNOT USE MY. I HAVE LOST THE ABILITY TO. MY WORDS. THEY HAVE GONE._

_Bean Cat – YAY! I killed somebody a thousand times over with laughter! MY MURDEROUS ACT PLEASES ME GREATLY. Haha, yes she is! But I adore her for it too! xD WE CAN ADORE HER TOGETHER. 'This whole story is genius'. WHAT IS THIS KINDNESS? What is this madness? **I AM SCREAMING WITH GLEE**!_

_Water1Wolf – They do seem to have an absolute inability to admit their faults, you are quite correct! **YOU LIKED THE SHARK**. The shark liked you too! I mean, it was on fire and...Morgause ate most of it...but I'm sure it enjoyed you enjoying its presence just like I did! **MY WRITING IS FANTASTIC**? WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING TO ME? I cannot handle this! Your lovely words are making me melt! YOU ARE FREE TO HAVE ALL THE ROAST SHARK YOU WANT! I will promise not to choke on reviews, just for you! Asdfghjkl the end of your review almost killed me with joy! **YOU ARE TOO NICE.**_

_Immortal Spud Thief – I HAVE MADE YOUR LIFE? **YOUR LIFE**? I AM WRITHING IN HAPPINESS. OH GODDESS OH GODDESS YOU ARE SAYING SO MANY NICE THINGS. Perfect? Asdfghjkl! You flatter me! N'awwwh, yes, I just want to give jealous Morgana a hug x) She's so adorable. YES. A SHARK. AND YOU LOVE ME FOR IT? I LOVE YOU FOR LOVING IT. **STAY ALIVE**. Here is another chapter!_

_lilyplusjamesistotallove – MY REVIEW NIECE, THAT IS QUITE ALRIGHT. I forgive you whole-heartedly! All is well in the land! **EXTRAVAGANT**? That word! My eyes enjoy reading it! ASDFGHJKL. HERE! HAVE ANOTHER CHAPTER! There is no need to wear the disgusting dress! I would not make anybody wear such an abomination!...Except Morgana!_

_PoisoningPigeonsinthePark – I know everybody better than they know themselves...I am watching you all like Morgause watches Morgana...I mean – **MAD**? YES I AM THANK YOU. I am glad you like the madness! It is all consuming and I RELISH IN IT AS IF IT WERE CHOCOLATE PUDDING. Asdfghjkl! You still think it's believable and that **PLEASES ME**. 'Supreme overlord of hilarity'? I WILL DIE FROM JOY IF YOU KEEP WRITING SUCH THINGS YOU BEAUTIFUL PERSON, YOU! Perhaps I shall do a chapter about everybody thinking Morgana is a harlot...who knows? **THE POSSIBILITES ARE ENDLESS**! Flower-ninja? **FLOWER-NINJA**? You have just made me choke on my drink in laughter! OH GODDESS. The images! THANK YOU!_

_phoenixfaithc – The best Merlin fic? OH NO NO NO NO NO. I CANNOT ACCEPT SUCH A TITLE. Well. I could. ;D BUT I SHAN'T OUT OF MODESTY AND THE FACT THAT IT ISN'T. Hahaha, oh Gwen! I do try to sneak her into most chapters, even if she doesn't actually appear in them. xD The shark chapter is your favourite? OH JOY I AM STILL FUNNY AND THIS MAKES ME SHRIEK WITH DELIGHT. Perfect writing? WHAT EVEN. **YOU ARE KILLING ME IN A LOVELY WAY**. And you've left me so many reviews and I can't even comprehend life anymore because everything is joyous and you make me **SO HAPPY**._

* * *

**_Evil, Shady Dealings_**

* * *

**14.**

**The Ward and her Knight in Shining Armour**

* * *

"_You promised me you would stay_!"

"Morgana, you are being unreasonable!"

"What if my magic is uncovered whilst you are away on this ridiculous little jaunt? _I WILL HAVE NOWHERE TO GO TO_!"

"But I miss my castle terribly!"

"I will miss _you_ terribly!"

"Let me _go_!"

"No! You must stay with me!"

"_Morgana_! My limited patience is wearing thin!" The blonde snapped irritably, trying her best to wriggle out of the hug her sister currently had her trapped in. Well. She _described_ it as a 'hug' but it was rather more like the human equivalent of a cage locked around her. "Do not be so dramatic! All I am asking for is a week to return to my castle to make sure it is not falling down!"

"You cannot leave me!"

"What if it is being ransacked?"

"I do not want you to go!"

Morgause took a deep, deep breath and momentarily closed her eyes, attempting to keep herself calm. She had gotten so close to mounting her horse and galloping away, when Morgana had appeared from between the trees shrieking '_YOU ARE ABOUT TO UP AND LEAVE AND ALL YOU SEND ME IS A MINISCULE MESSAGE ON MY MIRROR_?' Sadly, the ward had even deemed it appropriate to fling herself at Morgause and wrap her arms so tightly about her that the blonde thought she would surely have bruises the next day.

Everything was so very _trying_, with Morgana.

Currently, Morgause was counting to ten in her head, trying to ignore the fact that Morgana, with her head buried in her shoulder, was blubbering about injustice and anguish or something vaguely along those lines. The older witch eventually opened her dark eyes again and gave her sister a comforting pat on the back. "I must go, Morgana. I am awfully fond of my castle and I have not seen it in such a long time."

"Just look at the castle in Camelot! They are not all that different!" The young ward replied, her voice very emotional and unsteady.

"But the castle in Camelot is not my _home_."

"That is not relevant."

"Morgana..."

"I need you _here_!"

Morgause paused, wondering how in the Goddess' names she was going to get Morgana to let go of her. And then...an idea formed in her mind. She fought the urge to smirk. "What if _Cenred_ has stormed his way into my castle?"

She felt Morgana's frame stop shaking, and the raven haired witch fell immediately silent.

"What if...he is looking through my _drawers_?-"

There was a noise that sounded suspiciously like a gag of disgust, and Morgana pulled back slightly, though her arms remained around the other woman. "You have persuaded me."

"I thought so."

"But you may only visit your castle if _I c_ome with you."

Pause.

Morgause wrinkled her nose in annoyance. "I was rather hoping for some time on my ow-"

"We leave at sunrise tomorrow!"

"Morga- !"

"Whatever shall I say to Uther? I need an excuse to leave Camelot for seven days..."

"I must point out that the option to _not_ join me is forever ope-"

"Ah! I have just the plan!" Morgana interrupted gleefully as she abruptly let go of her sister, who heaved an immense sigh of relief, "I shall tell him at dinner tonight that I need a week in the wilderness to '_find myself_'!"

Morgause stared at her.

Morgana smiled cheerfully, evidently immensely impressed with her scheme.

"You cannot be serious."

"I certainly am." The ward replied, her voice light and carefree as she turned and began to make her way back towards Camelot. "And do not dare attempt to leave before the morning, lest you wish to incur my wrath!"

The blonde stood, with her mouth slightly agape in disbelief, and watched as her sisters' red cloak grew further and further away until it was altogether out of sight and she was left very much alone outside the cave. Except for her horse, she supposed.

Morgause glanced to the animal and, to her faint amusement, was sure she saw an expression of horrified amazement on its face as it stared in the direction in which Morgana had left.

* * *

"I need a week in the wilderness to find myself."

There was a long silence, and Morgana did her best to keep an air of sincerity about her as she placed her knife and fork together on her empty plate. A servant hurriedly started forward and whisked the thing away, leaving the ward to face both Uther and Arthur in a way she hoped looked genuine.

Arthur was outright staring at her, with his brow furrowed and his cutlery motionless in his hands. Uther, in contrast, had opted to take a generous sip from his tankard.

"To find yourself, you say?" The greying man questioned, placing the tankard back down on the wooden dining table and leaning back in his chair.

"Yes."

He gave a smile and, even before he opened his mouth, Morgana knew he was about to impart what he believed to be a great joke upon the situation. She had to stop herself from groaning. "But you are sitting right there."

Forcing a small laugh, Morgana waved a hand at him in feigned amusement "Oh, _stop_!"

Uther let out a chuckle and looked to Arthur, who had now turned his incredulous expression towards his father. The King gave a small scowl, his ego feeling a little bruised at his sons' apparent distaste for his jokes. "For heaven's sake, Arthur! Must you always be so serious?"

"That was a _terrible_ joke, father."

"Well Morgana did not seem to think so."

"I certainly did not. I thought it rather witty."

Looking a little more pleased with himself after the flattery, Uther reopened the topic Morgana had presented them with "So...finding yourself? How so?"

"Emotionally."

"Ah."

"And spiritually."

Morgana did her best to ignore the disbelieving stare she was receiving from Arthur again and focused on Uther who at least seemed to be fairly open about the subject "I just feel as if I have always been within Camelot's walls, appearing at feasts and council sessions, and I have never had the time to really...to really find out who I am."

"I see."

"After all, Arthur was sent on a solitary quest to find the King Fisher's trident and I am sure he utilized that time spent on his _own_ to think about who he was and where he was headed."

Uther was nodding and Arthur was now shifting a little uncomfortably at the mention of his quest. "Yes, well, that was different. I am heir to the throne and a man and -"

"Oh? So women are not allowed to seek enlightenment about their own being?"

Two sets of eyes were on the blond haired man and he rather regretted his words. "No, I did not mean that-"

"Then what did you mean?"

"Only that-"

"That this is prejudice?"

"No-"

"I should remind you that I have bested you in a sword fight once before!"

"But-"

"You have rather fallen in my estimations, Arthur." Morgana interrupted haughtily, turning her gaze back to the King. "You would not have a problem with me leaving for a week, would you, sire?"

Uther remained silent for a moment or two, clearly mulling things over in his somewhat clouded mind. The thought wandered into his head that perhaps he shouldn't have had so much wine... "You have always been a skilled swordswoman..."

"Thank you."

"It is the truth. And although I will worry for you, just as a father would for his daughter, I can see that this means a great deal to you."

"Absolutely."

"So, I shall allow this...but on one condition."

"Anything."

"You must be accompanied by at _least _two guards."

There was a long pause, in which the two men stared at the ward, waiting for an answer, and Morgana tried to stop herself from screaming in irritation and flinging the King's tankard into his face. "...But the whole point was rather for me to be alone." She attempted cautiously, not wishing for the entire privilege to be revoked.

"They will only be there for your welfare and to put my mind at rest a little."

"Yes, bu-"

"Morgana, I have made up my mind. You shall not sway me on the matter." Uther interrupted, reaching forwards to take up his tankard and bring it to his lips.

The ward tried her best not to openly scowl and had to bite down on her tongue to stop from arguing. She noticed Arthur had an amused smile on his face and, as she glared at him, he stuck out his tongue playfully.

_What an imbecile._

When she was Queen, Morgana silently vowed to outlaw the act. It was so very mocking and infuriating.

* * *

Merlin could not believe the news when he heard it from Arthur. _Morgana_? Leaving Camelot for a _week_? No, no, no, no, no. Only bad things could come from this. She was probably going to raise another undead army or a legion of...of...angered, oversized hornets. Anything that could cause trouble for Camelot.

He had tried to subtly persuade Arthur to tell Uther it was a terrible idea, but Arthur kept asking why he cared so much and after a few garbled responses about how upset Gwen would be if Morgana got hurt, Merlin gave in. He had but one choice left, and it was very unappealing: Go to Morgana's chambers and question her motives himself.

And so it came to be that the young warlock knocked on the ward's door in the evening and was called to come in. Unfortunately, when Morgana turned from looking out of the window towards her guest and noticed it was Merlin, a rather dark look set across her face. "Oh. _Merlin_." She greeted, and the young man did not miss the unenthusiastic tone to her voice.

"I hear you're leaving Camelot." He began as he came to a halt in the middle of her room, eyes narrowed.

"News travels fast, it would seem."

"Where are you going?"

"I will be embarking upon an emotional and spiritual journey of a lifetime, thank you very much."

"I don't believe that!" Merlin scoffed, shaking his head. "You're up to something, aren't you?"

"I am sure I don't know what you mean."

"You're planning something!"

"_Obviously_, Merlin. The plan is to engage with nature and the outdoors and find myse-"

"If you do anything, I _swear_ I wi - !"

"Oh for goodness sake!" Morgana snapped, throwing her hands up in despair "Stop trying to be so heroic! You sound ridiculous! I am not planning anything, I am merely going to spend some time outside of Camelot's walls! Honestly!" She stormed past the warlock and to the door, motioning for him to leave. "Do not _fret_, your precious city is safe."

Merlin scowled. He had known the likelihood of finding out what Morgana was up to was almost zero but he had hoped for a little more information than _this_. "I won't let you hurt anyone." He stated determinedly.

"Just leave, Merlin!"

The warlock shook his head as he passed through the door, fists clenched.

As he was half way down the corridor, although his mind could have been playing tricks on him, Merlin was sure he heard Morgana mutter 'And take your big ears with you!' before the loud slamming of her door echoed out.

* * *

They were nearing the cave in the morning mist when Morgana started to feel a little bad for the two guards. They were riding behind her, blissfully unaware of any misfortune that they were headed towards. The ward was certain that as soon as Morgause laid eyes on them, their fate would be sealed, and she couldn't help but feel it was rather a waste of human life.

"I think I can take care of myself from here on." The young witch tried, glancing over her shoulder at the two men.

"Sorry milady, but orders are orders." One of the guards replied, sounding, much to Morgana's irritation, genuinely apologetic.

_Why did they have to be so polite and good-natured?_ It was going to make her feel _guilty_ when they were both just piles of ashes on the ground! And that was simply _unfair_! It was emotional blackmail!

"I know you are under Uther's orders but I am _quite_ capable of looking after myself."

"Sorry milady."

"You could always say I was taken from you in an ambush."

"As I said, milady, we have to stay with you."

Morgana scowled, turning to look ahead as the cave came into view. _Well, fine then_! To hell with trying to save them from certain death! They could enjoy meeting _Morgause_ and her passion for fire!

"_Milady_!" The guards were suddenly either side of her, swords drawn as they came to an abrupt halt, their eyes focused on a horse leisurely standing beside the cave entrance. "Somebody must be here!"

"Is it the druids?"

"Keep your wits about you!"

Morgana suppressed a snort of amusement and waited patiently as the guards cautiously dismounted from their steeds, making their way every so slowly to the dark mouth of the cave.

"Stay there, milady!"

"We won't let any harm come to you!"

Fallen leaves crunched under boots and handles of swords were gripped tightly. Beads of sweat appeared on anxious brows. Mist swirled around them. And then, suddenly!

Underwhelmingly!

_Morgause!_

She paused in the cave entrance, half immersed in shadow and half in the morning light, with her armour shining where the daylight hit it. A gauntlet was held loosely in one hand and her expression was the embodiment of indifference itself as she stared at the two men.

The guards had frozen at her appearance and were now exchanging quick glances of confirmation. "The witch?"

"_The witch_!"

"Hold back, milady! We will deal with this!" The shorter guard announced, sounding worryingly confident in his obviously false belief as he started forward.

"Oh, now honestly, I would _not _do that!" Morgana called, still astride her horse a few feet back. "She will not be _at all_ pleased should you try to engage in comba-"

There was what sounded like a battle cry, and the guard charged at the blonde, his sword raised high above his head, ready to cut her down and - !

A yelp of pain, a helmet flying in the air, a wrist broken, a sword falling to the ground and a guard from Camelot thrown backwards with ease, before he came crashing back down amidst the leaves, clutching a wrist in agony.

"Not today, thank you." Morgause declared in a breezy manner, sweeping past the fallen man to hail her sister, completely ignoring the other guard who seemed paralysed in fear, staring at his comrade in a terrified manner. "What is the meaning of this, Morgana? I assumed you had enough intellect to arrive _alone_."

"I did try! Uther was adamant I should have guards with me and I could not get him to be more lenient on the matter!"

There was a huff of annoyance in reply and the blonde turned to look at the two men as she unhurriedly put on her other gauntlet. "Well they shall have to be disposed of."

Morgana let out a whine of unhappiness and leant forwards on her saddle "Oh, _Morgaauussee_! Could you not just make them forget this occurrence with a memory spell?"

"Of course not! Why should I have to go through all that effort when I could simply kill them?"

"But I shall feel ever so bad! They have been very kind to me the whole way here."

The tallest guard was now hurriedly attempting to help the other up, muttering hysterically that they had to leave _now _or they were both going to _die_, and Morgause simply waved a hand in dismissal at her sisters' plea. "Oh, hush! Two dead guards are two less we shall have to deal with if we are ever to overthrow Camelot." And with that, the older witch outstretched a hand towards the two unfortunate souls and, with a brief murmuring of an ancient language, her eyes glowed that spectacular golden colour and a quick, yet intense, burst of flame devoured them both with only a short moment where their shrieks echoed out.

There was a satisfied sigh from Morgause as she lowered her arm again, whilst her sister stared glumly at the pile of ashes. "Do you not feel _at all_ bad when you murder people quite so ruthlessly?"

"On the contrary, I feel rather invigorated." Morgause replied, stepping deftly over the ashes and towards her own horse. "And have you not too engaged in such acts?"

"I have tried with Uther and Arthur, _yes_. But that is with the aim of-"

"What about that guard you stabbed on top of the castle walls so that he fell from a great height and almost died?" Morgause questioned with a hint of a smile on her face as she mounted her horse. "And whom you later poisoned when you realised he was still breathing?"

"_Well_!" Morgana began, pulling on the reigns in an irritable manner "He tried to brush my cloak aside and look inside my dress! What was a girl to do? Invite him to such a privilege?"

The blonde was rolling her eyes, although the smile stayed on her lips, and she flicked her own reigns, motioning Morgana to hurry over and join her as she began to ride towards the direction of her castle.

Once the raven haired woman was beside her sister, she too started to smile, looking towards the sun as it rose ever higher between the tree tops. "Let us begin my emotional and spiritual journey in the wilderness!"

There was a groan from Morgause's direction. "You did not _truly _use that as your excuse did you?"

"I can assure you I did." The ward replied cheerily and, seeing the amusingly despairing look on her sisters' face, could not hold back a laugh.

* * *

They had arrived at Morgause's castle with minimal fuss. The blonde was smiling the whole way there and when the building actually came into view she was positively beaming, a sight so rare that Morgana had almost fallen off her horse in shock. As they dismounted in the courtyard a young servant girl had rushed towards them, her brown hair a mess and her manner a little frantic with what seemed to be uncontrollable glee. "Milady! Milady you are back with your sister!" Had been her greeting cry and, before she had known it, Morgause had been swamped in a colossal hug.

The older witch had brusquely pushed the girl off of her, snapping sharply "Do not be so hysterical, Gresilda!" and then when she had been politely informed by the servant that her name was, in fact, "Isabel, milady" the blonde merely stared blankly at the girl for a moment or two before brushing past her and towards the doors leading into her beloved castle.

Morgana remembered Isabel from the year she had spent with her sister before and, recalling how very absent-minded and excitable the girl was, she had put an arm around her small shoulders and led her back into the castle, telling her not to mind Morgause as she was, as they all knew, "A little lacking in social etiquette."

Letting out a contented sigh, the ward continued down the corridor she was currently exploring. Morgause had, after a quick check of the entire castle, retired straight to her bedroom, collapsing onto the four poster bed and immersing herself in the bed sheets, commenting joyfully "Oh glorious, _glorious_ soft bedding!"

Deciding that her sister would probably benefit from a nap after all the weeks spent sleeping in a cave, Morgana had opted to walk about the castle, retracing steps she had taken many times before during her year long stay. She too had missed the old, dark stoned building, though she had not voiced her opinion like Morgause, and she was relishing in the opportunity to leisurely drift about the place, rediscovering secret rooms and hidden passageways.

As she turned down another corridor, Morgana spotted Isabel wandering into a room with a basket of washing in her arms, looking very lost and confused. In fact, Isabel always seemed to have a dazed look on her face. The ward was fairly sure the poor girl didn't have a clue what she was doing half the time.

With an amused smile on her lips, Morgana turned on her heel and started down another corridor in the opposite direction. She was on the ground floor and she had just been down two long corridors situated at the east of the castle which meant that...she was confident this corridor should lead her to a small library! Opening the wooden door, her smile widened considerably at her success in navigating the place.

The small library it was! _And oh, how wonderful it was to see again!_

The room contained not too many bookshelves, but according to Morgause the books there were of great value, and in the year she had spent at the castle it had become one of Morgana's favourite places. The desk where she had sat many times, studying the old texts, was still in the centre of the room and the ward gravitated towards it, brushing her fingertips across the wooden surface.

_But something was missing!_

_Ah!_

_The candles and incense!_

Morgause had always lit incense wherever she was and, more times than not, she had joined Morgana in the small library and brought her incense loving ways with her. The ward pulled open a drawer in the desk and grinned at the amount of candles and incense that still occupied it. Well, there was only one thing to do if she were to feel truly at home!

And so it came to be that Morgana was sat at the desk, re-reading a favourite book of hers as candles and incense dotted the entire room. Light from the sun was pouring through the windows and the ward felt so, so at ease that before she knew it her eyes were shutting and her head was resting upon the open book on the desk.

* * *

All Morgana knew was that she was feeling rather hot and as if somebody had thrown sand or the suchlike over her. And that just couldn't be right because, as far as she recalled, she had not been to a beach in years.

Eyelids fluttered open and the sideways view of one half of the library came into view, albeit a little unfocused in her awakening grogginess. Squinting to try and focus the sight, Morgana noted that everything looked rather _black_. She lifted her head a little and looked down at the desk which was also a much more decidedly greyish/black colour than she remembered it being.

_How very odd...it was almost as if it were covered in ash..._

Slowly raising her head to look in front of her, Morgana was met with a sight that was anything but comforting and that she would have nightmares about afterward. The entire library was burnt and ash and pieces of pages covered the floor. But not only that, _Morgause herself_ was standing before the desk, looking scorched and inconsolably angry. The sleeves of her white shirt (that was now also a rather black colour) had been, it seemed, burnt off in what the ward could only assume to be the struggle Morgause had had with putting out the fire.

And all the while..._she, Morgana_, had been asleep!

There were no words. No way to fully acknowledge and accept what had just happened. Something must have caught fire from one of the candles...which had perhaps fallen over and...and now...everything was...!

Morgause leant forwards, placing a hand either side of the blackened desk, so that her face was mere inches from her sisters'.

And then she just stared.

She stared and stared and stared and stared for what seemed like an eternity, her dark eyes narrow and dangerous. Morgana felt perspiration begin to form on her forehead from the intensity of the gaze, though she felt she could not look away. _Should she give an apology, should she stay silent? Should she run? _The young witch felt much akin to prey that was being eyed by an awaiting predator.

_Oh Goddess, oh Goddess, oh Goddess –_

"I...I-I am...I am so very...very s-sorry, Morgau-"

"Go back in time," The blonde interrupted, her voice low and quiet but more terrifying than ever "_and prevent yourself from being born_."

Morgana's eyes widened in a mixture of despair and horror "I...I cannot do that, Morgause! You know I cannot do th-"

"_You are still here, Morgana_." The other woman interjected again, and the ward glanced down briefly to notice with a creeping sense of dread that Morgause was gripping onto the desk so tightly that her nails were digging into the surface _and leaving little grooves behind and_ –

"_I am waiting for you to disappear_."

"B-But! I cannot! You are being unreasonable! Please, Morgau - !"

"_**WHY ARE YOU NOT DISAPPEARING**_?" The blonde suddenly roared, with such intensity that the room almost seemed to shake and Morgana leapt up from her chair, fearing for her safety. And fear she should, as a fireball was sent flying immediately in her direction.

_OH GODDESS -_

Letting out a shriek of fright, the raven haired witch dodged out of the way and speedily made her way towards the open door, where upon she briefly paused to say, with an air of indignation about her "I feel it is very hypocritical of you to reprimand me for accidentally burning this library down when you are only _too_ happy to throw some fire about _yourself_!"

To this, Morgause emitted a scream of fury and sent another fireball hurtling towards the younger witch, who, with another screech of terror, only just managed to dive through the door and down the corridor before being hit.

* * *

It saddened Morgana to admit it, but the week with Morgause had seemed less and less appealing ever since she had burnt down the smaller library.

Morgause had despondently wandered around the castle, with her bedding wrapped around her for comfort, and adamantly refused to speak with her younger sister. She had also, much to Morgana's irritation, taken to forlornly sitting in the ashes of the library, which the ward suspected was with the aim of making her feel guilty in mind. Isabel had attempted to sweep the floor once and the blonde had promptly thrown her out of one of the open, full length windows and onto the grassy ground inches below. The poor servant had stumbled back to her feet and, in her lacking intellect, tried to step back through the window and into the room, only to be swiftly punched in the face and sent sprawling to the ground again.

So, worrying for Isabel's lifespan that could only shorten whilst Morgause was in such a terrible mood, Morgana had devised a plan to reconcile with her sister. She had made a book, _all by herself_, which she thought could be the start of a new and _even better_ library.

Feeling thoroughly proud of herself, the young witch was hurrying up the spiral staircase that led to the blonde's room and, with a confident smile on her face, she opened the door and entered the bedroom.

Only to see a lump hidden completely under the bed sheets, which she could only assume was Morgause. The ward also noted a bowl of grapes that was resting on the bed and, watching as a hand quickly darted out from under the covers to snatch a grape and then retreat back under the sheets, she was _one hundred percent_ sure it was her sister who had made a nest underneath all the bedding.

"_Honestly_ Morgause, is this entirely necessary?"

There was a muffled, miserable "Yes." in response and Morgana could not help but roll her eyes as she sat gently down on the bed next to her 'hidden' sister. "Well, I have something to show you that I think you will like if only you come out from under there."

"I do not wish to come out." Morgause replied, and Morgana heard her start to munch unhappily on the grape.

The raven haired woman let out a sigh and, shaking her head slightly in disbelief, she propped the book open on her lap. "I have made you a book, sister, and it can be the beginnings of a new library. One that will be even superior to the other that was..." She paused, a small frown on her face "...well, the less said about that the better."

"It will not be better than the small library though, will it? For it will only have your one poxy book in it." Morgause retorted, her tone laden with misery.

_Well, really. How rude –_ Morgana decided against arguing. This was meant to be the moment she and her sister moved past this rough patch after all. "It is called 'The Ward and her Knight in Shining Armour'. And the dedication reads 'To my dear Morgause, who changed my life and allowed me to see clearly for the first time. I now know what I must do, and with her by my side, we can achieve anything.'"

There was an indifferent sniff from beneath the sheets and Morgana turned the page, beginning to read, "'There was once a very beautiful ward who lived in a castle in a far away land. She was surrounded by idiots, and even her maidservant had a very serious mental problem regarding flowers.' – I have drawn a picture of Gwen here. Picking flowers in her yellow dress. Would you like to see?"

"No." The blonde replied sulkily, a hand quickly snatching another grape before disappearing from sight again.

"Fine, but you are missing out. – 'The ward found out that she had magical powers, but instead of celebrating the fact, she grew worried and anxious. Magic was outlawed in the land and if she was caught using it the King would have her brutally nailed to a stake and burnt alive, with blood dripping all over the ground and the townsfolk jeering and pointing.' – I have drawn another pictu-"

"I do not want to see it."

"'The ward had terrible dreams that caused her to lose control of her magic and she was more fearful than ever that her secret would be found out. Then, one day, a fearless blonde woman in shining armour arrived at the castle and the ward had a feeling she would make things better.' – There is another picture."

No reply.

"It is of you."

The sheets were lifted slightly and Morgause peered out, giving another sniff as she glanced over the picture, before vanishing under the bedding. "My hair has more shine to it than that."

Trying to ignore her sisters' impoliteness, Morgana continued, "'The woman gave the ward a bracelet that helped her to sleep peacefully at night, and the ward found out that they were sisters. This made her very happy.'" She paused briefly to look fondly at the large smiley face she had drawn on the opposite page before she turned the page and carried on,

"'The woman and the ward shared a hatred for the King and his outdated and disgusting methods of persecution towards those with magic. So the two of them plotted to overthrow the monarchy and bring peace to the land.' – I have drawn a rainbow here... – 'Sadly, the idiots in the castle were blindly loyal to the King and one servant, with extraordinarily large ears, attempted to poison the ward. Thankfully, the ward's knight in shining armour whisked her away to safety and helped her back to good health.' – In this picture we are holding hands – 'Having been completely betrayed by those who she thought were her friends, the ward realised she had no choice but to turn against everyone at the castle and continue to try and become Queen. Then she might make the land a fairer and more just place where she and the woman in armour could live in peace forever after.'" There was a slight pause as Morgana turned to the last page, "'Two misunderstood heroines.'"

A very, very long silence was all she received in response to her obviously fantastic story and Morgana was rather beginning to think she shouldn't have bothered trying to make things up with her sister at all "_Honestly_, Morgause! There is nothing more I can do! It is beyond my capabilities to restore the library and I have just spent _hours_ making this for you and the least you could do is _acknowledge_ it! You have not even seen most of the pictures! And I wrote everything out in my _best_ handwriting! The beginning letter of each paragraph is even in a different colour to the rest and I made it slightly larger to look more dramatic, yet you will not even _look at it_ and-"

And then the feeling of something slamming hard against her side, and Morgana looked down to see that Morgause had launched herself out of the bedding and swung her arms tightly about her waist, burying her head against her neck as she gushed emotionally "_That was beautiful_!"

Morgana blinked as she registered the compliment. "_Oh_! Thank you!"

"Of course, if _I_ had written it I would have perhaps brought more depth to the character of the woman in armour, and possibly had fewer scenes involving the ward but...it was..." Morgause turned her head slightly, looking down to the open book in Morgana's lap and resting her gaze on a final picture of the ward sitting on a throne with a crown on her head and the woman in armour standing proudly next to her. She let out a wistful sigh. "...One day."

Morgana smiled, bringing up a hand to ruffle her sisters' blonde locks affectionately "One day."

* * *

Isabel had been positively hysterical when they left. She had clung onto Morgause so tightly that the older witch had almost given in and accepted she were to stay standing there, with the girl wrapped around her, until death claimed them both.

Morgana had leisurely arrived in the courtyard a good _half hour_ after they had agreed to set off, and was just in time to witness the servant wail emotionally "_Don't leave me, milady_! I don't know what I am doing! I get lost on the way to 'me own room!"

It was at this point that Morgause, incapable of knowing what to do in such a situation other than attempt to attack the girl, looked to her sister for assistance. Morgana, as she had moved towards the pair, could not help but smile at the utter helplessness of Morgause's expression.

With a few gentle words and a reassuring pat on the back, Isabel was peeled off of the blonde and the two were free to journey back to Camelot. Neither sister was really looking forward to leaving Morgause's castle, especially not Morgause herself, who had a grim look on her face as she mulled over the prospect of living in a cave again.

* * *

"They simply were not there. I glanced back and it was as if they had never existed."

Uther raised a brow as he chewed on his food thoughtfully, glancing from Arthur to Morgana and back again. The three were seated at dinner, and the King was currently helping himself to seconds. "Are you sure?" He asked mid chew, not able to comprehend why his guards would up and flee for no reason on the journey _back_ to Camelot.

"Absolutely. I was riding along and then I turned back to ask them if they would like to stop for a moments rest, and they were just gone! I had not even heard them leave!" Morgana replied, trying to ignore the memory of Morgause casually incinerating the two men until they were nothing but ashes on leaves.

Arthur was frowning. "I do not understand why they would suddenly disappear like that. There is no justification an-"

"Well of course, _had they been there_, Arthur, I would have questioned their motives!" The ward snapped irritably. "It is as though you do not believe me!"

Uther nodded in agreement with the woman sat beside him "Yes, quite. Quite. I do apologise for their behaviour, Morgana. I will have a patrol sent to the neighbouring villages to see if they can be found. At least you came to no harm, to which I am eternally grateful." He gave a smile and the ward smiled back, attempting to not feel _too _guilty that the men would definitely never be found.

A comfortable silence settled over the room and Gwen, who was helping to serve that day, moved forwards to refill Morgana's glass. The young witch thanked her quietly, but was far more interested to see her maidservant and the Prince exchange what seemed to be longing glances.

As Gwen moved back, Morgana picked up her glass and took a sip, a hint of a smirk on her lips.

_Oh. Oh how very interesting indeed._

* * *

_Authors Notes: So there you have it. Morgana wrote Morgause a book and it was entirely cheesy and I AIN'T EVEN MAD. IT WAS HEART WARMING, I TELL YOU. **HEART WARMING AND EMOTIONAL.**_

_Morgause luvz grapes 4eva._

_And a new character was introduced! I thought the notion of Morgause having such a klutz for a servant was entirely too appealing – and that's where Isabel came from. I'm sure Morgause likes her really. Deep, deep down in the dark abyss of her heart somewhere._

_Now, there is only one thing left for you to do..._

_REVIEW THIS CHAPTER. You like it? You hate it? You are feeling like you could probably eat it for food if you were starving but other than that you are impartial to its existence? TELL ME YOUR WORDS THROUGH THE TYPING OF KEYS ON YOUR BOARD OF KEYED BOARDINGNESS._

_They please me! More than a proper four poster bed pleases Morgause!_

_..._

_I feel like that sounded a little inappropriate._

_Yet at the same time, I just don't care._

_I just want reviews. OM NOM._

_x_


	15. Of Sketchy Spells and Sisterly Warfare

_Authors Notes: I AM SO SORRY FOR HOW LONG IT HAS TAKEN ME TO UPDATE. Oh, my hatchlings! FORGIVE ME. I love you all! It's just that it was the Easter holiday and it was sunny and I wanted to be outside dancing and rolling down hills and eating chocolate and REVELING IN MY YOUTH! So I did! Hold it not against me! Bear me no grudge! WISH ME NO ILL FORTUNE AND HARM. Just continue hence forth in the knowledge that I want to eat your eyes out I love you so much! READ ON MY FLEDGLINGS. READ ON. Whilst your eyeballs are still in their eye socket holes!  
_

_Namikaze Artemis - I fear Morgause is a gargantuan hypocrite and I just cannot reign her in. **I CANNOT REIGN HER IN.** What is this Alia Skyhawk you speak of with your words? It sounds pleasing. Poor Morgause and her library. At least she got a lovely hand made book from her sister in return! ASDFGHJKL? It means that I HAVE NO WORDS. NO. WORDS. IT IS ALL TOO MUCH. QWERTYUIOP ? What. What. What even. I shall counter with...**LKJHGFDSA!**_

_IceCreamDoodle13 - A HAPPY DANCE? FOR ME? OH SWEET SATSUMA'S. I am not worthy of such a thing BUT WHO AM I TO ARGUE? 'phenomenally creepy but unbelievably funny ' - **LET ME DIEEE**. That was kind of what I was going for and you just ACCEPTED IT SO NICELY. OhgoodGod. All the things you said, all the things you said, RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD, RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD! **YOUR NICE WORDS ARE RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD.** They haven't even got any shoes on but I JUST DON'T CARE. Asdfghjkl thank you!_

_SilverHeart09 - I cannot accurately describe how happy I am that you split water all down yourself. I realise I should feel at least a little bad, but I don't. BECAUSE YOU ENJOYED MY STORY AND THAT MAKES ME ENJOY LIFE. AAAAHHHHHH. **TOO MUCH JOY.**_

_Frogbert - **INSANITY**. I love it! JOIN USSSS. I get a bow? A BOW. LIKE I'M A QUEEN OR SOMETHING? **I JUST CAN'T EVEN HANDLE THIS**. Your kind words are kind!_

_Lthc - Eee! I'm glad you liked the book bit! I had a most splendid time writing of it!_

_PoisioningPigeonsinthePark - Your gandering! **GOOD GODDESS**. I love it! 'madder and better and sparklier '? WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO TO ME? KILL ME WITH HAPPINESS? You cruel reviewer of sheer mirth of beauty! SULLEN MORGAUSE WAS AN IMAGE TO BE SHARED. I am glad she and her love for grapes was appreciated! Morgana is most definitely mentally handicapped. In fact, so is Morgause. They are both as special as each other though they're too stubborn to admit it :P YOU LIKED ISABEL. **THIS PLEASES ME MORE THAN PLEASURE. THIS REVIEW WAS JOYOUS AS ALWAYS. **Thank you 'o shining beautycat!_

_lilyplusjamesistotallove - The closest you have ever been to perfection? TO PERFECTION. **ASDFGHJKL**. OH Review Niece! You make me feel feelings! Crying with laughter? A MANGO? A. MANGO.** EVERYTHING IS MANGO AND JOY AND NOTHING HURTS.**_

_Velociraptor256 - Ohmylittlecottonbonnet, I'm really glad you liked that scene so much! It was so cheesy but **IT HAD TO BE DONE** because more people need to see that the sisters are adorable in a really sketchy 'We're-trying-to-kill-everyone' kind of way! Asdfghjkl. And you even liked the shark as well and **I CAN'T FUNCTION ANYMORE. SQUEEE! **Thank you!**  
**_

_Immortal Spud Thief - GENIUS? **YOU THINK THIS IS GENIUS**? Oh LORD! It is just madness written madly by a mad young woman, I tell you! Yes! Morgause IS epically amazing! **I AGREE WITH MY WHOLE FACE**. Jealous? OF MOI? NAY! Be not green eyed! (Except it DOES make me feel so special so thank you :3) Cute, cheesy fluff! Every story needs some! I want to hug them too! LET US HUG THEM TOGETHER. I will gladly give you more of this story! HAVE MORE OF IT. **MORE.**  
_

_Ambah - YES. More people need to see things from their point of view! My poor babies ;_; YOU THINK IT SOUNDED PERFECT? I think **YOUR REVIEW** sounded perfect! Asdfghjkl!_

_Kitty O - Ohgoshyes, please do gander! The harlot chapter...it will arrive at some point. ;D **I SHALL LEAVE YOU IN SUSPENSE**. Oh yes she did just diss his ears! UH-HUH. Angry Morgana is angry! I'M SORRY. I didn't burn them! Morgause did! BE MAD AT MORGAUSE!...If you dare :O Oh but she is endearing! In an evil, sadistic, very twisted in the head sort of way! **EVERYBODY LOVES HER REALLY, DEEP DOWN**. Pig-chicken? PIG-CHICKEN? I CANNOT BREATHE FROM LAUGHTER. **WHAT EVEN**. Oh Goddess! You shall have a nickname too then! From now on, you shall be known as: **BIBBLYSNUG**._

_mysilentwitness - You called me darling again! I can't! **YOU'RE TOO NICE AND YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE ASDFGHJKL**. EEEE. Yes! Morgana doesn't like other people having anything to do with Morgause. ;( SHE'S **HER** SISTER, not anybody else's! YOU LIKED SCARY MORGAUSE? I like scary Morgause too! In a terrified 'Please-don't-kill-me' way! That. That description of Morgana's book was just. Just so accurate it physically hurts. HOW YOU SO ACCURATE THOUGH? AAAHHHHH. **YOU CALL ME NICE THINGS AND IT'S TOO MUCH FOR MY BRAINHEAD.**_

_fortheloveofcamelot - **THERE ARE NO HARD FEELINGS HERE, KITTENFACE**. ONLY LOVE AND RAINBOWS AND JELLYBEANS. Put thy flag down and join hands with I and **DANCE THE DANCE OF FORGIVENESS**. Epic as always? **AS. ALWAYS**. YOU DO REALISE YOU ARE SAYING THIS IS 100% EPIC. WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TRYING TO DO TO ME. MY WORDS HAVE JUST. I CAN'T._

_Water1Wolf - Aw! Well I like responding to reviews so EVERYTHING IS MUTUAL ENJOYMENT. 'no-one can ever be too nice, especially when telling the truth – and the truth is that you are utterly awesome. ' I literally just. Died or something I don't even know. **I'M IN A STATE OF EUPHORIA**. Ah, Morgana has a bad habit of ignoring other people's points =/ Silly hen. **OH GOD**. 'INTERRUPTION'. This needs to happen in a chapter! Needs. To. Happen. I SHALL MAKE IT SO IN THE FUTURE. I have always felt 'underwhelmingly' should be a word, I am MOST pleased you agree with my facebrain! I wouldn't like trying to explain anything to Morgause. She might take offense and set me on fire. D: **THAT MADE PERFECT SENSE YOU WONDERFUL MAD BEING, YOU**. I nommed this review with my eyes so much my eyes are now radioactive. **AND I AIN'T EVEN MAD. ASDFGHJKL.**_

_Bean Cat - THOSE WORDS THOUGH. **CAN I JUST. LIKE. TASTE THEM WITH MY EYES PLEASE**. Om nom nom nom! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THOSE WONDERFULLY INSANE WORDS YOU MADE UP FOR ME. **AAHHH. SO MUCH MIRTH!**_

_Meow - Ridiculousness is my favourite subject! I enjoy crazy situations and I'm **GLAD YOU ENJOY THEM TOO**. Ah, the window incident. That even made me giggle and I'm the author. **THERE IS NO MODESTY HERE. **_

_bubblepunk12 - Ohmycinnamonbuns, another Isabel liker! **SQUEE**. Awh, well perhaps you and Isabel are soul sisters? :O_

_Whirlwind421 - **AAAHH**. Thank you for your reviews! I'm glad you've been enjoying the story so much! :D_

_forgetmaine - **EVERYTHING IS CAPS AND NOTHING HURTS**. You did all of that and then you reviewed and I CAN'T. **YOU ARE TOO KIND**. It's quite alright! I'm always losing my word face as well! **I DIG IT WITH A SHOVEL OF JOY**. Marry you? OOOOOH MY. WHY NOT? **I ACCEPT.** Let us elope together and live on an island of unicorns and grapes that Morgause likes to eat! ASDFGHJKL._

_Daine - **I KNOW RIGHT**? It's insanity! Silly sisters! But we love them for it! :D  
_

* * *

_**Evil, Shady Dealings**_

* * *

**15.**

**Of Sketchy Spells and Sisterly Warfare**

* * *

The Lady Morgana had been in her chambers when it had happened.

One moment she was admiring herself in the mirror opposite her bed, unable to comprehend _herself_ just how beautiful she was in her new green dress, when all of a sudden there was a deafening crash, the place shook and she found herself practically leaping out of her skin in fright, wide eyes darting around to find the source of such a commotion.

Finding that there was nobody in immediate sight, and hearing some loud clatters as cutlery crashed to the ground, the ward had edged forwards to peer into the section of her chambers that contained the table where she usually breakfasted, a hairbrush clutched tightly in a hand in case she had to defend herself. And then, a bewildered voice rang out;

"_What is this devilry_?"

Morgana's gaze landed on none other than Morgause who, it seemed, had leisurely appeared out of nowhere only to smash into the table and send everything upon it flying in every imaginable direction. She was now stumbling about the room with a large pot on her head, swearing and cursing about her 'unforgiving fortune!', and Morgana could only watch in disbelief, her mouth slightly agape and grip on the hairbrush much relaxed.

Eventually, and after a great struggle indeed that left Morgana doubting as to how she ever thought her sister to be of any intelligence, Morgause managed to free herself from the pot. She tossed it ungraciously back onto the table and gazed around the room with her back to her sister, declaring proudly "Oh! Well that really worked _remarkably_ well!"

"_What did_?" The young witch demanded incredulously, earning a surprised yelp from the blonde who quickly turned around to face her as she continued, "Breaking most of my plates or getting a pot stuck on your own head?"

Morgause smiled in response, apparently choosing to ignore Morgana's rudeness as she opened her arms for a hug "Ah, _sister_! There you a-"

"_Do not_ 'sister', me! What in Goddess' name are you doing here? It is _broad daylight_, Morgause, and you have made such a loud noise that you might as well have gone and rung the alarm bells yourself!"

Lowering her empty arms with a disappointed sigh, the older witch opted to take a seat on the table instead, swinging her legs back and forth in a manner that rather reminded Morgana of a pleased child. In fact, Morgause was _still _smiling, evidently in too high a spirits at the moment to let her sisters' insults get to her "Dearest Morgana, this afternoon I found an old book in the pile of texts I have at the cave, and although it _did_ look rather battered and suspicious I decided to flick through it. And, from my quick studies, I have just successfully engaged with a new teleportation spell and what you see is the result!"

The ward was placing the hairbrush down upon a set of drawers, and Morgause could not help but notice the suitably unimpressed expression on her face as she replied, "Whatever do you need two teleportation spells for? Surely they serve exactly the same purpose."

"It does not surprise me that you are incorrect as usual."

"_Morgau _- !"

"I think you will find that although each spell does hold the same main principle of getting from one place to another, the effort it takes to perform this spell is greatly less than the other one." The blonde continued, speaking breezily over her sisters' protests "The teleportation spell I used when that oaf of a servant poisoned you was, I am proud to admit, incredibly dramatic and entirely reliable – however, it was much more exerting than this latest find!"

Morgana, now with a rather sulky expression on her face, gave a small shrug "Am I to suppose there is some kind of catch to the new spell?"

"Ah. Yes. Although I know _vaguely _where I am headed when I use it, I do not know _exactly_ where I shall end up. For instance, I thought of the outskirts of Camelot when I used the spell moments ago and now here I am!"

Morgana stared at her sister, genuinely worrying for a moment or two about her ever decreasing sanity "I am sorry, I fear I misunderstand you. You are pleased that, _when_ _aiming for the outskirts of this city_, you have actually ended up teleporting into _my chambers_?"

With the smile still plastered on her face, the blonde gave a proud nod.

A small pause, and Morgana was sure she was positively _radiating_ the feeling of bafflement by this point. "That is ridiculous! You could just have easily found yourself appearing right in the middle of a council session with Uther!"

Apparently this was not at all registering with Morgause, who was looking more and more as if she were currently on the largest ego trip of her life. "But I did not appear in front of Uther, did I? I appeared here! And the effort was _minimal_!"

"I rather feel as though the main point is bypassing you, Morgause."

"Sister, the main point is that it _works_ and I am feeling no more drained than had I stayed at the cave counting grapes like I was in the morning."

_Wha-_

_Wait._

_Oh. Oh damnation. _

_Had she just said that out loud? She really hadn't meant to say that out loud. She never usually let things like that slip. There must be something wrong with he-_

"...You were counting grapes?"

"No."

"I declare you just said you were."

"I did no such thing."

"Yes you did."

"I did not."

"Yes you did."

"I did not."

"Yes you did, Morgause!"

"Why ever would I spend my time on such a...on such a..._fruitless_ activity?"

There was a pause, in which Morgana looked on in disbelief at her older sister, who was now quietly laughing to herself. The ward was beginning to wonder whether the new spell had any other side effects. Like completely decimating ones mental health. "Whatever is the matter with you?"

"_Fruitless_, sister. I commented that the activity was _fruitless_ and...and grapes themselves _are_ fruits and...!" Morgause had to break off for a moment to wipe a tear from her eye "Oh Goddess, I am so _witty_-"

"_Milady_?"

Morgana froze at the sound of Gwen's voice echoing from down the corridor. _Oh hell and pits of fire! _Her eyes darted to the blonde, shaking in uncontrollable laughter on the table, and she decided to act on the assumption that the spell _had_, in fact, robbed Morgause of her usual serious temperament. Taking the older witch roughly by the arm, Morgana yanked her off of the table and towards the wardrobe in her bedroom, which she hurriedly flung open. "Hide in there!"

The blonde, amazingly, did as she was told, slowly easing herself into the wardrobe and burying herself amongst the dresses, only to suddenly hold out a hand and stop her sister from closing the doors in order to say, her voice cracking in laughter slightly as she did so, "Oh, oh! Morgana! I..._I hope there are not any skeletons in your closet_!"

The ward dedicated just a split second more to staring at her sister incredulously before she forcibly pushed her back into the wardrobe and quickly snapped the doors shut. _And just in time too as –_

"Oh, milady!" Gwen exclaimed, stumbling into the room, breathing heavily with a hand over her chest. "Are you quite alright? I heard some clamours and I came as quickly as I could!"

Morgana whirled around to face her maidservant, with a fake smile on her lips "Everything is fine, Gwen, thank you for your concern!"

"...Why is everything on the floor, milady?"

"Oh, no reason. I just...fancied a change." Morgana replied, hoping her expression did not look entirely false. Ignoring the perplexed look on the dark haired woman's face, the ward quickly decided to shift the conversation onto another topic. Anything to get away from the suspicious situation of cutlery being all over the floor. "...You took a fair time getting here Gwen, I hope the noise was not _interrupting_ anything."

To this, the maidservant blushed and dropped her gaze. "I...I...of course not!"

"Ah, you cannot hide things from me! I can tell when you're lying!" Morgana replied teasingly with a grin, keeping her hands behind her pressed firmly against the wardrobe door in case Morgause suddenly attempted to fling herself out "...Was a man diverting your attentions by any chance?"

"N-no!"

"Oh, it was! It was a man, wasn't it?"

"I do not know what you mean, mila-"

"It is alright, Gwen." Morgana said in a gentler tone, realizing now was her chance to confirm her suspicions... "I know who it is."

The maidservant's eyes shot up and a terrified expression took a hold of her "I...I am not...I...we...he can't..."

"Oh, come now, Gwen. Anybody could tell how you and Arthur feel about each other just from the looks you exchange." She offered a reassuring smile "Do not worry, your secret is safe with me."

Just as Gwen looked as though she were about to confess everything, there was a sudden, loud "HA!" from the wardrobe. Morgana's body froze for the second time that day, and Gwen looked toward the piece of furniture in confusion. "Was that...did the wardrobe just...? Is there somebody in-"

The ward abruptly began to feign a coughing fit, waving a hand to dismiss Gwen's assumptions "Oh! N-no! I just...I am suddenly not...feeling too well!" She hurried forwards, briskly turning the maidservant around and pushing her out of her chambers "Alas! I fear I need some time alone to rest!"

"But?-"

"I shall see you in the morning, Gwen!" And with that, Morgana quickly slammed the door shut, turning to lean her back against it and let out a sigh of relief. Glancing upwards, the young ward was just in time to witness the wardrobe doors swing open and Morgause fall out onto the floor, chuckling hysterically to herself.

"Sister! _Sister_! Oh! She certainly did not want to...to...divulge the _fruits_ of her knowledge to you..._d-did she_?"

Morgana watched disbelievingly as the blonde began a brand new batch of laughter, and she could not help but feel she rather wanted to dive headlong out of a window.

* * *

Although not entirely sure what the sketchy teleportation spell had done to Morgause, it was clear to Morgana that her older sister had, for the foreseeable future, rather lost her mind. There was no way the ward could sneak the blonde out of Camelot in this state and so she had chosen the only other option available to her (as unpleasant as it was): Attempt to keep Morgause hidden in her room until the effects of the spell wore off.

Sadly, the plan was much easier in principle than in practice.

"Morgause, come back in here _this instant_!"

"I want to go and see the horses!"

"No!"

"But their manes are _so soft_-"

"Get back here this minute or I swear on the heavens I will make sure you _never see a grape again in your lifetime!_"

In fact, not too late in the afternoon, the situation had become so dire that Morgana had been forced to create a silencing charm around the room so as Morgause's hysterical laughter did not arouse suspicion from any guards.

"_OH GODDESS_! Morgana! _Look_! I'm holding an apple and...and...some people here in Camelot would say...would say that _I'm_ a bad apple!" The blonde had briefly glanced from the red apple in her hand to her sister and back again before utterly _collapsing_ into laughter.

Morgana had simply stared, trying not to allow herself to feel too mentally scarred from the event.

Evening came and although the effects of Morgause's spell seemed to have lessened, she was still not _exactly_ herself. Standing beside her window, Morgana was watching, with a kind of despairing fascination, as her sister went about making a 'fort' on the bed, hanging the sheets over the top of the frame.

"Sister!"

"Yes?"

"Sister!"

"_Yes_?"

Morgause popped her head out from between the mass sheets, a large, proud grin on her face "Come and see what I have created!"

"I am quite content where I am, thank you."

"But it is beautiful!"

"It is my bedding."

The blonde, with a very depressed look on her face, retreated back into her 'fort', mumbling about 'ingratitude' and how everybody was 'unexciting and dull'. Morgana stayed where she was for a minute of two, trying to refrain from indulging in her own inner child, staring resolutely out of the window and into the deserted courtyard. _She was the ward of the King of Camelot, a mature lady who always had to remain the epitome of grace and –_

A glance back to the 'fort'.

_No, no, no! She must stay where she was, looking established and refined –_

_Oh, Goddess!_ One little peek couldn't hurt.

Quietly scurrying over to the side of her bed, the young witch moved a hand to brush one of the hanging sheets to the side and spot Morgause sitting cross-legged on the bed, looking very moody indeed. _Oh dear_. "May I come in?"

"No."

"I apologise for my manners earlier."

"No."

"I think you are being a little unreasonable, spell or no spell."

"No."

With a sigh, Morgana attempted to move up onto her bed and into the 'fort' anyway, only to find a pillow being flung in her direction. Letting out a muffled "Mpfpfhfph!" of annoyance as it hit her squarely in the face, and then watching as it fell back down onto the bed, the ward decided to offer a generous glare in her sisters' direction. The blonde merely looked very indignant and unapproachable, folding her arms across her chest as she announced "If you want a fort then you should construct your own."

Pause.

Morgana's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Was that a challenge?"

"Would you like it to be a challenge?"

"I could build a fort if I wanted to, Morgause."

"I would enjoy seeing you try."

"I am warning you now, it would put your fort to shame."

"Your misplaced optimism is overwhelming."

"Oh, really? I know you are currently a little debilitated after conducting such a sketchy spell, but it would appear I have no choice but to build a fort in order to prove you incorrect."

"Wonderful."

"Good."

"I'm glad."

"As am I."

"I am sure you are."

"I am."

"Alright then."

"Yes."

"Good."

"It is."

The two siblings glared at each other before Morgana, with what she felt was a very dramatic sweep of her new dress, stalked off to the other half of her chambers, pulling off the tablecloth from the breakfast table and then going about searching for some pegs.

* * *

_Morgause's Log_

I have conjured up a small journal to record the following events. I hope it will do me some favour to keep track of every movement of the enemy.

Morgana is _not_ allowed to beat me under _any_ circumstances – fort building being one of them.

It would seem construction on the rival fort is going well. It began with just a tablecloth draped over some chairs but then my devilish sister found some spare bed sheets in a cupboard and the whole thing has expanded beyond all supposition.

I will stay still for now, but if the accursed creation becomes any larger then _I shall be forced to act._

* * *

_Morgana's Log_

I heard Morgause scribbling away in her ridiculous fort and I reasoned to myself that if _she_ is going to have a log then _I_ am going to have a log. I found this blank book in a drawer and, although old, it has a very ornate cover. I assume Morgause's _doesn't._

She keeps poking her head out from between the hanging bed sheets and glancing furiously in this direction. I fancy she is rather jealous of my architectural abilities.

* * *

_Morgause's Log_

It displeases me to admit it, but my sisters' fort is beginning to have a certain charm to it. She has lit candles within it and the whole thing is positively glowing whilst I remain in the dark.

She is probably feeling very pleased with herself and _clearly_ this cannot go on.

I shall have to steal one of her candles.

* * *

_Morgana's Log_

I have never been one to boast but I must congratulate myself on my efforts this evening. Without having ever attempted to construct anything before in my life, I have now outdone myself with building such a magnificent fort.

I peeped through a small hole in one of the bed sheets earlier (note to self: inform Gwen that it needs to be fixed) and I have to say that Morgause's fort is not nearly as great as mine. It utterly lacks that homemade feel and warmth that any _normal _lady would be able to bring to it, but I suppose this is _Morgause_ we are talking about and she rather prefers swords and armour and war to decoration an-

I think I hear something moving across the room.

It had better not be Morgause come to take one of my candles, or I shall simply have _to-_

* * *

_Morgause's Log_

The raid went even better than expected.

My dearest sister may be able to build a formidable looking fort but she is _clueless_ when it comes to defending it. I simply lifted the tablecloth that was hanging behind her and put a pillowcase over her head and _she did not know what to do with herself_. Whilst she was busy shrieking and indulging in her usual hysteric temperament, I snatched up three candles and darted back here.

I surprise myself with my own agility sometimes.

I really must try and remember how talented I am. I cannot keep going about shocking myself, after all.

* * *

_Morgana's Log_

_MY OWN SISTER ATTEMPTED TO MURDER ME._

Here I was sitting in my own fort when suddenly a pillowcase is thrust over my head! _I could barely breathe! _Thank Goddess for my silencing charm otherwise the guards would have stormed in! I feel as though Morgause does not realise the _gravity_ of what she does sometimes! I could have been _killed_ and then what would become of her plans to take over Camelot? Honestly, I do not know how I put up with her!

If this is how she wants to act then fine!

_Let battle commence!_

* * *

_Morgause's Log_

I do not understand.

I lit the candles with magic and set them to hover in a nice line in the air, but they are simply _not_ making my fort look as homely as my sisters' did. However Morgana managed to create such comfortable surroundings merely with candles I will never know.

Sometimes, I feel as if I have missed out on an important feminine learning curve.

But I more than make up for it with my faultless swords skills, impeccable wit, magnificent intelligence and overall stunning persona.

And shiny hair.

* * *

_Morgana's Log_

I have decided on a course of action.

I shall throw cutlery at Morgause's fort in the hopes of tearing through the bed sheets and hitting her with a spoon.

That ought to make her think _twice_ about trying to steal from _me _again.

* * *

_Morgause's Log_

I think my sister is attempting to lay siege to my fort. For the past minute or two there have been objects hitting the east side and I can only assume they are some form of kitchen utensil.

Nothing has broken through yet.

My fort constructing abilities stand fast for now, but only time will tell...

* * *

_Morgana's Log_

_That cutlery is absurd!_ It was not at _all_ heavy enough to rip through the sheets! This is all _Gwen's_ fault! Why ever did she choose such dainty silverware? What happened to the days where cutlery was cutlery and could _knock a person out_?

As if this disappointment was not enough, the thought hit me as I was throwing a fork across the room that the side effects of Morgause's dubious spell must be wearing off almost completely by now! She will be _unhindered_! She will be back to her usual self and along with that shall come all of her tactical prowess and knowledge of warfare!

Although better than her at _many_ things, I fear the war shall become difficult if I let such a thing happen.

I must think of a new plan...

* * *

_Morgause's Log_

The siege has ended and all is well. I should have held more faith in my fort. _I_ was the one who built it, so there should have been no doubt in my mind that it would remain standing.

On another note, I am feeling more and more like myself by the second. I do not wish to mull over what foolish things that wretched spell caused me to do, but I have one distinct memory of dancing with a broom that I shall never forget.

A few moments ago I wondered whether I should end this fort farce. It began when I was still a little under the effects of the spell, after all.

But then I recalled my sister boasting that _her_ fort would put _mine_ to shame.

_Her_ fort? Better than _my own_?

_We shall see about that._

* * *

_Morgana's Log_

I attempted to conjure up a cannonball, but so far I have only managed to bring a pebble into existence. It will always stun me that I _ever_ managed to make a shark appear in Morgause's cave.

There was movement across my chambers a moment or two ago, and I have my suspicions that Morgause is formulating a strategy to bring my fort down.

_I cannot let her win. _The smug looks would be intolerable.

* * *

_Morgause's Log_

I have grapes.

But not just that, I also have apples.

I can practically _smell_ victory.

* * *

_Morgana's Log_

It occurred to me that Gwen was wearing a lavender coloured dress today. I must remember to ask her if she is feeling quite herself.

All is quiet on the eastern front. I have managed to enchant some of the pegs in case of an attack and I feel they will make quite a remarkable impact on the outcome of this charade. Of course, Morgause will _not_ compliment me on my abilities afterwards. She never does. In fact, she probably will not even admit defeat.

But I shall know deep down that _I _am the superior sister.

I always have been.

Both in fashion _and_ general intelligence.

* * *

_Morgause's Log_

One half of my plan has had to be scraped.

I did attempt to restrain myself but, beyond my control, the grape ammunition has been consumed. I am forced to rely on the apple bombardment alone.

* * *

_Morgana's Log_

I fear this may be my last entry. I heard a malevolent cackle from Morgause's fort and that can only mean one thing: She is back to her senses and relishing in the opportunity to play war.

Not that I shall let her win, of course. Her arrogance will be her downfall.

To battle then!

To glory!

_And to looking elegant, graceful and fashionable all the whi-_

* * *

Something red flashed through the air.

Something red flashed through the air _fast_.

It moved so fast, in fact, that even _Morgause_ did not have time to truly appreciate the force with which she had thrown the thing. It hit the enemy fort and the result could not have been better had Morgause planted the apple tree herself, given it around the clock care including bonus therapeutic sessions that involved her singing, plucked the apple carefully from its branch, wrapped it in a blanket and taken it into Camelot, washed it with her bare hands _and then_ hurled it vehemently in the general direction of Morgana's 'fort'.

There was a tearing sound as the fruit ripped through the tightened bed sheet pegged across one side of the 'fort', shortly followed by a small shriek from a certain raven haired witch as the apple collided with the side of her head. In fact, Morgana sounded so truly alarmed that Morgause almost felt bad.

_Almost._

Instead, the overwhelming feeling that rushed through her was one of _triumph_. And with that, the blonde proceeded to continue the apple barrage, throwing as many as she had collected at the 'fort' and savouring the sight of it slowly tearing apart and falling to pieces in front of her eyes. There were screams of indignation from her sister as she attempted to seek cover, but with such _literal_ holes in Morgana's defences, all Morgause could focus on was the fact that this battle was _surely_ hers and –

And then pegs.

Pegs everywhere.

Pegs in the air, pegs on the ground, pegs that had not quite decided and were instead hovering a few inches from the wooden floor, pegs, pegs, pegs, simply _pegs _at every angle – heading _her way._

Morgause, standing half in and half out of her 'fort', gave a second to staring in absolute confusion and disbelief at the sight presented to her, before, with a brief exclamation of "_Pegs_?", she abandoned all sense of dignity and flung herself into her own 'fort', hoping it would defend her against such foes.

Sadly, this vain optimism was not further from the truth.

It came to pass that the wooden pegs hurtled across the room and, caring not for such simple defenses as hanging bed sheets, tore through the fabric and attacked the bewildered blonde seeking refuge there.

Shrieks of fury echoed out around the ward's chambers as she slowly disentangled herself from her destroyed 'fort' and, with a dissatisfied "_Urgh_!" as she dusted off her shoulders and re-arranged her hair, Morgana's eyes landed on the enemy 'fort'.

And the sight pleased her _immeasurably_.

The few bed sheets that were still hanging were riddled with holes but, for the most part, the 'fort' was simply no more. It was merely a collection of fabric that had fallen on top of an infuriated blonde witch, who was writhing around underneath them and screeching manically "_CURSED PEGS, YOU ARE THE BANE OF THE DEVIL HIMSELF_!"

Morgana could not stop a half-amused and half-smug smirk from appearing on her ruby lips at the sight before her. It was not every day that her sister was assaulted by pegs, trapped underneath bedding _and_, as a loud thump echoed out, irately fell off a bed all in one go.

But alas, all good things must come to an end, and with a sudden panic seizing her, the young witch watched as, almost in slow motion, Morgause rose to her feet.

A bed sheet was still draped across her loosely, casting a shadow across her face, and the occasional peg was valiantly staying firmly attached to her clothing. The sight would have been rather humorous had Morgause not been holding a _sword_ in her right hand.

_Oh Goddess. Her older sister had conjured up a sword to decapitate her with-_ "M-Morgause, let us perhaps take a moment to remind ourselves that this is not an _actual_ war." The ward attempted, holding up her hands in a gesture of defeat that she hoped would calm her sister sufficientl-

"_Pegs_, Morgana? _You attack me with_ _pegs_?" The blonde spat disgustedly, starting forwards.

"Sister, I feel as though you should still yourself and put down the swo-"

"_**Nobody attacks me with pegs**_!"

"Morgause, if we are being reasonable here, you _did_ hurl a great amount of apples at my head and I _could_ have been concussed an-"

"_AS IF CONCUSSION WOULD MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE TO YOUR SICKENINGLY LOW LEVEL OF INTELLIGENCE_!" Morgause roared, nearing the terrified ward "_LOOK AT ME_! DO I LOOK AMUSED AT HAVING BEEN ASSAULTED BY PEGS? _DO I LOOK AMUSED_?"

"I rather feel as though you cannot handle defeat all that well-"

"_AND I DO NOT FEEL AS THOUGH YOU WILL HANDLE BEING IMPALED ALL THAT WELL_!" The older witch bellowed and, promptly ending all negotiations on the matter, swung her sword at her sister.

Morgana let out a shriek of fright, ducking out of the way and hurling herself around to one side of the breakfast table, attempting to give what she believed to be 'calming' motions with her hands to her aggrieved sister "Morgause, I know this is a hard moment for you, but please take a moment to think over how much _joy_ I have brought to your life prior to this event-"

"_YOU HAVE BROUGHT ME NOTHING BUT ANGUISH AND HARDSHIP_!" Was the incensed reply, as the other woman lunged across the table, steel cutting through the air.

Morgana emitted another screech, darting backwards, only to find Morgause storming around the table in her direction. _OHGODDESS -_ "_THINK OF OUR HUGS_!" The ward pleaded desperately, hurrying around to the other side of the piece of furniture.

Sadly, even the thought of hugs seemed beyond Morgause at this point. "_Morgana, come back here this instant_!"

"You're attempting to murder me!"

"_I WILL DO MORE THAN MURDER YOU IN A MINUTE IF YOU DO NOT STAY STILL_!"

This continued for some time, with the two sisters engaged in a fierce chase around the table, and with Morgana attempting hopelessly as she ran: "_I am the only one who can offer you free fashion advice_!" Sadly, for some reason quite beyond the young witch, this seemed to aggravate Morgause even further and, with a powerful strike downwards, the table was cut clean in two.

There was a brief pause in which Morgana came to a halt opposite her sister and glanced down at the sliced furniture, noting with a hint of admiration quite misplaced given the current situation "Heavens, have you been working out?"

But then a sword was heading in the general direction of her head and the ward was back to shrieking and dodging and darting about the room in order to keep away from a most painful demise.

It was apparent that Morgause was not about to calm down any time soon. She had, after all, just been incredibly humiliated by her inability to battle successfully against _pegs_. And Morgause had never been one to take to embarrassment or defeat easily. In fact, the two words did not even seem to be in her vocabulary. A plan was needed to quiet her insatiable short temper. A plan that was _utterly_ foolproof given that the blonde currently had a sword firmly in her grasp.

Morgana could only think of one, and the notion was _not at all_ pleasing.

She would have to force Morgause into a hug.

Throughout all of Morgana's time of knowing her older sister, the one action that could always easily render the blonde motionless was to swamp her in an affectionate embrace. Yes. That's what Morgana would do! And then her sister would disintegrate into the very _embodiment_ of friendliness and compassion! _Morgause was just a big softy rea_-

"_IF YOU DO NOT LET ME BEHEAD YOU WITH IMMEDIATE EFFECT THEN I WILL BE FORCED TO SET YOU ALIGHT AND BURN YOU TO DEATH_!"

The yell was not all that comforting and Morgana could not help but feel it rather counteracted her hopes of the outcome of the hug. As did the dark, furious eyes and the way in which Morgause was resolutely attempting to dismember any limb that strayed too close to her.

_Honestly_, she could be so _violent_ sometimes...

"Morgause, although I notice you are rather incensed at the current moment, I must point out that you are _always_ reprimanding _me _for engaging in hysterics, yet here _you_ are trying to murder your own sister because a set of flying pegs have bruised your inflated sense of pride!"

"There were no pegs!"

"I have just seen them assault yo-"

But Morgause was having none of it. Punctuated by a swing of her sword each time a word passed her lips, the older witch replied adamantly "_THERE. WERE. NO. PEGS_." Unfortunately for the blonde, Morgana had backed up against a chest of drawers and, as the sword was swung down towards her for the last time, the ward dodged to the side and the steel embedded itself merrily in the wooden furniture.

There was a slight pause as Morgause, in a very frustrated manner, attempted to free the blade from the wood, only for her to find out that it was well and truly stuck there. This was preposterous! _SOMEBODY WOULD PAY FOR TH-_

But it was at this moment that Morgana saw her chance. Morgause was gripping the hilt of the sword with outstretched arms and trying for all she was worth to rid her sword of its new found counterpart, and, although the position was not exactly the most desirable one for a hug, Morgana decided that it was now or never. Particularly as the sword seemed to be slowly edging back out of the wood again-

"_MORGANA! _This is all _your_ fault! When I get my hands on you, you shall wish you had never met me in those woods and admitted your hatred _for all things Uther Pendragon and_-"

_Avast. What was this?_

The blonde ceased all movement, staring confusedly at her sword for a moment before casting her gaze downwards, whereupon she noted that _yes_, she _did_ have a Morgana bent underneath her outstretched arms, in a decidedly uncomfortable looking position, with the ward's arms wrapped around her waist and head resting on her stomach.

_But-what-_

"Morgana, _what_ are you doing? You look utterly ridiculous!"

"I am embracing you whether you like it or not, and if that includes bending over and hugging you from mid-height, then so be it."

"I declare I did not ask for a hug-"

"That is beside the point."

Morgause scowled. "Sister, remove yourself from about my waist."

"I will do no such thing. A hug is the best thing for you when you are in such a ferocious mood."

"This is _not_ a hug, this is...this is..." The blonde peered at the tangle of limbs they had become "..._this is you attaching yourself to me without invitation_!"

Morgana let out a satisfied sigh and looked up at her sister, offering a smile "But do you not feel better already?"

"No!"

"You have not given it a chance to work yet."

"That is because I am not enjoying it!"

"Hussshhh."

"Morgan-"

"_Let the embrace do the speaking_."

A very long silence gripped the room and Morgause stood irritably as the younger witch smiled proudly against her midriff. Clearly, the ward was very pleased about her ability to stop an infuriated Morgause in her tracks. Nobody else could boast such a talent, after all.

Then, a weary sigh "Morgana, how long is this hug to continue for?"

"All night if it needs to."

"But I am quite recovered from my earlier bout of anger, am I not?"

"You tell me. So long as you are still clutching that sword, I am not releasing you."

"I am attempting to retrieve it from your abominable furniture."

"I trust you not."

"_Oh, really_!"

"_You_ were the one attempting to kill me."

"That was most certainly _not_ my aim!" Morgause replied hotheadedly, though her grip on the hilt was relaxing "I was simply trying to...render you immobile!"

"_By taking off my legs_!"

There was a sniff of indifference from the blonde. Then, haughtily, as she let go of the sword altogether "Not _just_ your legs."

Morgana, straightening up, gave the other woman a sharp smack on her side. "You are _unbearable_ sometimes!"

"As are you."

"I am nothing but radiant and amiable in your presence!"

"On the contrary I find you increasingly dull and dim-witted."

"_Morgause!_"

"Sister, you know I speak nothing but the tru-"

"Milady?" Came a call accompanied by a small knock on the door.

Morgana's eyes widened. _Why ever was Gwen back? Had she not told her to let her alone?_ "Yes, Gwen?"

There was a pause. Morgause, looking very at ease and not at all concerned that she could be found in Morgana's room at any moment, rolled her eyes exasperatedly. "Sister, I have a recollection that you attempted a silencing charm around your chambers?"

"Yes."

The blonde stared pointedly at her sister, wondering how in the heavens it was possible to be so unintelligent, but was only met with a confused look. _Good Goddess_- "Then she will not hear your reply, will she?"

"Oh."

"_Really_, Morgana, I do worry about you sometim-"

"_Oh_!" The ward's face paled, panic taking a hold of her "Then she will _surely _come into the room to check on my welfa-"

The handle to the door began to turn.

An arm flew forwards and smacked forcefully into the blonde's stomach, sending her, with a surprised and utterly undignified "_ERK_!" to the floor, whereupon the tattered remains of Morgana's 'fort' was promptly thrown on top of her, hiding her from view.

"_MORGA_-"

A swift, subtle kick in the side, and with a final yelp of indignation, Morgause fell silent and Gwen entered the room.

She was met by the sight of destruction, with cutlery on the floor, a sword embedded in a chest of drawers, slashes across the walls and bed sheets beyond repair. The maidservant stared, mouth slightly agape, at the state of the wards chambers before, in an aghast manner, she asked "Whatever has happened?"

"Oh. I..." Morgana looked desperately around the room, trying to spot anything that might help her think up an excuse. When she found none, and the gap between Gwen's question and her answer became too long, the young witch replied, with as straight a face as she could, "...I was just stretching."

"_Stretching_, milady?"

"Yes. It was fairly taxing."

Gwen's expression was one of the utmost bewilderment. She simply could not fathom what the ward was insinuating and, with her brows furrowing even further, the dark-skinned woman repeated disbelievingly "..._Stretching_?"

"I would ask you _not_ to question my methods of exercise, thank you Gwen."

"_But the room_ - !"

"I was merely attempting some new stretches and it became a little..." Morgana gazed around the room, gesturing very vaguely with a hand as she did so "...heated."

"_Heated_?"

"Must you repeat _everything_ I say, Gwen? You sound like a parrot."

"I...but..." The maidservant shook her head, trying to organize her thoughts correctly "I thought you were ill?"

"I am."

"But-"

"What is it you are here for?"

"I...I was coming to see if you were alright...or if you needed anything...and then..." Gwen's eyes travelled around the room, incomprehension still written across her face "..._stretching_?"

"Yes, well, thank you, Gwen!" Morgana gushed hurriedly, striding forwards and, for the second time that day, spinning the maidservant around and pushing her out of the door. "As you can see, everything is quite alright!"

Gwen stared at her incredulously as she stumbled into the corridor "Your chambers are unrecognizable, mila-!"

"I will not need you until morning!" Morgana replied quickly, slamming the door shut and ending any further discussion on the matter.

She stood there for a time, with an ear pressed against the door, until she heard a huff of confusion from Gwen and her footsteps echoing away. _Thank Goddess_! The ward let out a loud sigh of relief, turning to look back at the mass of bed sheets on the floor that hid her sister. "You are free to reveal yourself now, Morgause."

No reply.

"Morgause. You may come out now."

Still nothing. With a frown, Morgana moved across the room and gently raised the sheets up, only for her eyes to land on the sight of Morgause..._reading her journal_?

_OHHEAVENS-_

"'I shall know deep down that _I _am the superior sister'?" The blonde read aloud, anger seeping quickly into her voice, her expression displaying clearly the offense she was feeling.

"Morgause, _give that back_! You will only do yourself harm by readi-"

"'I always have been. Both in fashion _and _general intelligence'?"

"_GIVE THAT BACK, MORGAUSE_!" Morgana demanded again, attempting to snatch the book out of her sisters' hands, only for Morgause to roll out of the way and then quickly get to her feet, whirling around accusingly at Morgana.

"How could you say such things?" The blonde asked, sounding very hurt.

"Oh, Morgause, I am so sorry! I do not know what came over me and-"

"Clearly _I _am the superior sister!"

"-and I..._what_?"

"How did it even cross your mind that you were better than me? _ME_. Morgause! That is the most ludicrously unintelligent thing I have _ever_ seen anybody suggest!"

"_Morgause_! For a second there I was under the impression that I had _really_ hurt your feelings!"

"You have!"

"Oh for Goddess' sake!"

"In fact, I am feeling so thoroughly displeased with you that I am leaving!"

"Good!"

"I am most confident in my decision!"

"This is great news!"

"Yes it is!"

"That is what I said!"

"I am glad!"

"So am I!"

"Wonderful!"

Pause.

The sisters stared at each other.

Morgana raised a slender brow "Are you leaving then?"

"With immediate effect!" Morgause retorted irritably, stomping over to the chest of drawers and taking a hold of the hilt of her sword "Just as soon as this accursed contraption frees my blade!"

The blonde set about struggling angrily against the piece of furniture, cursing steadily under her breath as it became apparent the sword was only going to get so far and then remain happily lodged where it was.

Morgause glanced to her sister, noting with displeasure that the young ward was looking incredibly amused by the proceedings. "_Oh_, are you finding this entertaining, Morgana?"

"You cannot blame me."

"Really? _Really_?" The blonde replied, a very dangerous edge to her tone "_Well then_, we shall see how you fare without half of your clothing!"

Morgana's eyes widened as she realised too late what her sister was spitefully planning to do. "_Wha-MORGAUSE! DON'T YOU DARE_!"

But dust was already whipping dramatically around the blonde as she recited ancient words and then, before she disappeared altogether with her sword and the drawers in tow, she offered a generously smug smirk in the general direction of her sister.

And so it came to be that Morgana stood, looking rather mortified, alone in her tattered chambers.

And so it came to be that the next morning, Morgana told Gwen the disappearance of an entire set of drawers was due to hungry moths.

And so it came to be that Gwen began to suspect Morgana was not all she seemed to be and set out to uncover the truth, _no matter what._

* * *

_Authors Notes: YES. MORGANA AND MORGAUSE HAD JOURNALS TO RECORD THE WAR. IT NEEDED TO BE DONE. They take sibling rivalry very seriously, after all. And Morgana's lying has not improved at all. She needs more lessons. Gwen is suspecting!  
_

_My children from afar who review my insanity, I LOVE YOU. You make me writhe in joyous emotion! I feel like it would be appropriate if you continued to please me so._

_Even if that actual request itself didn't sound too appropriate._

_It was meant appropriately._

_I AM APPROPRIATE. ENJOY IT._

**_ENJOY IT TELL YOU!_**

_Enjoy it with limbs of enjoyment that have yet to be dismembered by Morgause!_

_And, as always:_

_ASDFGHJKL.  
_

_x  
_


	16. When One Falls in a Ditch

_Authors Notes: AN UPDATE. HAVE IT. LET ME FLING IT IN YOUR EYES. READ IT. ENJOY IT (I hope)! MAYBE PRINT IT OUT AND DANCE WITH IT. SING TO IT. DO WHAT YOU WILL WITH IT. ASDFGHJKL. **I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH.**  
_

_**I present to you a chapter in which Morgause becomes a blubbering wreck. Hold onto your butts...and here we go!**  
_

_SilverHeart09 - EEEEEEEEE. That was one of my favourite lines too! Not that I have any bias being the author or anything...honest. **PEG FIGHTS FTW**. Well, I'm 18 and I still attempt to draw smiley faces on my cats paws, so I think it's safe to assume you are among a fellow crazy. :D Yes, Morgause does have rather a fond spot for fire. o.o It's because she's a...troubled young soul. Or it could equally be because she just enjoys murdering people. EITHER WAY. YAY YOU LIKED THE JOURNALS. **I HAVE A HAPPY**._

_IceCreamDoodle13 - Oh good **HEAVENS**. MY MADNESS IS WONDROUS? Thank you for accepting my insanity so openly! :') How do I come up with this stuff? WELL. Quite simply, I enjoy thinking of the most ludicrous situations and trying to make it plausible that it could have happened in the storyline. Somehow. **It could have happened I tell you**. It is more than alright that you are a little in love with my brain! **FOR MY BRAIN IS IN LOVE WITH YOU TOO**. I would let it hug you, but it's a bit squishy and I'm not sure you'd entirely appreciate it. OOOH THE SISTERS. Hypocritical doesn't even begin to describe them. xD UM. THAT INVITATION THOUGH. **I STAMP A BIG HAPPY, SMILEY FACE OF ACCEPTANCE ON IT**. I AM ON MY WAY, CONGLOMERATION OF BONKERATION!_

_Kitty O - I think the question you need to ask is 'Why would I NOT love you all enough to eat out your eyes?' HOW AM I A BUBBLY BUB? I DON'T KNOW. I WAS JUST BORN THIS WAY. **I'M LIKE NATURALLY HIGH OR SOMETHING I DON'T EVEN KNOW**. Oh, Morgause. She does rather like grapes too much...as you'll see again in this chapter. AWH. You have to forgive her at some point for the knights! **SHE'S A LOVELY PERSON REALLY.** (And by lovely I mean twisted, evil and warped in the head :D) Inner child! EMBRACE IT ALWAYS! Another person who loved the logs! **THIS PLEASES ME**. Your review. It was so appropriate I almost crawled up my walls with glee. **ASDFGHJKL**._

_Immortal Spud Thief - OOOOH MY. **YOU LOVE ME TO AN INAPPROPRIATE DEGREE**. ...I kinda like it ;D RAAWRR. OM NOM CAPITAL LETTERS. The sisters are PERFECT in this fic? **PERFECT**? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING. DO YOU EVEN KNOW? AAAHHH MY LITTLE TROTTERS, **I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR SAYING SOMETHING SO KIND**. YES! She IS lovable! You just have to understand that she's a bit sadistic is all! :) I UPDATED BUT I HOPE YOU STAY INSANE MY JOYFULLY CRAZY KITTENFACE._

_Kizzia - OH MY GOD. OH MY LIFE. OH MY SILENCE. OH MY AIR. OH MY BREATHING. **YOU WROTE ME A POEM.** A. POEM. HOW DO I FUNCTION? I CAN'T. IT WAS STUNNING AND I JUST SAT HERE IN MY STUNNED STUNNINGNESS AS IT STUNNED ME BY BEING STUNNING. EVERYTHING WAS BEAUTIFUL AND NOTHING HURT. **HAVE SOME CAPS LOCK WHICH SHOULD HELP CONVEY TO YOU MY UTTER, CRIPPLING JOY**. SERIOUSLY. I JUST CAN'T HANDLE THIS. I'M TRYING TO. BUT IT ISN'T HAPPENING. I'M JUST DYING WITH RAW HAPPINESS INSTEAD. AN ACTUAL POEM. AND I KEEP RE-READING IT. **AND I WANT TO PRINT IT OUT AND FRAME IT OR STAPLE IT TO MY FACE OR SOMETHING**. **ASDFGHJKL.**_

_Dawn that Shines - One of the best chapters EVER? **OH HOW YOU FLATTER ME WITH YOUR FLATTERING WORDS**. Lots of love? **LOTS OF IT**? WELL NOW I'M GOING TO HAVE TO SEND YOU A LOT OF MY LOVE! HAVE IT! I AM SENDING OUT THE LOVING VIBES. You'll know when it reaches you! It will feel like rainbows and summer and the smell of mown grass!_

_Ambah - **FAVOURITE**? ASDFGHJKL. Thank you so much! YOU LIKED THE LOGS TOO. **I AM SO PLEASED I COULD GRATE OFF MY FACE WITH A SPARKLY CHEESEGRATER OF JOY**. Reread it? GIRL YOU SERIOUS? OhmyGoddess! THE PRAISE IS FOREVER APPRECIATED. **FOREVER**._

_Water1Wolf - Yes my review replies and general speakingness on here has got much weirder. You see, I tried to contain it...but then I thought 'YOUNG LASS, THESE PEOPLE WILL EMBRACE YOUR MADNESS FOR THEY ARE KIND AND LOVELY FACED' So I let my insanity run free and ALL IS WELL. :D Morgause and her grapes...well, there's more to come of that in this chapter! To be honest, I am fearing for both of their mental health. I think they are possibly as insane as each other. 'She cracks me up. When you write her. ' WHEN I WRITE HER? ASDFGHJKL. **I TRY MY HARDEST SO THANK YOU MUCHLY AND BLESSED BE YOUR FINGERS FOR TYPING SUCH NICENESS**. The apple? SHE THREW IT HARD, OK. It's Morgause. SHE DOES WHAT SHE LIKES. SCREW YOU PHYSICS! xD AAHHH. Morgana's excuses. They are so very...unique. :3 I promise you that in a chapter at some point, Morgana with use either 'INTERRUPTION' or 'DISTRACTION'...or maybe both. **OOH THE SUSPENSE**. I agree with you facebrain always, my cherub. **ALWAYS**._

_lilyplusjamesistotalllove - **OUTDONE MYSELF AGAIN**? OH SWEET LORD, MORGAUSE WOULD BE PROUD OF ME. Well, I know the thought of bold lettering is there! And that makes me weep with joy. :') YOU ALSO LIKED THE JOURNALS. **I AM ONE WITH THE PLEASED BEINGS IN THE WORLD**._

_Namikaze Artemis - Then I shall counter with... PLMOKNIJBUHV. :O OH LORD YES. She should become an architect! I shall inform her of this **IMMEDIATELY**. Morgause likes to believe she is smart...but I fear she is just as 'special' as her sister. =/ SHE LIKES GRAPES. But yes, perhaps more lessons is a good idea. 'And let me get this right. Setting fire to a library, planning to get Gaius fired with an enchanted poncho, and planning picnics is "refined and established"?' HAHAHAA. IT IS IN HER MIND OK? It is in **her** mind :'D THE LOGS. YOU ENJOYED THEM. I AM ENJOYING YOU ENJOYING THEM. Oh, Morgause. Once a hypocrite, always a hypocrite. 'It was only a matter of time!' **I ACTUALLY JUST CAN'T.** I AM LAUGHING A LOT. GODDESS, IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT'S TRUE. Thank you so much for the LARGE review! It make me squeal in delight!_

_mysilentwitness - 'love'? **LOVE**? YOU JUST CALLED ME. OH MY. OH. GOOD. I CAN'T. I am melting into mush! Awwwh, yes Morgause was very pleased with herself. She's just a big child really x) **BROKEN RIBS!** THAT IS WHAT I AIM FOR. **I AM SO HAPPY**. OM NOM. FORT LOGS. You eat the chapter up? **THAT IS HIGH PRAISE INDEED**. I HOPE YOUR STOMACH ENJOYS IT. 'Oh I love you darling! You are phenomenal! MUCH MUCH LOVE! ' ASDFGHJKL. **OOOOHHH MMMYY**. I JUST CAN'T. I am disintegrating into proud pile of blushing...proudness!_

_Bean Cat - YESS. A FORT WAR! **I AM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT!** :D Oh my generous giddy aunt, **LOOK AT THOSE CRAZY WORDS YOU'VE FLUNG IN THERE**. Trust me, I am om nomming them. I am nomming them until they nom on the om and I om nom the nom nom!_

_Superficial Mycosis - IN TEARS? ON THE FLOOR? LIKE. I JUST. WHAT EVEN.** I AM SO PLEASED!** Cry more often! **AND I MEAN THAT IN THE NICE SENSE**. CRY WITH UNCONTAINABLE GLEE MY FLEDGLING! CRY!_

_Dragons of Egypt - YAY! Childish Morgause! Such a...'special' person! :'D 'EPIC'? AAAHHH. **WHY DO YOU PEOPLE DO THIS TO ME I JUST CAN'T FUNCTION WHERE ARE MY WORDS WHAT IS HAPPENING**? So glad you liked that line too! It was a **GOOD** line, dare I say so myself! Which I do dare! I DOUBLE DARE MYSELF IN FACT.  
_

_Eavis - Writhing? **THAT SOUNDS WONDERFUL**. I AM PLEASED. Family members think you are mad? I AM EVEN MORE PLEASED. **MY WORK HERE IS DONE.**_

_Rhemila - FAVOURITE CHAPTER? I JUST. THANK YOU SO MUCH. 'Perfect'?** OH GOOD HEAVENS AND BELLS AND BONNETS, YOU ARE TOO KIND**! Asdfghjkl, you adored it! ADORED. IT. MY SMILE. **IT IS LARGE**. I don't know how somebody could not love Morgause, she is a splendid woman, albeit with a slight tendency to set people alight. A 'GENIUS'? MAYBE LIKE EINSTEIN? OH LORD. I LIKE TO BELIEVE YOU IMPLIED I WAS LIKE EINSTEIN. **I AM LIKE EINSTEIN.**_

_PoisoningPigeonsinthePark - YOUR APPROVAL IS DULY NOTED. **AND IT MAKES ME CONTORT MY FACE IN A GRIN OF JOY**. They are children. VERY MUCH SO. Especially Morgause x') EVERYBODY NEEDS THAT MENTAL IMAGE. **IT IS ONE TO BE ENJOYED**! Grape references? WELL ENJOY THIS CHAPTER IS ALL I SHALL SAY. You've never been called that before? D: **WELL BE CALLED IT AGAIN, YOU WONDERFUL SHINING BEAUTYCAT, YOU!**  
_

* * *

_**Evil, Shady Dealings**_

* * *

**16.**

**That Awkward Moment When One Falls in a Ditch**

* * *

Something cataclysmic had happened.

Something so terrible and earth-shattering that the breath had caught in Morgana's throat and she almost felt as though she would faint right there during council. A feeling of terror and distress utterly overwhelming coursed throughout her body, her grip tightening on the arms of her chair so much so that her knuckles turned white.

A matter of life-or-death. A situation that was too dreadful to take place in Hell itself.

Morgana swallowed hard, attempting to keep a composed manner beside the King, ignoring his speech to those present about new housing and trying to keep taxes at an acceptable level.

Something utterly horrific had just happened to Morgause, that much was certain. After all, if Morgana could sense it from this far away...

_She would have to visit her sister that night! _

As the ward glanced out of a window and attempted to relax her tensed muscles, she only hoped the situation was not as dire as it felt...and that it was not too late to aid the blonde haired witch.

* * *

Morgana could not get away from Camelot fast enough. Once Gwen had been hurriedly dismissed for the evening and the moon rose high in the night sky, she all but flung herself out of a castle window in order to reach the woods faster. She barely even made _any_ attempt to remain inconspicuous, brazenly striding across the courtyard with her heels echoing out loudly, but she reasoned that the guards never seemed to notice anything anyway – so why should tonight be any different?

The journey to the cave seemed to take twice as long as usual. The ward's brow was furrowed worriedly the whole way there, with a thousand possibilities of what horror could have befallen Morgause flashing through her mind.

Maybe some of the cave had fallen in on her and she was trapped underneath the rubble? Maybe a fearsome creature with jaws as wide as the heavens had attacked her? Maybe a spell had gone wrong and turned her inside out? Maybe she had cursed and sworn so much that Hell _really did_ open up underneath her feet and drag her down to its merciless depths?

Whatever had happened, it must have been dreadful – for Morgause was _never_ scared of _anything _and the feelings Morgana had sensed were absolutely dripping with fear.

It was a very tentative step, the first one in the cave. The young witch barely even dared breathe – for what if a foe was lurking somewhere in the dark with one of Morgause's limbs clamped tightly between its jaws? But through the dim light, Morgana saw no signs of life and so she continued carefully forwards, picking her way past _her _chair and heading down the tunnel to Morgause's 'room'.

A soft, faint light flickered from ahead and renewed Morgana's hopes that perhaps her sister was still alive! Quickening her pace, the raven haired woman was almost at a sprint by the time she reached the 'room', eyes first locking onto the small candle on a rickety looking bedside table, and then moving to the motionless lump on the bed.

_OhGoddess-_ "Morgause?"

There was no reply and a sick feeling started to settle at the bottom of Morgana's stomach as she rushed to the side of the bed, wide eyes staring fretfully at the still form of the older witch. She tried again, "_Morgause_?"

But still no reply! The ward, trying valiantly to keep level-headed and not erupt into tears, outstretched an arm slowly, shakily and prayed to everything she had ever held dear (which included all of her dresses and every mirror she owned) that Morgause's skin would not be cold.

Trembling fingertips brushed gently across a pale cheek and-

"_AAAAAAHHH_!"

"_AAAAAAHHH_!"

"_**AAAAAAAAAAHHHH**_!"

"_**AAAAAAAAAAHHHH**_!"

Morgana threw herself backwards, pressing up hard against the cave wall, eyes so wide and the feeling of shock so great that she thought _she _might die herself an-

"_What in the name of Goddess are you doing, Morgana_?" The equally surprised blonde demanded, sitting upright and pulling the bed sheets up over herself defensively, although, Morgana noticed, not without a wince.

"I...I...thought that you were dead!"

"_So you started touching me_?"

"I was only trying to see if you were still warm or...or...if you were...!" The young witch broke off, sounding thoroughly emotional and, much to her sisters' concern, began hurriedly wiping a tear away as it threatened to spill over and down her cheek.

_Crying Morgana_? Well that certainly was _not_ allowed to happen! "Oh, sister! Come here!"

The ward let out a hysterical wail and all but flung herself forwards, collapsing onto the bed and curling up weepily in her sisters' lap. It took a fair few minutes but, as Morgause patted her soothingly on the back, Morgana managed to say, in between sniffs "Y-You...! Why do you..._w-why do you have to look like a corpse when y-you're sleeping_?"

"_I do not_! I look serene and peaceful!"

Morgana let out another loud sniff, thinking over how whenever Morgause was awake her expression was usually a glare or a scowl, and that the contrast when she was asleep was so startling that the 'peaceful' expression looked, for all intents and purposes, more like 'dead'. "M-Maybe that was it..." The young witch replied eventually, wiping at her eyes again and trying to compose herself.

The blonde let out a disgruntled "Hm", shifting uncomfortably beneath the other woman. "Morgana, I must ask you to move. I have rather hurt my left side and you are incredibly heavy and sprawled about all over me with no regard for my welfare."

"I am _not_ heav-"

"_My side_, sister!"

"_Oh_! Sorry!" The young witch hurriedly scrambled out of the others lap, causing a sharp yelp of pain from Morgause when she accidentally jabbed an elbow into her ribs in her rush.

"_WHAT DID I JUST SAY, MORGANA_?" The blonde snapped short-temperedly, clutching at her side and half-wincing, half-glaring at her ridiculously unintelligent younger sister. "Must you be so dense _at all times_?"

"I'm sorry!" The ward apologised again, finally sitting herself beside the older witch and looking over her with concerned eyes "Whatever happened to you? I think...I think I sensed something of your strife earlier and...are you alright?"

"Oh, yes. _Absolutely thriving_." Morgause replied sarcastically, her expression settling into the trademark scowl Morgana was only thinking about mere moments before "I have only had to _drag_ myself back here, quite literally, from miles away. I have only been in agonizing pain and had to attempt to heal my _own_ injuries. But _yes_, I am quite alright thank you for asking."

"There is no need to be quite so rude about it, Morgause!"

"Well, _honestly_! Do I look alright?"

Morgana blinked and, for the first time that evening, properly took in the rather haggard looking appearance of her older sister. Her hair was, to be generous, an absolute mess and was rivalled only by the untidiness of her white shirt that was newly adorned with rips and tears. Not to mention the amount of _dirt _on her clothing and the scratches and bruises merrily lining almost every inch of visible skin.

"Oh."

"'Oh' _indeed_! I do _worry_ about your perceptive skills sometimes, sister. You were leaning over me a moment ago, how in _Goddess' name_ did you _not_ notice my appea-"

"I was caught up in the moment! I was worrying for your _life_, not the hideous state you are in!"

"How utterly charming, Morgana! Please _do_ feel free to insult an injured woman whilst she is weak and vulnerable!"

"Oh, _Morgause_! Do not be so defensive!"

The blonde gave a loud, discontented huff, shifting once again to try and make herself more comfortable but giving up with another wince and an irritable curse under her breath. _Lovely._ A bad-tempered Morgause with the added bonus of injuries causing her to become _even more_ touchy than usual. This visit would surely be _nothing _but smiles and compliments!

Extending an arm and very cautiously giving the older witch a gentle poke on the shoulder, Morgana tried again meekly (hoping not to incur a bout of Morgause's wrath) "...so what _did_ happen, sister?"

There was a weary sigh in reply, followed by a long pause, another uncomfortable shift and, or was that just Morgana's imagination, a flicker of _embarrassment_ across the blonde's face? "Oh...it was merely...an unfortunate incident." Morgause eventually stated vaguely, looking as though she wished the conversation had never begun.

"Yes, I gather that, but what _actually happened_ to put you in such a state?"

"It is not all that interesting. I would rather not speak about it, if it is all the same to yo-"

"Did somebody attack you?" Morgana cut in, in a decidedly protective tone "Is somebody _blackmailing_ you?"

A loud snort of amusement came from the blonde, who had to raise a hand to press against her lips momentarily in order to prevent herself from indulging in a fit of laughter. Morgana remained looking very serious, apparently not understanding what was _at all_ humorous about the situation, and Morgause had to look away from her for fear of hopelessly collapsing into giggles. The blonde's hand was now moving away from her lips, and she engaged with valiantly attempting to fan herself with it instead. "Oh, _goodness_, Morgana! You do say the most ridiculous things sometimes!"

"On the contrary, I was being most sincere!"

Morgause looked back to the raven haired witch as she eventually ceased fanning herself, but could not help an amused smile from gracing her features as she took in the very earnest expression on Morgana's face. "Sister, _honestly,_ as if somebody could blackmail _me_!"

"Well you aren't invulnerable to _everything_, Morgause!"

"I confess I certainly am!"

"Then, pray, do tell me how you managed to get injured!"

Another long sigh, and this time Morgause lifted her hand to slowly rub her forehead as if utterly exasperated by the day's events "I do not wish to do so as I fear you shall judge me for it."

"I shall not."

"You shall."

"I shall not!"

"You shall!"

"I could not judge you on the circumstances in which you managed to become so injured! Do you really think so lowly of me?"

"Yes!"

"I have not even _heard_ your story yet! You have not even given me a chan-"

"Well, really! Why would I _give _somebody the ammunition with which to insult me?"

"It cannot be that bad!"

"I can assure you it is."

"It is not!"

"It is."

"It is not!"

"It is!"

"_MORGAUSE, WOULD YOU JUST SPIT IT OU_-"

"_THERE WERE GRAPES_!" The blonde shouted, the pressure finally become all too much for her. She had an absolutely awful day and now here was her sister _pushing and pushing_ for the reason as to why she was in so much pain! _Did the woman have no manners_? "I was fed up with this gloomy cave so I went for a walk and I stumbled across a farm with vineyards! I am sure you can only _imagine_ my excitement, Morgana! I attempted to resist because between myself and the farm was a crevice and it all looked like rather a lot of bother to cross just to gain the pleasure of eating a few grapes but...but..." She paused, her hands now clenching the bed sheets and unclenching, and clenching and unclen- "...but I love grapes! _I love grapes, Morgana_! I declare that they are my _one_ weakness and so before I knew it I was attempting to cross the crevice but I misjudged the distance in my excitement and I fell! I fell all the way down!"

The length of silence that greeted the end of Morgause's outburst signalled, sadly, to the blonde that _yes_, Morgana _was_ judging her. A quick glance up to the ward's disbelieving face only confirmed her suspicions.

"A...crevice?" The young witch eventually ventured.

"Yes, a crevice!"

"...beside a _farm_?"

"Yes...well...I...! It was...! It was admittedly not a very deep crevi-"

"More of a ditch?"

"Well, I suppose one could call it that if one _must_, but-_MORGANA STOP SMIRKING_!"

"I cannot help it!" The ward confessed, trying her utmost to keep a solemn expression but finding it was a very hard battle to win "Oh, heavens, Morgause! You fell in a _ditch_? From what I sensed I assumed most of your limbs had been dismembered!"

"_Well they could have been_!" Morgause snapped indignantly, not taking being mocked at all well "There were great boulders down there and-"

"_In a ditch_?"

"_FINE_! So they were more like sharp rocks! There is barely a differen-"

"I think what you are trying to confess, sister, is that they were more like _small stones_." Morgana corrected, with the smirk now well and truly plastered across her lips.

"_YOU WERE NOT THERE_!" Morgause yelled, furious that her injuries were preventing her from lunging forwards and _strangling that smug look off of her sisters' face_! "You do not know what it was like! _Do not judge me_!"

But Morgana was well and truly beyond reasoning with now, with tears of laughter streaming down her face that she did not even attempt to brush away. "_O-Oh Goddess_! I cannot! I-I just! And all for some grapes!"

"_THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH LIKING GRAPES_!" The blonde roared, attempting resolutely to redeem herself "They come in two distinctly different colours that are both _equally _as pleasing to the eye and you can eat more than one at a time if you so wish! I do not see people attempting _that _with apples or pears! _Do not give me that look, Morgana! THEY ARE A HANDHELD, HIGHLY PORTABLE LIGHT MEAL THAT HAS ITS TASTE RIVALED BY NO OTHER!"_

By this point Morgana was almost unrecognizable in her state of uncontrollable laughter, hunched over on the bed and making loud wheezing sounds as she attempted to inhale at least a little air to live on.

_Well_, Morgause would not just allow herself to be subjected to such ridicule! "If you are going to be so uncouth about the whole thing, Morgana, you can just get up and leave!"

"O-Oh! Morgause! I-I am sorry! I j-jus-"

"_NOW MORGANA_!" The blonde bellowed, wishing she had enough strength to muster up a fireball and send it hurtling in the foolish young witch's direction "_I DO NOT WISH TO HAVE YOU IN MY PRESENCE ANY LONGER_!"

Letting out another steady stream of laughs and deep intakes of breath, Morgana slowly stumbled off of the bed and, after leaning against the cave wall for a moment or two as she wiped gleeful tears from her eyes and Morgause continued to shout at her, the ward began to stagger forwards and down the tunnel again.

As she disappeared from sight, the blonde paused in her verbal assault, a slightly bleak feeling enveloping her. She still couldn't move at all well without being in a great deal of pain, for the way in which she had fallen had been...decidedly ungraceful. _Goddess!_ What was she to do now? She needed somebody to help her to recover, not to _leave_ – even if _she _had been the one who ordered them to do so! _Why was her sister so stupid?_

"_WELL, YOU HAD BEST VISIT ME TOMORROW OR YOU SHALL BE COMPLETELY OUT OF MY FAVOUR_!" Morgause called after the ward angrily "_AND I WANT YOU TO BRING ME SOMETHING NICE IN PENANCE FOR YOUR UNCIVILIZED BEHAVIOUR_!"

* * *

And visit Morgana did. She managed to steal out of Camelot during mid-morning and decided that when she returned she would declare she had been in the lower town market the entire time. Uther never really questioned her too much after he had downed a tankard of ale at any rate.

She had not quite known what to bring Morgause back, since the woman was not all that fond of flowers, embroidery or anything else she could easily get her hands on in the castle. So, the ward had decided on something a little...sketchy given the circumstances, but she hoped the overwhelming love Morgause felt towards the item in her hand would outweigh any negative feelings.

As she entered the cave, she called out Morgause's name in greeting, but was only met with a very aggravated "_OH, THERE YOU ARE! FINALLY_!" in response, echoing out from the direction of Morgause's 'room'.

_How rude-_

"It is still morning!" The young witch stated indignantly as she swept gracefully into Morgause's line of vision, who was propped up unhappily in her bed. Still morning? _STILL MORNING_? –

"Well I am glad the long, lonely hours of last night have not ill-affected _you_, sister, but after you so _rudely_ left me I had to attempt to wash _myself_ and put on clean clothes – none of which are easy tasks when the _entirety _of your left side is one large bruise!"

"You told me to leave!"

"That does not necessarily _mean_ I want you to leave!" Morgause snapped, and it did not surprise Morgana that she already had a scowl on her face.

_This was going to be a long day..._

"Well did you at least bring me a gift?"

"Yes, about that..." Morgana began awkwardly, outstretching an arm and presenting her sister with a bunch of grapes "...I hope you do not take it _too_ personally but I-"

"_OH_! Well, yes! Of course! _Do_ relish in the opportunity to add insult to injury, why don't you, Morgana?"

"I could not find anything else to bring!"

"_THEN YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE BROUGHT ANYTHING AT ALL_!"

"_For Goddess' sake!_ I knew I would get shouted at either way!" Morgana replied irritably, moving to take the grapes away from Morgause since she seemed to be so _offended _by them-

"_JUST WHAT IN THE HEAVENS ARE YOU DOING_?" The blonde shrieked, attempting to shift forwards on the bed and grab a hold of her sisters' sleeve, but having to give up the plan almost immediately when the left side of her body decided that no, _no_ that was _not_ going to happen. "_Give them back_!"

"But you just-"

"_GIVE THEM BACK, MORGANA_!"

Rather wishing Morgause was not in _quite _such a temper, the ward nervously inched backwards and offered the green grapes again, trying not to jump when Morgause snatched them out of her hand with startling agility for one who was injured.

There was a brief pause, in which Morgause promptly began to devour the fruit before her and Morgana stood beside her, not willing to say _or _do anything without instruction for fear of angering the blonde beyond all reasonable measure.

"Are you going to ask me how I am?" The older witch eventually asked, popping another grape into her mouth and eyeing her sister suspiciously – as if she was ready and waiting for Morgana to say something stupendously idiotic.

The ward took a deep breath. "How are you, sister?"

"Not _at all_ well, actually! I fear I may have broken a rib, not that you care, and I am certain I have sprained my left ankle. I also have so many scratches on my face I barely know where I begin or end anymore and I have not even been able to braid my hair! Not to mention the fact I have been unable to polish my sword and armour, so they are both merely collecting dust and wasting away!" The grapes were now demolished and, looking for some other source of entertainment, the blonde gestured at her sister "And you have been of _no comfort_, may I add! Honestly, I completely despair of you! You are supposed to be the caring one out of the two of us and all you do is throw some grapes at me and then stand there and gawp! _What are you looking at_?"

"I am listening to you!"

"There is no need to _stare_!"

_For the love of Goddess! _Morgana's jaw clenched and she took a moment or two to steady herself, not wishing to blurt out some insult in retaliation and send the blonde into an inconsolable rage. Her sister _was _injured and, even though Morgause was being _very_ discourteous, Morgana had to be the better person here and _not let the insults get to her_. "...Well, would you rather I braid your hair for you? Or I could attempt to clean your armou-"

"_No you may not_ _clean my armour_! You with your inept hands, you would _break it_!"

"Then would you like me to find you a book to rea-"

"I have read all of my books!"

"Perhaps a bottle of wine to _sedate _you?" Morgana suggested instead, through gritted teeth, the image of a passed out Morgause becoming more and more pleasing with each second that went by.

The glare she received in reply signalled a resolute '_No_', and Morgause glanced about the place in a bored fashion, commenting "The floor is rather dusty."

"It is a _cave_-"

"There is a broom resting beside my stack of books."

"_Morgause_!"

"Mm?"

"I am not a servant!"

Morgause merely blinked, staring steadily at her sister with a rather blank expression on her face. Morgana glared back at her. In fact, she glared for _all she was worth_, a glare so powerful and fearsome it could surely strike fear into the heart of the Devil himself or split the heavens in half or–

_Blink._

_Goddess' sake_! Why was it that the older witch could remain so unaffected by such a formidable look? _Urgh_! Maybe if Morgana narrowed her eyes just a bit more and perhaps added a hint of a snarl and –

_Blink._

The ward threw up her arms in defeat. "Oh, _fine then_! I relent! I hope it pleases you that you are practically _forcing_ your sister into slavery!"

_Blink._

As Morgana flounced down the tunnel to retrieve the broom, muttering and complaining all the while, she could not help but think that the problem with Morgause was that she could very well have the same disinterested look on her face whether somebody was remarking about the weather or attempting to butcher her with a mace.

* * *

The day had not been a good one.

Firstly, Morgana had swept the floor of the _entire_ cave, with Morgause remaining leisurely in bed and barking orders from afar.

'Have you swept underneath the table, Morgana?', 'I will _know_ if you have not, Morgana!', 'You have missed a spot in here, Morgana!', 'Are you blind, Morgana?', 'Were you dropped at birth, Morgana?'

Once the ward had finished and was leaning heavily on the broom, her back aching and a thin sheen of perspiration on her forehead, Morgause had opted to take her up on an earlier offer.

"_COME AND BRAID MY HAIR, MORGANA_!"

And so the weary young witch had staggered into Morgause's 'room', helped the blonde shuffle forwards on the bed (not without protest and insults), sat herself behind her and begun to brush the tangled mess of blonde locks.

'What are you doing, Morgana?', 'Have you never brushed hair before, Morgana?', 'Where is your maidservant when we need her, Morgana?', 'Do not _tug_, Morgana!'

The braiding had gone equally as well.

'You are doing it wrong, Morgana!', 'It needs to be symmetrical, Morgana!', 'Can you do nothing right, Morgana?', 'And you claim to know everything about fashion, Morgana!'

It was like a never-ending bombardment of complaints, insults and demands. For half of the time Morgause _herself _did not even seem to know what she wanted, and quickly became prone to ordering Morgana to do one thing, only to backtrack and order her to do the complete opposite. In fact, her entire behaviour for the day rather reminded the ward of a bored cat that would insist on being given attention only to turn around and hiss and claw at anything nearby that happened to have a pulse.

'I am bored, Morgana!', 'Sing me a song, Morgana!', 'You are hurting my ears, Morgana!', 'Get me something to eat, Morgana!', 'I need more cushions, Morgana!', 'My side _hurts_, Morgana!', 'Get out of my _face_, Morgana!', 'Come back, Morgana!', 'Read me your story again, Morgana!', 'Not the bits about the ward, Morgana!', 'I only want to hear about the knight, Morgana!', 'Can you speak _up_, Morgana?', 'Must you speak so _loudly_, Morgana?', 'Get me a drink, Morgana!', 'I do not want _wine_, Morgana!', 'I am not thirsty _now_, Morgana!', '_Go away_, Morgana!', 'Where have you gone, Morgana?', 'Sit with me, Morgana!', 'You are taking up the whole bed, Morgana!', 'Why are you so _vast_, Morgana?', 'I hate you, Morgana!', 'I love you, Morgana!', 'You disgust me, Morgana!', 'Leave me alone, Morgana!', 'Re-braid my hair, Morgana!', 'Give me a hug, Morgana!', 'Are there any more grapes, Morgana?', 'Why the hell not, Morgana?', 'I hope you fall off a cliff, Morgana!'

By the time Morgause had tired _herself _out with all of her demands and fallen asleep, the ward was feeling so disheveled and exhausted that she truly thought she might drop dead or at least slip quietly into a coma. But alas, she could not rest here, for Gwen would worry where she was and no doubt alert Arthur as to her missing presence.

And so with a heavy heart, and even heavier limbs, Morgana slowly made sure the bed sheet was wrapped comfortingly around her older sister before dragging herself out of the cave and beginning the long trek back to Camelot.

* * *

She was alone.

She was all on her own, _alone_.

With half her body having been taken over by a bruise and one of her ankles absolutely out of action. _Alone_.

_Where in the name of Goddess had that ridiculous ward gone_? At what point did Morgana deem it appropriate to leave her ailing sister in a cave to fend for herself? She had not even said goodbye! She had just left whilst Morgause was asleep!

The insolence! The cheek! _THE AUDACITY OF THAT WOMAN_!

_Oh how Morgana would pay! _All the blonde needed was her sword!

A small frown, a memory of the piece of steel being situated in the other section of the cave.

A pursing of the lips.

Challenge accepted.

* * *

It was not until the next afternoon that Morgana managed to get away from Camelot again. There had been another council session that had dragged on and on until Gaius had almost fallen asleep where he was stood and it had been decided that the session would break there and continue the next day. Then Gwen had been floating about, cleaning and dusting and making the bed, before Morgana had finally had to announce that she had done a wonderful job and would not be needed for the rest of the day.

By the time she actually reached the cave it was nearing the evening and the sun had started to set in the sky, casting an orangey glow across the forest floor. Morgana was optimistically hoping her sister would be on the road to recovery and that perhaps she would not be as tetchy as she had been during her last unfortunate visit, but once she stepped inside the cave and her eyes landed on an infuriated looking Morgause sprawled out on her back on the ground, all hope quickly vanished.

"...Morgause...?"

The blonde's eyes snapped onto her own. "_You_!"

"Yes, it is I-"

"_YOU LEFT ME_!" Morgause bellowed, hysterical not even beginning to cover what she was seemingly feeling. "_LOOK WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LEAVE ME_!"

Morgana was already looking, but she left a slight pause and gave a small nod just to acknowledge that _yes,_ her sister _was_ on the floor. "...May I inquire as to _why_ it is you are lying on the ground, sister?"

"_YES YOU BLOODY WELL MIGHT_! I have only been here for _hours_, Morgana! And it is _entirely your_ fault! You were _not_ here to calm my temper and inform me that attempting to move in my current condition was _not _the best of ideas! You are _useless_!"

"Well what in Goddess' name were you trying to do?"

"_REACH MY SWORD SO I COULD STRIKE YOU WITH IT WHEN YOU CAME BACK_!" Morgause roared, rather wishing she was not on the floor so she could at least _attempt _to hurl herself at her sister and do her some damage. "Are you going to help me back to my bed, Morgana, or just stand there and stare?"

Mentally preparing herself for the insults that no doubt lay ahead, the ward moved over to her sister and leant down, gently helping her back up to her feet and, hooking an arm around her waist, began to lead her back down the tunnel to her 'room'. The blonde muttered some complaint about Morgana and the apparel she was wearing ('Is that _another_ new dress? Well it looks hideous.') but the ward kept her chin up and remained determined not to be offended. She tried to tell herself Morgause did not mean it and that she was merely in a foul mood due to being debilitated from her injuries - but then all the memories came flooding back of the blonde trying to set her alight or decapitate her and the ward was suddenly not so sure anymore.

Once Morgause was finally sitting back in bed, and not without a fuss, Morgana sat herself beside her and offered a smile, hoping to ease the tension and general dreadful atmosphere with a topic her sister was sure to like. "Would you like to tell me of any plots you have thought about?"

There was a sigh and Morgause's shoulders slumped. "No. I have decided I do not want to do that anymore."

Pause.

What?

_What?_

_WHAT?_

"But...all of our plans and...?" Morgana's brows knitted together in confusion "I...I am to become Queen of Camelot and let magic flourish and-"

"Yes, well, it is all good and well for _you_, but everybody dislikes _me_!" Morgause said, with an uncharacteristically sad edge to her tone "During all this time, _I_ am the one who gets blamed for most acts of sorcery or any deaths in Camelot, whilst you drift about in your dresses looking innocent and amiable! It is so _unfair_ that they all hate me so! All I did was lay siege to them once or twice and deplete a great deal of their soldiers! Can they not just let bygones be bygones?"

Morgana, although trying her best, could not even muster up a coherent response. Was she really witnessing her sister, the woman who could happily throw fireballs at _children_, indulging in a moment or two where she...where she felt depressed and hard done by?

"They do not even know me!" The blonde was continuing miserably "Uther just ordered me to be killed, along with all of those who had magic, when I was only a day or two old...and I feel it is very uncalled for to try and execute a baby when the poor child does not even know who they are _themselves_ yet! I mean, _look at me_! I am utterly faultless and I was never even given the chance to show anybody, except _you_!" She paused and glanced irritably at Morgana, who was still looking as though she had been transported to some weird and foreign land that she could not comprehend "And all you care about are _dresses_! You have not even _started_ to get your priorities sorted out and _all_ my hopes and dreams are resting upon _you_! _For Goddess' sake_, what would I do if you decided to take a tumble down the stairs and break your neck? Honestly, it would not be unlike you to participate in such a ridiculous activity and then there would be no _meaning_ to my life! I am _completely_ reliant on you now! _You_! With your ludicrous ideas and utter lack of intellect!"

The ward could only give a small, shocked nod.

"It is not just that either! I am starting to think that I really _do_ like grapes too much, and I just _do not know what has happened to my life_! Goddess, imagine if I had been raised in Camelot! _Everything_ would have been different! I would not be trying to murder everybody and I would not be having embarrassing flirtations_ with a man clad entirely in leather_! You see, not _one _person ever thinks of that! They do not look at me and think 'Oh, _alas_, she has had a hard life and that is why she has become so cold-hearted!' they just think that I am cruel!" Morgause paused and looked to her sister for confirmation "And I am not cruel, am I, Morgana?"

The young witch cleared her throat nervously, hundreds of flashbacks of moments where Morgause had burnt people alive or cheerily sliced them in two flashing through her mind. Well. A small white lie couldn't hurt. "...No. Of course not."

"I mean perhaps if Uther had _not_ attempted to murder me and all magic-users then I would look more favourably on him and his subjects! Why is it that he can execute people for a cause that is _not _just, and yet when I try and suggest we bring back magic everybody tries to kill me?"

Morgana gave the blonde a gentle pat on the arm. "Well...if we are being _completely_ honest, sister, you _do_ go about it in a rather spiteful manner that involves slaughtering a great deal of innocent peop-"

"_SO I AM A LITTLE SADISTIC_!" Morgause interrupted touchily "_So I enjoy setting the occasional person on fire_! Why can people not just _accept me for who I am_? I accept _you_ and the great multitude of flaws that come with _your_ existence-"

"_Morgause_!"

"And I just..._I just_...!" The older witch broke off, apparently not quite sure what she wanted to do with herself before finally letting out what sounded like a lifetime long pent up wail of "_GODDESS, I JUST NEED HUGS_!"

And before she knew it, Morgana was swamped in a colossal embrace by the other woman, who went about sobbing hysterically against her neck as the ward disbelievingly patted her comfortingly on the back. "..I...there, there, sister..."

"_AND I JUST WANT GRAPES_!"

"Sssh-sshhh, of course you do..."

"_Why does nobody give me either_?"

"I do!" Morgana reassured, hoping this sudden outburst had not heralded the beginning of a mental breakdown. Morgause was the only one who really managed to think up half-decent plans after all and-

"_But you ruin it by being so unintelligent_!" The blonde wept uncontrollably, leaving Morgana to bite back a retort and continue the soothing pats on her back with a decidedly _less_ sympathetic look on her face.

Morgause was so _difficult_ sometimes.

* * *

It took a good few weeks but eventually Morgause was back to her usual, healthy self and, if anything, she had seemed much brighter after the emotional explosion that had lead to Morgana staying in the cave for the majority of the night, reading her the handmade book she'd made in a calming tone until the blonde eventually drifted off to sleep.

And, as if she had said nothing on the contrary, Morgause was back to her plotting ways and had even set the vineyard on fire that had caused her so much trouble in the first place. She was so pleased about this particular success, in fact, that when Morgana had visited her a couple of days afterwards she had been greeted with a triumphant hug and a gleeful kiss on the forehead before being dragged merrily into a victory dance.

"It was not _just_ the vineyard, Morgana! It even spread to the farmer's house and he ran screaming out of the door with his clothes on fire before falling _into the ditch_! I almost _died _with the irony!"

And Morgana could not help but smile.

It was nice to finally have her sister back to normal.

Even if she was a little sadistic.

* * *

_Authors Notes: Because sometimes, even Morgause has a blue day. My poor baby ;_; But then she's back to incinerating people. So it's all gravy._

_NEXT TIME: Maybe Gwen will do some sneaking about, maybe Morgana will have her suspicions she's being stalked, maybe Morgause will dress up in disguise! WHO KNOWS. THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS._

_OHH, I DO LIKE ME SOME REVIEWS._

_OM NOM NOM, YES I DO. So maybe if you type some words and let me read them, I will do a victory dance just like the sisters. MMM-YES. YES I WILL._

_OR MAYBE I WON'T._

_YOU WILL NEVER KNOW._

_IT WILL FOREVER REMAIN A MYSTERY._

_(But I most likely will)_

_ASDFGHJKL, MY SWEET BABYHEADS!_

_x  
_


	17. To Moustache or Not To Moustache?

_Authors Notes: MY SPINDLY CHILDREN WITH THE BENDY LIMBS AND THE EYES THAT DO THE READING. I have finally finished this chapter! It took me awhile because, if I am being perfectly honest with you all, I have spent the majority of my life watching 'Green Wing' and shrieking in hysterics at Sue White's character (who, worriedly, my friends have said is what I would be like if I were Scottish). If you have not watched that TV show - GO NOW. YOU WILL ENJOY IT, I PROMISE YOU THAT. ANYWAY, I DIGRESS, THE CHAPTER! It is here for you to embrace with your eyeballs. Which I hope you will be doing a lot of. Embrace it. Embrace it **hard.**  
_

_**I present to you a chapter in which there is a great deal of stalking, Morgana cannot believe what the hell is going on and Morgause becomes, for all intents and purposes, a bit of a chick magnet**  
_

_Kitty O – ON PAUSE? **FOR ME?** But Johnny Depp and Keira Knightley's faces! YOU **MUST** LOVE ME. I can assure you I am frolicking for all I am worth! 'Gorgeous line'? GORGEOUS? MUST YOU USE SUCH FLATTERING WORDS? **YOU WILL REDUCE ME TO A QUIVERING, JOYOUS WRECK**. Ooh-err, thank the heavens it **didn't **have anything to do with Cenred...I can only imagine how Morgana would have felt about **that**! 'Why does she call her Morgana and not Sister?' – WELL, I feel that Morgause is prone to using her sisters' actual name when she is angry perhaps? Who knows what takes place in her crazy mind! A chapter where they GET ALONG? THE MORGAWESOME SISTERS? **GETTING ALONG**? Oh sweet dumplings, I may very well attempt such a feat in the future... 'I adored it with all my heart.' **WELL I ADORE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART**. AND ALSO MY KIDNEYS AND SPLEEN._

_Namikaze Artemis – Then I am forced to use: YHNUJMIKLOP! BAD THAT YOU WERE LAUGHING? **GOOD HEAVENS NO**! It is always good! ALWAYS. I feel as though yes, she does seem to be getting rather crazier =/ I blame Morgause's unstable influence over her. xP 'INSCENSE'? Incense? OH LORD. **OH MOTHER OF LUNGS**. Incense is like...this thing that gives off fragmented smells of joy when burned! I feel like what you meant, my sweet hatchling, is 'incest'. But THANK YOU so much for the laugh! I was genuinely in tears. :') And yes, Morgana was being a tad sketchy there wasn't she? Actually, the two of them are rather too affectionate in general but still. That's just the shady sisters for you. xD 'It reflects her heart.' **MUST YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SO MUCH IN A REVIEW**? Honestly, I will have no eyeballs left to see what I am typing, I am giggling so much! But Morgause doesn't want apples! YOU CANNOT EAT MORE THAN ONE OF THEM AT A TIME! XD 'Great chapter as usual'? **AS USUAL. YOU ARE TOO SWEET.**_

_ChristineThePirateQueen – 'one of the funniest things I've ever read!' **THE PRIDE I FEEL RIGHT NOW IS SO MUCH SO THAT I MAY HURL MYSELF OUT ONTO THE STREET AND START DANCING**. I'm glad you think that they have the best arguments! SISTERY SPITE FTW._

_mysilentwitness – I too feel like Morgause was suspecting that. =/ Poor Morgana. She was only trying to see if her big sister was still alive...THE GIGGLE FIT. It had to be done! Blackmail Morgause? **GOOD GODDESS**. I could try to do so in a future chapter...but I feel the poor soul doing the blackmailing would meet a rather untimely end. :O WHICH GIVES ME ALL THE MORE REASON TO DO IT. 'you are just too hilarious!' AND YOU ARE TOO KIND. **WE ARE A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN**. 'She simply didn't have her daily dosage of grapes.' Please excuse me while I **ASDFGHJKL**. I AM LAUGHING. **EVERYTHING IS LUNG SPASM AND NOTHING HURTS EXCEPT IN A GOOD WAY**. Ohgoodlord, yes! She WAS Cinderella basically, wasn't she? Poor, poor, sweet Morgie. :') Asdfghjkl, I am sure Morgause is pleased that you love her! I will send her the grapes with immediate effect! 'Oh, darling, love, light of my life! You made my day!' 10/05/2011, the day I died from sheer compliment overload. :'D **THANK YOU SO MUCH.**_

_Water1Wolf – I AM DANCING. DANCING I TELL YOU. **WITH MY FEET AND ARMS AND ELBOWS AND NOSE**. 'if Morgause is your baby, and we are your 'babyheads,' then...' Um. You are my...Morgause heads? O_o **DO NOT QUESTION ME**. Asdfghjkl, YES. Grapes ARE such a splendid fruit indeed! Morgause will be most pleased you agree, I'm sure. 'How is it that you are so awesome?' Well...it just comes naturally ;D NO, NO, I JOKE, I JOKE. I DON'T EVEN KNOW. I SURPRISE MYSELF. 'HOW CAN YOU WRITE THINGS THAT ARE SO PERFECT AND THEN WRITE SOMETHING BETTER?' I don't, I don't, I can't even, I DO NOT KNOW. **I AM AT A LOSS MYSELF AND I AM THE ONE WRITING IT!**_

_lilyplusjameistotallove – **A LUNATIC GIGGLE**? Good heavens, **I AM FLATTERED INDEED**. I am trying to imagine your joy, but it is difficult! I hope it is something like the joy I feel when I read your review! YOU'RE GOING TO WRITE ME A POEM OR SOMETHING? WHAT EVEN. OH GODDESS. PEOPLE ARE WRITING ME POEMS NOW AND I JUST CAN'T. **I LITERALLY HAVE LOST THE ABILITY TO BREATHE**._

_Frogbert – BUNCHIES IN HER HAIR? If you just heard a faint echo of laughter from afar **IT WAS ME DYING**. 'But you deserve about a million more hugs for your greatness!' OH LORD, REALLY? I do hope so! I would enjoy suffocating in the blissful, loving crush of that many people! :D **ASDFGHJKL**. You still laugh about the shark? ARE YOU MAD? I THINK YOU ARE AND THAT PLEASES ME BEYOND ALL REALMS OF JOY. 'Morgana was MOST DEFINITELY dropped at birth. As was Morgause. Probably from a great height.' I repeat, if you are hearing an odd wheezing sound from over the hills, **IT IS MY LUNGS GIVING OUT FROM LAUGHTER.**  
_

_Immortal Spud Thief – I AM WRITING, I PROMISE YOU. HERE, HAVE ANOTHER UPDATE AND ENJOY IT. Asdfghjkl, **YAY FOR MORGAUSE AND HER GRAPES**. OM NOM. CAPS LOCK. **I WOULD NEVER JUDGE YOU MY SWEET PELICAN HEN**. I AM NOT JUDGE JUDY. I DO NOT HAVE THAT KIND OF POWER. Aww, yes, poor Morgana. She's always being shrieked at. But Morgause loves her really. Deep down somewhere in the black depths of her soul, I'm sure. YES! 'Challenge accepted' WAS A REFERENCE TO MEMEBASE. **AND YOU GOT IT.** SWEET SCRUMPTIOUS SNAKES. **LET ME DIE**! 'uh..sleep...yeah..sleep...' OOH MY. SAUCY. Well, let us be serious, who could resist her and her gorgeous blonde locks? ;D 'Oh Morgause, you kill me.' The worrying thing about Morgause is...she actually might. o_o As the old proverb goes...KEEP 'YE WITS ABOUT 'YE AND 'YE FIREPROOF SHIELDS CLOSER.'_

_Ambah - THE FIRST THING? **EVEN BEFORE BREATHING?** I am blessed! Yes! A ditch! Because, for all her boasting, she is just as human and clumsy as the rest of us! :P **THANK YOU FOR YOUR LOVELY WORDS.**_

_SilverHeart09 - **I WOULD APOLOGIZE BUT I REGRET NOTHING**. Go and find some grapes! Forage in the wilderness! Try not to fall into a ditch! **TELL ME HOW IT GOES.** 'there is NOTHING WRONG with being in a relationship with a man clad entirely in leather' - WELL. I guess not. Unless he happens to be Cenred and you happen to be Morgause and the two of you happen to be wildly inappropriate with each other whilst Morgana has to sit and watch and become all jealous. THEN there's something wrong with it! :P I LOVE YOUR REVIEW. THANK YOU MUCHLY. **I wish you Godspeed on your mission for grapes!**_

_forgetmaine - **YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW MUCH I WAS LAUGHING AT THAT**. At first I was like "What even? A JCB?" and then I was like "Oh! I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE!" and then...**I LOLED**. xD You compliment me so! Thank you!_

_brainandheart - Good Goddess, I cannot express to you how much I am glad you died. And then came back to us. Like Jesus but with less lag. **IT PLEASES ME.** Technically, this makes me your murderer, which ALSO pleases me. It shouldn't, but it does. 'Pure WIN' WHAT? THIS FIC? WIN? WHAT? GOSH I JUST CANNOT. YOU ARE TOO MERRY FOR MY MIRTH TO JUST. I CAN'T. **THANK YOU SO MUCH.**_

_FreakierThanThou - 'I love your range of language and the way you have with the characters.'** I AM HAVING A SEIZURE OF JOY. THIS IS ALL I COULD DREAM AND HOPE AND DANCE FOR.** I am glad you find Morgause so funny! She's possibly my favourite character - or is it Morgana? I AM IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION AND A SEA OF DOUBT - so I am most happy you are...happy that she is...funny. Yes. **That.** 'You're a really talented writer and this brought me more joy than it probably should have, but it was still the best thing I've read in a long time' **ASDFGHJKL.** LET ME DIE RIGHT NOW. THIS IS THE EPITOME OF ALL I SHALL EVER AMOUNT TO. WHY ARE YOU SO NICE? **IT MAKES ME PHYSICALLY HURT WITH MIRTH AND ALL THINGS GOOD IN THIS FAIR LAND.**_

* * *

_**Evil, Shady Dealings**_

* * *

**17.**

**To Moustache or Not To Moustache?**

* * *

It was a lovely day!

The sun was shining, her hair was looking _gorgeous _as usual, she was wearing one of her favourite blue dresses and there was not one _single_ formal event to attend! Council session? None for the rest of the week! Feast? There had just been one! Visitors from some far flung land? Hardly likely!

Oh, everything was _perfect, perfect, perfect!_

Morgana barely knew what to do with herself! Strolling down a corridor, sunlight streaming in through the windows, the young ward had not a care in the world!

That was, except, for the fact that she was being _followed_.

In fact, she had been followed for the majority of the day. Everywhere she had gone there had been a shadowy figure lurking somewhere behind her and, most infuriatingly of all, whenever the ward attempted to subtly glance over her shoulder there was nothing to be seen!

So, taking after her scheming older sister, Morgana had devised a cunning plan. She would lull the stalker into a false sense of ease by pretending not to have noticed she was being followed at all and then, walking through a large, airy corridor with nowhere to hide, she would suddenly turn around and face her nemesis!

And, currently, the young witch was preparing for the _second_ stage of that very plan. Moving gracefully along the empty corridor and listening intently for the sounds of her stalker following her steadily down the passage, Morgana could not help but smirk triumphantly to herself. Were those footsteps she heard? Yes, _yes they were_. Now, how to turn around? Should she do it dramatically or do it with the casual air of indifference Morgause usually had about her? Perhaps she could incorporate _both_, being the superior sister, after all. Yes. She would _sweep_ around, with the smallest _hint_ of a smirk on her face – not so much so as to look arrogant, but _just enough_ to look quietly confident...and...three, two, _one...!_

_SWISH._

_SMIRK._

Her eyes landed on a yellow dressed figure who was holding a potted plant before them, seemingly attempting to hide behind the leaves and-

_What? Wait! Yellow dress?_

"Is that you Gwen?"

"_Oh_! Milady!" The maidservant replied, quickly moving the plant away from in front of her face and giving a slight, awkward curtsy of acknowledgement, which was very difficult to achieve with the potted plant still firmly in her grasp. She then scurried over to one side of the corridor, placing the plant down on a windowsill and, turning back to look at Morgana, she offered what looked to be a very flustered smile. "Hello!"

"Whatever are you doing?"

"I was just...on my way...to the kitchens."

Morgana raised a brow in perplexity "With a _plant_?"

"Hm? Oh, no. No! Not at all. I was passing by and it...looked like it needed to see the sun so..." Gwen trailed off, clearing her throat awkwardly and giving the plant an affectionate pat on a leaf.

"But the kitchens are situated at the _other_ side of the castle."

"Yes. Yes, they are." The maidservant agreed readily, looking as though she had rather wished that very valid point had not sprung up in conversation. "...I was merely taking the scenic route, milady."

Morgana eyed the dark haired woman closely. "...I see."

There was a small, tense pause and then Gwen gave a small bow of the head and a hurried "I had best be on my way then!" before turning on her heel and quickly walking in the opposite direction from which she and Morgana had come.

"I thought you were taking the scenic route _this way_?" The ward called after her maidservant, who was now almost moving at the pace of a small jog.

"Oh, yes! I know! I am!" Gwen replied over her shoulder, despite doing the complete contrary and hurrying around the corner and disappearing from sight.

To be quite frank, Morgana did not know what to make of the display that had just been presented before her, and she stood in the corridor for at least another minute or two, with her brows knitted together in confusion and her gaze resting bewilderedly upon the potted plant.

* * *

"I think dear Gwen is trying to stalk me." The ward announced upon arrival at the cave a few days afterwards.

Morgause was sitting at the table, her head buried in some book or other and, without looking up, she merely gave an indifferent grunt in response. _Well, at least she was alive,_ the young witch supposed. Gracefully taking off her red cloak and high heels, Morgana moved over to the table and, not without a slight amount of evil satisfaction, dropped them in front of her older sister before making a beeline for _her_ chair beside the fire.

Ignoring the protest of "What are you-_Morgana!_ Get your shoes _off _of my table!" the youngest sister nonchalantly sank down between the comforting arms of the chair and began to push a few stray strands of hair back into place, continuing leisurely "I have actually caught her in the act a fair few times yet she still adamantly refuses to give up. I am not quite sure what to do about the matter."

"Well you could start by _not_ putting your footwear and cloak on one of the few pieces of furniture I possess!" Morgause replied irritably, glaring at the guilty objects before her "If you wanted to gain my attention you only need ask!"

There was a haughty sniff from the ward and Morgause rolled her eyes. _Oh splendid, Morgana was in one of her high-and-mighty moods-_

"What is it I can do for you, sister?"

"Nothing if you are going to be like that."

The blonde's jaw clenched. How Morgana made it possible for her to want to set her alight within moments of visiting her was quite beyond the realms of human capabilities and Morgause's understanding. "You spoke of your maidservant following you?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure she is?"

"Of course I am sure, Morgause! I had to weave in and out of the crowds in the market place for almost an hour until I lost her, just so that I could come and see you!"

"She might not have been following you."

"_What_?"

Morgause gave a slight, unconcerned shrug and turned the page of her book. "She may merely have been browsing the market stalls and coincidentally happened to go the same way that you chose to."

_Oh, well really!_ _This was absolutely ridiculous!_ "_Morgause! _I know when I am being-"

"Stalking is a very grey area, I should have you know, sister."

"Yes, well, _you _would know all about _that_!" Morgana muttered irritably, shifting to tuck her legs underneath her, a pose she usually adopted whenever she graced _her _chair in the cave. "Honestly, the times I have awoken to find you standing at the end of my bed is beyond belie-"

"We have spoken about this matter before, sister, and I find your tireless insistence on bringing it up tedious."

"But it is not _socially acceptable_, Morgaus-"

"Nor is plotting to overthrow the monarchy, but I do not see you complaining about _that_!" The older witch snapped, turning another page in a decidedly more violent way and causing it to rip loudly, the noise echoing throughout the cave. The blonde froze. _Oh,_ well that _would_ have to happen_. _Dark eyes narrowed dangerously at the imperfection that blighted a once brilliant book. _Urgh!_ Well she could not keep it _now._ _The whole thing would have to be disposed of_-

"You could always just take the one page out and keep the rest." Morgana's voice floated by. She had known her sister long enough to find that Morgause was prone to becoming highly unreasonable when faced with something that was, in her eyes, _flawed_. Even if she had been the one to ruin it in the first pla-

"Like _hell _I shall keep it!" Morgause replied stubbornly, glaring at the book as though it was _diseased_ "Its entire entity is blemished! With that _one_ rip this book has shown me it is fragile and weak! And weakness is _not_ something I tolerate!"

"Morgause, _it is a book_!"

"Oh, so you would have me accommodate for feebleness simply because the culprit is made from parchment?"

Morgana stared at her sister. She stared for a long while, and she stared hard, and she wondered about Morgause's lessening sanity. "...I was simply pointing out that it is an inanimate object and can hardly be blamed for having been ripped by yo-"

_PHWOOSH._

The book was suddenly engulfed by flames and a satisfied smile was on the blonde's face as she watched the pages of her 'foe' curl and turn to ash. _Another victory! Another triumph! Another battle wo-_

"_Morgause!_ My stalking problem!" Morgana's voice interrupted, not without a hint of a whine.

The older witch blinked. "Oh. Yes. Quite." She turned her gaze onto her sister, trying her best not to be distracted by the growing amount of ash before her. "Well, there is only one way to find out if your maidservant is following you. I shall have to stalk her stalking you to see if she actually is stalking you or is merely appearing to look like a stalker who is stalking you, when in actuality she is not actually stalking you."

Morgana paused, attempted to register what had been said, and then frowned in confusion. "I...what?"

"_For goodness sake_, it is not that difficult Morgana!"

"Perhaps if you repeated it more slowl-"

"I have no such time to make allowances for your incompetence. All you need know is that I must create a disguise. I cannot possibly go as an old woman again for I fear your wretched maidservant may have caught onto my act last time."

There was a long pause, in which the flames died down and the book was no more, and Morgause looked deep in thought.

Then, in an almost _wistful _way, "You could disguise yourself as a _lion_."

Dark eyes fixed onto a dreamy smile. A face contorted into a look of the utmost displeasure. "Sister, I do not wish to worry you, but you are currently confirming all of my suspicions that you actually _are _mentally handicapped after all."

"You have the hair for it." Morgana continued, apparently blissfully unaware that Morgause was looking less and less impressed by the second "It is almost akin to a mane."

It drifted into Morgause's mind that perhaps the paranoia of having a possible stalker was finally becoming too much for her younger sister and, as a result, the ward was attempting to seek solace in a little 'dream world' where she, Morgause, was a lion. Oddly enough, the thought was not all that comforting. "Yes. Well. Thank you for your contribution to this plan, Morgana. I hope you do not become offended when I choose to forget you ever suggested such a ridiculous idea." Then, so as to hopefully stop Morgana's idiocy in its tracks, the blonde stood up from her seat and began pacing the room, continuing swiftly "Perhaps I should pretend to be a man. I do not think anybody in Camelot would see that coming."  
"...You could conjure yourself up a tail..."

Pause. A nose wrinkled in disgust. Morgause turned on her heel and swept over to stand before the other woman, bending down to eye-level and snapping her fingers in front of Morgana's face impatiently – in the hopes of bringing her out of her current delusions. "Sister, _focus_! Please _disengage _with whatever bizarre fantasies are filling up your already clouded mind and _come back to reality!_"

"I was being serious!" The young witch replied indignantly, swatting the clicking fingers away and then staring back resolutely into her older sisters' eyes in an attempt to _truly_ convey her sincerity on the matter. _Why did Morgause never give her plans a moment to settle?_ They were all _entirely_ workable and-

_SLAP!_

Eyes wide in surprise, a mouth agape in shock. The ward's hand moved up to touch the reddening skin on her right cheek. _Had she just been...? Had her sister just...? _"_M-MORGAUSE_!"

But the blonde was already pacing the cave again, as if slapping her own sister hard around the face was not something to feel guilty about or a matter to waste any time discussing. "Yes, I think disguising myself as a knight is the only plausible way to go. Uther is such a fool he always seems to accept knights into the castle without a moments real thought so-"

"_M-My face_!"

"I shall have to wear armour and create a crest of course...and what to do with my hair? Many men in Camelot seem to have long hair these days, do they not? Perhaps I shall simply style it in a more...masculine way and possibly tone down the eyeliner. Yes, this is all coming together nicely."

"_I cannot believe you just slapped me_!"

The blonde paused, a vague frown on her face. _Aha!_ Morgana leant forwards slightly in anticipation. The guilt was probably finally hitting her sister, and she would rush over to her and sob an apology and _beg_ for forgiveness an-

"Of course, the real question here is...to moustache or not to moustache?"

_What?_

Morgana stared incredulously at her sister, all thoughts of the slap gone and all anger dissipated into disbelief. _A moustache? What even?_ And Morgause had just suggested_ she_ was the mentally handicapped one!

There was a small silence and Morgana slowly sank back against _her_ chair again, looking faintly concerned, whilst Morgause murmured quietly to herself for a few more moments before declaring confidently, "I believe a moustache might round off the outfit quite well, do you not think, sister?"

The ward merely gave a worried stare in a response.

"Yes. I thought so. I shall have to go to the market and find a fake one with immediate effect..."

And so Morgause continued to march around the cave with a distinct feeling of _purpose_, enthusiastically debating with herself over the logistics of such a scheme, whilst Morgana sat quietly, watching her with an increasingly mystified expression on her face.

* * *

Morgause had been joking. That is what Morgana told herself repeatedly over the next few days as she floated about the castle, trying to ignore Gwen as she trailed about after her, looking as determined as ever to catch her doing something _traitorous._

Even _Morgause_, with her entire spectrum of erratic mood swings and overly-ambitious schemes, would _never_ attempt something so foolhardy.

. . .

She hoped.

Glancing briefly over her shoulder and catching Gwen attempting to dart and hide in an alcove, the ward could not help but roll her eyes. There was only _so _much stalking one woman could take before she needed a moments respite from it.

_To the throne room it was!_ Even if it meant gracing Uther with her fine presence, it also meant Gwen could not follow her in without a valid reason. And at this current moment, Morgana felt she would prefer to listen to the King make small conversation than to continue being followed around all day.

Not without a hint of a smirk as she entered the throne room and heard Gwen make a frustrated "_Urgh_!" some distance down the corridor, Morgana briefly wondered whether perhaps Uther might have miraculously fallen dead. One could hope, after all-

_But...wait! What was this?_

The doors were closed behind her as the ward came to a halt halfway into the room, eyes resting upon the chain mailed figure that had its back to her, a helmet tucked under one arm. Whoever it was, they were currently in deep conversation with the King himself, who was looking positively _thrilled_ - a rare smile on his face_._ With a slight frown, Morgana softly continued forwards again, offering a small nod of acknowledgment as Uther spotted her and heralded her over with a gesture of a hand.

"Ah! This is wonderful timing!" He turned his gaze back to the mysterious figure "May I introduce you to the Lady Morgana?"

The figure turned slowly around and gave a warm smile and a slight bow in greeting "Milady."

Oh Goddess._ Oh. Goddess!_ Morgana had to do her best not to promptly shriek in horrified surprise and forget all her social graces...for the person standing before her was so clearly..._so obviously_...Morgause!

_Had she even put any thought into her disguise at all_? Her hair had a somewhat more..._rugged_ look to it and she had not a _hint_ of eyeliner...but other than that it was so _obviously_ Morgause that Morgana thought the blonde may as well hold up a large sign with 'I AM THE MOST WANTED WITCH IN CAMELOT' written upon it! But then...

The ward's eyes darted to the fake moustache on her sisters' upper lip. _Oh for heavens' sake!_ Was that really _all _that was throwing everybody off her trail? Morgana had known people in Camelot were easily fooled, but this was simply taking it to a _new low_!

"This is Sir Morgalahad Augustin Marmaduke Oswald, and he will be staying with us in Camelot for the next few days." Uther was continuing brightly, apparently not at all aware that he was introducing one of his greatest nemesis's to her own sister. In his _own_ castle.

Morgana, still in a state of shock, momentarily lost all sense of social etiquette "Why?"

The King's expression darkened considerably. "I would remind you of your place, Morgana!" Then, as the ward apologetically bowed her head, he relaxed back on the throne and continued "Sir Morgalahad tells me he comes from the very noble house of Oswald and has always wished to visit our great Kingdom. He, himself, comes from the Kingdom of..?"

"The Kingdom of Grapethion, your highness." Morgause replied in a friendly manner, turning back to focus on Uther.

"Yes, quite. I had never heard of it before but Sir Morgalahad bears a crest and assures me it is some fair distance away."

"It has taken me many months to get here, your highness. And it is grander than I could ever have imagined!"

The King's smile quickly returned and he apparently could not restrain an expression of the utmost pride. Morgana swiftly gained the impression that a great deal of flattery about the state of Camelot had helped to sway his decision on such an unknown knight lodging in the castle.

"It has been a pleasure making your acquaintance, Sir Morgalahad."

"The pleasure was all mine, your highness, I assure you."

Another faintly pompous look, and the King signalled to a guard standing by the door. "Show our guest to his room! And make sure he has everything he needs!"

The guard hurried forwards and Morgause, giving a slight bow of the head and a very smug smile to Morgana, was escorted out of the throne room without any fuss. The guard clearly did not recognize her either!

Morgana stood frozen to the spot for a time, unable to quite comprehend the magnitude of what had just happened.

"Is there something you wanted, Morgana?" Uther's voice interrupted.

The ward blinked and gave a small shake of the head, hurriedly turning on her heel. "No. Nothing at all, sire!"

* * *

It took a fair amount of time that involved shaking off a stalking Gwen, but Morgana finally managed to arrive at 'Sir Morgalahad's' quarters situated in the east tower. Quickly knocking upon the wooden door and then opening it without waiting for invitation to do so, the ward's eyes rested upon the figure of her sister lying on a couch, a bowl on grapes on her stomach.

"Is that you again?" The blonde inquired nonchalantly, not able to see who had entered the room from her position "I should like some more grap-"

Morgana moved swiftly forwards, picking up a book from a side table on the way, and gracefully swung an arm down to begin hitting her sister with the volume angrily. "_No it is not a servant_! It is your sister who is currently in a state of _disbelief_ as to how it is you are here and _still alive_!" The book was then brought down upon a surprised Morgause so forcefully that the older witch let out a slight shriek and promptly fell off of the couch - sending the grapes flying as she did so.

The ward, apparently now too frustrated for words, simply let out a loud "_Urgh_!" and threw the book at her bewildered sister before stomping across the room to moodily stand beside a chest of drawers.

_Well, really!_ After a few failed attempts at standing up that involved slipping on grapes, Morgause eventually scrambled to her feet and whirled around to fling an accusing glare at the other woman "_Morgana!_ You cannot just sweep in and assault a _knight_ like tha-"

"You are _not _a knight, Morgause!"

"If I was not a knight then I would not have that crest!" The blonde replied self-importantly, pointing to a small side table to the left of her where a flimsy piece of parchment was resting with a scribbled drawing of a 'crest' on it.

Morgana glanced in the direction Morgause was pointing, almost gagged at the idiocy of it all and remarked brazenly "This whole situation is absolutely ridiculous! How not _one _person has noticed who you _really_ are is utterly beyond me! The amount of effort you have put into this disguise is _minimal _at the very most and-"

"Oh, sister! As if _anybody_ notices _anything_ in Camelot! You worry far too much!"

The ward gave an irritable huff in reply and merely folded her arms across her chest, watching as Morgause forlornly turned her gaze down to the ruined grapes on the floor. _For goodness sake_! If the blonde wasn't engaged with incinerating somebody, she was surely engaged with something to do with grapes! Forget the wonderfully mysterious image Morgana had held of what her older sister might be like when she was first getting to know her! Forget the assumption that she would be discovering new runes or would be paying close attention to the cycle of the moon! Forget the hope that she would be more than willing to teach what magical knowledge she held! No! For Morgause was only interested in the consumption of _grapes_-

"Was there anything else you wanted sister?" The blonde interrupted, now looking to Morgana, albeit still with a faintly saddened expression on her face.

_Stupid Morgause and her stupid grapes and her stupid fake moustache-_ "Yes, _actually_, there was!" Morgana replied moodily, absentmindedly casting a quick glance down to observe the state of her fingernails that were, she was pleased to note, flawless as always "I have supposed that, since you have infiltrated the castle so easily, rather than spend all of your time following my maidservant...you could also perhaps make an attempt on the King's life."

Morgause merely gave a small sniff of indifference "Yes. I had thought of that actually. It just feels rather...lacklustre, do you not think?"

"Lacklustre?"

"Yes."

"Attempting to murder the King in his _own_ castle? _Lacklustre_?"

"Exactly. It is a bit too cliché for my liking."

Morgana stared. She stared and stared and stared and then briefly wondered how in Goddess' name the woman standing before her was currently one of the most wanted people in Camelot when, _given access into the castle_, she opted _not_ to try and murder the King. "Morgause, I do not wish to put a dampener on your incorrect opinion, but this is clearly the perfect opportunity to-"

"Unless we are able to introduce a three headed dog into this plan, Morgana, my answer is still no."

"But you are wasting the best chance we have ever had at-"

"Come back to my quarters later if you have adapted the scheme more to my tastes."

Morgana paused "...are you..._dismissing me_?"

"I do believe Sir Morgalahad is, yes." The blonde affirmed, giving a small, unconcerned nod.

"Oh, _honestly_, Morgause!" The ward snapped, glaring at the other woman for all she was worth in the hopes of at least imparting just a _taster_ of her displeasure "You are becoming _far_ too engrossed in this rol-"

"I shall see you at dinner!" Morgause cut in, stooping down to pick up the bowl and tidy it back onto a side table before turning to face her sister and gesture her towards the door. "Until then-"

"Dinner?" Morgana repeated incredulously, looking rather pale "_Dinner_?"

The blonde gave an exasperated sigh and another nod "_Yes_, sister. _Dinner_. Uther invited me to join you both and Arthur so I can recount tales of quests and won battles and the such like."

"But you have not-"

"_Until then_, Morgana!" Morgause emphasised loudly, gesturing again and sending a pointed stare at her younger, much less intellectually equipped, sister. "I need time to prepare my moustache!"

She received a disbelieving look in return and then, with a great amount of discontentment that was evident in the way she moved, Morgana flounced out of the room and slammed the door shut, only to briefly open it again and declare impudently, "No amount of preparing could _ever_ make _you_ look good with a moustache!"

The door was then promptly closed again and the ward stormed down the corridor, leaving Morgause in her quarters to turn and gaze into a mirror hanging upon one of the walls nearest to her and let out a snort of amusement, shortly followed by a confident assertion of "What in Goddess is she talking about? I look _marvellous_ with a moustache. I look marvellous with _anything_."

* * *

Sadly, it seemed this fact had not escaped the notice of practically every female servant in the castle either. Whilst Morgause herself seemed to remain blissfully unaware of this fact, Morgana had to sit and watch with increasing irritation as her sister breezed into the dining hall with her ridiculous moustache and a trail of young women behind her, all squabbling with each other in their attempts to gain her attention.

"Sir Morgalahad, let _me_ show you to your seat!"

"No, _I_ will show him to his seat!"

"Be quiet, he wants _me_ to show him the way!"

"I think he is clever enough to _see _the way, you two! _I_ will get him a drink!"

"No, _I_ will get him a drink! Sir Morgalahad, you want _me_ to get you a drink, do you not?"

"Go _away_, Beatrice! I can do this _without_ you!"

"Sir Morgalahad, will you let _me_ pull out your chair for you?"

There was a brief pause once they reached the table and Morgause, giving a nod of agreement to the shortest of the women, replied indifferently "I do not see why not."

And so the chair was pulled out by a beaming servant and Morgause leisurely seated herself, apparently oblivious to the wave of discontentment she had caused to ripple throughout the rest of the women. The servant gave a slight squeal of what seemed to be uncontainable joy and then quickly hurried away as the largest of the group, who seemed to be called Beatrice, chased after her with a very angry expression on her face and a mutter of "_I_ wanted to pull out his chair!"

As the King and Arthur were yet to arrive for dinner and, as if _that_ display was not enough, the remaining servants all clustered around Morgause's chair with generous offers of:

"Shall _I _get you a drink, Sir Morgalahad?"

"Would you like _me_ to get you a cushion, Sir Morgalahad?"

"_I_ could stay and refill your drinks if you would like, Sir Morgalahad?"

Morgause merely ignored most of the requests, although she did nonchalantly order one servant to bring her a bowl of grapes which, when they arrived, she began to unhurriedly consume. Morgana by this point, sat opposite her sister, had reached the end of her patience and suddenly snapped, with rather more venom in her voice than she had intended "It is interesting how you can all treat a guest so well, yet continue to neglect the King's _ward_."

There had been a fairly long silence at this, with the servants all staring, panic-stricken, in her direction. Morgause, in stark contrast, had looked the absolute embodiment of indifference itself, propping an elbow onto the table and resting her chin on her palm as she popped another grape into her mouth and began to chew.

Eventually, once the silence had reached such a level that Morgana thought her ears would surely bleed from the _lack_ of noise, she gestured to the door and muttered a dismissal to the servants, who all hastily clambered over each other in order to get out of the room first.

_Urgh_! How Morgana hated this dinner already! And it had not even begun!

"One thing I _shall _say about Camelot..." Morgause began thoughtfully, after a few moments of _more _silence "...is that it _does_ cater for its guests _extremely_ well."

Just as Morgana was about to snap that this was only the case for Morgause because the majority of the women in the castle confusedly wanted to get into her pants on account of the fact that they thought she was a _man_ - Uther and Arthur decided to enter the room, causing her to quickly shut her half-open mouth again.

"Ah! Sir Morgalahad!" The King greeted cheerfully, crossing the dining hall with Arthur in tow "You have not yet been introduced to my son! This is Arthur!" He gave the Prince an affectionate smack on the back before seating himself at the head of the table and offering the sisters a rare smile "You two have been getting along, I hope?"

Morgana gave a slight shrug in response, whilst Arthur sat down next to her, and watched in irritation as Morgause shifted seamlessly into 'Sir Morgalahad' mode.

"But of course! The Lady Morgana has been telling me all about your triumphs in the tournaments held here."

Uther waved his hand in an unenthusiastic attempt to modestly dismiss the topic. "Oh, there is not much to tell."

"On the contrary, I hear you are quite the swordsman."

And, of course, given a real opportunity to subtly boast about his achievements, the King swiftly accepted the conversation path as the servants began to serve dinner.

Both Morgana and Arthur remained silent for the majority of the evening, realising it would only be a fool who attempted to change subjects from one the King so dearly loved. Watching as both Uther and Morgause managed to demolish the entire three course meal and then ask for seconds, the ward noticed with _less than keen_ fascination that her sister had taken to _twirling_ her moustache. Especially when she was recounting _entirely fake_ scenarios.

"Yes, it is true! I tell you no lies! I have fought off both griffins _and_ giant alligators and, at one point, _both_ at the same time with only one hand!"

"No!"

"I speak nothing but the truth, your highness."

"I have never heard of such a tale!"

"It is nothing compared to the time I bested an ogre in an arm wrestle."

Uther slammed his tankard down onto the table in what was apparently joyous disbelief "_An ogre_?"

"Indeed, your highness. Whilst my arm was _broken_."

The stories grew longer and more ridiculous, yet Uther, steadily depleting all supplies of ale, seemed more than content to accept them all as fact.

By this point, Morgana was slumped back in her chair moodily, watching the proceedings, specifically her sisters' moustache twirling, through narrowed eyes. Arthur, who had been almost reduced to sleep, shifted to the side to gently nudge the ward with an elbow and whisper discreetly, "I could not help but notice you have been eyeing up our guest since he arrived."

What?

_What?_

_WHAT?_

"Oh, no, no. You have received quite the wrong impression." Morgana quietly replied, trying her best to immediately forget the Prince had ever unknowingly suggested she found her _own sister_ attractive in such a way. Especially since she was wearing such a _ridiculous moustache-_

"There is no need to be like that." The blond haired man murmured, leaning back in his chair again and raising his brows suggestively "Apparently most of the servant girls are quite taken with him too."

_No, no, no, no, no!_ Morgana stared at the Prince in disgust for a brief moment or two longer before turning her gaze back to Morgause, just in time to witness the blonde declare brazenly "I have always thought that wolves are such a bother, so I _crushed one with my bare hands_ once!"

The ward's eyes flitted to Uther, watching in disbelief as he began to nod readily in agreement.

_Good Goddess..._

As the evening wore on, and Morgause attempted to demonstrate to the King the _exac_t correct way to wrestle a bear, Morgana briefly wondered to herself whether she had, at some point earlier in the day, hit her head and fallen unconscious and that this entire situation was all just a part of some odd coma-induced dream.

* * *

Stalking somebody had never been so easy.

Morgana's maidservant wore such a bright shade of yellow that it shone out like a beacon from leagues away, allowing Morgause to keep a comfortable distance behind her without losing track of her whereabouts.

The blonde had been following Gwen all about the castle, almost since dawn, and so far, excluding a minor moment where Gwen had lurked outside of Morgana's chambers for perhaps longer than was entirely necessary after helping the young witch to rise and get dressed, there had been no behaviour suggesting she herself was partial to a spot of stalking.

It was nearing afternoon when the maidservant began to make a sudden beeline for the direction of Morgana's quarters again and Morgause, feeling entirely invigorated about this new course, was determined to follow her the whole way there and _find out what she was up to!_

The only slight problem with this plan came about when the blonde was halfway down a corridor and a loud squealing sound echoed out from behind her. She had to confess in that briefest of moments that even she, _Morgause_, was not entirely able to fathom what was happening or what was causing such a noise.

Gwen, further down the corridor, paused momentarily at the sound, apparently decided it must have been a bee or that it was not at all important given her current mission, and continued on her merry way.

Well, whatever the sound had been, it was _not_ going to stop Morgause either! Just as the blonde was about to start forwards again and stalk the maidservant so well she would never have known she was stalked at all – _the squealing!_

Unlike Gwen, who was trotting along unperturbed, Morgause had reached the end of her tether regarding such _nonsense_ and whipped around the face the source of such a ridiculous sound, _ready to blast it with such a large mass of fire that even its ashes would catch alight again and-_

A group of female servants. That was what the blonde's eyes regrettably landed on. Over-excited, squealing young women who were all jumping up and down eagerly and clutching hysterically at one another.

"He is looking _straight at us_!"

"I _told you_ he was handsome!"

"Alicia, _go and speak_ with him!"

"_Introduce us_ to him, Alicia!"

"_You_ pulled out _his_ chair, Alicia!"

_Whatever were they muttering about?_ Morgause, with a slight, confused frown emerging on her face, turned on her heel again, spotting Gwen as she just disappeared around a corner. _No, no, no, no! _The _number one_ rule of stalking was to never, _ever_, under _any_ circumstances, lose sight of the stalkee! _Cursed servant wenches!_ Did they have to be so _loud_ when...discussing their duties or whatever it was they were so excited about? _Had they no care for those around them that were engaged in far more important activiti-_

_Bump._

Morgause blinked as she came to a halt, glancing down at the cluster of women now surrounding her and blocking her way to stalking triumph. _What in Goddess' name were they doing? _They seemed to be staring up at her in_...anticipation - ? For heaven's sake!_ She was _not _a travelling circus act!

"What is it you want?" The blonde snapped in a half bewildered, half irritable fashion. _Did they seek the day of the week? Had she unintentionally pushed one of them over earlier in the day and not noti-_

There were a few more squeals at this question, and even some joyous giggling, before one servant was pushed forwards to address the gallant 'Sir Morgalahad'. She briefly turned back to look at her friends and exclaim "_Edith_!", but was promptly quieted by some confidence boosting urging on by the gaggle of women. Taking a deep, steadying breath in order to apparently calm herself sufficiently – which only served to perplex Morgause even more – the young woman turned to the blonde and gave her a beaming smile before stating "I am Alicia."

She received a blank, uninterested stare in reward for her efforts.

Another intake of breath, then "And...we all...well, I mean, I would...or rather...would you care for _me_ to show _you_ around the castle?"

More squeals of delight and Morgause screwed up her face into a mild scowl, staring at them all incredulously for a few moments before replying bluntly, and in a manner that suggested to the ludicrousness of the question "No."

_But – an arm linking with her own?_ The blonde glanced to her side to find another young woman batting her eyelashes rather vigorously in her direction "_I _could take you around the castle, if you would like."

_Another arm taking her only other available arm?_ Morgause turned her head to find yet _another_ servant had deemed it appropriate to manhandle her without her consent. "No, _I_ will show him the castle!"

"No, _me_!"

"_Me_!"

And soon _all _of the women were arguing loudly for their right to spend some time with the mysterious new knight, unbeknownst to them that they were actually currently in the company of somebody who was regarded by the King to be one of the most dangerous people alive.

"Sir Morgalahad, let _me_ take you!"

"_I _know the castle _best_, Edith!"

"_Get off of his arm_, Beatrice! He does not want _you_!"

"_I_ have the keys to the kitchens, _I_ can feed him!"

"Move _over_, Alicia! You have _had_ your chance!"

"Come with _me_ to the servants quarters, Sir Morgalahad! Nobody is there and we can spend some quality time toge-"

"No! Spend some quality time with _me_, Sir Morgalahad!"

"_I_ know more about quality time than _any_ of you! _Go away_!"

"_I_ would be content with an _embrace_, Sir Morgalahad!"

_What in Goddess' name were they wittering on about?_ Morgause, now more bewildered than she had been during all of her sisters' visits combined, decided that _enough was enough_! If none of the women were going to say anything _intelligible_ then she was not about to stand around and waste her time with them!

Forcefully pushing both of the servants off of her limbs, and ignoring their indignant whines of "_But Sir Morgalahad!_", the blonde swept the group to the side with an arm and began on her way again, only to pause for a moment, half turn in their direction and snap "_Honestly_! I know you are only _servants_ but that does _not_ mean you cannot string a coherent sentence together! This has been a _remarkable_ waste of my time and I hold you all and your _ridiculous squealing_ solely accountable! If there is _any_ law in this Kingdom that so much as _hints_ to the banning of such nonsensical behaviour, then I give you my word _I shall have you all hanged_!"

The young women stood there for a long time, staring in a sort of terrified awe as Morgause stormed down the corridor and vanished around the corner in the hopes of finding Gwen again. It was a good few minutes before Alicia eventually piped up, in a sort of breathless wonder "That was _magnificent_."

Another servant was nodding enthusiastically. "He has such a..._presence_ about him!"

"And an air of confidence unmatched!"

"His _dark eyes_!"

"His hair like _spun gold_!"

"His _moustache_!"

The women let out a unified, dreamy sigh of the utmost contentment, unable to comprehend just how such a wonderful being had entered the castle walls when, clearly, Sir Morgalahad was _far superior_ to any mere mortal he encountered.

* * *

The next few days had not gone as well as either of the sisters had hoped. Morgause, unfortunately, had not been able to continue her 'investigation' regarding Gwen and her possible stalking tendencies, since every time she stepped out into a corridor or into the courtyard she was quickly surrounded by a gaggle of excited young women who insisted on trailing about after her around the castle.

"It is simply ludicrous!" the blonde was complaining as she sought refuge in her chambers with Morgana "It has reached such a stage that I declare I am being _stalked_!"

The ward, who was sitting comfortably on a chair and eyeing a bowl of grapes resting before her on a small table, gave a slight shrug. "To be honest with you sister, there is so much stalking going on now that I have simply lost the plot altogether."

There was a frustrated huff in reply and Morgause, deciding that pacing the room was not getting her anywhere, came to a halt beside the table and rested her hands irritably on her hips "I just do not understand! They are _everywhere_! Especially that fat one named Beatrice! She takes up the _entire_ corridor and as a result I am literally _forced_ to stop in my tracks when I see her incoming! I do not know _how_ they are getting the impression that I am _at all_ vaguely concerned in _anything_ they have to say when I keep reminding them that I could not be less interested if I were _dead_!"

"They are probably under the impression that you are playing 'hard-to-get'." Morgana said with a sigh, reaching forwards and taking a grape to eat, only to glance up at her sister and notice she was being given a fearsome glare.

_Well, really! Morgause would have to learn to share at some point in her life!_

"And dear Gwen _is_ still stalking me, I am sure of it." The young witch continued after promptly consuming the grape and opting to pretend not to acknowledge the scowl on Morgause's face "Not only that, but she has taken to giving me the most remarkably _intense_ stares during breakfast, as though she is hoping that I shall crack under the pressure and reveal all. She barely even blinks and I confess it is one of the most _alarming_ things I have ever experienced."

"My stay is coming to an end soon too." Morgause brooded discontentedly "I fear I have not been of much use at all."

"Well, you have not."

Another glare was shot in her direction, and Morgana gave a small shrug, popping a second grape into her mouth at the utter disapproval of her sister.

"_Must_ you keep consuming all of my grapes, Morgana? You know how I like them-"

"I firmly believe in the notion of 'sharing is caring'."

"But sharing is not caring, it is merely giving others your own valuable resources when you could be enjoying them instead."

Morgana eyed her sister for a moment, thinking about how very alike to a small, misbehaving child she was sometimes, before holding her hands up in defeat and leaning back in her chair. "As you wish, as you wish! I shall sit here and starve."

Morgause merely emitted a grunt of acknowledgment in response, rather looking as though she wished she could fling herself forwards and snatch up the bowl and cradle it protectively in her arms. "...Actually, sister, there is one thing I could do before my time here is at an end. I have been thinking that perhaps I _should _attempt to dispose of Uther after all. It would mean my time here was not _entirely_ wasted-"

"Yes, _well_! This is only what I have been saying to you since you arri-"

"He has asked me, I mean, Sir Morgalahad, to join him for a drink later in the evening. I fancied I could push him into the fireplace."

Morgana gave a small, mocking smirk, before giving her reply in a very sarcastic manner that aggravated Morgause considerably "But _alas_, where is the _drama_, sister?"

"Oh, _there will be drama_." The blonde retorted touchily "There will be more drama than the time I fought off ten griffins and sixty oversized alligators."

A brief pause.

A frown.

"...that never _actually_ happened to you though, sist-"

"I declare it could have!"

Morgana raised a slender brow. "I rather feel as though you are getting yourself and Sir Morgalahad mixed u-"

"Sshh!"

"But Morgau-"

"I care not for your irrelevant opinions." The older witch interrupted crossly, moving over to a mirror and quickly glancing over her appearance, taking note that her fake moustache looked as _glorious_ as usual "Now, if you will excuse me sister, I shall go and murder the King of Camelot."

Morgana gave an unconvinced nod, the smirk still playing across her lips as she watched the blonde stomp over to the doorway, pause, turn and emphasize "_In a highly dramatic fashion_!" before disappearing out of the door.

* * *

_Good Goddess, she was beautiful!_

That was the first thing that practically overwhelmed Morgana's mind as she stared in admiration at her own reflection in her chambers. Her nose was perfect, her lips were perfect, her cheekbones were perfect, her eyes were _beyond_ perfect and her hair was simply a miracle that graced the world. How anybody managed to get any work done and did not become distracted with her around, she would never know.

She could barely concentrate on any of her tasks _herself_, and _she_ was the one who was so utterly beautiful in the first pla-

A loud banging noise echoed out and Morgana was promptly jolted out of her joyous narcissism, turning to look incredulously towards the door. _Who in Goddess' name could that be?_ She surely hoped it was not Gwen, for admiring her own reflection was bound to be far less enjoyable with her maidservant staring at her from across the room.

With a small sigh, the ward moved across her chambers and opened the door, having to quickly dart backwards a little as Morgause tumbled into the room, looking rather more flustered than usual.

"...Sister?"

"Oh! Morgana! Yes!" The blonde greeted, stumbling over her words slightly as she attempted to straighten her posture again and regain her composure...without much success. "There you are!"

The younger witch frowned. "Is Uther dealt with? Whatever is the matter?"

"Oh, it is just a small thing really. Almost a non-issue." Morgause replied breezily, giving a somewhat tense smile and forcing the door closed again before turning around and announcing, with fake enthusiasm "_We are getting married_!"

There was a very long silence. Perhaps the longest silence that had ever befallen the two sisters, elongated even further when Morgause spread her arms open in what seemed to be the hopes of a hug.

She did not get one.

"_E-Excuse me_?" Morgana eventually managed to choke out, looking rather pale and more than a little horrified. "Married? What are you-?"

Morgause's arms fell back down to her sides and she even had the audacity to look a little irritated "_Do not be like that, sister_! It is not as though it is _my _fault! Uther was the one who suggested such an idea and then I merely _unintentionally_ agreed and, as such, he believes that I have come up here to propose to you!"

"What do you mean-?"

"Well I was adamant that I wanted to dispose of him by pushing him into the fireplace, but he stayed sitting on his wretched seat at the table no matter how heavily I suggested he looked cold. He simply wittered on about you for half an hour and then expressed how he felt you and I had been getting on so _very well_ at all the dinners and...and there was something about how he believed an alliance between Camelot and some Kingdom called _Grapethion_ would be a most agreeable situation and..._I have never even heard of such a place _and-"

"_IT IS THE KINGDOM YOU PROCLAIMED TO HAVE COME FROM_!" Morgana shrieked in incredulity, unable to believe what was happening "_WITH ALL ITS RICHES AND VAST SIZED ARMIES_!"

Another slight pause and Morgause gave a small, thoughtful "_Oh_" in reply.

Apparently this response did not please her sister in the slightest. "_For heaven's sake, Morgause_! You were supposed to be _killing_ Uther, _not arranging a wedding_!"

"Do not get in such a _temper_, Morgana! I am leaving Camelot straight away so you may avoid such a fate!"

"I am engaged to my _sister_!" The ward declared disgustedly, more to herself than the blonde who was looking increasingly offended.

"Oh, am I not _good enough_ for you?"

"_What_?"

"I declare you could do no better than marry me!" Morgause announced pompously, gesturing at herself as if that made her statement obvious.

Morgana stared at the blonde in disbelief for a moment or two longer before exasperatedly rubbing her forehead. _How did she even get in situations like this?_ "_Goddess, Morgause_! Would you please attempt to get your priorities in orde-"

"I would make a far superior husband to any mere _man_ you might decide to-"

"_You need to leave Camelot immediately_!"

"Oh, _I see_! You cannot _wait _to get rid of me now, can yo-"

"_Leave, Morgause_! I wish to see you disappearing!"

"_Well fine_!" The blonde snapped, her voice raised as the offence she felt reached its absolute peak "It is not as though I would want to become married to _you_ at any rate! You being the absolute embodiment of _mediocrity itself_!" And, with a flourish, Morgause haughtily tore off her fake moustache, flicked it furiously into Morgana's face and began her tried and tested teleportation spell, quickly vanishing from sight before the ward had time to think of a suitable retort.

* * *

Shortly after Morgause had disappeared, Gwen had entered the ward's room, only to question as to why there was a fake moustache on the floor. Morgana had, in a very smooth manner, she felt, dismissed the idea by claiming that it was not a moustache at all but was, in fact, _a caterpillar_.

There had been an exchange of suspicious looks, and a few glances cast downwards to the object in question, before the maidservant had informed Morgana that the King requested her presence.

And so it had been that the ward relayed to Uther in the throne room that she had _not_ been visited by Sir Morgalahad and that, as far as she knew, the strange knight was no longer in the castle.

This news came as quite a shock to Uther, who seemed to be incredibly bewildered by Sir Morgalahad's disappearance. As were the servants, who despondently wandered about the place, occasionally mentioning to each other nostalgically "That was the spot where I first laid eyes on him..."

Morgana, in contrast, was an absolute ray of sunshine, practically skipping about the castle and barely even caring when Gwen gave her wary side glances. _There was no more Sir Morgalahad! No more watching as the servants gave all their attention unknowingly to Morgause! No more worries of marriage!_ Everything was just wonderful, _wonderful!_

It eventually came to light a few days later, from Gaius himself, that after much intense research on the matter, there _was no_ noble house of Oswald or Kingdom of Grapethion. This only managed to perplex the King even further before, in a fit of rage, he ordered a bounty to be put onto Sir Morgalahad's head – 'If that is his name at all!' – and a large hunt began to track down the mystery knight. Not that they would ever find him.

At dinner that evening, Uther was the very personification of misery, staring glumly at the vacant seat where Sir Morgalahad had situated himself only days before. "He was so..._amiable_." The King murmured eventually, shaking his head miserably "I suppose you never can tell with people in these times."

Arthur had agreed, although he did not look at all bothered by the loss as he tucked into the main course and took a generous sip from his tankard.

Morgana, on the other hand, had simply glanced at the empty seat and smirked.

* * *

_Authors Notes: 'Stalkee' is a real word. Yes it is. Sshhhh, just accept it. MOUSTACHE. Uh-huh. Yes. That's right, I gave Morgause a moustache and all the servant girls loved her and Morgana got rather jealous at dinner and then the sisters almost became engaged and you can't stop me._

_You loved it. Yes you did. Even if you didn't, I fancy you did. So you did. Don't question me._

_As usual, I feel I should point out to you all, just in passing, that: **I ADORE YOU ALL TO THE POINT OF NO RETURN AND BEYOND THAT AND A LEFT AT DAVY JONES LOCKER.** If I could, I would appear in all of your houses RIGHT NOW and scoop you up in my long appendages of arms and swing you back and forth and then kidnap you and we would all go and live merrily on a farm that I would call 'ASDFGHJKL FARM' and the sun would shine and the rainbows would bow and all would be well. Until the police found me and arrested me for kidnap. But yes. Apart from that minor blip, ALL WOULD BE WELL._

_OH OH OH! AND REVIEW. Because you know how much it pleases me. I squeal like the servants in this story. Yes I do. And I love all of my reviewers. Yes. I want to stroke all of your faces with oven gloves._

_. . ._

_And yes, I am also aware that I am getting steadily more and more insane._

_Mmm, insanity._

_'Til next parchment, young twinkle toes!_

_x_


	18. Cats and Laps

_Authors Notes: First and foremost, before any spangly words of wisdom from my very fine self, I must inform you all that I SEND YOU EACH A BUCKET FULL OF APOLOGIES. It has been so long since I updated that I have a great, Albus Dumbledore style beard (despite being a woman) and wrinkles all across my sunshine face. I barely knew how to turn the computer on and when I tried to type...my fingers turned to dust. THAT IS HOW LONG IT HAS BEEN. I now have to resort to telekinesis in order to press down the keys! And I am so sorry! I am more sorry than the time I snorted vinegar up my nose! I AM THAT SORRY. So take my bucket of apologies! Take it and please fill it with your merciful forgiveness! And then send it back! And I shall envelop the forgiveness in my arms and cherish it for exactly eight full moons...and then I shall climb INTO the bucket and send myself back to you all in order to PERSONALLY thank you for the forgiveness. I am sorry. I am. **I am. **It is merely that my exams start in two weeks and I have been doing gargantuan amounts of revision. It saddens me, but it must be done...**  
**_

_I DO STILL LOVE YOU ALL THOUGH. Each and every one of you that reads this story! I love you with my big, warm, beating, red organ that resides somewhere within my ribcage! MMMMM. ORGAN. Now stop reading these nonsensical authors notes and enjoy the story! ENJOY IT. ENJOY IT WITH EVERY ORGAN WITHIN YOUR DELICIOUS BODY._

_P.S. I am not a cannibal. I promise.  
_

_**I present to you a chapter in which Morgause becomes almost inconsolably jealous, Morgana finds her ideal Princess and Gwen is simply very, very confused**__  
_

_ChristineThePirateQueen – I do? Thank you! They just pop into my head and I embrace and roll with them! WAIT. SHUT DOWN EVERYTHING. A MOUSTACHE THEMED DANCE? **MOUSTACHE. THEMED. DANCE. **What even. How does this even happen. I want. I just. Can I just. Oh. Oh good gracious me._

_Water1Wolf – YOU SPEAK ABOUT THIS STORY WITH YOUR FRIEND? You actually use your mouths and discuss and I just can't. You. You think and talk about my story and you have a friend and you both open and shut your mouths and there are words in the air and I cannot even FUNCTION. **OH SWEET SMILEY FACES I AM PLEASED**. Mmm...moustaches. Om nom nom. NOT PAST THE FIRST LINE! NAY! WHAT BLISSFUL MADNESS IS THIS? You would let me kidnap you? So technically it wouldn't be kidnap? OH. OH YES PLEASE. LET US FROLIC. LET US FROLIC **HARD.**_

_SilverHeart09 – EEEEEE! I am so pleased you liked the name of the Kingdom! Oh, Morgause and her grapes... 'I wrote 'examples of grapes' on one of my flashcards instead of 'examples of fastenings.' I AM DYING. **I HAVE IMPACTED YOUR LIFE IN A SLIGHTLY NEGATIVE WAY AND THAT PLEASES ME**. 'I wouldn't mind being inappropriate with Cenred ;)' OOOH MY. Well, he is quite the mysterious, dark haired, handsome fellow after all... ;D_

_Kitty O – 'I've been told that once someone writes you a poem, you officially made it on ff dot net. Be proud.' **I AM SO PROUD I AM WEEPING I CAN ASSURE YOU**. Om nom nom! Snacks! Did it include grapes? Yes, the guards do stink! They need sorting out! UTHER WOULD YOU PLEASE GET A TRAINING PROGRAMME READY OR SOMETHING. 'I did NOT need to have that in my mind.' That is absolutely no problem my little baby hen. My work here is done ;D And oh gosh yes, I've had that problem so many times. There's been witches willy nilly about the place. I AM OVERUN BY WITCHES. THEY ARE EVERYWHERE. IN MY HAIR AND IN MY CEREAL. **EVERYWHERE**. 'Which to be weirded out over?' Well, it is MORGAUSE and she is a **COLLOSAL** creeper on her sister...so probably all of them. ;) I'M SO GLAD YOU LOVED IT. I LOVE YOUR LOVING OF THE LOVE OF IT...BEING LOVED BY YOUR LOVE. Mmmm. **Love.**_

_IceCreamDoodle13 – 'Oh, to be swept away in your marvelous sea of insanity.' **ASDFGHJKL.** I SHALL SWEEP YOU, HAVE NO FEAR. I SHALL SWEEP YOU **GOOD**. 'THIS. IS. PURE. GENIUS' OH. OH. **OH GODDESS.** You are so very, very lovely and I want to blow petals of joy into your face...and then they could blossom into flowers of mirth. And I shall call you 'Mirth Face' :3 'Take what you will!' I WANT A TRACTOR FOR MY 'ASDFGHJKL FARM' THAT RUNS ON RAINBOWS AND SUNSHINE AND IS THE **COLOUR OF HAPPINESS. **Pleaase? :D_

_Catindahat – **OH LORD**. Thank you very much! I hope you enjoy this chapter just as much as the rest! :)_

_mysilentwitness – I want her hair too! Let us steal it together! :D 'I'm a pretty good stalker too!' My dear sweetums, I am a bit partial to the odd spot of stalking myself. MMM. Being a creeper. Nothing pleases me more! (Except REVIEWS) 'Either Morgause is being a total psycho or Morgana is acting as the queen.' Haha, yes they are rather dysfunctional aren't they? Maybe some counselling is in order... 'My side is aching from how hard I am laughing! But it's good pain!' THERE IS NO PAIN BETTER. EMBRACE IT. **EMBRACE THE PAIN**. 'DID I MENTION THAT I LOVE YOU?' I just cannot even. How do you words. I LOVE YOU TOO. **WE SHALL LOVE EACH OTHER TOGETHER FOREVER**. 'This problem is more serious than I'd hoped.' STOP MAKING ME LAUGH! Honestly, here I am attempting to write a coherent response to my reviews **WHICH I FIND DIFFICULT AT THE BEST OF TIMES** and then you make my lungs erupt into spasm! ASDFGHJKL. 'Go check Hogwarts.' I feel like they might not accept her sadistic ways there :( 'So Morgana obviously is, indirectly, a slasher' Not to mention Morgause. Who seems to be more of a **direct **slasher xD Oh, she's such a creeper... :') 'I live for every word you write, my darling!' WHAT. WHAT. WHAT EVEN. OH. THE PRESSURE. THE JOYOUS PRESSURE TO KEEP YOU ALIVE. **I BATHE IN IT.**_

_Immortal Spud Thief – WOOP FOR MEMEBASE! :D Silly Gwen trying to stalk in BRIGHT YELLOW. It's almost as bad as Morgana trying to stalk in BRIGHT RED. I think combined, they would make the world's worst stalking team. 'Oh Morgana. That is all I need to say.' Mm, yes. She's...'special' :3 'BRB OFF TO HOGWARTS TO GET ONE FOR HER!' Morgause with a three headed dog? SHE WILL BE UNSTOPPABLE. **AND THAT PLEASES ME GREATLY**. 'oblivious!Morgause just makes my life complete!' **ASDFGHJKL.** I am glad that I have helped fill that void in your life! :D 'she is gorgeous and I would be getting her right into bed as soon as possible!' YOU KNOW WHAT. I SHARE THAT OPINION. **WE MAY HAVE TO DUEL FOR HER**. And, YES they **DO **ship themselves! xD It's so painfully obvious on screen I almost die whenever they have a scene together :') 'MORGAUSE HAVING A TANTRUM WHEN MORGANA DIDN'T WANT TO GET MARRIED!' She doesn't like being rejected, ok? Besides, she likes to think she's good enough for, NAY, **better **than anyone else she encounters :'D_

_Bean Cat – That is most fine my scrumptious seal cub! 'GENIUS! Absolutely amazifinacious, my friend!' YOU KNOW HOW I REACT WHEN YOU SAY SUCH NICE THINGS YET YOU CONTINUE TO DO SO. And **I LIKE IT.**_

_bubblepunk12 – They do! They really and truly do to the moon and beyond and back! Everybody should have a moustache! 'You made my day.' OH LORDY LORDY LORDY. I DO TRY. **SO THANK YOU.**_

_Namikaze Artemis – Now that WAS a counter and a half! Hmm...then I am afraid I must resort to: QPWOEIRUTYALSKDJFHGZMXNCBV. You're going to make a poem for me? **I AM IN SO MUCH SUSPENSE I AM SAILING IN THE TIDES OF ANTICIPATION.** 'Well, Morgana's always a "little" slow on the uptake. Just a "little".' I literally could not have put it better myself :') Hmm, yes, Morgause isn't the BEST role model in the world, is she? =/ SHE SHALL SWISH AS MUCH AS SHE MERRILY WANTS! xD 'MORE INSCENSE? I mean, inscent. Or ensent.' **I ACTUALLY GENUINELY CAN'T.** THERE IS A FLOOD OF TEARS OF LAUGHING JOY STREAMING DOWN MY FACE AT THE PACE OF A GALLOPING STEED. Oh. Oh lord! 'inscent'. I can't. X'D that formula was...beautiful! :O And frighteningly accurate! 'DIE, MORGAUSE!' OH NO YOU DIDN'T. DO NOT TEMPT HER WITH VIOLENCE. SHE WILL DESTROY YOU WITH FIRE. 'Grape? Seriously?' What can I say? Morgause likes her grapes! :P 'You secretly like Morgana/Morgause... You must.' **I CONFESS**: It is an odd and 'I-really-shouldn't-but-I-do' pairing I ship! **I CANNOT BE TAMED**. Besides, they ship themselves! They really do have far too much UST for sisters. :')_

_lilyplusjamesistotallove – THAT POEM THOUGH. **THAT. POEM**. HOW DO YOU TALENT. It was beautiful and it was all for me and I cried happy tears of joy and pride and slight vanity!'_ _Please at least TRY to smile' TRY? TRY? **I WAS SMILING FROM THE FIRST LINE.** It would have been impossible to NOT smile you silly, sweet, lovely, wondrous, gorgeous...**SHINE FACE**. Stay with me forever and read my stories and remind me of your joyous poem and **NEVER LEAVE ME. I LOVE YOU AND YOUR POEM SO MUCH IT HURTS. **I might frame it in my room so that I can revel in its splendour every day! **EVERY. DAY.**_

_PoisoningPigeonsinthePark – 'I apologise profusely, and beg for your forgiveness. I offer you all of my virtual possessions.' There is no need to apologise my lovely starshine! But...um...if you're going to offer your virtual possessions then...**WHO AM I TO REFUSE**? *Grabs cookies and devours* '...made me really appreciate the sheer masterfulness of Morgana, Morgause and their grape-related dramatics!' **MASTERFULNESS? ME?** OH. WHAT EVEN. **CAN I JUST STEAL YOU AND HUG YOU FOREVER PLEASE? **What am I saying? You get no choice! **COME HERE!** *Leaps on* 'Morgause should go into advertising' ...that...is...A WONDERFUL IDEA. I am officially incorporating that into this story at some point SOMEHOW. 'So the cat doesn't like you very much, but I do!' I CAN LIVE WITH THAT. **I CAN LIVE WITH IT GOOD. **Mm-yes! Stalking everywhere! MORGAUSE/MOUSTACHE FOREVER. NEVER FORGET. 'That's a brilliant line' Ooooh my little rainbow cheeks! THANK YOU. :3 'But just know that my love is great and all-conquering and made of bunnies.' It is made from bunnies? MADE FROM THEM? OH. **THAT SOUNDS SO FLUFFY AND WONDERFUL I MAY JUST PASS OUT.**_

_BitterSweetReality – More epic? EVERYTIME? OH MY GOODNESS. I do try so hard and your words of love make it all so worth it! :D 'I seriously love the relationship between the two crazy witches' **THIS PLEASES ME AS MUCH AS IF I COULD GROW MY OWN MOUSTACHE**. I'm happy you like it so much!_

_forgetmaine - **ASDFGHJKL.** I hear the applause from afar! I hear it with my ears and with **MY SOUL** and** I LIKE IT**. 'how those girls have evaded natural selection so long is just beyond me' This makes two of us, my sweet cherry dandelion, this makes two of us..._

_Ranger Maestro - I feel more than a little proud and more than a little joyous that I confirmed your suspicions. Mmm. I confirmed them **good.**  
_

* * *

_**Evil, Shady Dealings**_

* * *

**18.**

**Cats and Laps**

* * *

Morgana liked to think that she was a very reasonable person. She did not dislike many things, with the exceptions of Uther, Merlin, Gaius, Arthur, council sessions, people who did not keep up to date with fashion, long journeys, uneven cobblestones, her own sister for a lot of the time, loud noises, unclean mirrors and, more recently, stalkers. But one thing she could not stand was _mud._

_Mud, mud, mud._ Everywhere, _mud._

She would have liked to have blamed it on the torrential rain that had hit Camelot over the past few days, but the ward could not help but feel this was more the _peasants_ doing than any other external forces. Did they really have to keep _walking_ everywhere in their ridiculously out-dated clogs? They were simply turning the market and general lower town area into a mud bath. The place looked as though a _landslide_ had hit it and it took all of the raven haired woman's strength to stop from _pushing somebody over in order to vent her fury and then grab their absurd clogs and impart a great deal of wrath by repeatedly striking them with –_

"Milady, are you alright?"

Morgana blinked and glanced to her side, where Gwen was trotting concernedly along. Thankfully, the maidservant had given up her stalking charade and, for now at least, was continuing to play the obedient servant role.

Sadly, that had included her suggestion of browsing the market. So actually, if Morgana _really _thought about it, her current location of an area that looked almost post-apocalyptic was all _Guinevere's _fault-

"I am fine, thank you. I merely cannot shake the feeling that perhaps this was not the..._best_ idea you have ever had."

"Oh, I am sorry, milady. I just thought that some fresh air would do us some good after being cooped up ins-_IDE_!" Gwen suddenly slid forwards, gallantly grabbing a hold of Morgana and causing the ward to slip as well and let out a brief shriek, before, with a great deal of flailing of her other arm, she managed to righten their balance. Gingerly releasing her vice like grip on the other woman, and sheepishly taking a small, tentative step backwards, Gwen began softly "...perhaps we should turn back..."

"Yes," Morgana replied, not without a hint of irritation in her voice "Perhaps we should."

And so it was that the two women cautiously started to make their way back to the castle, with Gwen attempting to redeem herself by commenting on how lovely Morgana's hair looked, and with the ward haughtily replying "Well, yes, _you _should know. You are the one who brushed it this morning after all."

From that, the maidservant made a quick mental note that, evidently, mud did _not _put the ward in high spirits.

_Trudge, trudge, trudge._

Gwen looked to the other. Oh Goddess, now Morgana was _scowling_. This could only herald an evening full of discontented glances and complaints. She did not deserve such a fate. She was only trying to be kind. She had even stopped stalking the ward and had used her free time to pick some lovely flowers and put them in a vase for Morgana to appreciate. Not that she did, because Morgana did not seem to appreciate _anything_ anymore. Instead, the ward seemed intent on distancing herself from everyone and becoming increasingly impolite, which, Gwen felt, was _entirely_ unnecessary. Why couldn't Morgana simply _smile_ again and –

"Oh! _A kitten_!"

The dark-skinned woman blinked at the excited squeal, turning to find that Morgana was positively _beaming_ down at a furry, rather bedraggled looking animal hunched beside a closed doorway. Rather wondering whether some deity had been listening to her thoughts and promptly placed the kitten there in order to induce a smile out of the ward, Gwen watched as Morgana bent down and picked the creature up.

Oh no. She could see where _this_ was going... "Milady..."

"Look how cute it is!"

"I...yes, it is very endearing. But-"

"Oh, it's shivering! It must be cold, the poor thing!"

"Mila-"

"And it is so thin!"

"We must be getting back, rea-"

"Gwen..." Morgana interrupted gently, cradling the kitten in her arms and looking to her maidservant with large, appealing eyes "...please...?"  
"Oh, milady, you can't."

"But it is so small and it is practically a swamp out here."

"It is really not my place to accept a pet into the castle."

"It might drown in the mud, Gwen." Morgana said sadly, nuzzling the furry bundle in her arms before gracing the other woman with another bout of hopeful eyes "Do you want a kitten to drown in the mud?"

The maidservant took a deep breath, glancing from Morgana to the kitten and back again. She was just about ready to stick to her answer and force the raven haired woman to put the kitten down, when a little pink tongue darted across Morgana's cheek and a soft purring sound reached her ears.

_Oh Goddess._

She was going to lose her job.

* * *

"Aren't you adorable? Yes! Yes you are! Look at you! Yes! Look at you now you're all clean! You are so pretty! " Morgana smiled happily, sitting on her bed as she brushed through the kitten's fur – which now boasted a rather sleek and shiny look to it after she had persuaded Gwen into helping her wash it.

In fact, the poor maidservant had looked as though she had regretted her decision to allow the kitten into Morgana's chambers as soon as she had made it. She had then proceeded to state, in a sort of flustered manner, that the kitten was only allowed to stay for _one_ night and that it then had to be returned to where they had found it.

Morgana paused for a moment, a small, miserable pout appearing on her face.

Oh, how she did _not_ want to return this beautiful animal.

She wanted to keep it forever and cuddle it always and watch it grow and brush its fur every day. How cruel Gwen was to let them bond over a night and then attempt to tear them apart! It was fine for her as she sat in her home, making daisy chains or whatever it was she engaged with in her spare time, for she was not gaining friendship with the kitten over the course of the evening and night like Morgana was!

_Oh wicked fate and black horizons!_

There was a small mewling sound and Morgana looked down to the animal, which was now gently pawing at her in the hopes of receiving more attention. The ward let out a wistful sigh "I wish I did not have to take you back. You are so lovely and you _listen to me_. You are the only one who does. Yes you are. Did I tell you that I have a sister? She does not listen to me. In fact, she is very rude and I do not entirely enjoy her company most of the time."

Another soft meow in reply.

"She looks a little akin to a lion actually. Perhaps the two of you are distantly related."

Pause.

_Wait a moment!_ Speaking of Morgause! There was the possibility that! The kitten could! It would be safe and! The night was still young!

The ward all but leapt to her feet, hastening to her wardrobe to fetch her red cloak before turning to glance down at the kitten lying on the bed, which was looking faintly alarmed. "Do not worry, this is merely a fine example of when a magnificent idea strikes me." Morgana reassured the animal confidently as she swung the cloak about her "Which, I hasten to add, happens rather a lot _actually_."

* * *

The main part of the cave was empty when Morgana arrived, which thankfully indicated that her sister was asleep in her 'room'. _Wonderful, wonderful, gracious, good fortune!_ She would have time to situate the kitten in an _ideal_ spot – essentially, not on _any_ form of furniture since Morgause was so picky about things being on her furnishings – she would have time to make sure the kitten looked its best, she would have time to think of a persuasive argument and she would have time to quickly check her own hair and general appearance which would be, she was sure, flawless as usual.

_Marvellous!_

But for now, the kitten could rest atop the table as she took off her cloak. Watching in faint amusement as the animal began to pace across the wood and occasionally peer over the edges, Morgana went about freeing herself from the entirely inconspicuous red garment and folding it up before placing it down beside the kitten. Then, trying to gain a more serious expression on her face, the ward began softly "Now listen here, you. You must not show any fear. Morgause has never been one to accommodate for weakness so you must, at all times, be the epitome of confidence and strength. Yes you must. And hopefully she will allow you to stay here with her and then I can visit you and all will be we-"

"Sister?" A voice suddenly echoed out from the tunnel leading to the blonde's 'room', "Is that you blundering about in my cave?"

_OH FLAMING PITS OF HELL!_ The ward whirled around, making sure to stand in front of the kitten on the table so as to block it from immediate view. "I...y-yes! I...it was...I am...it is a surprise visit!"

Morgause eventually stumbled into sight, rubbing her eyes sleepily, her hair a tangled mess as it usually was when she first awoke. Then, in response to her sisters' presence and announcement of a visit, the blonde gave a small, vague gesture of a hand – which Morgana assumed was meant to be a wave – and an unintelligible, drowsy murmur of greeting. _Oh dear..._

"Did I wake you?"

The other woman tiredly pointed to herself as if that was answer enough.

"I do apologise."

A loud yawn and the blonde, after a few blinks and another round of rubbing her eyes, finally seemed to focus on her sister. "A surprise visit, did you say?"

"Yes."

The two stared at each other. Morgause began to look increasingly weary as time went on and Morgana offered a smile, praying that the kitten would stay situated _behind_ her and not begin to wander across the table again. Seconds continued to drift by, steadily turning into minutes...all of which were passed in silence...silence...silence...

"Well. This has been riveting, Morgana. Thank you for your time."

"I...I was waiting for you to start conversation!"

"_You _are the one visiting _me_. You should have conversational topics ready."

_Curse Morgause and her valid points!_ "Well! I-I...I do!"

"You do?"

"Yes?"

"Then speak."

Blink, blink, blink. Morgana's mouth opened and closed. What to say, what to say? _Oh, she did not cope at all well under pressure! _Should she inform Morgause about the kitten already or should she begin with a different subject altogether or –

"This is beginning to stretch into an enormous waste of my time, sister." Morgause stated impatiently, eyeing her sister with a small degree of suspicion. "What is it you want?"

"I...I...you...I just...wanted to say that...-"

A meow.

A slight pause.

An incredulous look.

"Morgana, did you just deem it appropriate to _meow_ at me?"

"Well-"

Another meow, louder this time, coming from the table, and Morgause leant to the side to peer around her sister and find that something _furry was wobbling across the_ –

"_DISTRACTION_!" The ward suddenly shrieked, despite remaining exactly where she was and proceeding to do nothing else to herald an _actual_ distraction from the situation.

Morgause dedicated just the briefest of moments to sending a worried look in her sisters' direction, wondering how somebody related to her could be so _exceptionally_ idiotic, before glancing back to the table and asking, with her voice rising slightly "Is that..._is that a cat on my table_?"

"I can explain!"

"_IS THAT A CAT ON MY FURNITURE_?" Morgause demanded again, an absolutely _murderous_ look settling itself across her face. _A cat_! With its unclean paws and sharp claws, padding all across _her lovely table!_ She would not allow it! _THIS WAS A DISGRACE_. Starting forwards, Morgause began to recite her beloved fire spell, outstretching an arm towards the kitten and-

_Oh Goddess!_ She was going to try and _kill_ it! "_INTERVENTION_!" The younger sister abruptly screamed and, without further hesitation, flung herself forwards into the other woman. The spell was promptly stopped in its tracks and replaced with indignant shrieks, insults, hands slapping faces, kicks, shoves and, at one vital point in the scramble, a hard bite down on an arm that caused Morgana to yelp and jump back, only to have a fist briskly slam into her stomach.

Without faltering for even a second, Morgause swept past her sister unsympathetically and headed towards the table, ignoring the fact that Morgana was now completely doubled over and letting out unnatural wheezing sounds.

"I do not like intruders." The blonde proceeded to remark, bending down so that she was eye level with the _abomination _which was now sitting happily on _her_ table. _Urgh_. Why was it adamant on being so fluffy and sickeningly cute? Not to mention how profusely it was _purring_. It almost made her want to _vomi-_

A small tongue darted out and cheerily licked the tip of the woman's nose.

With a start, Morgause leapt away from the table, as if she had been horribly burnt or witness to some heinous injustice, and glared furiously at the creature. She certainly would _not _be affected by such casual displays of affection from an animal that she did not know! "Sister, why is this _thing _in my cave?"

The younger witch, who was now slowly straightening up, still clutching at her stomach painfully, did her best to give a reassuring smile – although for all her efforts it looked rather more like a grimace "...it...needed...a home..." She managed, in between deep inhales of air. _Good heavens, Morgause could punch as hard as Satan himself when she wanted to-_

"Well it cannot possibly stay here! It will get in my way!"

"It is only small!" Morgana retorted, now moving to the table, not without quite a lot of discomfort.

"Exactly! All the better to sneak about and sabotage my plans!"

"It is a _kitten_!"

"It is unwanted."

Morgana let out a small huff. Her sister was so _very _uncooperative sometimes. Once she reached the table, the kitten began pawing at her dress and, deciding to rely on a strategy that had worked wonders earlier, the ward carefully picked the furry mass up and cuddled it gently in her arms, looking to Morgause. "Please let her stay?"

"No."

"She is awfully good company."

"No."

"She could catch any mice-"

"I have already burnt them all to death."

"She would make a splendid witches companion!"

"No."

A slight pause and then...was it Morgause or were Morgana's eyes seeming to take on a rather _shinier _and endearing appearance? "I should like the kitten to stay." The younger sister pleaded, giving a small pout. "I should like it _very _much."

The blonde's stern look faltered. The sight of Morgana and the kitten both staring at her with large, _hopeful_ eyes was almost too much to bear – even for the most feared witch in all of Camelot. "I...I..."

"It would make me so _happy_ if the kitten were to stay here with you-"

_Goddess how she hated that look! _"Fine!" Morgause snapped tetchily, more than a little irritated that she was won over so easily by a mere _gaze_ "But it will be trained into a vicious witches companion if it is _the last thing I do_!"

* * *

Training had not gone well.

As much as Morgause had attempted to get the kitten to attack a conjured up rat, the purring pacifist seemed only intent on nuzzling the other creature and grooming it with its tongue. In fact, for the majority of the night, all that really seemed to happen was that Morgause became increasingly wound up, calling the cheery bundle of fur a "disgustingly talentless cretin", whilst Morgana sat on her chair and absent-mindedly checked over her fingernails.

Eventually, the blonde seemed to have lost all will to live and had promptly lain down on the cave floor, lamenting that "My existence is wasted on this abysmal world" and "Why must everything I encounter be so_ crushingly_ unintelligent?"

She had received absolutely _no_ answer from her sister who, as usual, was more interested in her love for narcissism than anything _actually_ important, so the sulking Morgause opted to entertain herself by prodding the kitten, which was sitting beside her, unhappily in the stomach instead. It displeased her when it began to purr.

"What should we name her?" Morgana's voice eventually floated by. Apparently the fingernail check was over and the time was ripe to initiate conversation.

"Furball." Morgause suggested, a wretched scowl crossing her face as the kitten had the audacity to dozily close its eyes as she poked it again.

The ward decided to breeze past the general tone of hatred in her sisters' voice, countering optimistically with "I quite like Duchess."

"'Useless' would be far more accurate."

"Majesty."

"Stumpy."

"Princess."

The blonde gave the kitten another firm prod in the stomach. "...Squashy."

"_Morgause_! You are not taking this seriously!"

"I declare I am being nothing but the very definition of solemnity!"

There was a discontented huff in reply and Morgause glanced up to see her sister looking _very_ moody indeed. She had never been very good at not getting her own way. "Well, _I _like the name Princess."

The blonde couldn't help but roll her eyes. "You cannot name an animal 'Princess'. That is ridiculous. It shall never _be_ a Princess. The whole notion is entirely illogical."

"She shall be Princess when I am Queen and I crown her so."

There was a pause, and then, with a very perplexed expression on her face as if she were stating the overwhelmingly obvious, Morgause replied "...But _I_ shall be Princess, sister."

"No you shan't."

"I shall! I am your _sister _and, after all this time and effort I have been investing in your _irksome_ existence, I demand some kind of reward!"

"I will grant you a bowl of grapes."

"_Morgana_! You will make me Princess whether you like it or not, and if I have to force you to make the decision at knife point _then so be it_!" There was a small pause in which Morgause glanced back to the kitten, which was now seemingly falling asleep whilst sitting up, before she turned her glare back onto her sister "...And I will _also_ accept those grapes!"

The ward, by this point, was twirling a stray strand of hair around a slender finger and gazing indifferently about the cave. Apparently being threatened by her own sister was not something that entirely bothered her at this present moment. With a small sigh, the young witch mused aloud "I think I should prefer a _kitten_ as my Princess rather than you, Morgause."

"And just how in the heavens did you arrive at such a _ludicrous_ conclusion?"

"It is fairly simple, actually. She is everything you are _not _which is increasingly appealing." Morgana replied "Princess listens to me, whereas you do not. She has more sensitivity than you have ever displayed and she at least has some _vague_ notion of social etiquette, whereas you enjoy setting people on fire."

"_Well I do apologise for engaging in occasional pyromania-_"

"She is also fluffy." The ward continued, unperturbed, giving a glance in her sisters' direction "...Whereas you are not."

"That is hardly a _legitimate_ flaw, Morgana! I cannot help it that I am not part _cat_!"

A wistful sigh, a few moments silence and, in a very dreamy tone "..._I should like it if you were part cat_..."

Morgause stared at her sister. She stared at her _a lot_ recently, and not _just_ when she was sleeping, but progressively more and more when she was _awake_. And speaking. And remarking, with steady increase, that she wished that she, _Morgause_, was of the feline variety. If the blonde was being entirely honest with herself, she was beginning to become extremely concerned for her sisters' mental health and penchant for odd fantasies.

But it was best not to dwell on such matters.

With an awkward clearing of the throat, Morgause opted to swiftly move the conversation along "If you do not let me become Princess, sister, I shall have _no choice_ but to set fire to your crown as soon as it is placed upon your incredibly big head."

"I do _not_ have a big head!" Morgana retorted defensively, not _at all_ enjoying having her flawless features put into question.

"Yes you do. It matches the size of your inflated ego."

"_Morgause_!"

There was a sudden '_thunk_' and both women paused in their squabbling, turning their gazes to look at the kitten which had, apparently, deemed this the _ideal_ moment to leisurely fall onto its side, with its eyes still closed as it continued to purr loudly.

Morgause, with a renewed scowl, flung a glare in her sisters' direction. "_Wonderful_! As if your oversized head was not offensive enough, you have given me a _mentally handicapped cat_!"

* * *

'_Like owner, like pet' _was a phrase that immediately sprang to Morgause's mind once Morgana left the cave, leaving the wretched furry..._thing_ with her. Just as was the case with the raven haired witch, Princess seemed equally as inept at accomplishing anything of any use _whatsoever_.

Could she catch any rodents? Any insects? Even a lump of moss? _No_. She was far too fond of being utterly useless and, at one particularly sickening moment, had tottered out of the cave to sit in the sunshine, only for a bird to land on her head and reside there happily, with both parties apparently most content, until Morgause had launched a conjured up spear in their direction and caused them both to scatter in opposite directions.

Could Princess fetch anything? _No_. For she did not have the brainpower to even _vaguely_ comprehend such a task.

Could Princess recite any spells? _No_. For she did not even have vocal chords adept enough.

Could Princess write anything? _No_. For she did not have opposable thumbs.

Could Princess engage in intellectually stimulating debates? Could she play chess? Could she polish armour? Could she spar? Could she collect grapes? Could she dance? Could she sweep the floor? _No._

_No, no, no, no, no, no, no!_

Useless, hopeless, inadequate Princess could achieve a grand total of: _Nothing_. And it disgusted Morgause to her very core.

Not only that, but the cursed animal seemed hell bent on attempting to ruin everything and anything Morgause engaged in. When the witch sat by the table, trying to organize all of her books, Princess had leapt onto the furniture and stamped her muddy little paws over _every single piece of paper _before promptly sending anything near the edge of the table flying onto the floor. And she followed Morgause everywhere! In and out of the cave, into her 'room', out of her 'room', up a tree, down a tree, into old ruins, out of old ruins, _everywhere_!

She woke the witch up at night by joyously licking her face or simply plodding all over her whilst meowing loudly. She scratched what little furniture Morgause had. She had the audacity to attempt to jump onto Morgause's lap and fall asleep. She looked sickeningly adorable. She coughed up fur balls. She always wanted feeding. She wouldn't respond to reprimands. She was constantly purring. She begged for affection. She did this, she did that, she wanted this, she wanted that.

_She was intolerable!_

But if there was _one_ thing Morgause simply _could not stand any longer_, it was the disgusting fact that whenever Morgana visited her...she seemed more interested in _the kitten_ than her own sister!

_It was unbelievable! Unbearable! Unendurable!_ Morgause narrowed her eyes from her seat at the table, watching with more than a slight hint of jealousy as Princess sprawled herself all across the ward's lap, who was sitting happily on _her_ chair at the other end of the cave.

_Goddess!_ And Morgana was positively _fawning_ over the furred fiend this evening!

"Oh my! You are so very pretty! Yes you are! Look at your big, blue eyes! Yes! You are simply perfect, aren't you? Yes you are! Yes! And your fur is exquisite! All soft and beautiful!"

_Oh!_ Well Morgause was _sorry_ that her eyes were not big and blue! And she was _so sorry_ that she did not happen to covered in _fur_! She could, however, conjure up tornados of fire and help to bring down the _entire _monarchy of Camelot, _but no_! Apparently that was _not enough_ for the ward anymore! Apparently she should have _whiskers_ and _walk on all fours_ and-

"I must confess you are simply the loveliest thing I have ever set eyes on! Yes you are! Everything pales in comparison to you! You are lovely! Yes, my little Princess, you are! And I shall have a throne made for you! And you can stay with me always! And-"

_That was it_! Like _hell_ Morgause would just sit there and be subtly swept aside! As if she would allow a _cat _to take her place!

With a sudden sense of urgency, the older witch leapt up from her seat, stormed over to her sister with an incredibly large scowl on her face, swiftly pushed Princess off of her lap – ignoring the indignant protests from Morgana and the loud screeching sound from the rejected kitten – and then promptly sat herself down on the woman's lap instead, arms folded tightly across her chest.

"_Morgause, you cannot just_-"

"_Mine_!" The blonde suddenly snapped, glaring down at Princess, who was now moodily pacing around her legs. "Mine and not _yours_!"

"I do not _belong_ to yo-"

"Be quiet, Morgana! This does not involve you!"

"It evidently _does_, Morg-"

But the other witch was beyond reasoning, still sending a ferocious glare down at the _unwanted_ animal staring back up at her. "Yes that is correct, _feline_, she is _mine_. Not only that, but we are related by _blood_, which is a feat I assume you _cannot_ boast to have."

Princess, in response, merely moved to sit down beside Morgause's feet, her tail swishing across the ground behind her.

"You can flick that tail about all you wish, _you uneducated creature_, but it does not change the fact that I have a lifespan exceeding your own _inferior_ one and, as such, shall live on _far_ past the date that you keel over and cease breathing. So it will, _in fact_, be _I _who stays here with Morgana _always_!"

"Honestly, Morgause! She is a kit-"

"She is cunning and depraved!"

"Oh, really!"

"She is trying to steal you away _all for herself_ and I shall not sit idly by and _let such a thing happen_!"

The ward let out an exasperated sigh, resting her head back against the chair and praying silently to whatever deities that were listening that her sister would stop indulging herself with such unnecessary envy and _get off of her lap-_

There was a small meow and, dashing all hopes that Morgana held, the blonde was promptly snapping back resentfully "_At least speak intelligibly if you are going to speak at all_!"

And so it came to be that the bickering between _a kitten_ and Morgause continued, causing Morgana to close her eyes and wait in the vain hope that either Princess would wander off or her sister would grow tired of the charade and _remove herself from her current location on her lap-_

A sudden, small jerk from Morgause and Morgana was swiftly opening her eyes again, peering around the other woman to find that Princess had jumped up onto the blonde's lap.

_Oh._

"No!" Morgause seethed through gritted teeth, immediately moving to shove the animal off again. "That is precisely the _opposite_ of where our negotiations have led us!"

"_Morgause!_ Don't!"

The older sister let out a loud huff, but amazingly did as she was told, glaring down at the _creature_ as it happily settled itself upon her lap. "This is exactly what she wanted!"

"...some affection?"

"No! A chance to attempt to assert her authority by claiming my lap!"

The ward rolled her eyes, trying her best to ignore her sister as she began to sulk bitterly to herself, muttering about "Dominance" and "Natural hierarchy" and "This would not be happening if you had given me a _grape _for a pet instead of a _dysfunctional mammal_."

_But then-_

Morgana frowned, a _very _unpleasant understanding suddenly taking a hold of her. "Wait, sister. Then...by that same logic...were you attempting to assert _your_ authority over _me_ by sitting on _my_ lap?"

A slight, awkward shrug from the other woman.

"Yes you were! _Goddess_! Morgause, _I cannot believe you_!"

"Well _I_ am the superior sister!"

"No you are not, and even if you were then that would _not_ mean that I am _yours_!"

"Yes it would!"

"No it would not!"

"It would!"

"It would not!"

"Would!"

"Would not!"

"Would!"

"Would not!"

"Would!"

"_Morgause_!" The raven haired witch could not help but wish Princess was _not_ currently situated on her sisters' lap, otherwise she would have been well rid of the blonde by this point in the debate using the subtle art of _punching her in the back of the head_- "You are intolerable!"

"Be that as it may, _I_ am also the one sitting upon _your_ lap and not vice versa."

Morgana gave a disgruntled huff in reply, not wishing to even engage in conversation with the other woman anymore. She was loathsome and despicable, and Morgana would have her clapped in irons as soon as she became Queen. In fact, she would throw her into a dungeon full of kittens and never let her see a grape again. She would steal her precious sword and leave it out in the elements until it rusted. She would demolish her castle and burn all her books. She would draw hearts on her face and never let her rub them off. She would marry Cenred just to _spite _her and then have him hanged. She would-

A soft mewling sound and, very leisurely, Princess hopped off of Morgause's lap and padded out of the cave, looking as innocent and carefree as if she had never been the cause of such a terrible quarrel in the first place. _Well, as though somebody as intelligent and quick-thinking as Morgana would let such an opportunity go to waste!-_

With startling force, the ward swiftly shoved the blonde off of her lap, relishing in the surprised shriek she received as Morgause fell haphazardly onto the ground, before promptly sitting herself down upon the bewildered woman's stomach, letting out a loud and triumphant "_HA_!" as she did so. Then, smirking with considerable vigour and enjoying the air of victory she had about her, Morgana leered down at her older sister. "Who is whose, now?"

Morgause narrowed her eyes.

The rest of the evening was spent in energetic, albeit slightly violent spirits, with the two sisters attempting to determinedly scramble on top of one another. There were a great deal of punches, many kicks, a snarl or two, precisely three flicks and too many slaps to count. The cave quickly descended into complete disarray and, at some point in the proceedings, a heron was accidentally conjured up from nowhere in particular with Morgause snapping angrily "Yes, well, _do _feel _free_ to bring a giant bird into the brawl, Morgana! From your track record, one can only assume a _shark_ shall appear next!"

Nearing the end of the scuffle, Princess wandered into the cave mouth, sitting herself down and, as she watched the two crashing into one another, began happily purring to herself.

But all things must come to an end, and eventually Morgause grabbed her sword, announcing that the only way to settle things was through "a duel to the death!" When Morgana, ducking out of the way as the heron flapped about manically over her head, had pointed out that she did not have a sword to duel _with_, Morgause had promptly declared herself the winner, swinging the blade at her sisters' head at any attempts of reasoning.

As Morgana speedily rode away from the cave, hoping her horse was faster than the blazing fireballs being launched after them, she could not help but think that Morgause was more than a little dishonourable. But then the blonde _was_ a wanted criminal who enjoyed violence like no other, so she reasoned that Morgause had probably never had any honour to begin with.

* * *

Morgana was thinking. She was thinking _hard_, and this always worried Gwen because she gained the distinct impression that the ward was plotting something..._not nice._

There the maidservant was, trying to be as cheery and uplifting as always, pottering about the other woman's chambers and generally tidying the place up – and there _Morgana _was, standing by the window, being mysterious and broody as was becoming the norm.

"Are you still upset about the lost kitten, milady?" Gwen had asked moments before, thinking it a very reasonable question to ask considering how attached Morgana had become to the animal before it had apparently 'disappeared', but she had not even received a reply.

_Morgana always used to reply to her. _In fact, Morgana used to be the one who _initiated _conversation. Now she just engaged in what seemed to be passive aggression, and there was absolutely _no need for it_ seeing as how all Gwen had done was _do all her chores for her and help her get dressed and brush her hair and-_

"Gwen, would you mind very much if I asked you to sit on this chair?"

The maidservant blinked, turning around from the bed she had just made to find Morgana gesturing to the seat by the mirror. With a slight, puzzled frown, Gwen made her way forwards. She really hoped this was not part of some horrid plan that involved her untimely demise. "I...well...not at all, milady."

"Thank you."

And then, as soon as Gwen was seated, the ward leisurely sat herself down on top of her.

There was a very long pause. A very, very, very long pause in which Gwen was more bewildered than she had ever been in her life. What was this? A display of affection? The beginnings of an evil plot? Or a-

"What would you say this _means_, Gwen?"

"I...I would...say that it means you are sitting upon my lap, milady."

Morgana shifted slightly. "But would you say that I was asserting my authority over you?"

"...I do not think I understand..."

"Or would you say, in contrast, that _you_ are asserting _your_ authority over _me_ by allowing _me_ to sit on _your _lap in the first place?"

"...I suppose...one could...argue either way...?" Gwen faltered, completely lost on where the conversational path was going already.

Morgana, apparently unaware of the poor maid's confusion, seemed most pleased with the answer all the same. "Yes, I thought as much. So rather than one person being superior to the other, we are merely both _equals_ in this situation."

"...Well, you are still the King's ward, milady."

"Oh, yes, I know. I did not mean _this_ situation. We are clearly not equal as I am of rather higher nobility than you are. Not that I care for such matters."

"...Yes."

"But in a different situation, I and the other person would be equals."

"That is...a fair assumption to make, milady?"

The ward let out a satisfied "Hm!" and gave a small nod, seemingly to herself, before proceeding to stay where she was, smiling triumphantly. _Oh, she could not wait until she next saw Morgause-_

"...I cannot continue my duties with you remaining on my lap, mila-"

"Oh! I do apologise, Gwen!" Morgana leapt up, immediately turning around to give the other woman a large grin. "That was a very useful exercise, thank you."

And, as Gwen watched Morgana sweep into the other section of her chambers, looking positively radiant, all she could do was murmur a faint, mystified "...It was my...pleasure?" in response.

* * *

_Authors Notes: Because every couple needs a pet. I mean-because every story needs a cute kitten in it at some point. Asdfghjkl. With its big, blue eyes. Morgause will learn to love the kitty at some point, I'm sure. Right after she's dealt with the heron..._

_FEED ME REVIEWS NOW PLEASE._

_If you will, if you shall, if you please, if you so wish, if it takes your particular fancy!_

_I shall place them on a plate of paper, and I shall devour each word with great care and delicacy before spewing out a reply in the next chapter. Because people like spew. Yes they do._

_As always, I wish I was with you right now so that I could hand you a hoof and shake it._

_Forever your humble hatchling,_

_OmNom._

_x  
_


	19. The Cackling Concubine

_Authors Notes: My own authors notes and review reply sections are starting to scare me with how large they are. I think they practically make chapters in themselves. BUT YOU'RE WORTH IT. So it's all ok. Ok? Ok. Anyway! I AM SORRY AGAIN. I AM ON MY KNEES (not literally because that would require effort. I mean metaphorically, but that doesn't make the impact and sincerity of the act any less, I assure you) AND I ASK FOR YOUR SWEET FORGIVENESS. It has been an age and an era and a time where scallops have evolved to grow wings and beards and take over the world since I updated and I AM SO SORRY. I have a culprit of this though, which I do declare IS NOT ME, but my cursed exams! They are over now though, so updates should be more frequent again! AND WE CAN DANCE ON A RAINBOW OF JOY WHILST YOU READ THIS CHAPTER AND I WISH YOU GOOD EMOTIONS AND TRIUMPHANT...SMILES AND...SHINING...LIMBS AND...STUFF. Venture forth and read! READ LIKE THE MAMMAL YOU ARE.  
_

_**I present to you a chapter in which Morgause has her eyes set on a special buffet, Morgana and Gwen sing together and the sisters overly affectionate relationship is questioned by a burly innkeeper**_

_____Ambah - 'Awesome'? **OH STOP IT, YOU**! You lovely wonder face! Cats are a little on the creepy side, aren't they? I've always thought that their eyes are rather too large for their sockets...but I DIGRESS. Your review! 'My neighbour actually knocked on the door to complain about the noise' WHAT. WHAT. WHAT EVEN. Oh sweet merciful heavens! I have irritated your neighbours through your laughter through my writing. **THIS IS WONDROUS NEWS. **I make you happy? OH. AS DO YOU...I. Let us bounce joy off one another in a gleeful balloon of giggles!_

___Kitty O – I am sure your bucket will arrive imminently! Well...if a little bit of seasoning here and there labels one a cannibal then...A CANNIBAL I AM. 'I'm stopping my vacation to read this.' And I'm stopping breathing through **SHEER DELIGHT**. I am in a state of utter agreement, bibblysnug. I am fairly sure that Morgana and Morgause locked in one confined space may herald the beginning of the apocalypse. 'Oh poor Gwen. She's so sweet' She really is! And all she receives for her efforts is an overwhelming sense of confusion! Poor dear. **I ENJOY IT WHEN YOUR FAMILY GLANCE IN YOUR GENERAL VICINITY WITH LOOKS OF THE STRANGE VARIETY**. I enjoy it GREATLY. Ah, yes! The word 'tetchily'! It is a wondrous combination of letters indeed! 'she wasn't coming onto you. I don't think. You really never know with Morgana.' Truer words have never been spoken. **Never. Been. Spoken. **'Genius!' Asdfghjkl nononononnono STOP DOING THIS TO ME, YOU MAKE ME BLUSH WITH PRIDE._  


_lilyplusjamesistotallove – You stole one of her grapes? **OH MY LITTLE WOODEN SHOEHORN**. This is the end for us, surely? Oh, but your glorious poem, yes! I enjoyed it so much I dare say it was beyond the levels of what is acceptable, but **I CARE NOT FOR SUCH MATTERS WHEN CONFRONTED WITH SUCH BEAUTY**. Asdfghjkl you're showing it to a friend and she will see if with her eyes and although her brain may not comprehend anything it doesn't matter because she will be READING. MY. STORY. Do not fret young bunny, I shall be writing until the end of time and moustaches! Thank you for the luck! I am consuming it as I type! People are mad at you? **NAY**. But you are so lovable! P.S. Thanks, I grew it myself :3_

_IceCreamDoodle13 – 'Oh how I've missed your oddly hypnotic brand of lunacy.' I CAN'T. OOH. OH THE THINGS YOU MAKE ME **FEEL**. Yay! My tractor the colour of happiness! COME TO ME BABY. Let me ride you!...**DON'T JUDGE ME AND MY TRACTOR RIDING WAYS**. 'that's how sadly obsessed I am with this story.' And I am obsessed with your REVIEWS. We shall be obsessed together like two wriggling eels obsessed with an all-you-can-eat shrimp cafe. **MMM**. 'And that's not even mentioning their fight to get on top…' I am sure I do not have the faintest idea of what you are insinuating! ;O 'tomfoolery' I just. I thought I couldn't love you more and then...and then you used that word and the stars aligned and all was well in the world. 'It's gone, along with my brain and the ability to stop laughing...I hope you're full up for a while' **I AM MORE FULL THAN A FULL MOON FULL OF HAPPINESS.**_

_Dawn that Shines – You enjoy the word 'ludicrous' too? OH JOYOUS FORTUNE. **LET US CELEBRATE TOGETHER ON A UNICYCLE OF UNITY**. 'Almost as genius as the invention of pie' Wooah, steady on there! Steady. On. There. Are you implying that I am nearing the greatness of pie? BECAUSE THAT IS A COMPLIMENT THAT MAY JUST BE THE END OF ME. 'I LOVE YOU, YOU SMART, AMAZING, WRITER OF GOODNESS' I cannot even. Why do you say such lovely things? I just. What do I even. **YOU ARE GIVING ME THE COLLYWOBBLES.**_

_Eavis – 'She tries so hard, but she just can't get a break.' I know! I feel so sorry for her and I'M the author! I may just write a chapter where things go **right** for her...or I may just post her a kitten. Thank you very much for the review! I could just kiss your face cheeks! :D_

_bubblepunk12 – OH MY, YOUR REVIEW MADE ME LAUGH. 'There's less chance of stepping on the poor thing and crushing it. Also I might accidentally eat the grape...' Might. Accidentally. Eat. The. Grape. **YOU WIN ALL THE AWARDS, MY LOVE.** ALL THE AWARDS OF HILARITY! But alas, yes, Morgause will probably hurl some fireballs at you. Try not to take it too personally D: 'I kept laughing and falling out of my chair.' GOOD. Falling is a dramatic, highly charged experience that will work wonders for you. So long as it doesn't kill you. :)_

_mysilentwitness – You know what? **YOU ARE CORRECT**. Goddamnit, I am going to go to Hogwarts myself and force them to let her in! You can come with me! YOU HAVE NO CHOICE IN THE MATTER. I am also in concurrence with you about mud and rain. It is not an entirely pleasant experience, to put it mildly. 'Morgana's pitiful puppy dog eyes!' Yes! They made a comeback! :3 'I don't know if symbolence is a word' **WE SHALL MAKE IT A WORD**. Deal with it, Microsoft, I added it to the dictionary! 'I've probably been on the receiving end of such a dismissal.' Asdfghjkl nobody could dismiss you, you are a blissful haven of sugarcanes and joy! 'AH! More lung pain! Ah, but I love you!'_ _OH, YOU! YOU! **YOOUU!** STOP IT! You make me writhe with the pleasurable feeling of pride!_ _ 'Morgie! Why do you insist on making my Morgause part cat?' ...She fancies she would look good with 'ze cat ears? I know not her mind. Despite writing her part... 'I love the fact Morgause is talking to a cat!' She was just attempting to establish her authority! X'D 'YOUR MAGIC WORDS THAT GIVE ME A REASON TO BREATHE!' Oh my sweetums WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO TO ME? Oh good heavens, **THE POWER I HAVE OVER YOUR BREATHING PLEASES ME TO MY VERY INNER BAGEL.**_

_ChristineThePirateQueen – It's the little things that usually cause the most trouble... *suspicious eyes* 'Love, love it! DISTRACTION!' Oh thank you, you darling petal of-WHAT? DISTRACTION? **ASDFGHJKL.**_

_Water1Wolf – I can do telekinesis. And teach you, I shall. My apprentice you will become. A ship of marshmallows I will require. The determination of a giant, hairy ox you must have. Then begin, we shall. **OM NOM NOM**. Buckets of forgiveness! I shall be cherishing them! 'Evil, Shady Dealings is our favourite topic.'_ _OH, STOP!_ _YOU AND YOUR FRIEND SPEAK ABOUT MY STORY. I JUST CAN'T. OH GOODNESS. It has had an actual IMPACT on your lives! **YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS IS DOING TO ME.** I actually just made a gurgling sound of uncontainable glee. It was sort of like: "**OHGOD**GURUGRUGURGUGGGLLRGLRGLL" It was most unfeminine, but entirely pleasant. 'I remember a time when your authors notes and subsequent review replies were a line' The Dark Ages, you speak of. A time when my madness was constrained. NOW IT IS EVERYWHERE FOR ALL TO DEVOUR AND FEED OFF...like **leeches.** Asdfghjkl! Yes! The 'DISTRACTION'. It was used! Not very well, but used it was! (That mini-Pokémon style thing you had going on there, BY THE WAY, had me in stitches. SO THANK YOU) I am, in fact, a unicorn. :3 'I also wish that we were together right now. Because you are awesome.' OH GOSH. **WE SHALL BE ONE IN SPIRIT**. _

_PoisoningPigeonsinthePark – 'You're a lunatic, but clearly the best kind of lunatic.' Ooooh my! You make my legs wobble and my arms flail with your flattery! 'Every little bit of it was brilliant!'_ **_YOU ARE GIVING ME A SEIZURE AND I AM NOT EVEN HALF WAY THROUGH YOUR REVIEW, STOP IT!_**_ 'it might have won her some support.' It really, really would have. Who could hate a Queen with a kitten as Princess? Nobody, that's who. 'obviously every decent argument about lap-dominance needs a heron. duh.' I know right? Like, who has arguments about such matters **without **involving a heron? **ARE THEY MAD**? 'They just don't seem evil any more. In need of serious couples counselling, yes, but not evil...' Awh, my poor babies do try to be evil, it's just that they're just too silly to pull it off all that well :')_

_SilverHeart09 – 'I LOVE THIS STORY SO FREAKING MUCH. IT'S TOTALLY AWESOME' **OH MY, YOU COMPLIMENTING CONCOCTION OF GLORY, THANK YOU!** I could try and post you a kitten...but I feel that might be socially unacceptable...I may still grant Morgause a grape for a pet. We shall see! 'or should that be henchcat?' Definitely henchcat. There are no two ways about it._ '_PLEASE UPDATE SOON SO I CAN BE DISTRACTED SOME MORE' BE DISTRACTED. BE DISTRACTED **GOOD.**_

_Catindahat – I think poor Gwen is always confused. She may need therapy. 'I loved Princess, I'm sure she'll grow on Morgause.' Asdfghjkl she will have to, or Morgause will be in a constant state of jealous rage. :') 'it's hilarious, can't wait for more.' Well, **HERE IS YOUR MORE**! Consume it with your fantastic eyeballs!_

_lunamorgana94 - Ooooohhhh **MY GRACIOUS GOOD GOLDEN LOCKS**, you gave me so many lovely reviews! 'she has issues' She really does. Poor Morgause has more issues than an issue that was issued by a fellow issue on account of the fact it had issues on its issues. And that's a lot of issues. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SWEET WORDS.  
_

_Namikaze Artemis - Oh. Oh heavens. I cannot even. **YOU GAVE ME A POEM**. YOU WROTE ONE WITH YOUR LONG APPENDAGES ON THE END OF YOUR HANDS THAT HIT THE KEYBOARD AND LEAVE ME LOVELY WORDS OF GOODNESS. 'This is the end of the poem, I cannot think of anymore, Rhyming is pretty hard' I CRIED. I CRIED WITH THE SPASM OF THE LUNGS AND THE SOUNDING OF THE LAUGHTER OUT OF THE MOUTH. And it was wonderful! The entire poem was glorious and I want to print it out and stick it on me so everybody else can bathe in its glory when they see me!** I AM FLAILING SO HARDCORE RIGHT NOW**. Anyway! 'Translation: Don't worry, this is merely a fine example of when a hare-brained scheme strikes me. In the head. Hard.' YOU. YYOOUU! You make me laugh so much in your reviews and YOU MUST STOP BECAUSE I CAN'T EVEN. I DON'T EVEN. **ASDFGHJKL**. Nay, I lie! NEVER STOP. It is fantastic and I adore thee for it! 'Are you sure that you aren't actually 13?' Well...considering my 18th balloon is STILL alive after all these months...I assume I am, in fact, one with the one and the eight. But mentally, I would roughly put myself in the under five section WHAT HO. 'Are you a Morgana/Gwen fan now?' ASDFGHJKL **I SHIP EVERYTHING.** I CAN'T BE TAMED. Yes, YAY for the kitties! :D Oh, and... YHMQWERBVCXZSDFLOP.  
_

_HappyAce88 - SWEET DUMPLINGS AND DANDELIONS ON FIRE. So many reviews you left me! So little time! They were all scrumptious to eat with my eyes, I do declare. SO THANK YOU. 'I have a sudden urge to have a picnic. :D This is just how insanely inspiring your writing is :)' HAVE A PICNIC. LET NOTHING HOLD YOU DOWN. **FLY LIKE A YOUNG FLEDGLING WITH A HAMPER**. FLY!  
_

_Bean Cat - Yes a kitty! **WITH WHISKERS AND A FACE AND EVERYTHING**! 'An' confusid Gwen. :) Adoreblicious!' ANOTHER FAN OF CONFUSED GWEN. This pleases me almost as much as your splendid made up words do! Almost!  
_

_BlueStar'sFire - So, I shall start this reply with... 'I printed this fic out on paper and was reading it last night.' WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT **WHAT CHERISHED GOOD FORTUNE BLESSED ME**? You printed it out with paper and ink and a printer that prints things and I genuinely cannot even contain my girlish flailing delight! OH HEAVENS. MY STORY IS OUT THERE ON PAPER SOMEWHERE. **ON. PAPER. **'Thanks for brightening my day!' No! THANK YOU for brightening MY day with your sensational review! :D  
_

* * *

**_Evil, Shady Dealings_**

* * *

**19.**

**The Cackling Concubine**

* * *

Today was going to be a good day.

That was what Morgana had decided when she had woken up, rubbing her eyes blearily as Gwen bid her good morning and pottered about her chambers cheerily. The sun was out, there were no formal occasions to attend – the day was hers! And a good day it would be!

The ward was currently enjoying a stroll about the castle, reveling in the absolute beauty of her newest and _finest_ dress. It was simply the _perfect _shade of green and the embroidery was just to die for! Morgana was not one to be vain _or _boastful, but she had to admit to herself that she was rather enjoying the jealous looks she was receiving from each and every servant girl she passed. Oh, how they would _dream _about her dress-

"_ERK_!"

The young witch was not entirely sure how it had happened, or why it had happened, but she was now fairly certain that she was occupying a small alcove in the corridor. _Perhaps something had dragged her-_

"Sister."

A short shriek of surprise was Morgana's answer, and she swung her gaze around to find none other than _Morgause_ standing beside her, looking incredibly disgusted at her response. "Honestly Morgana, be at _ease_. I am not a dragon-"

"I was not expecting you!"

"Oh, well I _do _apologize. Was I to sound the alarm bells so as to alert you to my presence?"

The blonde received a quick smack on the arm, shortly followed by a sharp prod in the shoulder, both of which produced angered yelps that were swiftly ignored by Morgana, now hissing irritably at her _foolish_ older sister "Whatever are you doing here? You might get caught!"

"I certainly will no-"

"_Morgause_!"

"Fine, fine! If you _must_ know, I am here on a very serious matter." The witch produced a piece of parchment from thin air, waving it before the other woman's face "I have need of your ears."

"My...ears?" Morgana echoed, watching with a raised brow as her sister brought the parchment close to her chest in an almost protective manner.

"Yes. Have you heard of The Cackling Concubine?"

The ward wrinkled her nose in disgust "The inn?"

"Yes."

"The one full of drunkards and criminals?"

"Yes."

"The one with the infamous reputation? The one that is _strictly_ off limits?"

Morgause gave a large smile and a nod, looking worryingly pleased "Yes! That exact one!"

"What of it?"

"We are visiting it."

The two sisters stared at one another, Morgause with an expression of what seemed to be delight, and Morgana with an expression akin to one she might have had, had somebody just suggested she take a gander in Hell itself.

"Morgause, did you not hear me? I believe I said that the place is _strictly off limi_-"

"Oh, details, details!" The blonde interrupted dismissively "I care not for such things. The situation is this; The Cackling Concubine is running a poetry competition with the prize for the winner being an all-you-can-eat buffet of whatever food you choose. As such, I have entered the competition and I have need of your ears."

"I...you...what?"

Morgause let out a sigh, watching as the ward's brows knitted together in evident confusion. _Goddess, she could be so dense sometimes_- "I wish to obtain the prize, sister." She paused, and noting that there was no sign of understanding on the other woman's face, continued slowly, in a way that she hoped Morgana could keep up with, "Think...of...the...grapes."

A slight pause.

A look of absolute disbelief. "_Oh for Goddess' sake, Morgau_-"

"I have written a poem." The blonde declared over her sisters' incredibly rude reaction "And, as I have said, I have need of your ears. You will give me your verdict, yes?" And before Morgana could reply, Morgause looked down to the parchment in her grasp and began to read, "Oh, green and red, and tasty like bread-"

"Milady?" A call echoed down the corridor, creating a rather distressing feeling of imminent disaster to take a hold of the ward. _The guards must have heard her shriek and finally come to investigate - !_

"_Morgause, be quiet_!"

"Well, _really_, Morgana! Being so discourteous about my poem is _quite_ unnecessary-"

"I must leave you! The guards are coming!"

An irritable sigh, a slight slumping of the shoulders. "Could I not just dispose of th-"

"_No!_"

"This is very problematic. I will not be able to work a second draft without your opini-_Morgana_!" The blonde flung an arm forwards, grabbing a tight hold of her sisters' wrist as she attempted to very impolitely walk away during _mid-conversation_ "Where are your manners?"

"_The guards - !"_

"Yes, well, it is _always_ 'guards this' and 'guards that' with you, isn't it? You have absolutely _no_ decency about you sometimes."

Morgana, now engaging fiercely with attempting to free herself from Morgause's ridiculously strong grip, could only _try_ to remain level-headed as panic set in. _Why was it that her sister could never recognize danger even when it was only a few yards away?_ "Morgause, we will be _caught_! Let me alone!"

With a scowl, the ward's wrist was dropped "As you wish! But you _are_ accompanying me to the inn for moral support."

"I will do no such thi-"

"Then when I return to my cave, I shall have no choice but to destroy your beloved feline."

"You would not dare!"

"I shall meet you outside the cave in precisely one hour."

Thinking that it took more or less an hour simply to steal out of the castle and journey all across the forest to reach the cave, and thinking that she would evidently require more time than this as she had yet to get ready, Morgana could only watch in growing despair as her sister faded away into the shadows.

_Oh, she was utterly impossible sometimes! –_

"Are you alright, milady?" A voice behind the ward enquired concernedly.

Morgana hoped that her startled jump did not make her appear _too_ suspicious, but as she turned around and took in the sight of the three guards faces, all staring at her with raised brows, her hopes were quickly dashed. "I...err...yes. Quite alright."

"We heard a scream, milady."

"I see." Morgana replied in a tone of feigned curiosity, nodding slightly as if the conversation was vastly interesting "I wonder who it could have been."

"It was not you, milady?"

"No."

The guards exchanged glances and the tallest, who Morgana noted with genuine distaste had a beard that looked much akin to a birds nest, gave a slight nod in the direction of the alcove. "Were you talking to somebody, milady?"

"...No."

"It's just that we heard voices."

"Well...that could have been...I mean...I...I _was_ singing...I suppose..." The ward trailed off, looking a little pale and rather wishing she had come up with _any_ other excuse than the one she had just proclaimed.

The tallest guard was not looking impressed, which irritated Morgana to no end. It was a well known fact that the guards in Camelot were _all_ incredibly dense and gullible. _He must be new –_

"I heard you say 'You would not dare', milady."

"Yes. It is part of the song."

"Which song is that, milady?"

"The...dancing...bear...of old. It is very well known."

"The dancing bear of old?"

"Yes." The raven haired woman retorted tetchily "Is that a problem? Can the King's ward not sing a song if she feels like it?"

"But you were half in an alcove, mila-"

"I dare say I am allowed the privilege of singing in an alcove if the mood so strikes me." Morgana snapped, surprising herself with how defensive she sounded considering this was all just one big lie. Perhaps it was the_ principle_ of the matter that was making her so angry. If the King's ward wished to sing in an alcove, she should very well be allowed to do so without interrogation! "Now, if you will all excuse me."

And with that, the young witch swept past the confused looking guards and continued on her merry way down the corridor, beginning in a very shaky sing-song voice, as if to prove her point that she really _had_ been singing all along, "...you would not dare...to dance with a bear...it has large claws...and could ruin your...dress...so just...hope that it wanders away...the dancing bear...of old..."

A spot of yellow trotting contentedly around the corner, heading in Morgana's direction! If she could get her to sing along too...it would make her story seem all that more plausible! Yes, she would have to be _grabbed and turned around and-_

"_ACK_!"

"Hello, Gwen!"

"M-Milady?" The maidservant blinked bewilderedly, glancing down at the arm now linked with her own, trying to understand how and why she was now facing the direction from which she had come from "I was headed to the kitchens-"

"Be a dear and sing along with me, won't you?"

"B-But...I do not know what you are singing, mila-"

"Just join in!" Morgana hissed, glancing briefly over her shoulder to see that, _yes_, the guards _were_ still watching her with keen interest "Yes...in the woods...the bear does dance..."

Gwen felt a nudge in the ribs "O-Oh! Um...I...sometimes with a...prance?"

"And dark, almond eyes..."

"...You are in for a surprise?"

"Yes, this dancing bear of old..."

Gwen was promptly dragged around the corner and out of sight by the ward, and the guards could only swap perplexed looks as the sounds of Morgana's shrill singing echoed out after them.

* * *

Morgana rather got the feeling that today was _not_ going to be a good day.

Getting to the cave within an hour had been, in every sense of the word, traumatic. She had never flung herself across the drawbridge, across the fields, over the ditches and through the forest so fast in her life, and then when she _had_ reached the cave she was presented with a very singed looking cat on the floor.

Apparently, or so Morgause had said, the ward had been late by _precisely_ two minutes and so the blonde had attempted to set fire to Princess, only to find that she couldn't 'roast her completely' because 'the fur was flying everywhere and making a great deal of mess on every conceivable surface' which had caused her to stop the spell and sit moodily on a chair instead. Then ensued a fairly large argument about the cat scorching incident, in which Morgana attempted to tear up her sisters' poem, only for Morgause to slap her in the face and order her to get on her horse. Morgana had declined her invitation, of course, and so Morgause had had no option but to pick her up and force her into the saddle herself.

After that, they had journeyed in relative silence through the trees until they came upon what Morgana had described as 'an incredibly dubious looking track' that she would 'never travel down, whatever the circumstances'. However, with a bit of encouragement in the form of fireballs, the two were soon on their way along the twisting, overgrown trail again.

And now, as if Morgana hadn't had enough trial and tribulation for one day, the notorious inn itself was rearing its ugly head on the horizon. _Urgh_!

"What if I am recognized?" The ward whined, wishing more than anything that Morgause would allow them to turn their horses around and _never look back._ "What if somebody tells Uther?"

"Dearest sister, I assure you that everybody we will encounter in that place will be _entirely_ too drunk or too dim-witted to have _any_ real clue as to who you are." Came the weary response. Morgause was beginning to think she was getting earache-

Loud, hysterical shrieks pierced through the air from the direction of the inn, causing Morgause to visibly wince and mutter something about thinking too soon, and Morgana's face to pale as she watched three very drunk women stumble out and lurch across the road, laughing manically at one another.

"...I am not looking favourably on this premises, Morgause." The youngest sister declared as they reached the inn, dismounting her horse and glancing back to the women, only to see one stumble and fall into a nearby ditch.

Morgause, now tying their horses to a wooden post, offered the raven haired woman a smile "It is a most agreeable place once you are inside, I promise you."

And, as if on cue, a stool was swiftly thrown out of one of the windows, causing Morgana to let out an absolutely petrified scream and hurl herself at her sister in the hopes of gaining some form of cover from the flying glass. Morgause merely gave an indifferent sniff and glanced down to the ward, who was now clutching onto her side and burying her head in her shoulder, and announced brightly "Well then, let us venture inside!"

It was bad fortune for Morgana indeed that the last thing she ever, _ever _wanted to do was set foot in such a dire place, for the blonde had a firm grasp of her hand and was leading her inside without a moment's further hesitation.

* * *

It was dark, it was dank, it was disgusting. There were drunkards, there were..._harlots_! Half of the occupants seemed to be engaged in a free-for-all! The entire crowd of people looked as though they were criminals and belonged in a dungeon and it worried Morgana immensely that Morgause did not look one bit out of place. If anybody attempted to get in her way as she led Morgana to the bar counter, they were promptly punched in the face and sent sprawling to the floor. If anybody attempted to ask for money, they were promptly punched in the face and sent sprawling to the floor. If anybody attempted to punch Morgause in the face before she could punch them in the face, they were promptly punched in the face first and sent sprawling to the floor.

By the time they actually reached the counter, Morgana was looking more than a little pale and feeling more than a little uneasy. Morgause, in direct contrast, was looking as nonchalant as ever as she heralded the innkeeper over with a very feminine slamming of a fist down on top of the counters wooden surface.

The innkeeper turned around, and upon seeing the two, gave a large grin which showed a great deal of missing teeth. "Ah, 'ther blonde locked fury!" He greeted as he bumbled over to them, his vast weight apparently slowing his progress down a fair amount "Here 'fer the competition, I 'spose?"

"Of course." Morgause replied smoothly, looking very proud of herself.

"Well, 'yer can go up next. Tomas will be finished in a minute or two, I gather."

"Wonderful!" Morgause turned to glance at the centre of the room, where a young man was stood upon a very battered crate and reading a poem aloud to a fairly large audience, before looking to her sister and giving a smile. Sadly it seemed that the older witch felt quite at ease and had no intention of _leaving with immediate effect._

"Blonde locked fury?" Morgana enquired with a small frown after a moment or two "What-"

"I was here once before, to gather information about the competition, only for a man to dare to suggest that I would not win because I was a woman." Morgause answered indifferently, giving a slight shrug "So I set fire to his manhoo-"

"Blondey, 'yer up!" The innkeeper's voice mercifully interrupted, before he waddled away again to take another person's order.

"Oh, how delightful!"

Morgana stood still, feeling slightly mentally scarred, as Morgause breezed past her and towards the crate, swiftly pushing one troublemaker over a table and out of her way as she did so. There was a minor dispute between the blonde and a couple of large men as she hopped onto the crate, only for her to briskly dispel their qualms by snapping "As enjoyable as your resentment is, if I hear either one of you question my poetic skills on account of the fact that I am a woman again, I shall set fire to your eyes and then gauge them out and force you to eat them. Am I quite clear?"

Apparently she was, as both men promptly closed their mouths and did not utter another word as she unraveled a piece of parchment and began to read, with a great air of confidence about her "Ode to a Grape. Oh green and red, and tasty like bread, please go ahead, with my cheese spread..."

_Oh Goddess...Oh Goddess no..._ Morgana sank down onto a stool, watching in abject horror as her sister continued with what could only be described as the worst poem ever created.

"Oh small and compact, your vitamins I extract, enter my digestive track, for on you I have snacked..."

It was appalling, atrocious, abysmal. _Never _had Morgana thought that her older sister would be _quite_ so talentless when it came to writing a small verse. Goddess, it was too terrible to watch! The ward shifted around on the stool to face the bar, propping her elbows up on the counter and burying her head in her hands. _Terrible, terrible, terrible –_

"I declare you taste nice, even with spice, or a mountain of rice, perhaps a fish slice, sometimes with ice..."

Morgana let out a groan of dismay. She would never be able to look at her sister in the same way again. There was no respect left for her, nothing. Just the horrifying memory of _this poem_ – "Are you alright?"

The young witch blinked, the feeling of a hand resting gently upon her shoulder bringing her out of her thoughts so that she could turn her head to find a most amiable looking man gazing back down at her worriedly, with deep...chocolaty coloured eyes...

"I love you in a stew, or in a brew, occasionally bamboo, sometimes a fondue..."

"Y-Yes, thank you." Morgana replied, glancing appreciatively over his dark hair that looked, she had to admit, almost as well kept as her own. _Almost._

"You looked a little tense. Can I buy you a drink?"

"Certainly." _Now, if only she could block out the sound of her sisters' ridiculous poem-_

"Oh glorious grape!" Morgause's voice sounded out loudly "Better than a crepe! You leave my mouth agape, with your round shape!" There was a slight pause as the blonde slowly wrapped the parchment up again, and then a few awkward claps as it became apparent that the poem was already at an end. Morgause, looking genuinely pleased with herself, gazed across the inn. _Goddess, she had accumulated quite the crowd. What a vast number of-WHAT? _Her eyes settled upon a terrible scene. Blink, blink, blink._ A strange man stood next to Morgana? A STRANGE MAN CHATTING UP HER SISTER? _Well, this would not do at all!

Poem plan abandoned, the parchment was thrown furiously in the nearest persons face before Morgause purposefully stepped off of the crate and made her way forcibly through the crowd, snapping to anybody that got in her way "_Move or I'll tear your legs off_!"

Morgana, only aware of some vague din in the background, was blissfully unaware of the incoming bundle of rage, and could only dreamily smile as the dark haired man asked if she frequented the place regularly.

"No...this is my...first time..."

"I thought you looked a little out of place."

"I rather feel it too-"

"NO, I _DON'T_ THINK SO!" And out of apparently nowhere, Morgause appeared, a furious, wild embodiment of jealousy who shoved the man brusquely to the floor before standing protectively in front of Morgana.

Not that Morgana had in _any way_ indicated that she wished to be protected. "_Morgause_!"

"He had his hands all over you!"

"He had one hand _briefly_ on my back!"

"And I wager he wanted it elsewhere too!"

"_For Goddess' sake_-"

The man was now stumbling to his feet again, looking from Morgause to Morgana and back again. "I-I do apologise. It really wasn't my intention...I...I didn't realise..."

By this point, however, it seemed that Morgause was far beyond negotiations as she practically began to snarl, and Morgana could only sadly and very apologetically say "I think perhaps it would be best if you left us..."

"Y-Yes. Sorry." And with an awkward nod, the handsome man disappeared into the crowds of the inn again. _Gone forever –_

"Honestly, Morgause! You are the absolute _bane of my life_ sometimes!" The ward muttered angrily, turning on the stool to face the bar again. She didn't even want to _look_ at her sister right now.

"_In what way?_ I just saved you from imminent..." Morgause paused, looking vaguely sick as she sat herself down beside the irritable younger witch "..._courtship_!"

"Well perhaps I wished to be courted!"

"I will certainly _not_ let such a thing happen! You cannot put your trust in strange men you meet at inns! They are not respectable!"

"Oh, and Cenred _is _respectable I suppose?" Morgana scoffed, ignoring her sister as she rolled her eyes.

"You know my feelings towards _that_ situation, sister. I am merely using him as a pawn-"

"Yes, well. I feel as though you are merely using _me_ as a pawn sometimes."

"Do not be so ridiculous!"

"All you ever ask of me is to make an attempt on Uther's life or to fetch you grapes or-"

"You are oversensitive."

"_Me_?" Morgana retorted indignantly, gesturing to herself as if the notion was utterly ludicrous "_You_ just assaulted a perfectly amiable man who offered to buy me a drink!"

"HE DID WHAT?"

"Oh Goddess..." And so it came to be that Morgana buried her head in her hands for the second time that day, trying her best to ignore her sister as she launched off into a most infuriated tirade.

"If anybody is going to buy you a drink, it shall be _me_! Who does he think he _is_ exactly, trying to seduce you with alcohol?"

Then, suddenly, two glasses of wine on the counter-top. "On 'ther house." The innkeeper announced cheerily to them both "'Fer blondey 'fer...entertaining us with her poem, and 'fer the dark haired lass 'cos she looks a bit the worse 'fer wear."

Morgana, peering through the gaps between her fingers at the bearded, horrific mess that was the innkeeper, couldn't help but feel _thoroughly_ insulted "_I _look the worse for wear? Do you own a mirr-"

"Thank you, it is most appreciated." Morgause interrupted over her sisters' impoliteness, giving the innkeeper a most charming smile.

_Oh heavens..._ Morgana picked up her glass and took a generous sip of wine as Morgause seamlessly began to flatter the fashion atrocity, no doubt in hopes of winning him over since he was the judge of the competition. Well, Morgana would just have to spend her time looking for the dark haired man. Her eyes scanned over the crowds for a good minute or two, but she gained no such luck and was soon feeling most put out, only to find herself catching the end of Morgause's conversation with the innkeeper, as he commented brightly "...'yer two make a wonderful couple."

WHAT?

_WHAT?_

_**WHAT?**_

She had to stop herself from choking on her drink. "E-Excuse me?"

"'Yer two. I think it's great."

"B-But...we're...w-we are not..." The ward glanced to the blonde sat next to her, and was horrified to find that she was nodding in what seemed to be complete agreement with the innkeeper. "...I...I legitimately worry about what your goals are sometimes, Morgause..."

The older witch gave a small shrug and the innkeeper, now looking very confused indeed, gestured from one to the other "So...'yer not...?"

"No! Heavens no! We are _sisters_!"

"SISTERS?"

"Yes! You do not have to sound so surprised!"

"Well, 'fergive me, but I 'jus assumed...with the way 'yer are with each other...and the way blondey here fought off that bloke-"

"I can assure you we are _sisters_!" Morgana interrupted touchily, turning her head to stare at Morgause pointedly "It is merely that _one of us_ has yet to learn how to display sisterly affection appropriately."

"I do display my affection appropriately!" Came the indignant response.

"You do not!"

"Yes I do!"

Morgana looked to the innkeeper again "She is _anything_ but appropriate. She strokes my face on every encounter."

_Well, really!_ Evidently deciding that she was _not_ one to go down without a fight, Morgause leant forwards and countered with the completely truthful "She touched me when she thought I was _dead_!"

The ward, now looking completely horrified and embarrassed, glanced to the innkeeper, who was raising a bushy brow, to Morgause and then back again. "Yes...well..._she_ watches _me_ sleep at night!"

"She wishes I was part cat!"

"She dressed up as a man!"

"She becomes jealous whenever I divert my attentions onto _anybody_ other than her-"

"As do you!" The ward snapped crossly "And not only that, she even gets jealous of our _cat_!"

The innkeeper's brow had now completely disappeared under his tangled mop of a fringe "...'Yer have a cat together?"

"Yes! And she is utterly adorable-"

"Utterly useless."

"_Morgause_!"

The blonde gave another indifferent shrug and, never one to let her sister have the last word, continued matter-of-factly "Morgana also has a habit of running to me whenever she decides she wants comforting."

"Well Morgause insists on having a hug every time I visit her."

"You enjoy the hugs!"

"And she stares at me inappropriately."

"...inappropriately...?" The innkeeper echoed, by this point looking rather concerned for both of the women's mental health.

The ward gave a nod "Yes. _Very_ inappropriately-"

"Morgana lay down in bed next to me when she thought we were about to be assaulted by a rabid puma!"

"I...well...that's..._that's not relevant_!" Morgana replied in a highly flustered manner, pointing in Morgause's direction despite the fact the blonde was sitting right beside her "She told me that we were to be married!"

"_Excuse me_, I think you will find that was all the _King of Camelot's_ fault actua-"

"You looked _far_ too pleased about the situation! You even opened your arms for a hu-"

"Morgana wrote me a love story!"

"It was _no such thing_!"

"Oh, _of course it was_! It even includes a drawing of us _holding hands_-"

"YOUR MOTIVES AND SEXUAL ORIENTATION ARE AMBIGUOUS!"

"WELL IF WE ARE GOING TO MAKE THIS PERSONAL, MORGANA, THEN PERHAPS WE SHOULD NOTE HOW _ONE OF YOUR LOVE INTERESTS WAS YOUR OWN BROTHER_!"

"I AM STILL EMOTIONAL AFTER FINDING OUT ABOUT THAT, THANK YOU...very...much..." The ward trailed off, noticing with a sinking feeling that the entire inn was now silent and every eye was on the spectacle that she and her sister were creating. _Oh, cursed fortune!_ With an awkward clearing of her throat, and a slight gulp, Morgana couldn't help but wish she could just vanish from sight altogether-

"_WHAT_?" Morgause suddenly shouted, with a surprising amount of anger even for her, causing Morgana to jump slightly in her seat and for everybody else to hurriedly turn back around lest they found themselves being set alight by the furious blonde. After a few moments or two, the noise level finally reached what it had been before the outburst and Morgause gave a disgruntled huff, staring down at her drink irritably.

"...have 'yer two thought of havin'...some kind 'a...therapy?" The innkeeper asked cautiously, praying that he wouldn't find his head being chopped off for enquiring about such a matter.

Morgana gave a small shrug "...well, the thought of sending _Morgause_ to some form of counselling has certainly crossed my mind a fair few times-"

"And what exactly do you mean by that?"

"You are mentally unstable! You set fire to almost anything you come into contact with!"

"Well you spend hours at a time staring at your own reflection!"

"Are you accusing me of being a narcissist?"

"Are you accusing me of being a pyromaniac?"

"Ladies! Ladies!" The innkeeper waved his hands in the hopes of dispersing some of the tension between the two, although not to much avail "I'd suggest 'yer both go. Y'know. Try and get some help and sort out all of 'yer...unresolved issues."

Morgana, with a slight pout on her face, shook her head "I do not want to go anywhere with _her_-"

"Oh goodness, Morgana! You are like a small child!"

"Says the woman who built a fort out of my bed sheets!"

"How very hypocritical, sister. You constructed one too!"

"Only to crush your inflated sense of pride!"

Morgause gave a snort of amusement "If I recall correctly, you ended up hugging me mid-waist."

"Yes. Well." The ward uneasily began to twirl a stray strand of hair around a finger "...That is not relevant."

The blonde gave a scowl, wishing that her sister was not _quite_ so dense sometimes, before she decided to turn her gaze upon the innkeeper. And she stared.

And stared.

And stared.

The innkeeper rubbed the back of his head nervously "Is there...somethin'...I can do 'fer 'yer...?"

"Dare I enquire as to when you will finally deem it appropriate to announce me as the winner of the competition?"

"Err..."

"Were you aiming to declare your verdict now or next year?"

"It's 'jus that-"

"Perhaps you wished to wait until hell froze over?"

"'Yer-"

"Or were you waiting until father time himself grew weary and tired and settled into his grave?"

"'Yer didn't win!" The innkeeper confessed, cracking very quickly under the pressure of an irate Morgause bombarding him with questions "'Yer...'yer didn't win. I'm sorry."

A slight pause that seemed forever, with sweat forming on the innkeeper's brow and Morgause steadily watching him with unblinking eyes. "Are you stupid?"

The sound of Morgana letting out a weary groan vaguely registered with the innkeeper, but for the most part he was more focused on the terrifying woman before him. "'Scuse me?"

"You are not excused."

"Wha-"

"I suggest you reconsider your decision."

"I-I can't! I told my son 'ter make the announcement 'jus before I gave 'yer the drinks. He should be declarin' the winner any mome-"

Morgause did not bat an eyelid. "You should find your son and inform him of your change of heart."

"I 'dunno where he is! I won't be able to-"

"Let me rephrase my already clear statement. You should find your son and inform him of your change of heart, otherwise he may encounter an unfortunate incident that leads to violent dismemberment and enough fire to cause concern to Satan himself."

"But-"

"And by concern, I meant terror."

"It's-"

"And by terror, I meant death."

Morgause gave the innkeeper a very long, pointed stare and within a few moments the man was gesturing vaguely over his shoulder "I'll...'jus see if I can find him then..."

"That would be advised." The blonde drawled, watching in malicious amusement as the innkeeper hurriedly stumbled away to find his son and save him from imminent demise. Glancing down to Morgana, and hoping that she might have brightened up somewhat, Morgause was saddened to see that her sister was still looking as sullen as ever. "Oh, _really_. What are _you_ looking so distressed about, Morgana? _You_ are not the innkeeper's son-"

"I want to go back to Camelot! I am not enjoying myself here!"

"But I have yet to be awarded my grape buffet."

The ward slowly raised her gaze to meet her sisters', an expression of complete incredulity on her face, and could not help but wonder what people would make of Morgause if they knew that instead of plotting evil schemes she spent the majority of her time worshipping _grapes_. "Sister...I harbor a serious question which I wish to present to you."

"I encourage you to present without restraint."

"...It is merely...I cannot help but wondering...what in the heavens would you do if there were no grapes?"

A flicker of confusion, a feeling of dread "...no grapes?" Morgause echoed, her face pale.

"None at all."

"What...what do you mean-"

"What if all the grapes in the world just suddenly _vanished_?"

"I...I...don't..."

"Or even..." Morgana continued, apparently unconcerned that her sister looked as though she was seriously considering suicide "...What if grapes had _never existed at all_?"

The blonde, by this point, was looking horror-stricken. Apparently such a notion was far too overwhelming and had caused her such distress that she could find _no words_ to convey her opinion on the matter. Morgana, taking a leisurely sip of wine, merely continued to look up at her older sister with large, curious eyes. It was not every day that Morgause was robbed of coherent speech.

"I...it cannot...that would not...I do not..."

There was a sudden call for attention from the direction of the crate and Morgana turned around on her seat to spot who she assumed to be the innkeepers son standing upon it, waving a piece of parchment in the air cheerfully. "Ladies and gentlemen! We have a winner!"

He was met by a large roar of approval, and the ward nudged her sister gently in the side. "I wonder if the innkeeper managed to find him before..." She paused, glancing to Morgause, only to find that the blonde still seemed to be in a state of absolute paralyzed terror. _Oh dear-_

"It gives me great pleasure to announce that..._Benedict Tyr_-"

"_NOOOOOOO_!"

Morgana quickly switched her gaze back to the developing scene by the crate, just in time to witness the innkeeper launching himself, with surprising agility, across a table and into his son, tackling him off of the crate and onto the floor. There were shrieks of confusion and annoyance from the crowd, and it seemed that the impending riot had managed to bring Morgause back to reality, as she looked towards the source of the commotion unconcernedly, asking in a highly casual manner, "Ah! Have they declared me the winner then?"

_Oh no, no, no, no, no –_ "Well, actually, sister-"

But Morgause was already making her way through the crowds and Morgana could only sit and watch, gaining a feeling of imminent doom, as her sister nonchalantly stepped onto the crate and began to address the crowd, completely unaware that she had _not_, in fact, been announced as the winner.

"As I expected, I have been acknowledged as the superior poet and I _would _thank you all for your support, had you actually had the manners to support me properly. As it is, you come across as a group of uncivilised, uneducated cretins and you incur a deep, _seething_ feeling of revulsion within me whenever I lay my eyes upon you. Which, I hope, will _not_ be a recurring event as now that I have claimed my grape buffet I shall be swiftly departing this dire premises with my prize in tow, leaving you all _far_ behind both literally and in the sense that I am evidently incredibly more gifted in intelligence and general temperament than the lot of you put together. It has _not _been a pleasure and I do _not_ bid you good day. In fact, I would go so far as to encourage you all to brazenly leap off of the nearest cliff that you encounter, so that your inferiority is not passed on to the next generation. You are all, and I do not apologize for my phrasing of this, a horde of _absolute_-"

And it was here that Morgana had to turn away from the spectacle and cease listening, for her sister was using such _abominable_ language that it was beginning to make her blush. The ward was vaguely aware of the crowd shouting furiously at Morgause that she had _not_ won, and of the innkeeper apologising to everybody profusely, and of the innkeeper's son groaning in pain from the aftermath of being taken down so suddenly and so _violently_ by such a large mass of flesh that claimed to be his father.

Then, above everybody else's protests, and with a great air of authority to it, Morgause's voice sounded out loud and clear, "_I WILL NOT HESITATE TO SET FIRE TO THIS ENTIRE BUILDING AND MAKE SURE YOU ALL ENGAGE WITH AN AGONIZING AND SLOW DEATH, EVEN IF I HAVE TO NAIL DOWN EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU TO A TABLE DURING THE BLAZING INFERNO MYSELF_."

Silence.

Morgana, with a slight cringe, turned back around to watch as her sister flicked her hair over a shoulder and then hopped off of the crate, sending a demanding look in the innkeeper's direction. "And I have but two words for you, you disgusting accumulation of limbs. _Grape. Buffet_."

* * *

The journey back to Morgause's cave had not been an altogether pleasant one.

First of all, there had been a gigantic brawl in the inn which Morgause had engaged with _wholeheartedly_, merrily swinging her fists into people's faces and then kicking them where no person should be kicked. Morgana had remained the only motionless person in the entire place, sitting perfectly still in what was genuine fear until Morgause finally popped up beside her, looking rather bloody but most pleased, claiming "I have found all of the grapes this inn owns and I have tied them to our horses!"

And so Morgana had been led outside, her eyes falling upon the most _ridiculous_ sight she had ever seen – and she had seen _a fair few_. Bunches and bunches and bunches of grapes were secured firmly around the horses and, the ward had noted, her own horse even had grapes tied onto its _saddle_. When she had politely asked where she was to sit, Morgause had replied, as if it was obvious, "You are not riding your horse back, sister. You are to carry the boxes." And then she had pointed to three fairly large boxes stacked atop each other beside the horses, all completely full of grapes.

There had been protests, there had been slapping, but Morgana eventually found herself trailing behind the two horses, one of which Morgause was happily sitting upon, with her arms aching from carrying so much. The ward had suggested that the blonde take a turn with the boxes, but had promptly been dismissed as Morgause declared that to do so would 'mar the otherwise perfect experience of gaining so many grapes in so little time.'

When they had _finally_ arrived at Morgause's cave, Morgana was the one who had to carry the boxes inside and then untie all of the rest of the grapes and take them into the cave as well. Morgause adamantly refused to be of any help whatsoever, and served only to verbally abuse her sister if she attempted to have a rest. Once all the grapes were safely in the cave, Morgana had dared to suggest that she deserved to eat at least one grape due to all of her efforts, but Morgause had swiftly kicked her in the shin and then reprimanded her for being so stupid.

By the time Morgana arrived back at the castle, looking completely bedraggled and worn out, it was almost midnight. An entire patrol quickly hurried towards her as she dragged her heavy limbs across the drawbridge, and proceeded to bombard her with questions.

"Are you alright, milady?"

"Where have you been, milady?"

"What happened to you, milady?"

"Are you hurt, milady?"

Deciding that, to be quite honest, she could not be bothered to answer them, Morgana had ordered them to escort her to her chambers, only to be told that Uther was still awake and waiting worriedly for her safe return, and that she was to be taken to the throne room immediately.

The King of Camelot had not been in the _highest_ of spirits. There was a brief hug where he blathered on about how pleased he was that she was safe, but then came the questions. Apparently Gwen had claimed that she had not seen Morgana since morning, and a search party had been sent out for the ward's return.

"What happened to you, Morgana?"

"Kidnapped." The young witch had replied solemnly "By red clothed...rogues...with rusty...cutlasses."

Uther, listening intently as Morgana recounted how she had been taken to their camp in a forest only for a bear to chase them away, had raised a brow. "A...bear?"

"Yes. Which is ironic as I was singing about a bear this morning."

"You...?"

"With Gwen."

There had been a long pause and Uther, thinking that perhaps Morgana had been knocked on the head during her kidnap, bade her goodnight as "You clearly need your rest."

This had pleased Morgana greatly, as she came to the belief that she had completely gotten away with journeying all the way to The Cackling Concubine with her sister. There were absolutely _no_ repercussions! She had glorious fortune indeed!

It was only in the morning when Gwen, after pulling her curtains, had sat on the edge of her bed and said, with a very heartfelt tone "I have bad news for you, milady" that Morgana began to suspect that she was not _entirely _in favour with the deities after all.

"Bad...news?"

"There are some terrible rumours going around that you...you..."

The ward had clutched the other woman's hand worriedly. "Gwen?"

"...That you were seen in The Cackling Concubine yesterday! People think you a...a harlot, milady!"

A twitch of annoyance had taken residence in Morgana, and her grip tightened upon her maidservant, who was now looking absolutely crestfallen.

_A harlot?_

_Oh, how Morgause would pay for this...!_

* * *

_Authors Notes: Why yes, Morgause did write poetry and Morgana and Gwen did sing about bears. And an innkeeper suggested the sisters get some counselling. Which was totally around in medieval times, don't question me, ssshhh. Just embrace the grapes and the drunk harlots. Embrace them._

_But, GANG-HO, chocks away and all that frivolity old chaps. I hope you liked the chapter as much as I like sniffing chocolate oranges. Which is a lot._

_And maybe, just maybe, you would like to take all your feelings that you are feeling right now with your feeling sensations and type about them in the form of a review. And I will read and learn about your feelings and that will make ME feel feelings and it will be like a freight train of feelings all colliding at once and we CAN ALL FEEL THINGS TOGETHER._

_Which sounds a bit sketchy when you write it down, but I CARE NOT FOR SUCH MATTERS. I just wish for reviews to caress and cherish for all of time and yonder lore and beyond._

**_Mmmmmm._**

_Cherishing. With cherishing feelings and spangly limbs.  
_

_Together we all make rainbows._

_Or something._

_Yours most favorably and truly and joyfully,_

_OmNom._

_x  
_


	20. Swapsies

_Authors Notes: So, um. When I said '__updates should be more frequent again_', what I **actually** meant was: I will shortly be witnessing the final Harry Potter movie and, in doing so, will spiral into the terrible, dark place that is post-Potter depression and will be so upset about the whole thing that whenever I try to type 'Morgana' or 'Morgause', I will, instead, end up typing 'Morsmordre' and then weep hysterically to myself. This will then be followed by general writers block, more crying, a lot of chocolate and a particularly terrible incident in which I sit on my own cat and feel so awful about it that, in my already emotionally weakened state, I end up making a nest in my duvet and stay there for the next few weeks. The ray of hope will come, however, when the Pottermore clues begin and I manage to get an account with the absolutely BOSS name - HallowWolf18. This will then spark my love and interest in **everything** again, and the world will seem brighter and I will sit down at my computer and joyously write another chapter.

_If you didn't get that from '____updates should be more frequent again_', then I honestly don't know what's wrong with you.

_I should probably also mention that I **might** have changed my penname again...to 'TheDeathlyMarshmallows'. I would apologise for this, but I see absolutely no need to since it is so obviously superior to my old penname._

_ANYWAY - Here is the chapter! And I hope you all forgive me for being such a bad author who doesn't update when she says she will. I'll try to be better. But I give you no promises because that way you can't be mad at me. :)_

_Oh and, um, review replies are smaller this chapter because I'm doing them RIGHT NOW and I really should be in bed seeing as I have to get up ridiculously early come the rising sun!  
_

_GODDESS, I LOVE 'YA ALL.  
_

**Dedicated to Rhemila and Rhemila's brother for pitching such a fantastic idea for a chapter to me via PM. Sorry it took so long, but I think this chapter proves that, together, we can bake the perfect success pie. Much love.  
**

_**I present to you a chapter in which Morgana burns her hands...or were they Morgause's hands? Well, Morgause is labelled as mentally ill...although that might have been Morgana. But then who was the one living in the cave? And who lives in the castle? Oh heavens. I don't know where they begin or end anymore...**_

_Dawn that Shines - YOU SANG WITH MORGANA? You do not know how much this pleases me. 'I do think that Morgana and Morgause act very much like a married couple.' Yes, they do rather, don't they? I'm sure such news would delight Morgause to the extreme. The great big creeper she is. :P OM NOM NOM COOKIES. I'm glad you had a cookie to enjoy. They are so incredibly delicious...much like your review! NOM. P.S. Reviews can never be too long!  
_

_Kitty O - There's a story about guards called IAN AND NIGEL? WHAT EVEN. I WILL FIND THIS. AND ENJOY IT. 'We meet the WEIRDEST people in Camelot!' That is the largest understatement of the century, right next to the time I told a friend that 'Morgause is a bit of a stalker.' xP 'Don't be alone with her long, Morgana. I worry about that…' I think we all do, my lovely snuffledragon, I think we all do... 'OH MY GOSH! WHY CAN"T I MAKE MY TYPE SIZE 20?' OH HEAVENS. Such flattery! I know not what to do with myself except SQUEEE. You don't want to embrace drunk harlots? :( Well, that's alright. I'll just embrace your magnificent review. ASDFGHJKL.  
_

_bubblepunk12 - 'She can make the entire crowd of a questionable establishment silent.' Yes, yes she can. It is one of her finer points, I must say. 'Can Morgause teach me how to punch?' I absolutely do not see why not. I'm sure she will enjoy such a task if she is given grapes. 'I will cherish your awards of hilarity' OH, YOU! Don't make me blush! :3  
_

_SilverHeart09 - YES. EMBRACE THOSE GRAPES GOOD. 'PLEASEEEE tell me the man chatting up Morgana in the tavern was Gwaine?' Weell...I won't say either way but...if people want to think it's Gwaine...then I encourage you to do so wholeheartedly. :P A pet grape for Morgause? Well...that may just happen one day... I HAVE A SPOON ON MY DESK TOO. Just so you know. :)  
_

_Ringo'simaginarycat - 'I can't believe she wrote an ode to grapes' Well, this IS Morgause. She is more obsessed with grapes than the cookie monster is obsessed with cookies. Which is a lot.  
_

_Astiza - Exactly! Silly Morgana and her silly bright red cloak! 'Condescending looks, eh? Very nice!' All the better to feel superior with! :D  
_

_Water1Wolf - 'When I saw this in my e-mails box I shouted with glee' DON'T MAKE DIE FROM JOY SO EARLY INTO A REVIEW. Honestly! How do you expect me to function? 'What if you have reptilian readers?' Oh goodness, I do apologise. I did not think. How very rude. Hopefully they'll forgive me! 'I adore it so much that I was continuously quoting bits to my non-Merlin-watching friend' Quoting? QUOTING? Out loud? With your mouth and tongue and teeth? TOO MUCH FOR ME TO HANDLE WITHOUT SIMPLY SAYING - ASDFGHJKL. 'we will hold hands and all shall be well.' That...that legit brought tears of joy to my eyes... *sniffs*  
_

_Dragons of Egypt - YOU ARE TOO KIND. I personally felt rather bad for the poor innkeeper. He just didn't know what he was up against when Morgause entered the building... 'And an Ode to Grape, just reading the title had me in stiches!' HEAVENS. Such praise! Thank you, thank you!  
_

_mysilentwitness - My exams went...ok...I think. I shall keep optimistic until proven otherwise! :D 'Now for the review of your utter perfection' UTTER PERFECTION? YOU SLAY ME, HONESTLY. I CANNOT EVEN DEAL. 'Shhhhhlllump' This word pleases me. I spent a good few minutes repeatedly saying it. It made me giggle. 'I also love a specific author who is like the greatest writer ever.' YOU. ARE. KILLING. ME. On another note, if you ever make that video...I will cry from joy. You do not know what chocolate oranges are? WHAT EVEN IS THIS TOMFOOLERY? Google it my dearest sweet, and bathe in its glory. 'I adore every word your little head thinks of!' - Here lies TheDeathlyMarshmallows, died from pure glee -  
_

_Ambah - 'IT WAS JUST SO BLOODY BRILLIANT THAT I COULD PUKE. (Not over you, of course, you fantastic being.)' I CAN HONESTLY SAY I JUST ERUPTED INTO GLORIOUS LAUGHTER. Thank you ever so much. :')  
_

_Rhemila - Oh, the exams! They were HOPEFULLY alright. I hope. 'And poor Morgana, she almost had a boyfriend... almost.' Indeed she did! So close...and yet so far.. 'they should consider therapy' They really, really should. You are completely correct. Maybe one chapter...they will... 'Never, ever stop writing them!' Oh goodness! I will try not to stop! I don't want to!  
_

_IceCreamDoodle13 - 'awesome chapter (but did anyone expect any less from someone with a penname as outstanding as yours? And a track record of hilarity-inducing chapters? They did not.)' YOU. MAKE. ME. WRITHE. WITH. JOY. 'What WOULDN'T Morgause do for a bunch of grapes?' Now that IS a question. I think we can safely suspect - nothing. 'oh supreme writer of ASDFGHJKL awesomeness and epicness' THAT IS A GLORIOUS NAME. Call me it ALWAYS.  
_

_lilyplusjamesistotallove - You write MUCH better, my dear! Poor Morgause. She hasn't quite grasped the fine art of poetry... 'do not worry about your extremely large Author's note, because it is all in your favour.' I think so too! I just like replying to people too much! Although I can't talk much today... :(  
_

_HappyAce88 - 'I wish I could somehow transform this into a movie, because this is just AWESOME!' I also harbor this wish...just so we can see Morgause with a moustache... 'keep up the fantabulistic work' GOOD LORD. I shall try my best my lovely sugarsnap!  
_

_annonymus - 'This chapter had me crying with laughter the first time I read it' CRYING with laughter? Now that is something for me to be proud of! Thank you ever so much!  
_

_Namikaze Artemis - 'doesn't that mean you haven't updated in three weeks?' Ummm...HEY, look over there! DISTRACTION. 'When in doubt, answer yes.' ALWAYS. 'What in the world are harlots?' They are...promiscuous women. To say the least. :P '(I got it right. Hah.)' I am so proud of you right now. I may shed a tear :') Thank you for the lovely review my dearest!  
_

_VeliaLoki - 'That would be silly and immature...' But oh so delightful, I think we can agree :)  
_

_Whirlwind421 - 'I am laughing my head off...especially the part with Morgause, Morgana, and a heron!' Oh, the heron! Almost as famous as the shark...but not quite...Thank you for the reviews, lovely!  
_

_Catindahat - ' they definitely have issues' They have more issues than an issue with issues that have issues that have issues...or something. 'This is brilliant, can't wait for more.' Oooh! Well then I hope you enjoy this update! :D  
_

_Annonymus - 'Best part of this chapter! XD' It made me chuckle too...although I might be biased because I wrote it... :S  
_

_PoisoningPigeonsinthePark - 'I'm fairly confident that's the single best heckle ever ;)' It really and truly is. ;D Kudos to Morgana for once. 'it's got me looking at Morgause in a totally different light.' The light of BEING A TOTAL CREEPER. But we love her anyway. 'Everything just oozes genius.' Please don't make me die from joy. I think I've already done that a couple of times! YOU BEAUTY. But yes, a grapeless world is a horrible thought. Best not to dwell on it for too long... 'Morgause's constant threats and unrestrained, flaming violence' That just perfectly summed up her character really. Which pleased me greatly. THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND WORDS, OH MIRTH BRINGER.  
_

* * *

_**Evil, Shady Dealings**_

* * *

**20.**

**Swapsies**

* * *

Morgana was going to have her revenge against Morgause. It was all her fault she was being labelled as a harlot and people were avoiding standing next to her for too long. It was all her fault that Uther had tried to have a 'talk' with her about how actions had consequences and how the neighbouring Kingdoms would not look favourably upon them if she continued to behave in such a way. _Urgh! It was all Morgause's fault!_

And so the ward, after days of plotting and planning, now found herself in the library. Everything was going much better than expected. Geoffrey had been asleep behind his desk, so getting past him had been more simple than sneaking past the guards, which one could easily accomplish even with their eyes shut. The only slight snag in the plan so far was that the ward could not for the life of her find any books containing any magical spells.

She had expected this to be a tricky feat, for she assumed Uther would have tried to have all such books burnt, but equally she had believed it possible to find at least _one _book, _somewhere_, lost in this labyrinth of shelves.

Scowling to herself and thinking this was _entirely _unfair since Morgause always seemed to find scheming so easy whilst she, Morgana, had had to put a great deal of effort into planning this, the ward moved to lean against a wood panelled wall in order to rest for a moment. Unfortunately for her, the wall had other ideas entirely and swung around with alarming speed, taking her with it.

Morgana found herself, amazingly still upright but also incredibly confused, in a completely different room. It looked even older than the library, with broken shelving and piles of books lying forgotten on the stone floor. The only light came from a small window, and one could see dust lazily drifting past it, although it occurred to Morgana that even after all of her walks around the castle she had never noticed the window before.

She could not help but feel rather..._at home_ in this room, as if the books had been waiting for her all of this time. She took a hesitant step forward, gazing around, worried that there would be some kind of catch to finding such a wonderful place. But no trap presented itself, no monster erupted from the floor. The room was still and peaceful and, with a smile on her face, Morgana set to work. These lost books would have spells in them, she was sure of it!

And she was not disappointed. Page after page after page of symbols and runes and odd languages that she did not understand! This was bliss! This was heaven! This was just like the times she had fondly spent in Morgause's libraries, her head buried in a book until her sister had come to drag her away and reprimand her for forgetting to eat anything that day.

Morgana paused, narrowing her eyes slightly. But she was not here to think about the contented times she had spent with her sister, no! She was here for revenge! This was war!

Turning the page of the current book she was glancing through, a heavy volume with a very pretty purple cover that had drawn Morgana to it in the first place, the ward settled her gaze on instructions for a spell that looked exactly perfect for what she wished to do.

A spell for switching bodies.

She smirked.

Morgause would not know what to do with herself when Morgana cast the spell and the blonde found herself swapping bodies with Princess! Oh, how Morgana would _laugh..._

* * *

It was evening when Morgana arrived at the cave, the spell safely committed to memory. Morgause had been _most_ pleased to see her, she had not been expecting a visit after all, and had ushered her in, all smiles and compliments.

For a very brief moment, the ward had felt bad for what she was about to do. Morgause could be positively lovely when she was in such a fine mood, but she reasoned that this did not negate the fact that it was all the blonde's fault that she was now known as a harlot.

"...and so it turned out that he gave me this rug _free of charge_, sister. And look at the embroidery! I thought you would adore it, and you are always complaining about this cave looking so dull, so here it is! Do you like it?"

"...Yes. It certainly brightens the place up a bit."

"Exactly! Oh, I am pleased you like it! I thought you would say it was out of fashion or the colours did not complement each other or the such like."

"It is absolutely charming, Morgause."

The blonde looked as if she were about to pass out from pride. She so very rarely got anything right decoration-wise that this was truly a moment to be savoured. In fact, such was her joy that she did not even notice Princess begin to rub around her legs and meow softly for attention. However, Morgana _had_ noticed the cat, and saw this as the perfect opportunity that it was to use the spell.

_Revenge at last!_

Words were quickly recited, Morgause managed to give her sister a perplexed look, and just as the blonde was about to question Morgana's intentions, the ward's eyes glowed that brilliant gold and everything went quite black.

* * *

It was a very odd sensation that Morgana felt, as if she were dizzy or just about to faint. Not only that, but she was becoming increasingly aware of _something_ head butting her legs. _Well, how very rude-_

She looked down to see Princess administering another affectionate head butt to her left shin, which only served to confuse the young witch further. Was Princess not supposed to be around _Morgause's_ legs? What in the heavens-

"_You bloody miscreant_!"

Morgana could not help but jump slightly, such was the violence behind the insult, and nervously turned around to find..._herself_ shouting angrily at her?

"Just what exactly was your _ridiculous_ intention when casting such a spell? Are you deranged? _Look at me_!"

And look Morgana did, only to affirm her suspicions that the person before her was, in fact, herself. She had the red cloak, the gorgeous pale complexion, the general all round beauty, the wonderful figure, the...Goddess, mirrors did her _no_ justice. She was absolutely _stunning_-

"Morgana! Disengage with your penchant for narcissism and come back to reality!"

But- none of this made any sense. What was going on? Why was she shouting at herself? Who was this person in her own body? "..Are you..." Morgana began uncertainly, with a slight waver in a voice she realised was not quite her own "...Are you my conscience?"

"_No, you blithering idiot_! It is your sister, _Morgause_! Heavens, _you_ are the one who cast the spell! Were you even aware of what you were doing?"

A slight pause. A sudden realisation of what had happened. Well, if Morgause was in _her_ body...then...then...

Morgana glanced down at her hands, that were not her hands, and let out a horrified gasp "Oh..._Goddess_! Look at these _nails_!"

"Sister, I think my nails are the least of our worries!"

"You are correct. Your voice is so..._sultry_..."

"_MORGANA_!"

The ward found herself jumping again at the burst of rage from her sister, and looked up to see herself, no, _Morgause_ rubbing _her_ forehead in what seemed to be a mixture of worry and exasperation. "I declare you must desist!"

"Desist _what_? Being stuck in your _vile_ body? I only wish I _could_-"

"No! Rubbing _my_ forehead! You will give me wrinkles!"

"Oh, for heavens-"

"And my body is _anything_ but vile! From the perspective of your body, I would go so far as to say that I look positively radiant!"

Morgause gave what sounded like a snort of amusement, which was very strange and slightly mentally scarring for Morgana to witness because she had never seen herself act in such a way before. "You look nothing of the sort!"

"Yes I do! I am using _your _eyes and they most definitely look favourably upon _my _body-"

"Morgana, do _cease_ your incessant jabbering-"

But the ward was too far gone in her own self-absorbed moment to care how her older sister felt. "Heavens, I look magnificent even in _profile_-"

"Sister-"

"Not to mention my _backside_-"

Well, if Morgana was not going to be reasoned with verbally, Morgause would have to gain her attention in a different way – by rubbing at her forehead vigorously. It gained the desired results within seconds.

"Morgause, stop! You have no right to do that! That is _my _forehead-"

"Now I have your attention again, sister," Morgause interrupted unsympathetically "We must discuss the stupidity of your recent actions."

The ward knit her brows together in confusion, although Morgause supposed really they were _her _eyebrows. "...glancing over myself...?"

"No! That was merely disgustingly vain, although hardly surprising from _you_. I am referring to the moment in which, in a fit of what I can only assume to be overpowering idiocy, you decided to switch our bodies."

"Oh." Morgana gave a slight shrug, finding in doing so that Morgause's body did not move _nearly_ so elegantly as her own. "If you _must_ know, I was rather of the mind that you and Princess would swap bodies."

_Princess?_ – "Yes, well! _Wonderful_! Shall I add this to the growing list of horrific magical blunders that you have made, hm? Perhaps I could note it under '_Shark_ – appeared from _bloody nowhere_'-"

"Would you rather the spell _was_ successful and you _were _a cat at this moment?"

"I know you would have been enjoying it immensely if that _were_ the case!" Morgause snapped back, disliking immensely how Morgana's voice did not have as much..._power_ to it as her own. "You and your love of bizarre fantasies-"

"_Morgause_! Stop it! I do not like being insulted by _myself_! It is very confusing and unnerving and-"

"Well how do you think _I_ feel? I have to witness _you_, a gigantic disaster area, taking residence in _my _perfect body!"

Now, Morgana knew that simply was _not_ true! "It is hardly perfect! I think you will find it is _I _who boasts the superior bo – _CEASE SLOUCHING_!"

"I am not slouching!"

"Yes you are! You are ruining my posture!"

"I do not care for that! You cannot carry off _my_ air of confidence and indifference! You are making me look _weak_-"

"You cannot stand properly!"

"I _am _standing properly!" Morgause replied indignantly, gesturing to herself...or to Morgana...oh Goddess, this was all so confusing-

"No you are not! You are _slouching_!"

"_This is how I stand_!"

"It is incredibly unflattering!"

"Well, _your_ body is incredibly flimsy and fragile!"

"_Your_ body is not looked after! These _nails_, Morgause-"

"_THAT IS IT_." Morgause suddenly roared, her patience well and truly tested to its limits and far, far beyond. "CHANGE US BACK IMMEDIATELY!"

Sadly for the both of them, Morgana had to meekly inform her enraged sister that she 'did not know how'. Morgause, who was _having none of it_ and was looking more and more akin to a mentally unhinged murderer with every passing moment, ordered her to recite the spell again. The poor ward did just that, but nothing happened, and she timidly suggested that 'The spell might only work once?'

This did not do wonders for Morgause's mood, and Morgana swiftly found herself under attack by various objects being hurled in her general direction. "_WHAT IN GODDESS' NAME IS WRONG WITH YOU_?" The older sister screamed furiously, taking aim with a rather large jug "Can I just clarify that if this spell _had _gone to plan and I _was_ currently a cat, _you would have utterly no idea how to turn me back_?"

"...t-that would...seem to be the case..." Morgana replied, hoping that honesty really was the best policy, only to find the jug almost smashing into her face. Well, _really!_ She just did not understand Morgause's logic sometimes. "Sister, may I remind you that you are technically trying to inflict harm upon your _own_ body by throwing things at me-"

"_YOU ARE INSANE_!" Was the response, although Morgana thought the accusation very hypocritical considering the way Morgause was behaving "Was I to be a cat _forever_? What is _wrong _with you, Morgana? Where is your _brain_-"

"But you are not a cat, are you?" Morgana countered optimistically, trying her best to disperse the tension. It was very odd seeing herself in one of Morgause's rages, and she was rather hoping the spectacle would end soon.

"No, I am worse! I am _you_!"

Morgana tried her best not to look _too_ put out that Morgause was so unhappy about being in her body for the foreseeable future, but it was a rather difficult feat and she was soon pouting in a most miserable manner. This only gained a very puzzled look from her sister, who was not at all used to seeing herself look so pathetic, and Morgana slowly sunk down onto a chair beside the table. "I do not feel happy about this predicament either, Morgause. There really is no need to be so uncouth about the whole thing."

No response.

"I try my best, you know! I try to harness my powers but it is not all that easy and you never really seem to teach me anything of any use whatsoever and-"

But Morgause was not listening. Morgause had a distinctly different air about her altogether. Gone was the seething rage, gone was the violence! Instead...a raised brow, an expression that gave one the distinct impression that she was currently thinking of a most splendid plan. This by itself confused Morgana a little, because she had never seen that particular expression on her own face before, and she was soon perplexed further when her sister actually spoke.

"Oh...oh, but no! This is _marvellous_!"

Morgana held no such certainty. "...It...is...?"

"Of course! I shall have to go back to live in Camelot, seeing as I am in your body! It shall be like a holiday! All the while, _you_ shall have to live in _this _wretched cave!" Morgause smiled broadly, enjoying the whole notion very much, thinking it had a vaguely twisted sense of justice to it. If Morgana had swapped their bodies then Morgana would have to pay the price!

"I shall do no such thing!"

"You have no choice, sister! Oh, glorious, glorious, good fortune!" The older witch began to engage with what seemed like a minor victory dance, before darting up to Morgana, clasping their hands together and shaking them vigorously. "Thank you, thank you so much, you wonderful, lovely sister!" Such was Morgause's delight that she even gave her sister a kiss on the cheek, apparently not finding the idea of technically kissing _herself_ at all worrisome. Then, without a moment's hesitation, and completely ignoring Morgana's protests, she started towards the cave mouth, pulling the hood of Morgana's red cloak up.

"No! You-you cannot leave me! Morgause! Where are you going? Get back here!"

"Stay here? When Camelot and four poster beds and warmth and comfort is waiting? I think not!"

"B-But, Morgause! No! Wait!"

"Thank you again, sister! I shall enjoy this opportunity wholeheartedly!" Morgause replied cheerily, gesturing around the cave with a sweep of an arm "Make yourself at home!"

And then she was gone.

Out into the night, gone.

Leaving Morgana completely and utterly stranded with not a clue how to fend for herself in the wild. The ward ran to the cave entrance, but Morgause's figure – or would that be her _own_ figure? – was already out of sight. _Pitiless, black fate_!

"MORGAUSE! _COME BACK HERE THIS INSTANT_!" The younger witch shrieked helplessly, at least thankful for the fact that Morgause's voice could carry a bit further than her own "I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO FUNCTION IN A CAVE! HOW SHALL I BATHE? WHERE DO I FIND FOOD? _HOW SHALL I LIVE?_ MORGAUSE!"

But with the prospect of living life as the King's ward, with a maidservant waiting on her every hour of the day, it was safe to say Morgause did not look back once.

* * *

Morgana was acting _very_ strangely. This was a thought that had floated into Gwen's mind and had refused to leave ever since she had attempted to wake the ward that morning.

She had arrived at Morgana's chambers as usual, she had pulled the curtains as usual, and she had moved over to the bed and woken the raven haired woman as usual. However, for absolutely no reason that she could fathom, Morgana had literally raised a hand, pushed lazily against Gwen's cheek and murmured irritably "Get out of my face, Guinevere..." And then, as if that was not rude enough, she had promptly rolled back over and gone back to sleep.

Thinking to herself that perhaps Morgana was just having a bad dream, Gwen had tried to shake her awake again, gently reminding her that she had a council session to attend to that day. Unfortunately, the only reply she received was a grumpy mumble of "...Persistent serving wench..." and what she assumed was supposed to be a slap in the face, but instead seemed to be more of a sleepy pat.

Eventually, after much cajoling, Morgana had sat upright, albeit in a rather slouchy manner most unlike her, and glanced over to her maidservant in a fairly unimpressed manner. "You are quite...bright, aren't you?" She'd questioned, in reference to Gwen's yellow dress.

"I...yes, I suppose so, milady."

"It is too early to be that bright."

"I am no earlier than any other day..."

A disbelieving look. "You mean to say that you wake me up at this time _every day_?"

"...Yes, milady."

Morgana had given a slight shudder of disgust, before vaguely waving at the bewildered woman beside her. "Oh goodness...you had best help me out of bed then."

"...of course..."

Morgana usually managed to get out of bed by herself, but orders were orders, so Gwen took a hold of the ward and attempted to leverage her out, only to find that Morgana seemed to be intent on being a complete dead weight against her.

"_Heave_, Guinevere. This requires effort."

"I...you...yes, milady."

And so the day had gone on.

Morgana had declared she would _only _wear a red dress, which she hardly ever wore, and had then demanded to have a rather hefty breakfast that included a great deal of grapes – which was very odd because Morgana rarely ate a great deal of anything. She had then swiftly tried to clamber _back _into bed, only to be stopped when Gwen reminded her for the _sixth_ time that council was being held in less than half an hour and she really should be headed down to the throne room soon.

But Morgana had not even wished to have her hair put up, snapping touchily 'My hair is _not_ a bird's nest! Cease flapping about trying to put pins in it!", so Gwen had no choice but to attempt to brush the usual style the ward had when her hair was _down_. This also was a no go area, and Morgana had whined that she wished to have _braids_, which Gwen informed her they had no such time to do. Eventually they had settled on a half-up half-down scenario that, thankfully, did not look all that bad.

"Oh for heaven's sake, girl! You are in more of a fluster than I am, and _I_ am the one meant to be in council! You go ahead and I will be down shortly."

"But, mila-"

"Shoo!"

And here Gwen was, standing outside the throne room doors, which had recently been closed due to the council session starting. She had attempted valiantly to reason with the guards that the Lady Morgana would be arriving soon, but the doors had been closed nonetheless.

It was all very strange, and Gwen wasn't at all sure about Morgana's apparent change in personality. She had _never_ shooed her before-

"Why in Goddess' name are the doors shut?"

Gwen blinked, snapping out of her thoughts, and looked to her side to see Morgana there, a very ill-tempered expression on her face. _And since when did Morgana refer to Goddess'_? – "I am afraid you are late, milady. Council has already begun-"

"_Already begun_? Without _me_?"

The maidservant gave a nervous nod.

"But I am the _King's ward_! Council cannot start without _me_! What is this? A circus? _I will show them beginning council without the ward..." _Then, brushing Gwen's hurried protests aside, Morgana had moved forwards, dramatically thrown open the double doors in a rather masculine manner, and then marched purposefully through the small crowd, pushing them all aside and snapping "_Move_! Are you as deaf as you are hideously lacking in good looks?"

She eventually reached the end of the crowd and irritably brushed herself down before making her way to her seat beside Uther, remarking brazenly "Goodness, I was told this was to be a council session, not a congregation of the mentally afflicted."

Sitting down, the ward had then nonchalantly waved a hand "Well, go on then. I am here now. Continue."

But the council did not continue. In fact, everybody was looking as though they had been shocked into silence. Gaius had _both _of his brows raised violently, Merlin had his eyes so wide they threatened to pop out at any moment, Gwen was meekly making her way into the room and standing to one side, the Knights all looked respectfully confused and in awe at the same time, Arthur's brows were knitted together and there was an overwhelming perplexed look on his face and, finally, there was Uther, his head turned to stare in Morgana's direction with his mouth actually agape slightly in surprise.

Morgause, apparently forgetting that she was in _Morgana's_ body and so should probably act in an according way, gazed around at all of the faces. _Well, this was discourteous_! "What?"

"I would hastily advise you to remember your place, Morgana!" The King replied quickly, not quite believing what was happening.

Little did he know that inside of the ward's body, Morgause was becoming increasingly confused. _Her place_? Was she sitting on the wrong throne? Did Morgana usually stand in these situations? "I would apologise, but I assumed that this empty seat beside the throne was _mine_. Or have I failed to recollect a different procedure altogether? Would you prefer it if I stood with the peasants?"

"_Morgana_!"

"An emphasis on my name does not make the situation any clearer to me."

"Hold your tongue!"

"Excuse me? I encourage _you _to cease _your_ hysterics!"

"_Hysteri_-Morgana! I suggest you return to your chambers!"

"I have only just arrived!"

"And you have already been here far too long!" Uther responded, irritation evident in his voice "What is the matter with you? You must be ill. Gaius," He looked over to the physician, who have a slight bow of the head "Look over Morgana and alert me when you find out what it is that ails her."

"Yes, sire."

Morgause, in contrast, had different feelings on this matter altogether. "No, I _do not_ think so! I am not going anywhere with _him_! He will _drug_ me-"

"He will do nothing of the sort if he does not need to. Guards!"

"I just declined your offer! Do not consult the guards when I have no wish to leave this area! I have heard all about _Gaius_ and his sleeping elixirs-_GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME_!"

Quickly finding that Morgana's body was not at all as strong as her own, Morgause found herself unable to fend them off, and was soon being 'escorted' out of the room, with her protesting vehemently "What is this exactly? A conspiracy? You cannot do this to me! I am _the King's ward_! I can do as I like!"

After a moment or two of being dragged towards Gaius' quarters though, Morgause began to suspect that actually, she could not.

* * *

Just how in the heavens Morgause could live in such a place was absolutely beyond Morgana.

It was dark, miserable and cold and she was hungry and there was nothing to eat. Princess did nothing but sleep and Morgana was bored beyond all measure. She had wandered about the cave in the hope that Morgause would soon be back with a way to reverse the spell, but apparently Morgause must have been enjoying the four poster bed and warmth too much to care about her distraught younger sister.

Not only that, but Morgana kept forgetting that she was in _Morgause's_ blasted body, and had glanced at her reflection in a cracked mirror that Morgause kept in her 'room' and genuinely believed the reflection to _be_ Morgause herself.

"Oh goodness, Morgause! You startled me!"

There had been no reply.

"What is it you want?" And then she had realised that Morgause's mouth was moving when _she_ was speaking, and the whole terrible situation came flooding back to her. She had quite forgotten that she _was_ Morgause for the foreseeable future.

The last straw had been when she had found a grape with a face drawn on it atop a chest of drawers, and worrying that her sanity seemed to be at stake, Morgana had opted to take a wander around the forest and hopefully even find something to eat. Although Goddess only knew what berries were poisonous and what mushrooms you should stay away from. Why didn't Morgause keep a recipe book?

Most unfortunately for the young witch, the mental image of Morgause in an apron, rolling pin in hand, baking cakes, had drifted into her mind almost immediately and, on second thought, it seemed to her that Morgause was not the most likely of people to invest time into a recipe book after all.

She was still walking about the forest, a good way away from the cave, when she suddenly heard the sound of hooves. She briefly wondered whether it might be Morgause journeying back, but then it rather sounded like there was more than one horse...

_OH GODDESS, WHAT IF THEY WERE BANDITS?-_

Ready to fling herself into the nearest cluster of brambles in order to escape such a fate, Morgana quite abruptly found herself face to face with a horse, which had swiftly appeared from no direction she had been looking in until she turned around.

And there it was.

With Cenred atop it and a few guards behind him.

"Ah, there you are!" He greeted, a satisfied smile on his face "You are a very difficult woman to track down, Morgause."

_Oh, wicked fate. Oh, damned destiny_! She would run into Cenred, wouldn't she? _Yes_, that was _just_ her luck. But, goodness, what should she say? What should she do? She couldn't engage with that seductress act that Morgause seemed to easily pull off, even if she _was _in her body!

"I...uh...yes."

"You told me you had a plan to speak of. Come," Cenred gestured to a spare horse "We can discuss it in a temporary camp."

Morgana hesitated for a moment, but then she thought that she might manage to get some food out of the situation, so she cautiously made her way to the horse, doing her best to ignore the confused looks being sent her way. "Of course. Yes. Wonderful. I...uh...I do love a good camp."

Cenred was frowning, but he didn't comment on Morgause's bizarre behaviour, hoping perhaps she had just had a trying day, and instead he merely flicked his reigns and led the way to the camp.

* * *

"Please allow me look in your ear, milady."

"No."

"It really would be most helpful."

"No."

"Morgana, let him look in your ear."

"No."

"I need to check your ear, milady."

"No."

"It might help him find out what it is that's causing you to...behave in such a way."

"You believe the cause of my behaviour resides in my _ear_?" Morgause looked at both Merlin and Gaius, who were standing before her with rather weary expressions on their faces. "You are both _entirely _more stupid than I first believed."

Gaius let out a sigh. "Well, I must confess that I do not know what the cause of the problem appears to be."

Merlin, turning slightly so that Morgana could not hear what he was saying, raised his brows at the physician. "Maybe there is no problem. Maybe this is just the _true _Morgana."

"I find that unlikely, Merlin. This is a huge shift in personality in a very short space of time."

"But maybe...she is revealing...what we have always _known_ her to be. _Untrustworthy_-"

Gaius shook his head. "There is nothing more we can do, Merlin. I have made all the notes I can. We shall have to present them to the King and see what _he_ decides to do." He turned to Morgana "Perhaps it is to do with your sleeping patterns. Have you been experiencing anymore nightmares? Would you like a sleeping draft?"

"Certainly not!" Morgana looked very offended, which reflected quite perfectly how Morgause was feeling inside, and she instinctively rested her right hand on the bracelet upon her left wrist, retorting defensively "I will have you know that I have not had a _single_ nightmare for months and months! I am _completely_ tranquil during sleep, I am peaceful, I am content, I am gloriously unconscious! In fact, I dare say _corpses_ envy how restful I become as soon as my head hits the pillow!"

Merlin and Gaius exchanged glances.

"What? You think it impossible that my nightmares have stopped without the aid of _your_ infernal sleeping elixirs? Well, I declare that those potions never did anything for me anyway and I am _far_ better off with this brace-"

"Milady?" The greeting put a stop to the conversation as Gwen peered around the door to the room, looking vaguely concerned. Gaius motioned her in, and the maidservant moved over to stand beside Morgana. "Are you feeling any better?"

"I have felt perfectly well all day! I do not understand what all this fuss is about."

Gwen nodded and gave a comforting smile before looking to Gaius and Merlin. "Is she...?

Gaius shook his head. "I am afraid to say that the Lady Morgana is currently not herself, whether through illness or...enchantment we are not sure."

This only served to fuel Gwen's concerns, and she glanced to Morgana, who in contrast had an expression of complete indifference on her face and was now gazing idly about the room, before glancing back to the two men. "I think...I think maybe...the cause of it...it could be..."

Merlin narrowed his eyes, curiosity rather getting the better of him. "...Gwen?" He prompted, after a moment or two of watching indecision play across the dark haired woman's features.

"Well...I...I do not like to make assumptions but...perhaps...those terrible..._harlot_ rumours have...have taken their toll."

Gaius had his favoured brow raised. "You think Morgana is suffering from some sort of mental lapse?"

Gwen gave a small nod. "They were _ghastly_ rumours. It's bound to make anybody upset."

"I do not wish to disrupt such a riveting conversation, but at what point were you all going to remember that I am in the room and can hear everything you are blathering on about?"

There was a slight pause as three sets of eyes turned to Morgana, or unbeknownst to them – Morgause. Then, Gwen patted her gently on the hand, saying softly "Don't you worry, milady. You'll be back to good health in no time at all."

* * *

Cenred and Morgana were sitting beside each other on a very battered looking couch. Cenred was surveying the blonde with a faintly puzzled look on his face, and Morgause, no, _Morgana_ was sipping her drink of water. She had hoped for something stronger to get her through what was likely to be severe mental trauma, but Cenred had informed her that they had no wine with them this time as they had made the journey in haste.

"So then, this plan of yours. You wished to share it with me?" The dark haired man ventured after another couple of minutes drifted by fruitlessly.

He was met with Morgause staring blankly at him for a good while, before she said slowly and very unconfidently "...Yes."

Cenred gestured for her to continue.

"Well...it...it involves...a lot of...drama." Yes, that was good. That was very characteristically _Morgause_. "...And...I think...it may...be my grandest plan yet..."

"You hold me in suspense, Morgause." Cenred drawled, yet again motioning for her to carry on.

"I...quite." Morgana's brain was racing. She had to think up an idea. Any idea! Right now! _ANYTHING_- "It came to my attention that...Camelot...has...walls."

"...Yes."

There was a nervous clearing of a throat. "And I thought...in a stroke of brilliance...that so _often_ befalls me..." Wonderful! She was _sure _to seem like Morgause if she simply acted incredibly pompous and arrogant! "...that we could...paint the walls in such a way that...that it looked like the walls were not there. You see, because the walls would have paintings of...of whatever it was...that was behind them. So people would simply...they would think the walls had _vanished_."

In fact, Morgana was rather getting into the swing of it now. Heavens, this was a wonderful plan! Why ever had she not come up with it before? "And now...now we come to the _nub_ of my plan...because all of the peasants and soldiers would just...walk into the walls and knock themselves out. And then we could simply storm in and...and take over."

Cenred watched as Morgause leant back in her chair as if she had explained something truly profound. _This...what had she just...she could not have..._ He stared at her. And stared and stared and stared.

Morgana was surprised to see the other occupant of the tent looking so horribly confused. Did he not have the brain power to understand such a grand plan? Hm. "It is better than that plan you had about digging tunnels."

There was still no response, just wide eyes.

_Oh Goddess!_ Was he cottoning onto the fact that she was _not_ Morgause? How could that be? She had been arrogant and – _HEAVENS_ – she had forgotten the needless innuendo! That was the problem! She had to retell the plan _immediately_ or all would be lost!

"I will...I will just recount the plan again for I...I forgot one or two slight details." She took a deep breath. _Mental courage, Morgana, have mental courage._ "It came to my..._attention_...that Camelot has very _long _and _large_...constructions. And as I..._bathed_...the thought suddenly..._struck_ me...that we could sneak out _together_ at..._night_..." She raised her brows suggestively "And find a..._substance_ that we could..._splash _on the walls in order to mask the..._stone erections_..."

Cenred was looking decidedly more keen on the idea, and was now even leaning forward slightly in interest.

"...And all the people would..._bump_ against it...and find themselves..._on the floor_..._together_...and then _we_ would..._move_ _over them_...until we reached the..._peak_ of the city...where we would..._sit_...on...the _thrones_."

Cenred looked so almost convinced. Perhaps just _one_ more shameless suggestion-

Morgana leant forwards, repeating again the word "_Peak_" with a slight huskiness to it that she thought even Morgause herself would be proud of.

It seemed to do the trick, and Cenred began to nod. "Well, well, well. That seems most..._persuasive_, Morgause."

"_Really_?" The blonde replied, sounding very proud of herself, only to see Cenred's expression change to perplexity again. _Damn_! She had gone through _all_ of that only to sound like a praised child at the end of it! Honestly! She had to repair the damage! Needless innuendo! _About anything_!

"Could you...err..._pass _me that jug of..._water_...with your..._hands_? So that I can..._refill _my..._cup_?"

Cenred, the bewildered look now well and truly taking a hold of his features, slowly passed Morgause the jug.

"Thank you. That was very..._masculine_."

"Passing you a jug?"

"Yes. _Masculine_."

There was a brief pause and then Cenred asked, sounding faintly concerned "...Are you quite well?"

Morgana, beginning to pour the water into her cup in a way that she hoped was _most_ flirtatious, but from Cenred's expression was apparently not, could not help but wonder about her mental health herself.

* * *

The one good thing about being quietly labelled as mentally ill was that people started to take much greater care of you.

Morgause had been relieved of all council duty, which was a miracle in itself, but had also had Gwen trotting around loyally after her, constantly ready to fetch her a drink or plump her cushions. Life was utterly blissful, and she had absolutely _no_ idea why Morgana complained so much.

But, fortunately, Morgause had no time to think about her sisters' complete stupidity. The task at hand was _far _more important - _Drawing diagrams of the castle_!

Yes, her time in Camelot would not be utterly wasted. She was enjoying having a bit of a holiday, it was true, but there was no reason why she could not map the layout of the castle for future reference. It was a marvellous, _marvellous_ idea-

Morgause froze, the sound of footsteps echoing out in the corridor around her. _Oh hell_! She could not let anybody see this! She briefly glanced over her shoulder to see that it was Gwen who was headed her way, before she flipped the piece of parchment in her hands over and hastily began to draw a smiley face on the back of it. She hoped she would not look _so_ suspicious with quill and parchment in hand if it actually looked like she was sketching something-

"What are you doing, milady?" Gwen was already beside her, a bundle of washing in her arms.

The ward gave a shrug. "Just...drawing."

"Oh, lovely! What of?"

"It is a...uh...it is merely...a self...portrait..." Morgause awkwardly revealed the smiley face, to which there was a slight pause before Gwen gave a nod and replied, "Well...that looks...lovely, milady."

Morgause could not help but think she was rather starting to like this Gwen person. "Do you really think so?"

"Oh, yes. The...the eyes have a particular likeness to you."

Feeling very pleased with herself, the ward looked over her artwork. "Now that you mention it, they do." She glanced to Gwen, who gave a smile "You are a fair amount more pleasant than I thought you would be."

The maidservant's brows furrowed confusedly "What do you mean...?"

"I...oh, nothing." _Blast_! She had almost given herself away! She had to think of something to deflect the conversational path...something guaranteed to interest Gwen more than her odd behaviour – "Did you pick any flowers today?"

Gwen's expression immediately broke back into a smile "Oh! Well, I did go for a wander before I came to wake you up this morning. There were some lovely bluebells, but I didn't want to pick them because it all looked so beautiful. Sometimes I think it's best not to disturb them."

Much against Morgause's better judgement, she could not help but think Gwen was rather endearing. "Do you always go for walks so early in the morning?"

"Most days, milady. That way I can find flowers to put in the vases in your chambers."

"That is very kind of you, Gwen."

"It is no trouble."

"It has been very enjoyable waking up to see fresh flowers. They are just so...vibrant..."

Gwen nodded readily. "I think they brighten up even the dullest days."

"Yes. Yes I quite agree with you."

There was a short, comfortable silence, before Gwen gave another smile and then curtseyed slightly, and somewhat awkwardly due to the washing in her hands. "I'll leave you to your drawing, milady." And with that, she was continuing down the corridor, humming merrily to herself.

Morgause looked back down to her drawing, feeling incredibly at ease. Heavens, that maidservant was so amiable! Flipping back to the diagrams, there was now a smile on her face...or Morgana's face...what did it matter? She felt happy! But then –

Morgause paused, her smile faltering and eyes narrowing slightly.

Wait a second had she..._Morgause_, just been drawn into a sickeningly sweet conversation about flowers? And _enjoyed_ it?

She slowly turned her head to look down the corridor again, where Gwen's now distant figure, with a slight bounce in her step, was disappearing round a corner.

Well that...that was just...

Morgause looked back down to her diagrams, now feeling somewhat disgusted with herself. This was worse than the picnic she'd had with her sister!

_Wretched Gwen, with her wretched cheerful ways!_

* * *

Morgana felt more violated than she had ever done in her life, including the time when Morgause had attempted yet another teleportation spell and accidentally appeared in her bathtub.

Cenred had suggested acts that Morgana barely even knew existed, and a great deal many that she had no idea about altogether, and when his hand had touched her thigh, the poor ward had had no option but to slap him forcefully in the face and hurl herself out of the tent.

Making the situation even worse, she had then had to brawl her way through some of Cenred's men, finding, not without a feeling of slight admiration, that Morgause's body seemed far more apt than her own at leisurely throwing the occasional person over a shoulder and into a ditch.

Morgana _might_ also have stolen one of Cenred's horses, but she reasoned to herself that the matter was really neither here nor then when one considered that a man clad in skin tight leather had just made _vulgar_ advances upon her.

So she had engaged in flirtations and suggestions, but that gave him _no_ right to go anywhere _near _her thigh without her consent! _Oh Goddess_ – what _had _Morgause been up to with him? Morgana felt sick.

Yes, the blonde had fled, practically falling off of the horse in her hurry to scramble into the safety of the cave. And here she was, still without food, but now with added mental scarring.

Life wasn't fair.

She just wanted a feast put before her, and a lovely four poster bed, and gorgeous dresses and somebody to do her hair and do her washing and...and..._everything_!

Morgana slumped down into a chair, staring woefully at the pile of wood she had yet to learn to light successfully. This was all _Morgause's_ fault for not teaching her how to use fire spells. It was all incredibly unjust, especially since Morgause merrily casted fireballs at her every whim and fancy.

Hm.

Well, who was to say that she couldn't use a fire spell just because Morgause had deemed it inappropriate to teach her one? She was Morgana, _the King's ward_, albeit trapped in her own sisters' body. She could use whatever spell she liked. Perhaps Morgause's body was more adjusted to using magic anyway.

Yes, a fire she would have! She would bathe in its warmth and her glory!

Morgana tried to remember the few times she had accidentally set things alight before, and decided that she would perhaps need just an _ounce_ of that feeling to gain the desired result of igniting the wood before her. She didn't want a tornado of fire to appear, after all.

Raising a palm towards the wood, and narrowing her eyes, Morgana concentrated intently on her wish for it to catch alight and-

_**PWWHHOOOO-BOOOOOOOM!**_

There was light, there was heat (a great deal of heat actually), there was Morgana being thrown back all the way out of the cave by the force of the magic she had just used, but, most of all, there was _fire_.

Not just a smattering of fire. No, this was the real deal. This was an all devouring, almighty, ball of fire that had just hurtled out from the direction of Morgana's palm and crashed into the wood beside her. It was as if a small comet had just cheerily exploded in the centre of the cave, caring not for any inconvenience it caused so long as it got to burn everything it encountered.

Morgana, feeling incredibly winded and just a little bit crispy, had not even registered what had happened. She was vaguely aware of the horse kicking up a huge fuss and neighing loudly, and that there seemed to be a sort of...roaring sound...

Sitting up slowly, and not without a great deal of difficulty and discomfort, Morgana found herself staring straight into the cave mouth, where everything seemed to be red and orange and-

_SWEET GODDESS! EVERYTHING WAS ON FIRE!_

Trying to vanquish the immediate thought that this was the _second_ time she had accidentally set fire to something belonging to her sister, and that Morgause was quite possibly going to bludgeon her to death when she next saw her, Morgana wracked her brains to try and figure out how to proceed.

And then it came to her in a wonderful, momentarily blinding flash of brilliance.

She would do nothing.

She would sit and watch and wait for the fire to burn everything it could find in the cave and then die out. Yes, that sounded most acceptable.

_Only that_...Morgana gulped..._Morgause's beloved sword and armour were still inside_!

Oh heavens...there was nothing for it. She would either have to accept her fate of a horrible death at the hands of her _own sister_ if she left the sword and armour in the cave, or she would have to venture inside, attempt to find and rescue the sword and armour, and hopefully not die in the process.

With a scowl on her face, Morgana rose to her feet and headed towards the cave, thinking to herself that Morgause had better be looking for a way to revert the spell, or she would strangle her with her own hair.

If she survived leaping into a blazing inferno, that was.

* * *

Morgause was jumping. Or perhaps she was bouncing. Or springing. Maybe a combination of all. It did not really matter, for she was having fun and enjoying, with perhaps a little too much enthusiasm, the fact that she could quickly attempt to strike a pose whilst in mid-air – most of which she thought looked highly dramatic, but unbeknownst to her looked completely the opposite.

But best of all, Morgana would _never_ know that her own sister had spent a jovial half hour jumping on her bed, quite possibly wrecking the mattress in doing so. And as she was trapped in Morgana's own body, one could even say that _Morgana_ was destroying _Morgana's _bed! Oh, the irony! Oh, what wicked, fiendish delight! When they switched bodies again the ward wouldn't know _what_ had happened to cause her bed to feel so uncomfortable, when technically it was _her_ own body that had caused the damage in the first place!

Yes, this devilish act of jumping was making Morgause feel remarkably more in tune with her evil side since that disgustingly sweet flower conversation with Gwen. She was back to her usual diabolical plans and overpowering drama!

_Strike a pose_ – invisible crown on head – _strike a pose_ – pretending to decapitate someone – _strike a pose_ – imaginary fireball – _strike a pose_ – carrying Uther's coffin-

"Milady?"

A short shriek of surprise, and Morgause had fallen off the bed

Gwen, standing the other side of the bed, could only clear her throat awkwardly. "...Are you alright, milady?"

The raven-haired woman slowly sat upright, so that Gwen could just make out the top half of her head, and replied solemnly "Yes. I am perfectly well, thank you."

"I...I just came up to tell you that dinner will be served shortly."

"That is a most pleasing prospect."

"...Yes."

Pause.

"Were you jumping on the bed, milady?"

Well, there was no point lying about it since she'd been caught in the act. Morgause gave a sombre nod "Yes. Yes I was."

"...May I ask if...there was any reason?"

"I shall be honest with you, Gwen. I engaged in the act for it was incredibly entertaining and I was under the impression that nobody was watching me."

Another pause.

"...I jump on my bed sometimes too." Gwen said quietly.

"...It is a most enjoyable pastime."

The two stared at each other. Silence swallowed the room.

"Was that all, Gwen?"

"Yes, milady."

The ward gave a dismissive nod, which looked very odd with only the top of her head showing, and Gwen awkwardly left the room, thinking that perhaps a mentally lapsed Morgana was, in a way, more amiable than a healthy Morgana.

* * *

"I should rather like some more grapes."

"I am afraid you have exhausted our supply, Morgana." Uther replied in a mixed tone of confusion and slight admiration.

It was dinner time in Camelot, and Uther, Morgana – or was that Morgause? - and Arthur were sat at the table in the dining hall, with Merlin and Gwen serving.

"Oh." The ward replied, a very disheartened expression on face. "Could we not raid the peasants...?"

This was followed by a slight silence, albeit for a small, faintly weary sigh coming from Uther's direction as he rubbed his forehead.

"I hardly think that is necessary." Arthur answered, after the silence had stretched to almost a minute and Morgana was still looking as if she had suggested something both practical and brilliant.

"Well that is not surprising. You never do _anything _that could be misconstrued as hard-hearted."

"A completely uncalled for raid _is _hard-hearted, Morgana. To think so would not be a misunderstand-"

"_Uncalled for_? It would be in aid of the _King's ward_-"

"It would only gain a few _grapes_ at the great expense of the citizens-"

"Oh,_ honestly_!" The raven haired woman snapped "Where is your sense of adventure?"

"I have been on a great many quests!" Arthur replied indignantly, not wishing for his pride to be _at all _bruised.

"Those were not _quests_, they were mild excursions."

"I have led armies and defeated the undead-"

"Yes, and I have something to say about those undead whilst we are on the topic!" Morgause paused, quite possibly with the intention on having dramatic effect, and then continued, "Do you not all think that was an absolutely _glorious _idea of our enemies?"

Arthur nodded. _No wait_, had she just- He hastily corrected himself by ceasing any head movement at all. "Well, I..._what_?"

"I would care greatly to hear your honest opinions on the matter."

There was silence all round the table.

"Was there enough drama?" Morgause prompted hopefully, completely forgetting that from everybody else's perspective it was Morgana who was speaking.

Uther leant forwards slightly. "I do not think this conversational topic is appropriate, Morgana."

"But it was quite a radical idea, was it not? And very ambitious too-"

"It resulted in the death of many innocent people!" Arthur interrupted hot-headedly.

"Oh, yes, certainly. Which seems to suggest that it was a plan that worked most efficiently once it was in motion-"

"Morgana," Uther began, eyes narrowing "I remind you that this speech of yours is bordering on treachery."

"Why? I am not saying that I _agree_ with such a plan, merely that the person behind it must have had _great_ vision and intelligence."

"I know you have suffered a mental...affliction, but I cannot allow you to continue speaking in such a way. If you insist on continuing the subject then I must ask you to return to your chambers."

After a moment or two of Morgana keeping quiet, Uther relaxed and went back to consuming his dinner, which was a nice helping of pheasant today-

"Well, may we at least take a moment to speak about that blonde woman who bested Arthur in a swordfig-"

Uther slammed a fist down on the table. "Return to your chambers!"

"But she was magnificent, was she not?"

"_Chambers_!"

"I am just curious-"

By this point Gwen was tugging the ward up from her seat and hurriedly apologising on her behalf "She is still not well. I am so very sorry, your highness. She does not know what she is saying."

But as she was being dragged out of the room, Morgause could not help but try _one more time_...

"SHE WAS VERY DRAMATIC, DO YOU NOT AGREE?"

There was no answer, except for the doors closing loudly behind her.

* * *

The fire had been very, very hot. Morgana knew she should have been expecting that, but it had still come as quite a shock to her when she found herself practically engulfed in it.

Attempting to use a very mediocre shielding charm that Morgause, with a surprising amount of patience and goodwill, had tried valiantly to teach her during their year together, the young witch had made her way through the cave.

At first, with a stubborn determination to remain looking as dignified as ever, Morgana had moved slowly and elegantly between the large flames, fancying she looked rather impressive. However, once the heat intensified and Morgana realised she was quite possibly going to roast alive, she had moved decidedly faster and with a far greater sense of urgency towards the side of the cave.

In fact, she was all ready to bundle the sword and armour in her arms and fling herself hurriedly back out of the cave, when the she realised that they were made of metal and would most likely be very, very hot.

And so Morgana stood deliberating for a good moment or two, in a scorching blaze that was growing with wild enthusiasm, whether she should continue the rescue plan or leave empty-handed. Morgause would most certainly destroy her once she found out, probably through both verbal and physical means, and the notion did not appeal all that much to her. But equally, if Morgana tried to touch the hot metals she would burn the palms of her hands, and she prided herself on the way they looked so feminine and-

Wait a moment. Dark eyes glanced down to tanned hands.

THESE WERE NOT HER HANDS.

Well then, _there was not a moment to lose_! She would retrieve the sword and armour and Morgause could live with the consequences. This was all _her _fault anyway. She hadn't taught Morgana any spells that harnessed the power of water, which would have been most useful in this current situation.

If anything, Morgana thought as she grabbed the items before her and grit her teeth through the searing pain, Morgause had brought this upon _herself._ This was absolutely, certainly and most definitely _not _Morgana's fault in any way, shape or form. At all. It was _Morgause's_ fault that _Morgause_ would have burnt hands. Yes.

At least, Morgana hoped her sister would see it that way with a bit of gentle persuasion.

By the time she launched herself out of the cave again, the shielding charm had just about worn off, Morgause's clothes were looking rather scorched, and her hands were feeling more or less like a dragon had decided to incinerate them.

Trying to remind herself, as she quickly let go of the sword and armour and finally emitted something akin to a shriek, that these _were not her hands_, Morgana soon found herself hopping around the small clearing outside of the cave. She was not exactly sure _why_ she was hopping, other than in some ridiculous way she thought that it might help soothe the pain or at least give herself something else to focus on.

_OHGODDESSOHGODDESSOHGODDESS-_

Arms were flailing, eyes were screwed up, and eventually loud, vile curses were shouted out at the odd bits of ash slowly swirling about in the air. And then, in a childlike display of sheer anger, the blonde began to fruitlessly kick at any ash that dared try and settle near her feet.

For the first time since the sisters switched places, and as Princess sauntered leisurely out from in between a cluster of trees and began licking her fur, Morgana was acting _exactly _like Morgause.

* * *

Morgause was not in the highest of spirits.

After being taken to Morgana's chambers by Gwen, she had sat moodily on the bed in a great sulk, watching as the maidservant went about closing the curtains and tidying the room.

"Do you regard her with high opinion?"

"Who would that be, milady?"

"The one who challenged Arthur."

"Oh." Gwen paused, looking down at the folded dress in her arms "I had not really thought about it. All of that happened quite a long time ago."

"But did you think she was...grand?"

"Grand? I wouldn't say so, no."

Morgause tried to stop herself from looking too crestfallen, which was a difficult feat indeed when her pride was being so casually stomped over. Instead, she tried to feign an expression of curiosity "Why?"

Gwen was now fiddling in a slightly nervous fashion with the hem of the dress "Well...she did kill some of the guards if I recall correctly, which wasn't entirely necessary."

"It did make her entrance all the more dramatic though, did it not?" Morgause prompted, hoping at least for _some_ form of praise.

A frown settled on the maidservant's features as she glanced up at the raven haired woman "I...no...I think it was cruel and unjust, milady."

What was it with everybody being so...so...unwaveringly _good_ around here? "But you must have thought highly of her when she beat Arthur, surely?"

"I suppose I admired her skills with a sword. I will admit that she was...interesting."

"Interesting?"

"Yes."

"You found her _interesting_?"

Gwen gave a slight "Mm-hm" in reply, patting the dress in an almost affectionate manner before moving over to a dresser.

Interesting? _Interesting_? Is that all Morgause was? After all of her hard work, after all of her plans and plots and attempts to overthrow the _entire_ monarchy – _interesting?_! This was not acceptable! She was so much _more_ than 'interesting'! Goddess, was this how she was to be defined for the rest of her life? _Anything _could be _interesting_! A three-legged dog could be _interesting_! Plagues were _interesting_! Was she to be set aside with a handicapped dog and diseases? No! _To hell with this_! Morgause needed to gain control of her own body _immediately_ in order to set things straight!

If it was the last thing she did, she would be known all across the land as the most terrifying, malevolent being to have _ever_ come into existence! She would burn cities! She would push children down wells! She would conjure up lions and wolves and have them tear off everybody's legs! She would make people choke on their favourite foods! She would make them dig their own graves! There would be drama and fire and hordes of evil minions and so much dark magic that _angels would simply fall out of the sky and disintegrate of their own accord and-_

"Milady?" Gwen's worried voice interrupted "You are...you are _snarling_."

Oh.

_Drat._

Morgause cleared her throat, attempting to give off an air of indifference about the whole topic "...We all snarl from time to time."

The maidservant, having put away the dress, did not look at all convinced, but she put Morgana's odd behaviour down to her mental illness and gave a slight nod of the head. "Yes, milady. Was there anything else you needed?"

"No, thank you, Gwen. I am quite content."

"I shall see you in the morning."

"Yes."

But as the door closed behind Gwen, Morgause had _no_ intention of still remaining in Camelot come the morning. No, she would be back in her own, far superior body! All she had to do now was find a way to reverse the spell...

* * *

Morgause had made her way to the library. She reasoned to herself that if there were to be any spell books in Camelot, then they were probably residing somewhere in the library, most likely forgotten about.

Everything was going swimmingly until a rather fat, bearded man behind a desk spotted her on her way in. _This must be that Geoffrey person that her sister had told her about_. "Where are you headed, milady?"

The ward raised a slender brow, as if the answer was obvious. "Here. The library."

"May I ask what it is you are looking for?"

"...Books."

"Any in particular?"

_Goodness_, he was so nosy! "...No. I was merely hoping to browse."

"Can I show you to our history books? We have quite a collection." He sounded very proud of himself, which Morgause thought was bizarre because it was not as if _he_ had written the books himself. "I think you might find them most interesting."

_WHAT?-_ The ward's eyes snapped onto the man's instantly. "_Interesting_?"

"But, of course!"

"Are you trying to _suggest_ something?"

Geoffrey started to get the feeling this conversation wasn't going to go as well as he had planned. "I...I do not quite understand, mil-"

But the Lady Morgana was already leaning forward over the desk, eyes narrowed "I am _more_ than _interesting_."

There was a long pause, in which the ward did not blink and Geoffrey got the distinct impression he could be murdered at any given moment. "...Yes, milady." He shrunk back slightly, clearly quite frightened.

"I am going to browse the library now."

"Yes, milady."

"I do not want to hear another word out of you, am I quite clear?"

"Yes, milady."

Morgause stepped away from the desk, flicking her hair...well, _Morgana's hair_ over her shoulders, then moved into the library, quickly finding herself lost in the maze of shelves.

_Honestly_, this was ridiculous. Why did they not just have a nice, clear 'Spell books' sign over the relevant section? Surely Uther would want to know where they all were so he could keep a close eye on who tried to use them? _Goddess,_ if he had burnt them _all_ then she would make sure he paid _most dearly._

Deciding it was time for a brief rest in her search, Morgause stopped beside a wood panelled wall near the back of the library, letting out a disgruntled huff. _Bloody great library with absolutely no order to it whatsoever._ It wasn't a patch on _her _libraries. Wiping the back of a hand briefly over her forehead – although really she supposed it was _Morgana's_ forehead - she moved to lean against the wall-

"_ACK_!"

And then, quite suddenly, she was on the floor.

Blinking in confusion as the wall swung shut behind her, Morgause attempted to register what had just happened. Was there...was there _really_ a secret door in Camelot's library? Well, she would have to get one of _those _in _her_ castle-

But, she digressed! She had to remain focused on finding a way to reverse the spell! Getting to her feet and briefly glancing at her hands, noting that Morgana was _not_ going to be pleased with the state of her nails, Morgause began her search again in the newfound room.

It did not take long to realise that this was where the remainder of the spell books were kept, most likely without Uther's knowledge. Morgause rather wished she had longer to spend looking through the pages and pages of magic symbols and instructions, but as things were she had no such time to engage in such an activity. _To work, then!_

The minutes slipped by quickly and there was soon a large pile of books all around Morgause, who had, after awhile, seated herself upon the stone floor, a determined look on her face.

It was only after two hours that she finally found what she was looking for, in a shabby old book that was almost falling apart. Excellent! This spell was _exactly_ what she wanted! Standing up, briefly stretching, and then tucking the book under an arm, Morgause was soon on her way out of the secret room again. The second time the wall swung round, Morgause made sure she was stood in a dramatic pose next to it, and delighted in the experience as the library came back into view.

Geoffrey wasn't behind his desk as she passed it by, and she wondered whether he had gone to alert Uther as to her disappearance. But then it wouldn't really affect _her_, because by the time Morgana returned to Camelot in her own body, Morgause would be happily looking over the diagrams of the castle she had made, scheming and plotting to her heart's content.

_Wonderful._ Everything was going much better than expected.

...Although she would have to hurry if she wanted to sneak out of Camelot without an entire search party after her.

Quickening her pace somewhat, Morgause was soon crossing the drawbridge and headed towards the forest, wondering what lay in wait for her at the cave. Surely everything would be fine. In fact, Morgause was rather looking forward to seeing her sister again.

She had rather missed their overly affectionate hugs, after all.

* * *

Sadly, what met Morgause was not the cave as she had left it, but the cave as _Morgana _had left it after it had been on fire.

At first, Morgause could not tell that anything was wrong. It was dark and she could not make out the cave very well, so there was nothing to prompt her into suspicion that something terrible had happened. Yes, there was a faint smell of smoke hanging about in the air, but she assumed that was from a fire Morgana might have lit to warm herself.

It was only when she was making her way into the small clearing, and she practically tripped over her own sister who was hunched up on the ground, that she began to think that something might have happened.

"_Morgana_? Is that you? Whatever are you doing on the floor you fool-"

"Oh, there you are! _Finally!_" A sound of crunching leaves and Morgause assumed Morgana had got to her feet "You have been enjoying your stay in Camelot, I presume?"

"It was...fairly enjoyable."

"Well, good! I am so _pleased_ for you, Morgause! It is not as if I have been going through the largest trauma of my life and you have not been here to comfort me!"

"Why? What has happened? Sister?" Morgause moved forward to take a hand in her own, which at first felt odd simply because she was literally taking her own hand, but then felt even stranger when she noticed the..._blisters_...?

"Are those blisters on my hands?"

"I...yes, well, about that, actually-"

In fact...they still felt rather hot to touch- "No...are they...are they _burns_?"

"If you would just listen for a moment-"

"_WHY ARE MY HANDS BURNT_? Just _what_ have you been doing?" Damn this darkness! She could not see a thing! A quick uttering, a shine of golden eyes, and then an orb of light appeared above them, casting a soft glow upon them. Finally, Morgause could see the state her body was in and- "_WHY IN GODDESS' NAME AM I SO SCORCHED_?"

But it seemed Morgana was in an equally distressed state about her own body, now that she could see it. "_WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY HAIR_? AND MY _NAILS_, MORGAUSE! I...HOW HAVE YOU...AM I..._AM I TANNED_?"

"Well, I have been out in the sun!"

"I _despise_ the sun!"

"I am not you!"

"Yes you are, you are in _my_ body!"

"MY HANDS, SISTER!" Morgause bellowed, with such ferocity that Morgana almost jumped back in fright "_Why are my hands burnt_?"

_Oh Goddess_. Morgause was quickly descending into a foul rage. "Well I...I...you see...the cave and...there was a lot of fire..."

"My cave was on fire?"

"Yes, but...I...thanks to _me_, your sword and armour are safe!" Morgana replied positively, praying that the news of her beloved items being rescued would halt Morgause's temper in its tracks.

It did not. "_THEY SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN IN DANGER IN THE FIRST PLACE_!"

"_WELL YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE LEFT ME ALONE IN THE WILDERNESS_!"

"HOW THE HELL DID YOU MANAGE TO SET FIRE TO A _CAVE_?"

"I was _trying _to light some wood to warm myself!"

Morgause stared in absolute bewilderment at her younger sister. "...And the _entire cave_ ended up alight?"

"Yes. Yes it did."

Morgause eyed Morgana for a moment, and Morgana tried to keep a resolute look on her face. Hm. But...perhaps _all _was not lost... "Sister..."

"Yes, Morgause?"

"Was Princess in the cave by any chance?"

"No."

"So she still lives?"

"Yes."

_Curses._ Morgause gave a sigh, rolling up the sleeves of Morgana's dress that she was wearing. "That really is shame. Her death would have been the _one _thing that could have redeemed you in this situation. As it is," she started glancing through the book "You are going to have to pay."

"Pay?" Images of fireballs smashing into her face flashed through Morgana's mind. "But I am in _your_ body!"

"Not for much longer."

"I...you have found a way to reverse the spell?"

"Indeed I have, sister. It is only bad fortune for you that your glee will be short-lived."

Morgana debated whether Morgause was being serious. But...she _was _the woman who took delight in stabbing people. _Oh Goddess_, she probably was- "B-But, your hands are burnt! You cannot possibly do anything-"

"Sadly for you, I know a great deal of spells, one of which will mostly heal the disgusting state you have put my hands in." Morgause gave her sister a rather unnerving smile. "Are we ready to begin?"

"I do not want to change bodies again!" Morgana quickly yelped, trying to dart away only to find that Morgause had a tight grip of her hand...or Morgause's hand or..._oh heavens_, she did not even _know_ anymore!

"Why ever would that be, sister?"

"_You are going to kill me_!"

All she received was another smile and then Morgause began reciting words and Morgana started to feel light-headed, as if she were about to faint.

_Bloody Morgause._

Everything went black.

* * *

Morgana awoke in her chambers, bleary eyed and very confused. The sun was just coming up, and there was a faint light coming in through the curtains, which was all very nice to look at but - _Why wasn't she dead?_

Morgana slowly sat upright, frowning to herself. Morgause must have done _something_! She would not be allowed to..to _get away_ with burning everything to a crisp within the cave...would she?

Well...perhaps Morgause had turned a new leaf? Maybe she realised the horror Morgana had gone through whilst living _all by herself_ in a rotten old cave. Perhaps this was the start of a new, happier relationship between the two!_ Perhaps-_

Morgana paused, looking to her hands.

Morgana almost screamed, when looking at her hands.

Morgana's hands had fur.

Morgana's arms had fur.

Trying not to panic, but failing almost immediately in this endeavour, Morgana toppled out of bed, scrambling over to the mirror in order to survey the damage her sister had done.

Yes, she was most definitely _Morgana_, she was back in her own body, but she also most definitely had _fur_. She was, in fact, looking exactly like an oversized cat.

With a sense of overpowering horror, the ward felt along her new cat ears, felt her whiskers, felt-

"Good morning, mila-_AAAAHHH_!" The vase Gwen was holding in her arms promptly fell to the ground and smashed, and she stared, mouth slightly agape, at the sight before her.

"...Gwen...?" Oh, _thank the heavens_, at least she could still _speak_-

"M-Milady? Is that _you_?"

"Yes, Gwen. I...I do not know what has...I..."

"You...y-you are a cat."

Morgana nodded, tears in her eyes and ears flattening back sadly against her head.

"I..." Gwen was clearly struggling to fathom what was happening "...This must be...the last stage of your...ailment, milady."

"My ailment?"

"Yes, you have been unwell for quite some time."

Unwell? What _had_ Morgause done whilst in her body? "Oh..."

"I shall go and fetch Gaius."

"Yes."

Gwen hurried out the room and Morgana was left to slowly sink back onto her bed, reeling from the shock of what had just happened.

Curse Morgause. _Curse her to hell!_

Morgana would have her revenge if it was the last thing she did.

_...Just as soon as she didn't have whiskers and a tail!_

The ward scowled, finding that an odd hissing noise erupted from her mouth completely involuntarily. _Blast, blast, blast_! Well, Morgause had better _not_ be enjoying herself, wherever she was and whatever she was doing. She had better be feeling great waves of remorse for what she had done!

However, miles away in the forest, Morgause, with a broom in hand as she swept a mountain of ash out her cave, was feeling anything _but_ remorse. In fact, she had a very large smirk on her face and was chewing triumphantly on a grape.

* * *

_Authors Notes: I think you will all find that '__**PWWHHOOOO-BOOOOOOOM!**_' is a completely legitimate way to describe an explosion. Yes it is. Don't look at me like that. That's the sound explosions make. Yes. It is. Make the sound now. Properly. See? No? Ssshhh.

_Morgana is a cat. THERE IS NO STOPPING ME._

_Right, so, as we're all gathered here on this fine page, I would like to take this opportunity to - SEND ME REVIEWS AND LOVE. I CRAVE IT LIKE MOONSHINE. Or something equally snazzy._

_I'll do jazz hands whenever I receive one._

_You won't be able to see but...y'know, the thought is there. Actually, if you went and bought a telescope you might be able to see. Go and get one. A big one. Like the Hubble telescope._

**_Find me._**

_. . ._

_I'll stop being creepy now._

_Sorry._

_I haven't had much human contact since Harry Potter ended because I've been dying inside. OH GOD WHY DID IT HAVE TO END, THOUGH? I JUST WANT MORE._

_WWWHHHHYYYYYY?_

_Yours, with absolutely no sanity left whatsoever,_

_TheDeathlyMarshmallows_

_x_

_P.S. WWWWWHHHHHYYYY THOUGH?  
_


	21. Overly Amiable

_Authors Notes: So, today I thought to myself 'I am going to sit my butt down and write an entire chapter from start to finish because my readers are lovely beings that deserve updates far more often than they get them'. And that is exactly what happened. My fingers. They bleed from typing so much._

_Oh, and I made you all a little comic of Morgana and Morgause, which is on my tumblr. Because when I say I love you, I actually genuinely do love you and want to make you sparkly comics of joy and mirth. Although, because I am mentally challenged by all things to do with computers, I had no idea how to give you the URL other than replacing the actual dots with (dot). So just...um...you know, put an actual full stop where I've put (dot) and all should be well. I think. I don't know. Computers scare me sometimes: www(dot)thedeathlymarshmallows(dot)tumblr(dot)com/post/8781417180/because-im-pretty-sure-this-is-what-happens-every_

_Uhhhh, so enjoy if it actually works and stuff. And enjoy the chapter too. Enjoy it so much it stops being enjoyable and starts being **frightening.** Peace._

_**I present to you a chapter in which there is a minor tea party, board games and a smiling Morgause. Wait...that can't be right. Can it...?**_

___Kitty O - MY STORY IS RECOMMENDED? WHAT EVEN. What glorious news is this? From what golden, sparkling gates did such an occurrence come from? TV Tropes & Idioms? HEAVEN. IS THAT YOU? 'No, dear, that died. Long ago.' I just choked with laughter whilst trying to eat my biscuit. **But it was worth it**. 'My disgust at this moment knows no bounds.' That is WONDERFUL and I am feeling incredibly proud. PRIDE WELLS UP FROM DEEP WITHIN ME. 'I love you, Marshmellows. Truly.' Oh, gosh. I LOVE YOU TOO. SO MUCH. 'Why does it scare me that Morgause and Gwen seem to get along so well and Morgause is kinder to her than Morgana? And Gwen likes her?' Because it is a terribly frightening scenario that even traumatised me a little bit when I wrote it. But it didn't disturb me as much as this chapter did...so get ready to ENJOY! :D_

___bubblepunk12 - I am glad I am back as well! For I am I and if I were not back I would be...forward? Or something? 'They should have done this on the show!' YES THEY SHOULD HAVE. I need to be a writer on the show and FORCE this episode upon them! 'Of course Morgana would set the whole cave on fire' Well, it is the hopeful future Queen of Camelot. She seems a promising candidate, does she not? :D There was a Finding Nemo quote? WHAT? STOP. IN THE NAME OF LOVE. Quote back to me my quote that I did not realise I quoted! IT WILL PLEASE ME.  
_

___ChristineThePirateQueen - 'Could there have been a better body switch? I think not!' I completely, one hundred percent agree with you. It was all Rhemila and her brothers' idea! THEY ARE SUCH CLEVER NOGGINS. I am very glad the chapter added humour to your life though! MMMM. HUMOUR. Oh. My. Lightning. Scar. POTTERMORE THOUGH. LET'S BE FRIENDS AND DANCE ON RAINBOWS AND STUFF OK.  
_

___mysilentwitness - 'Chocolate oranges look amazing.' Aahh sweet tastebuds, I KNOW. I ate one today. And it tasted like chocolate. And orange. And it was a chocolate orange. And I ate it. 'The video is coming...I just need to find my perfect "grape poetry" voice.' I will wait for this video until the end of time if needs be. UNTIL THE END OF TIME. 'Morgause is so lovely at knowing what Morgie is thinking.' She is her number one stalker, after all! 'I wonder about Morgause's sexuality all the time.' I think we all do, my love...I think we all do... 'Why must your beautiful words cause me to become a mess of laughter on the floor' BECAUSE IT IS MY FAVOURITE PASTIME AND IT MAKES ME FEEL HAPPY FEELINGS. 'Oh and PWWHHOOOO-BOOOOOOOM is how I cancel out numbers in math. I do not even joke.' You do not know how much this news pleases me.  
_

___Annonymus - 'First time that Morgause talked to Gwen and stepped inside the council, classic!' CLASSIC? OH, now that IS flattery indeed! Thank you ever so much my lovely! :D  
_

___foleste11 - 'These are really great stories.' Asdfghjkl compliments everywhere. EVERYWHERE, I TELL YOU. I hope you find this chapter just as great!  
_

___Rhemila - 'Thank you, thank you, thank you soooo much for writing this!' IT WAS MY PLEASURE. It was a fantastic idea! 'You even included my little daydream about Morgause jumping on Morgana's bed' Oooh myy, I do try my best! :3 'How come Morgause never thought of such a thing?' She would probably want to include an oversized python or something equally dramatic into the plan. The silly sausage. 'I'm still convinced that somewhere deep inside, Morgause cares about Princess' Deep, DEEP inside. 'It's amazing, as usual!' No YOU are amazing. YES YOU ARE. HAVE MY COMPLIMENTS. **HAVE THEM**.  
_

___IceCreamDoodle13 - 'He could have dragged it out for at least 2 more books/movies.' I KNOW, RIGHT? It was very selfish of him really! 'We've lost out collective ability to know any things other than that this is funny stuff.' YOU. MAKE. ME. HAPPY. 'I miss them terribly, fix this for me?' This chapter should do JUST that... :P 'I DO NOT WISH YOU TO STOP!' I WON'T. I NEVER WILL. I SHALL NEVER LEAVE YOU. WE SHALL BE TOGETHER FOREVER. Now, onto your questions... 1. I present to you...well, um, THIS CHAPTER 2. I believe she was already afflicted but is much better at hiding them than her sister is. 3. Towards the unicorns and rainbows and glowing spaghetti arms on the horizon! 'P.S I feel the need to tick the 'Add Author to Favourites' and 'Add story to favourites' boxes every time, even though you and it and already favourited. Complimentary or creepy?' DEFINITELY BOTH. Maybe more creepy than complimentary. Which PLEASES me.  
_

___Ambah - 'INCREDIBLE.' OH. OH DEAR FRUIT CAKES. THANK YOU. 'MORGANA WAS A CAT!' Yes she was! WITH EARS AND A TAIL AND EVERYTHING. 'And I would just like to add that because of you I was up in the middle of the night drawing Morgause dreaming of a world where everyone was grapes.' Um. I don't think I have ever been this happy. I am weeping tears of pure mirth as I type...  
_

___Whirlwind421 - 'Very very funny.' Ohohohoho, thank you! 'I also like the scene with Morgana and Cendred! And all the suggestion!' INNUENDO EVERYWHERE. AT EVERY TURN. 'And the ending was hilarious!' OH. STOP IT YOU WITH YOUR WORDS OF GLEE.  
_

___Emerson'sWish - His clothing has bothered me too. And Morgana. Always. 'I am vastly enjoying this story.' THIS IS JOYOUS NEWS INDEED. 'I didn't read this before because I thought it would be stupid, but I find myself being pleasantly surprised. Thank you for the laughs.' Well, I am pleased to surprise you in such a fabulous way! But...let us be honest...it is a bit of silly story indeed... :P  
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___HappyAce88 - 'sorry Morgana, but I guess that's just what happens when you try to turn Morgause into a cat..' And truer words were never spoken. GRAPE APPRECIATION FOR LIFE!  
_

___Water1Wolf - 'This time, I squeaked when I saw this' Like a mouse? :D 'Funniness is funny. Especially yours.' I HAVE MY OWN PERSONAL BRAND OF HILARITY. OH HO HO HO. 'I can't think of anything to say, because I am ill.' This is not pleasing news. I wish you merriment in your adventure to gain good health again. Pip, pip! 'Have some lemon cake. Do some jazz hands. I like that.' I like it too, so I WILL. 'PWWHHOOOO-BOOOOOOOM is a very good way to describe an explosion. Especially a fiery one. Icy ones are more like PHLAAAA-SHIIIIING. I think being ill has affected my brain.' But in a good way, for you have spoken nothing but the truth! 'Can we go frolic through a field or something?' Yes. Let us go now. IMMEDIATELY.  
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___beave1 - 'Morgana's conversation with Merlin as a cat would be something to see!' As I think you will find in this chapter...Merlin wasn't exactly coherent... :P  
_

* * *

_**Evil, Shady Dealings**_

* * *

**21.**

**Overly Amiable**

* * *

It was taking Morgana awhile to forgive Morgause for the 'cat' incident.

The blonde had held absolutely no sympathy for her whatsoever, despite the ward recounting how Gaius and Merlin had been ushered into her chambers by a horrified Gwen, only for Merlin to eventually burst into laughter and be ordered angrily away again. Thankfully the spell had reversed itself within the day, but Morgana was never going to be able to look Gwen in the eye again. The poor maidservant had attempted to help _dress_ her while she was in such a state for Goddess' sake -

So, Morgana had settled on a decidedly simpler method of revenge than her last escapade. She was completely and utterly and irrevocably ignoring her older sister. She would never speak to her again. She would never grace Morgause's cave with her blissful presence. There would be no more plotting, no more scheming, no more anything – _ever_.

At least, not until she grew bored of the confines of Camelot's walls.

Which would be a very long while _indeed_. The time she had been forced to spend in the gloomy cave whilst her and Morgause's bodies had been swapped had reinvigorated her love of being the King's ward and having everybody cater to her needs.

Did she want a glass of wine? Yes? Ask Gwen to fetch it. Did she fancy a stroll in the market? Yes? Order Gwen to carry her purchases. Did she wish her hair to be brushed? Yes? Make Gwen do it.

Oh, how life was heavenly!

It was only on one particular night, after a very pleasant dinner in which Uther had choked on his drink and raised Morgana's hopes that he might die of his own accord after all, that things took a turn for the worst.

The ward had awoken during the night which, in itself, was most displeasing. Usually she managed to sleep right through until morning, with the aid of the bracelet Morgause had given her, but _something_ had alerted her senses and caused her to wake. _Something_ was in the room. _Something _was interrupting her beauty sleep –

Morgana let out a groan of annoyance, refusing to open her eyes. "What is it you _want_, Morgause?"

"You ceased visiting me!" Came the miserable reply from the direction of the end of the bed, where no doubt the blonde was standing and looking very sorry for herself indeed.

"I am ignoring you." Morgana replied matter-of-factly, despite clearly interacting with her older sister "I am showing you that there are consequences for your horrible actions."

"But...it has been _two weeks_."

"Yes."

There was a very pathetic whining sound, which Morgana assumed was Morgause attempting to convey her unhappiness, and the ward slowly raised herself onto her elbows, looking over to the older witch. "Oh, _goodness_, Morgause! I shall visit you again when I have found it in myself to forgive you!"

"How long shall that take?"

"I do not _know_! But your insistence on watching me sleep can only serve to lengthen my wish to avoid your presence! _Honestly_, I have told you this so many times, it is _not_ socially acceptable-"

"I have even dusted your chair for you."

"No."

"I will make a nice flower arrangement in a vase like Gwen does-"

"Morgause, leave me be!"

"But-"

"_Now_! I am ignoring you!"

Morgause stayed where she was for a moment or two, looking as though she was rapidly trying to think of some valid reason as to why her sister should stop pretending she didn't exist. But then she seemed to remember that she had been standing, during the middle of the night, watching Morgana sleep, and no redeeming reason sprung to mind. Reluctantly, she left, leaving Morgana to lie back down and emit an exasperated sigh.

_Goddess._ What was she to do with Morgause? She was acting like a kicked puppy!

* * *

Morgause did not like the way Morgana was ignoring her.

She did not like the way in which she was being left all on her own in a dank cave with nothing to interact with except for some mentally afflicted cat that made friends with birds. It was all so unjust! _She_ never ignored Morgana when the ward decided to do something stupid or spiteful! All Morgause did was insult her and try to seriously disfigure her, which was an infinitely kinder thing to do because it meant all the anger was dealt with far quicker.

And then they could get back to their plotting and not-so-sisterly embraces.

The blonde scowled to herself as she glanced over at the chair Morgana usually occupied. _And it was all freshly dusted and clean and she hadn't even received a 'thank you' –_

Well, there was no avoiding it. Morgana would have to be punished for her impolite behaviour, and Morgause had the perfect plan. She would _scare_ her sister by being _nice_ when the ward eventually decided to visit.

No, not just nice – she was going to be _overly_ amiable. She was going to petrify her sister with smiles. She was going to bombard her with compliments. She was going to _destroy_ her with hugs and random displays of affection.

By the time Morgause was done with her, Morgana would be so mentally traumatised that she wouldn't know the difference between a dress and a _clog_.

* * *

It had been a total of two and a half weeks when Morgana _finally_ emerged on horseback, early in the morning, from the trees and into the clearing before the cave.

It had been a total of two and a half weeks and she was expecting an absolutely incensed Morgause to beat the life out of her with nothing but a slightly pointed stick to aid her.

However, no such thing happened. There were no furious roars of "THERE YOU ARE!" or "I KNEW YOU WOULD COME CRAWLING BACK!" There were no fireballs or punches being flung in her direction. No, none of that. Instead, something almost..._more_ frightening happened.

When the ward pulled on the reigns and came to a halt, she spotted Morgause leisurely drifting out of the cave, offering her a welcoming wave and a warm smile. "Good morning, sister!"

_What –_

Trying not to fall off of her horse in bewilderment, or literally have a heart attack and die right there and then, Morgana slowly moved to dismount, only to find that this course of action did not appeal to her sister at all.

"Oh, no, no, _no!_"

The younger witch paused, watching as Morgause hurried over to stand right beside her horse and offer up a hand. She was, amazingly, still smiling, and Morgana had always thought Morgause's smiles did not exactly give one the impression that she was _entirely_ mentally stable. The blonde's next words, however, proved even more startling.

"Let me help you."

Morgana froze for a moment or two, her mind racing. _Goddess_, this was all very unnerving. Why was Morgause acting in such a way? Was it all part of an elaborate plot to lull her into a false sense of security and then kill her? Was she going to grab her hand, throw her off of the horse and then just _kill her_?

Taking a deep breath, the raven haired witch hesitantly took her sisters' hand, absolutely certain in the knowledge that she was about to be brutally murdered. But...Morgause was true to her word and simply helped her down from the horse, the smile still plastered on her face as she decided to envelope the younger woman in a hearty embrace.

_What was even happening –_

"You look positively radiant today." Morgause commented as she pulled back slightly, affectionately tucking a stray strand of hair behind one of Morgana's ears.

She received a slightly terrified stare in reply.

_Wonderful_, all was going to plan. Morgana would have a breakdown within the hour.

With a now faintly satisfied quality to her smile, Morgause smoothly linked arms with the ward and began escorting her into the cave. "Did you have a pleasant journey here?"

"...Yes?"

"Was the sun shining?"

"...I...suppose so..."

"Oh, how _lovely_. I do enjoy the sunshine."

Morgana did not even have anything to say to that, such was her shock at how happy her sister seemed, and could only helplessly find herself being forced to a stop when Morgause opted to halt a few steps into the cave and let out a very contented sigh.

...And that was all. The blonde did not continue walking, she did not speak or elaborate on anything. She just remained still and smiling, standing arm in arm with her sister for a very long time.

In contrast to Morgause's apparently carefree state, Morgana was steadily becoming more and more confused and, dare she admit it, _panicky_. What was Morgause _doing_? Why were they just _standing_ there? Could Morgana not just be permitted to leave with _immediate effect_? Could she not just get on her horse again and ride away and _never look back_? Could Morgause not just _SAY SOMETHING_?

. . .

_ANYTHING_?

. . .

_WHY WAS SHE NOT SPEAKING_? Was she plotting Morgana's death? Was she about to whirl around and slam a fireball into her face? Was she going to strangle her or skin her alive or sacrifice her? _WHY WAS SHE SMILING_ –

"This is pleasant." Morgause stated.

Was it? _WAS IT_?

At this rate the two of them were going to be standing there forever! They would wither away, with Morgana trapped by their linked arms, until somebody eventually found their bodies and buried them and – _Goddess_! It was best not to dwell on such matters! If anything was going to happen, it was going to be Morgana getting to the bottom of her sisters'...monstrously _upbeat_ behaviour!

"...You are not mad at me?" The young ward ventured after a time, brows knit together in perplexity.

"Should I be, sister?"

"It is just that...I...I have been ignoring you for a fair while." There was no response, bar the unfaltering and ever so slightly creepy smile, so Morgana opted to try and prompt her sister into giving an answer. "And you do not like being alone for too long, do you?"

"Well," Morgause replied, in a rather velvety voice that Morgana decided she did not like _at all_ due to it having an unnerving similarity with the tone the blonde used when speaking to _Cenred_ "I am not alone now, am I?"

The two sisters stared at one another. Morgause was still smiling, and had even leant in slightly as if to maximise potential mental scarring, whilst Morgana's eyes were wide in terror as all thoughts quickly vanished from her head apart from an overwhelming desire to _leave this place_ –

"Would you care to sit down, sister? You suddenly look a little pale." It was difficult, but Morgause managed to bite down on her tongue before she could add "Well, paler than your usual corpse-like complexion at any rate." This 'nice' business was far more difficult than she had first thought.

Morgana, meanwhile, could only shakily nod and was guided over to her usual seat. The older witch finally moved away from her in order to plump a cushion lovingly, before insisting on helping Morgana down onto the chair.

"I...I am capable of sitting down by myself, Morgau-"

"_Let me help you_."

"But-"

"Sshhh..._let me help_."

And so, quite against her will, Morgana was eased into the chair by her sister, who gave yet another smile and..._stroked her cheek_?

Morgana was never going to ignore Morgause again. Never. It seemed to induce the most _disturbing_ behaviour from the other woman and nothing was worth this. _Nothing _–

"Can I interest you in something to drink, sister?" Morgause, thankfully, had moved away from the younger witch and was now wandering over to the other side of the cave where, in a couple of crates, there seemed to be an assortment of bottles.

"M-May I ask what there is?"

The sound of Morgause searching through the crates sounded out for a minute or so before she finally answered. "Ah yes, I recently managed to raid a passing trade cart and I can declare that I currently have in my possession some tea." There was a minor pause before, as if it were an afterthought, she added "...We could engage in a tea party."

"...Tea?"

"Yes. Have you tried it before?"

"A few times. Uther had it imported from some far flung land but it did not appeal all that much to him."

"It is hardly surprising. He does not have particularly good taste in anything." Morgause, facing away from her sister, could not help but smirk to herself. _Oh, how bewildered Morgana must be -_ "...Except for wards..."

The younger witch was frowning. "But he only has one ward."

_What –_

_Wait a second –_

Oh. _OH HEAVENS_. That was her! _She_ was Uther's ward! Goddess, since when did Morgause compliment her in such a manner? "Do you have anything stronger?" Morgana asked, feeling as though the only way to avoid severe mental trauma would be if she drank herself into unconsciousness.

"Yes," Morgause admitted, tapping her chin thoughtfully "But I do not see why you should want to consume alcohol when you are here with me." She glanced over her shoulder, giving her sister another broad smile "You should want to be completely sober so that you can fully enjoy our time together."

A slight pause.

"Just the two of us."

Morgana shrank back into her chair, rather hoping it would somehow conceal her from the blonde. Sadly, and all too quickly, however, Morgause had finished making the tea and was happily pulling a chair up in front of Morgana's. So close, in fact, that their knees were touching. "Look at you." The older witch said with a sigh, shaking her head slightly as if in disbelief "You are growing up so fast..." She trailed off and, for a brief second or two, looked quite emotional, before she waved a hand and their mugs of tea came floating over.

Morgause plucked hers from the air immediately, but Morgana seemed to be in a state of paralyzed fear, unblinking and unmoving.

"Sister, dear, your tea is there."

Morgana opened her mouth, as if she were trying to say something, but nothing coherent came out – only a slightly nervy wheezing sound. Morgause had to fight a _very_ tricky internal struggle indeed to prevent herself from grinning triumphantly. _Goodness_, this was working _far _better than she had _ever _supposed it would –

"Are you...are you quite well?" Morgana eventually managed, although she rather looked as though she had made up her mind on the matter already.

"Oh, most definitely. Especially now that _you _are here." The blonde took a long sip of tea, trying to hide an amused smirk at the expression on her sisters' face. The poor girl hadn't a _clue _what was going on...

Morgana finally took her mug of tea and drank a little, wondering to herself why in Goddess' name Morgause was acting in such a bizarrely _kind _manner. Maybe she had hit her head and her personality had shifted? Or maybe she was just trying to become a better person? Maybe she had realised how horrible she had been to her own sister and was trying to atone for her sins?

"Are you enjoying your tea, sister?"

"Yes, it is...delightful."

"I am glad."

Maybe she really _had_ turned a corner and was going to be like this _permanently_?

"I also happened to find a board game when I...took that cart to one side, and it looked like rather good fun. Would you like to play?"

Morgana gave a small, uncertain nod. "I...well...of course..."

With a most jovial of smiles, Morgause got to her feet, patting the ward fondly on the head before moving off to fetch the game from goodness knew where. Which left Morgana to her thoughts...

_Would it really be so bad if this was permanent_? It had been a shock at first but...it would be rather nice spending time with her sister now that she wasn't constantly insulting her or trying to seriously injure her. They could do things like talk about dresses and go for walks. Everything would be so much easier and entirely more pleasant. Yes, Morgana could enjoy this greatly -

"It is called Knights and Dragons from what I can gather. The board is a little faded." Morgause was back and bringing over a small table, pushing her chair backwards slightly so that it could fit between them, and then she set down the board and small, metal figures.

After a few minutes of sipping tea and trying to understand the instructions (Morgause, amazingly, had not thrown a temper tantrum and smashed the board to bits), the game was underway.

And Morgana was beginning to enjoy the visit _wholeheartedly_. "Morgause, I do believe I have just butchered one of your dragons."

The ward noticed a slight tensing of the blonde's jaw, but the older witch remained calm and simply moved a dragon figure off of the board, taking a deep breath before saying, in a somewhat strained voice "That was a marvellous move, sister."

Morgana smiled brightly. "Yes, it was rather."

The game continued and deep in Morgause's mind, she was rather regretting suggesting such an activity. She had thought that Morgana would be too mentally disturbed to be any good at it, but it seemed that her sister had suddenly changed attitude and was now, if anything, enjoying this visit more than any other. _Damnation_! And it was proving _very_ difficult to retain this amiable facade when Morgana was merrily sending all her knights across the board to slaughter her lovely dragons and –

"Oh! I landed on a _castle_! Do I receive a King's Card?"

"...Yes."

Morgana let out a squeal of delight and picked up a slightly torn, red card from one of three piles. "'The King is pleased with your valiant efforts and has sent you two hundred gold coins as a token of his appreciation.' _Wonderful_! I can purchase some more knights!"

Morgause bit down on her tongue.

Hard.

* * *

Things were not going as Morgause had wanted them to go.

There was a _graveyard_ of dragons on one side of the board and only _six_ deceased knights on the other. Add to this the fact that she had only gained _one _Opportunity Card, which had informed her that a terrible tornado had swept most of her dragons away, and it was safe to say that the blonde was beginning to have problems with her 'amiable' revenge plan.

The smile was faltering, the compliments were lessening and a seething, burning hatred was mounting within her.

"That cliff is falling away, Morgause."

"Why?"

"You have put too many dragons on it."

"I only have five!"

"That is two too many."

Trying not to punch her sister forcefully in the face, Morgause had to spend the rest of her turn flying two of her precious dragons away from the safety of the cliff and back onto some fields, where they were quickly surrounded by knights during Morgana's turn and cheerily put to death.

"I do awfully like this game." Morgana enthused as she bought a catapult for five hundred coins and started rolling it towards the cliffs.

Morgause forced herself to nod, her fists clenching.

It was only when Morgana received yet _another_ King's Card, revealing that her knights were to be given the best swords in recognition of their service to the Kingdom (which meant a whole extra _ten _attack points), that the pressure got too much and Morgause _finally_ snapped.

"_YOU DISGUST ME_!"

It was so sudden and screamed with such violent intent that Morgana let out a minor shriek of her own and jumped to such an extent that the card in her hand went flying and almost hit Morgause in the face. Not that the blonde even noticed, because she seemed to be so angry that the only image _she_ could see was that of _Morgana's imminent death_ –

"I...I...If it means that much to you, y-you can have the ten attack poin-"

"_I DO NOT WANT YOUR WRETCHED ATTACK POINTS_!"

"W-Well, I-"

"_I WANT YOUR HEAD_!"

The board and miniature figures were thrown into the air, the table was turned over and before Morgana quite knew what was happening, a conjured up mace was being swung aggressively in the direction of her face.

Another screech, a very unladylike dive off of the chair, and the ward was scrambling to her feet, grabbing the nearest thing to her that might save her life. Sadly for her, it was only one of the small knights.

The sisters faced each other, one with a mace clutched tightly in her grasp and the other with a tiny metal figure. A moment or two of silence, in which neither of them moved...and then...

Morgana hurled the knight at Morgause, watching with increasing despair as it bounced off a shoulder and fell back down to the floor, having caused absolutely no damage to the blonde whatsoever. Well, it was best to try and act _confident_ in these kind of situations. "Yes, and there is plenty more from where _that _came from!" The ward announced, hoping she looked formidable.

She did not.

Morgause charged at her with the rage of an incredibly powerful witch who had just spent the entire morning attempting to be pleasant in order to traumatise her younger sister, only for her sister to decide she rather preferred the amiable act to the real deal. _There was screaming, there was insults, the mace flew through the air, there was snarling, there was general malicious intent–_

Morgana didn't understand! Morgause had been so _kind _and _hospitable_ and now she was trying to bludgeon her to an untimely death! "I thought you loved me!" The ward shrieked, ducking out of the way as the mace tore above her head "You said I looked _radiant_!"

"I was attempting to cause you severe mental trauma!"

"_By flattering me_?"

"DO NOT QUESTION MY METHODS OF VENGEANCE!"

The mace slammed into the cave wall and Morgana darted past her sister, becoming slightly irritated when she noticed that Princess had jumped up onto the other table in order to watch the spectacle. "So the hugs we engaged with were...were _fake hugs_?"

"_AS FAKE AS YOUR LOYALTY TO UTHER_!"

Both sisters came to a sudden halt, and Morgana took in a sharp breath, a hand moving up to rest above her heart as if the insult _itself_ had ripped right through her. "Oh..._oh no you did not_!"

And then, suddenly, it was Morgana storming towards Morgause, looking very much as if she were on the warpath. "You take that back _right now_, Morgause!"

"I will do no such thing!" Morgause shot back, starting to back away _despite_ being the one with a mace in her hands.

"Yes you will! How dare you? HOW _DARE_ YOU SAY SUCH A THING? The whole _basis_ of our relationship is founded on a deep hatred for the King and yet you use it to _insult_ me? I risk my life daily for you, living in that castle as a traitor! _I RISK MY LIFE AND YOU JUST THROW IT BACK IN MY FACE WITH SUCH A PETTY REMARK_?"

By now, Morgause was getting the feeling that she _might_ have slightly overstepped the mark. If anything was an indicator to this fact, it was when Morgana picked up the blonde's precious sword from its place imbedded in the ground as they passed it by and proceeded to look every inch the insane murderer.

"Sister...I know you are currently undergoing some feelings of distress and upset, but may I take this opportunity to remind you that...that is _my_ swor-"

"You are _loathsome_!"

"Well, really - !"

"I thought you had truly decided to be a better person! I thought those hugs were _real_!"

"It is not _my_ fault you are so impressionable-"

"What about our tea party? Am I to assume that it too was just another sham?"

"Morgana, _calm down_-"

"_EVEN THE PLUMPED CUSHIONS WERE A LIE_!"

And then Morgause promptly found herself under attack by her _own_ sword. As if that was not insult enough, Morgana also seemed _more_ than adept at holding her own in such a clash. Metal sliced through the air, the occasional kick was attempted, a great deal of furious screaming commenced and then, eventually, taking an opportunity when she saw it, Morgause slammed a hand forwards and shoved Morgana forcefully backwards.

Shoved her a little _too_ forcefully, it seemed, for the ward fell and hit the back of her head harshly on the hard cave floor.

Then...nothing.

Morgana was not moving a muscle.

_Oh Goddess. Oh Goddess, oh Goddess, oh Goddess, oh Goddess..._

"Morgana...?"

No reply. And...and...Morgause was fairly sure her sister didn't seem to be breathing either...

The blonde cautiously moved forwards, lowering herself to her knees when she came to the ward's side. No, definitely not breathing.

"Sister...?"

She hadn't meant to hurt her. Well, she had. But not like _this_. She hadn't meant to _kill_ her. Morgana was the only person who listened to her...who _liked _her...

Morgause gave the younger witch a gentle shake. _Please..._

"_THAT IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE_!"

The shock of Morgana's voice was so great that, for a second or two, Morgause's only thought was that she had come back from the dead as a ghost in order to haunt and spite her. But, no – her sister was now sitting bolt upright, glaring at her furiously. "That is what it is like when somebody pretends to be something they are _not_, and then _you_ find out they were _lying_ to you! It does not feel very nice does it?"

Morgause could barely speak. "T-This is nothing _like_ my false niceties! I thought you were _dead_!"

"Well good! Perhaps now you will appreciate me more!"

"_Appreciate?_-MORGANA! Do you have any idea how I just...to think I had just..._I am going to kill you_!"

"_What_?"

But, instead of being swiftly murdered, Morgana felt herself being wrapped up in Morgause's arms, with the blonde's chin resting on top of her head. "You..._but you just said you were going to_-"

"In a minute." Morgause replied, sounding thoroughly disgruntled.

Oh, how _charming_.

"...You do realise that is precisely how everybody in Camelot will feel when they find out about your real motives?"

Morgana shifted uncomfortably, clearly not liking where the conversational path was headed. "...Yes."

"It is just...you appear a little hypocritical, do you not - ?"

"_Morgause_!"

"Well, I do not want you to feel guilty afterwar-"

"I do not want to think about it, thank you very much."

The blonde let out a sigh and there was a small pause. After a moment, her eyes drifted to the board and figures strewn across the floor. "I allowed you to win."

"Hm?"

"The board game. I let you win."

"Oh, Morgause!"

"I was merely stating a fact-"

But Morgana was having none of it, and irritably attempted to scramble out of Morgause's arms. Not that the blonde would allow her to do such a thing, of course. "Sister, cease being so _sensitive_!"

"I am not being sensitive!" Morgana snapped back "You are being hateful and I hit my head when you pushed me over and it hurts _awfully_ and I won that game and now you are trying to take my _one_ victory away from me and Gwen will be upset when I finally batter Uther to death and she finds out I have been lying to everyone and that means she won't bake me anymore cakes or put pretty flowers in my vase and _I will have to dress myself and_-"

_Oh heavens_! Such an upset Morgana was simply an occurrence that was _not_ allowed to happen! "Ssshhh, shhhh!" Morgause patted her sister comfortingly "I am sure she will understand-"

Morgana's high-pitched wail begged to differ. "_No!_ They are all too _nice _to understand!"

And so Morgana quickly descended into hysterical sobs.

And so Morgause eventually conceded that perhaps she _had_ been defeated at the board game fair and squarely after all.

And, despite flooding her sister with weepy insults, in the hug Morgana stayed.

* * *

_Authors Notes: IT IS COMPLETE. THIS CHAPTER THAT TOOK A DAY. Oooh myy poor eyeballs. I don't think they appreciate staring at a computer screen for so long, but I OWN YOU EYEBALLS AND YOU WILL DO MY BIDDING._

_Ahem. So, the Morgawesome sisters played a board game. Yes. It happened. And so did the tea. And so did the sudden minor angst at the end. MMMM. Angst. Because I don't think Morgana ever REALLY wanted to hurt anyone. Except Arthur...and probably Merlin...and maybe Gaius...and certainly Uther. So, by 'anyone', I think I mean 'Gwen'. Yes. She didn't want to make Gwen sad. Nobody wants that. She likes being cheerful and picking flowers too much. Asdfghjkl._

_So then, my dear readers and reviewers... I WWIILL AALLWWAAYYSS LLOOVVEE YYOO-OO-OU-OU-OU-OOOU! You make the fuzzies happen in my belly and that makes the smile happen on my face. And it's a nice, charming smile. Really. Not at all like Morgause's creeper smile, I promise. Well. Maybe a bit like that._

_BUT CREEPY LOVE IS THE BEST KIND OF LOVE._

_Yes it is, DON'T JUDGE ME._

_Asdfghjklhdhdhd I think maybe I've spent too long sitting in one place staring at one thing._

_I kind of want to caress all your faces with a barge pole._

_Like, a nice barge pole._

_Or a kitten._

_Or a kitten on a barge pole._

_A kitten on a barge pole with a sombrero on its head._

_Yyeeaahh._

_That sounds cool._

_Yours with her brain and eyes merrily melting out of her face,_

_TheDeathlyMarshmallows_

_x_

_PS I may, or may not, have absolutely no barge poles, kittens or sombrero's in my possession. So you may, or may not, be caressed with a spatula instead. But it's a groovy spatula. It like...spatula's things and stuff.  
_


	22. Midwinter Merriment

_Authors Notes: OH, MY LOVELY PEOPLE WITH FACES. It has been awhile since I updated. Again. Which I would apologize for, but won't, because it wasn't my fault. Again. Please feel free to blame the fact that I am moving to university in a weeks time and my life has been as hectic as if somebody had told me the world was going to end and only I could save humanity if I managed to turn myself into a beaver and learn how to tap dance. Or something equally impossible._

_You will also probably notice that, despite it not being Christmas time, I have decided to do a very festive chapter anyway. This is simply because I can and you can't stop me and I have felt very Christmassy recently even though it has been summer. I hope you enjoy feeling as seasonally disorientated as I do. You're welcome. :)_

_It's also a pretty hench chapter. But I just enjoyed writing it so much that I didn't want to stop. I DIDN'T WANT TO STOP OK? _

_But then I did. So, without further ado...  
_

**_I present to you a chapter in which Morgause writes masses of Merry Midwinter letters, Uther sits on something that no buttocks should ever sit on, Morgana is informed her looks might be fading by an old woman and Gaius finds himself in the midst of a snowball fight._**

_Griffinesque__ - 'I almost died laughing as I read this one!' Well I hope you find yourself in an equal state of a near-death experience when reading this chapter! :D YAY._

_MerelyLies - THEN I SHALL CARESS YOU WITH A SPATULA. **AND YOU WILL LIKE IT**. 'Morgause was...interesting. (By that I mean creepier than a creep who lived in creepsville and ate CREPES.)' Maann, that's pretty creepy. She's pretty creepy in this one too. Actually, she's pretty creepy all the time. SO ENJOY.' Stop being so perfect' It just comes naturally... ;D I JOKE. No, YOU should stop being so lovely! I can't handle it! 'Tumblr is awesome. Therefore, YOU are awesome.' This logic is sound and I cannot help but agree so much that I almost have a heart attack. 'IT WAS AWESOME!' YOU'RE AWESOME. GO TEAM AWESOME! LIKE AWW YEAAH! *Dramatic high-five*_

_Kitty O - 'One day, I will awaken to a spatula stroking my face. And thanks to you, I will not even blink in surprise.' This is the most fabulous mental image that any line in any review has ever given me. SPATULA STROKING FOR EVERYONE. 'Accept my most envious congrats.' ASDFGHJKL. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I ACCEPT THEM AND CONSUME THEM AND CHERISH THEM FOREVER. I am...so proud right now... 'Morgana stopped being rather doormatish, and because Morgause admitted (almost) that she wasn't perfect.' I know. It was such a rare occurrence that it even shocked me slightly. And I was the one who came up with it. o.o MUCH LOVE TO YOU M'DEAR._

_Dawn that Shines - 'Morgause making a flower arrangement? Probablly with poison ivy or something horrible like that' I actually just snorted in laughter. In a really grotesque way, but that's beside the point. I think that's going to have to be incorporated into a chapter somehow at some point... 'and now she will have to DRESS HERSELF.' It's traumatic for her, ok? :P She's a medieval WAG! Oh, and I love you too. A lot. Copious amounts, actually. COPIOUS._

_HappyAce88 - I GASPED TOO. 'Morgana can't use Morgause's own sword against her!' I know! It was all kinds of crazy! CRAZY I TELL YOU. 'Such a shame that mental illness-causing plan didn't work, it was a pretty good plan' Well, they have a lot more plans in this chapter...so let's see how they go... :P_

_bubblepunk12 - 'I'm sad you don't have any sombrero wearing kittens on barge poles' I'm sad too. I will always be sad about this fact, actually. It is a huge, sombrero wearing kitten on a barge pole void in my life. 'Once again I am traumatized by Morgause and her creeper smile' It's her best kind of smile! E.g. her ONLY smile! :D 'this is my favorite story on fanfiction, along with Caught in a Slash' OHMYGOODNESS. DID YOU JUST. HOW CAN I. My story is not nearly as great as that! I just. You compared us. OH. OH GODDESS I CAN'T FUNCTION ASDLDGFGHHJLK. 'Does anyone else see the irony in them playing Knights and Dragons?' Why yes...yes I did. And it made me giggle. :) But Morgause tries to amend it in this chapter... OH. THE FINDING NEMO QUOTE. I love that bit! Maybe my subconscious put it in the chapter... 'PLEASE WRITE MORE SOON!' IT WASN'T SOON BUT HERE IT IS ANYWAY. ENJOY._

_CanonWorshipper4evah - 'Dear, you are a GENIUS!' I DO TRY. And you make it all worthwhile! I AM SQUEEING SO HARDCORE RIGHT NOW. 'This story does genuinely just get better' Oh stop it you! STOP IT! But don't! Because I love it and it sort of make me feel like a literary God. Which I'm not. 'PLEASE don't stop writing this? Please?' I never will! NEVER. The Morgawesome sisters shall always live on in this story! ALWAYS I TELL YOU._

_Velociraptor256 - Do not apologize! Just the fact you're reading it makes me flail about with glee! 'The story's really come a long way since you started off with relatively short and simple chapters, hasn't it?' It really, really has. Dare I say so myself. I wasn't expecting making this story so long but now I don't ever want to stop writing it... O.O 'it's as inventive as ever, Morgana and Morgause's interactions and over-the-top thoughts are still hilarious' ASDFGHJKL. HOW DO I REPLY. HOW DO I COMPREHEND. HOW DO I COHERENCY. I just. I love you. And I hope you love this chapter. 'I'm left wondering if there's any other story out there containing the line "EVEN THE PLUMPED CUSHIONS WERE A LIE!"' You know...I do hope that line will be solely mine forever. FOREVER. Because fake cushion plumping is a crime, I tell you! A CRIME!_

_WootYaoi - 'IT MAKES FOR HAPPINESS, OF THAT I CAN ASSURE YOU!' YOU MAKE ME HAPPY SO I'M HAPPY YOU'RE HAPPY ABOUT THE STORY MAKING YOU HAPPY WHICH MAKES ME HAPPY. Or something. :) 'The amount of time my friend and I spent counting Morgana's evil looks in S3, and commenting on her clothing and her general batshitcrazyness, and Morgause's "OH BUT SISTER YOU MUST DO THIS BECAUSE WE'LL LYK, TTLY WIN THIS TIME!" - this fic is brilliant!' Bahahaa! That genuinely made me laugh. xD Well there's plenty more batshitcrazyness to come in this chapter. Like. PLENTY. OF. IT. 'creepy and overly affectionate Morgause makes the world go round.' This is nothing but the truth and I agree completely with you. COMPLETELY._

_Water1Wolf - 'Also, can you not caress us with your hand?' NO. I want to caress you with a spatula! It's far more emotional and dramatic! COME HERE AND LET ME CARESS YOU. 'I laughed so much at 'I do enjoy the sunshine' YAY. I found it amusing too, despite me being the one who wrote it. Because the mental image of Morgause saying that...I just...too much to handle... 'it is not wise to question Morgause in any way.' Ever. She is ALWAYS right. Or so she says anyway. :P 'Because that's entirely logical.' Sadly, as we all know by now, Morgause isn't logical. She thinks she is. But she just isn't. *Shakes head* 'I succeeded in my adventure to gain good health again. The worm of illness was difficult to defeat, but I succeeded.' THE WORM OF ILLNESS. I CAN'T. That was...such a wonderful way of putting it. Thank you. :') And I'm glad you're all better! 'This is bad. Can you heal it?' Maybe this chapter will induce some capitalization out of you? **INDUCE IT**._

_Thelosthungergames - 'This is definitely one of the most hilarious stories in the universe.' TOO. KIND. I have decided I love you already! 'Your Morgause kicks ass. Majorly.' OOOHHH. THANK YOU. HIGH PRAISE INDEED. But she's a BAMF on screen so it's not all that difficult to make her BAMFY in this story. It is integral to her character, I say! :P ' I felt sooo sorry for Morgana this chapter, and generally most of the time.' Yes, she is a poor cupcake sometimes. :( Morgause just doesn't stand for nonsense. And Morgana is full of nonsense. Although...Morgause is too...so I suspect a hypocrite in the ranks... 'I have never thought of grapes the same way.' GOOD. They are wonderful and need to be appreciated in a slightly over the top manner! :D ENJOY THE CHAPTER, MY LOVELY._

_mysilentwitness - Can I just. Can I take a moment to. The poem though. IT WAS MAGICAL, THANK YOU. And congratulations on your existence and face and general awesomeness. CONGRATULATIONS THOUGH. :D 'I like her plan though!' It was one of her better ones, I must admit... :P 'And we can't be compared to that, can we? NO!' Certainly not! That would have escalated the creepiness to an entirely different league altogether! 'I am currently suffering from major allergies which result in a bedridden state and a terrible headache' NO. I HOPE YOU ARE BETTER. BE BETTER. I am wishing you betterness! And rainbows and unicorns! 'this chapter is the only thing worth living for' SUCH LOVE. SUCH ADORATION. SUCH PRESSURE. IT MAKES ME FEEL FEELINGS. 'I...don't hit me with a barge pole...' I'll try not to, but no promises. Could I interest you in a spatula caress instead?_

_Whirlwind421 - 'I really liked it when Morgana's attitude changed and she stared to like the nice Morgause.' YAY. Poor Morgause though. Her plans NEVER work, the silly sausage.. 'I also liked it that Morgana was beating Morgause at the board game' Oh, the board game. I don't think Morgause was expecting that at all, but it seems her sister is better at her than some things after all! :P Thank you for the review my gorgeous whirl of the wind! :D_

_Bean Cat - 'but was happily distracted by your tumblr for about an hour and a half' I AM GLAD. Be distracted! Let me take away time that you will never get back! LET ME LOVE YOU. 'and marvel at how scarily similar our interests are' Maybe...just maybe...we were siblings separated at birth. o.o 'Might I recommend the show Rizzoli&Isles to you?' YES YOU MIGHT. I shall start watching it with immediate effect and I have no doubt I shall adore it! :D ENJOY THE CHAPTERS.  
_

* * *

_**Evil, Shady Dealings**_

* * *

**22.**

**Midwinter Merriment**

* * *

Midwinter celebrations were in full swing.

It was only a few days until Midwinter Day itself and there was an atmosphere of excitement in the air wherever one went. Decorations filled the castle, and Arthur had been sent out with some of the guards to find a suitably impressive tree to bring back and place in the dining hall.

Uther was smiling as he gazed out of a window in the throne room with Morgana standing beside him. They were watching the snow coming down and the occasional servant slipping over on the icy ground. "I have always liked this time of year." The King confessed after awhile, just as Merlin could be seen sliding across the courtyard with a box of baubles in his grasp. "Seeing people enjoying the snow and the festivities always lifts my spirits."

"Yes, it is wonderful." Morgana agreed, hoping to see Merlin fall over and feeling rather put out when he didn't. "Although one must wrap up warm in weather such as this."

"Indeed."

"...Do you suffer from the cold?"

Uther let out a hearty laugh. "Oh, no! It will take more than a trifle of snow to keep me resigned to my bed!" He patted the ward on a shoulder, in an accidentally forceful manner that left Morgana wincing and biting back a bombardment of verbal abuse. "Now, I am afraid I must get back to my duties. If you will excuse me, Morgana." He turned to leave, still chuckling to himself as he walked through the throne room door and started down the corridor. "...Suffer from the cold, what nonsense..."

_Damn_! Morgana scowled and mentally crossed out plan number nine hundred and thirty eight: Hope that Uther freezes to death.

She let out a sigh. But Uther had been right about one thing, and one thing _only_. The Midwinter celebrations were always something to look forward to. Everybody seemed to be in a good mood and Gwen was positively _in her element_. Flowers of every variety could be found around almost every corner, and holly lined most of the wooden panelling in the library. However, the maidservant's penchant for winter plants had produced a particularly awkward moment when Morgana found herself passing Arthur by underneath a hanging bunch of mistletoe earlier that day. The both of them had stopped and glanced at the mistletoe and then each other and, for a brief moment, it seemed that something might happen. But then Arthur seemed to remember his undying love for Gwen, and Morgana reminded herself he was, in fact, her _brother_, and the two hurriedly bade each other a good day and scarpered in opposite directions

Gaius also seemed to be in a jollier mood than usual, with both of his bushy brows almost permanently raised such was his excitement. When Morgana had relayed this particular piece of information to her sister during her last visit, Morgause had snorted in amusement and replied with infinite kindness "The old fool is probably just elated that he has lived for another year and not dropped dead from the decrepit state his body is in."

Morgana frowned. Thinking of the blonde had reminded her that she had not visited Morgause since the snow had started to fall. Sneaking out of the castle had become a tiring and tricky affair indeed, since one always found themselves slipping on ice whenever they took a step forward. It was not as if Morgana had not tried, because she _had_. It was merely that the success rate of her first excursion had fallen to zero when she encountered a large icy patch and had gone sliding brazenly through a gate and past some guards. She'd rather fancied they _still_ hadn't noticed her, but then she had slipped over and knocked heads with one of them, causing herself to fall unconscious and him some mild discomfort.

The ward had blamed it all on 'sleep-walking' and gotten away with it, which had given her some solace at least. The guard had also felt terrible about it all, despite it not being his fault, and apologized to her in person.

It was just a pity that she would probably have to kill him when she overthrew the monarchy.

The sound of a surprised shout tore Morgana away from her thoughts and, turning her gaze to the window again, her eyes settled on the doubled over figure of Gaius outside in the snowy courtyard. Apart from looking very cold indeed (despite wearing a combination of _three_ ponchos at once), the poor physician also looked very winded.

_What in the name of the Old Religion – ?_

Something white flew through the air and struck Gaius on the back, causing a rather loud yelp of indignation as the white haired man turned around to try and find the perpetrator.

_Oh. A snowball fight! And Gaius appeared to be caught in the crossfire..._

Trying to refrain from laughing out loud to herself, Morgana made do with an amused smile as she watched the scene unfold. Many more snowballs were thrown, Gaius spent a great deal of time sliding all over the place but, surprisingly, did not fall over once, and eventually the physician sought refuge by hobbling up the stone steps into the castle.

The ward stood beside the window for perhaps another two or three minutes, hoping to see who was throwing the snowballs, but whoever was doing it was remaining in cover and eventually Morgana gave up and decided to head back to her chambers in the hopes that Gwen might draw her a warm bath.

* * *

Morgause was not happy.

In fact, Morgause had been forced to scrape miniature icicles off of her toes when she awoke that morning to find her feet sticking out of the blankets. Not only that, but her fingers were numb and her ears and nose were red and she could see every breath she took as it drifted lazily out of her mouth looking like mist. There was nothing to eat. She was too cold and tired to attempt a fire spell to warm herself.

And she had the_ sniffles._

No, Morgause was _not_ happy that day.

Wrapped up in her blankets and sheets on the bed, and trying in vain to push Princess out of the warm nest of bedding she had created, Morgause could not help but wish she was not currently living in a _cave_.

It was all Morgana's fault, really, that she was stuck out here in the wilderness, where it was cold and bitter and silent and _cold and cold and cold and cold_ –

The soft sound of Princess purring contentedly from somewhere within the blankets alerted Morgause to the fact that she had just lost a minor dispute with a cat. _Soulless creature enjoying the bundle of bedding she had made. _This did not improve the blonde's mood.

It was not too much to wish for that Morgana visited her, was it? So it was a little snowy out and she might engage in an unhealthy dabble with frostbite. It was not the end of the world. If she really cared for Morgause, she would make the journey.

But the fact of the matter was...there had been no sign of Morgana. Evidently, the ward did not love her sister anymore and was probably too busy gossiping with Gwen about the decorations to get off her backside and check that the _one_ blood relation that cared about her was still alive.

For all Morgana knew, Morgause could have frozen to death.

Well, this would not do. This would not do at all. Why should Morgause stay in such a wretched cave when her sister was enjoying all the comfort and warmth that the castle provided? In what deluded world did the ward live in if she thought the blonde was going to remain freezing all throughout the winter?

_Honestly_.

And was it too much to wish for that she could spend Midwinter Day with her own sister? Was it too much to wish that they could unwrap their presents together like they had done the year before at Morgause's castle? _Was it too much to ask?_

_No_! That settled it!

Morgause, with a determined expression on her face, began to wriggle out of the blanket cocoon, much to Princess' annoyance.

If Morgana would not come to her, Morgause would have to go to her!

* * *

The King's ward was enjoying a long, relaxing bath.

Gwen had gone downstairs to find some clean sheets to make Morgana's bed with and so the young witch had been left in blissful, wonderful silence, with her eyes shut, as she relished in the feel of the warm water. _Goddess_, she was glad she had such a position in society. How _did_ the peasants live without a hot bath to greet them during the day? Perhaps they all just hugged each other a great deal. Body heat and all that...

_Good hheeaavveennss_. Yes. This was the life! She was comfortable. She should bathe more often. She should bathe _at least_ three times a day. Maybe on particularly trying days she could bathe _five_ times-

The sound of her chambers door opening and closing stopped any further mind wandering and Morgana, still refusing to open her eyes whilst in such a peaceful state, reasoned that it must be Gwen back from her trip. "Have they put the tree in the dining hall yet?" She called.

But the only answer she received was some hurried footsteps over to her bathtub and an incredibly envious hiss of "Is that a _bath_ I see before me?"

_What - ?_

Morgana slowly opened her eyes, gazing to the side to find none other than her own _sister_, looking very bedraggled, standing there. _Oh Goddess, why_? – "Morgause, what are you-"

"Is it still warm?"

"Pardo-"

"Get out."

"Morgause!"

"I am cold! Get out so that I can get in!"

"I shall do no such thing!"

"Then I shall have to join you!" And, most alarmingly, the blonde began to take off the torn red cloak that was draped across her shoulders.

"No you _will not_!"

"Yes I shall!"

"Will not!"

"Will too!"

"Will not!"

"Will too!"

"_Morgause_, Gwen will be back momentarily!" The ward snapped, rather thinking that the last thing she needed was her maidservant walking in just as Morgause deemed it appropriate to try and dive into the tub with her. "You shall be caught!"

"Well, _really_!" The older witch retorted, sounding none too impressed as she halted in her actions, ready to impart her displeasure upon the unfortunate woman before her "Do you have _any_ idea, any notion, any _conception_ of how difficult it was for me to get here? Do you?"

"Yes, actua-"

"No, I thought not! I suppose you want me to elaborate so that you can understand the peril I was in? I suppose you would like me to explain?"

"Not particula-"

"_Snow_, sister!" Morgause continued forcefully, completely bulldozing over Morgana's attempt to voice her own opinion "It was not just a smattering, not just a snowflake here and a snowflake there! I am speaking of the kind of snow you can lose yourself in! It was up to my knees before I even knew what was happening! Then, just as it was lessening and I thought the worst was over, I find myself being chased by a minotaur!"

"...There are no minotaur's in these parts, Morgause."

The blonde narrowed her eyes, very much looking as though she wished her sister did _not_ harbor such knowledge. "...Yes...well...it might have been a rhino."

Morgana was raising a brow. "Rhino's do not live in forests."

"...In that case I may have been mistaken and it _may_ have been a lion."

"Lion's do not live in forests either-"

"Yes, well, if you are quite _finished_ Lady Sceptical-"

"I am rapidly gaining the impression that you are exaggerating a great deal-"

"I have done nothing of the so-"

"Honestly, the things you _say_ sometimes, Morgau-"

"_So it was a fox_! It was a fox!" The blonde confessed in a slightly shaky voice, uncharacteristically high-pitched with the injustice of it all "It was hungry and - _do not laugh at me, Morgana_! It was a huge fox, it was terrifying! And it could run particularly quickly for something with such a _low_ level of intelligence and it caught me off guard and-"

Morgana was wiping some tears from her eyes "Oh! _Oh heavens_! The infamous _Morgause_ being hunted by a scrawny _fox_?"

"It was not _scrawny_! It was _colossal_! It was...it must have been the _King_ of all foxes! Yes it _was_, Morgana! Why do you never believe me?"

But Morgause's question went unanswered as the ward disintegrated into a fresh batch of laughter, leaving the blonde standing beside the bathtub with a large scowl on her face. _Bloody Morgana and her unwillingness to trust what was told to her. _"For Goddess' _sake_, sister! Gain your composure! Anybody would think I had just revealed a _joke_ to you-"

"Oh, but you have!" Morgana choked out, eyes streaming as she tried to get some air into her lungs again "And it is _ever_ so amusing."

Her sister did _not_ seem to be under the same impression. "Are you implying that _I_ am a joke, Morgana? For I can assure you such a course of action _will not end well for you_."

Even the young ward was not quite foolish enough to incur such wrath from Morgause, so, with another wipe of her eyes and a great deal of steadying breaths, Morgana moved the conversation back to the impending doom of Gwen finding the blonde. "Sister, as..._troubling_ as your journey was, I must remind you that you will be burnt at the stake should anybody else see you."

Morgause, still looking rather miffed about the previous topic, began wrapping the cloak back around herself. She certainly did _not_ want to share a bath with the other woman now. "I would not worry. Using the last of my strength, I managed to successfully use an invisibility spell just before I arrived."

Morgana frowned. More specifically, she frowned at the figure of her sister that was clearly visible beside her bathtub. Perhaps the spell had not gone _quite_ as successfully as the older witch had hoped. "I do not wish to cast any doubt upon your magical prowess, sister...but...I can see you quite plainly."

A swift, hard smack to the back of her head signalled the apparent stupidity of her statement, and Morgana let out a small yelp of pain, raising a hand to rub the place of impact as Morgause commented unsympathetically "Idiot girl."

Then, watching with distaste as her sister pouted sadly and generally went about looking very forlorn indeed, the blonde continued, "Evidently I have cast such a spell that has allowed me to become invisible to all except you. This way I can stay here in the castle for almost an entire week before the spell reverses and I must return to that _abysmal_ cave. At least we shall be able to enjoy Midwinter Day together..."

Morgana, lowering her hand again and trying not to seem _too_ against the idea, gave a forced smile before echoing "An _entire_ week?"

"Yes, sister. And that is not _nearly_ long enough as it is."

"...There is nowhere for you to sleep."

"I shall sleep in your bed."

A slight pause. A slight cringe. "_Must you_? I really am rather accustomed to having the entire bed for myself-"

"I can hardly sleep on the floor." Morgause interrupted indifferently, already making her way over to the four-poster and sitting herself down on the edge of the bed. "But, of course, _you_ could always sleep on the floor if you so wished-"

"I certainly will not!"

"Well then. We shall be sleeping together."

Morgause smiled at Morgana. Morgana's face paled. _Goddess, Morgause could be so creepy sometimes-_

"Sorry I took so long, milady!" The door to the ward's chambers was open and Gwen was hurrying inside, clean bed sheets balancing on one arm as she closed the door again with the other. The maidservant was looking slightly the worse for wear and had evidently been in quite a rush to get back. "It is ever so cold and a few of the doors on the lower floors have frozen shut. Sir Leon and some of the guards were passing by and they offered to help and they had to force the doors open for me, can you imagine!" She offered a quick smile in the bathing ward's direction before moving towards the bed.

_The bed that Morgause was still leisurely sitting on –_

"Move!"

Everybody froze at Morgana's demand, including the ward herself, and it rather seemed to be the case that her order had caused the opposite behaviour than intended. That being: Nobody was moving an inch.

After a moment or two passed, in which Morgana was mentally cursing herself, Gwen turned to face the ward, looking very confused indeed. "...Milady?"

"A-Approve!" The raven haired woman corrected, sounding none too convincing "I...I _approve_ of Sir Leon and the guards...noble actions." Behind Gwen, Morgana could make out Morgause rolling her eyes and unhurriedly moving off of the bed.

"Oh...I see. Yes, milady. Very noble." The dark skinned woman replied, nodding uncertainly as she turned back around in order to set about making the bed.

Morgana let out a quiet sigh of relief. _That had been close_. She would have to watch what she said from now on. Switching her gaze to her sister, who was now standing disinterestedly in the corner of the room, the ward prayed to whatever deities there were that this situation would not get worse.

Apparently the deities were on holiday or simply not listening though, as Gwen trotted over to the bathtub after having made the bed, only to ask "Should you like to get out of the bath now, milady?"

Morgana glanced worriedly over to her sister. The blonde mouthed 'I will shut my eyes. Promise.' and then continued to stand there, evidently _not_ shutting her eyes, and letting an amused smile spread across her lips instead.

_Bloody Morgause!_

"...I...yes..." Morgana faltered uneasily, looking back to her maidservant "...could you fetch the towels?"

"Of course, milady."

As Gwen went off to search in some drawers, Morgana looked back to her sister, motioning for her to look away or close her eyes.

It did not fill her with confidence when Morgause, waving a hand dismissively, mouthed back 'They are shut', despite them clearly remaining open.

_This was going to be a long week..._

* * *

Having Morgause to stay was like having a small, very ill-disciplined child running around creating havoc wherever they went.

So far she had insisted on following Morgana to council, only to pull faces throughout the entire thing, she had tripped Gwen over twice, much to the maidservants confusion, she had thrown a book in Geoffrey's face when Morgana briefly visited the library, she had tapped Uther's crown off of his head, she had tightened Merlin's neckerchief so much so that he had almost died before he knew what was happening, she had moved things about the castle, she had pulled down a lot of the decorations and, finally, she had consumed almost every grape in the castle kitchens.

By the time evening had come and Gwen had been dismissed for the night, all Morgana had wanted to do was roll into bed and fall asleep immediately. However, her sister had decided to take up the majority of the bed and adamantly refused to move up, giving Morgana a hard kick in the shin whenever the poor ward had tried to protest. So, she had eventually fallen asleep balancing precariously on the edge of the bed and woken up not five minutes later when she had promptly fallen out of the four-poster and onto the wooden floor. To this, Morgause, apparently unconcerned for her sisters' welfare, had merely grumbled "Do not bother getting back in if you are just going to fall off again. You have woken me up..."

Finally, after having clambered into the bed again and threatened to cry if Morgause did not shift up to allow her sufficient space, Morgana had drifted off to sleep and dreamt of nothing but grapes being thrown at her by some invisible force.

* * *

The ward awoke in the early hours of the morning to a...scratching sound.

This did not make all that much sense to her, for in her sleepy state she could not recall any reason why anything in her chambers would be making such a noise. It was also odd, for she was becoming vaguely aware of the feeling of something...papery on top of her. Lots of papery things, despite the fact she had _not_ fallen asleep with parchment in the bed.

_Urgh_. Well, she could not fall back asleep _now_. She was much too uncomfortable. This would have to be investigated.

Groggily opening her eyes, and letting out a highly disgruntled sound, the young witch found herself squashed up against her sisters' side and completely submerged in scrapped pieces of parchment.

_Parchment. Parchment everywhere-_

"Wwhhyy?" Morgana groaned, slowly rising up from underneath her papery prison to face the blonde, who was sitting beside her.

Morgause, having been focusing intently on a piece of parchment in her hands, jumped slightly at her sisters' sudden emergence and frowned, glancing her up and down as if the ward had been lost for days. "Oh. _There_ you are."

Morgana, now lazily rubbing her eyes and trying her best to fully wake up, might have argued that it was _Morgause's_ fault that she had disappeared from view, seeing as it was the blonde who had uncaringly tossed unwanted parchment on top of her, but she had not the energy to do so at such an early hour. Instead, she let out a yawn and started discarding some of the parchment onto the floor. "What...what in Goddess' name are you doing?"

"Writing."

"I had grasped that much, Morgause."

"Letters."

Morgana stared blankly into the air for a second or two, trying to process the information. Morgause? Letters? It was far, _far_ too early in the morning for this. "...You have nobody to write letters _to_."

"On the contrary, I have been concerned that I may run out of parchment."

The ward gazed at the mess surrounding her, and thought to herself that this was a valid statement. "Who?"

"What?"

"No, who."

"Who what?"

"What?"

Morgause let out a long suffering sigh and lowered her parchment and quill, turning her head to confront the embodiment of stupidity that was her sister. Why had Morgana woken up? Why could she not have just stayed asleep and blissfully quiet underneath all the parchment? "Sister, please try to gain coherency. I know that it is difficult for you at the best of times, but I am currently overwhelmed by your indecipherable babble."

"Who. _Who_ are you writing the letters to?"

"Everyone, of course." Morgause replied, gesturing vaguely with an arm as if 'everyone' was standing in the room. _Honestly_. Morgana was so _dense_-

"What do you mean everyone?" The ward retorted, voice slightly raised in disbelief.

"Everyone!"

"_Everyone_?"

"Yes!"

"In the _whole world_?"

Morgause swiftly raised a hand and, for the second time during her visit, smacked her sister sharply around the head. Ignoring the yelp of pain from the foolish woman beside her, Morgause looked back down to the parchment in her lap, letting out a sigh. "I am writing Merry Midwinter letters to everybody I know of. Such as yourself and your serving wench and that decrepit physician. I am not signing them, for obvious reasons, but I felt that I should make an anonymous effort since I am staying here for the holiday. I am not _entirely_ heartless."

Morgana was not sure she had heard the blonde correctly. Maybe the blow to the head had affected her, for Morgause could _not_ be writing Merry Midwinter letters. That was an impossibility, something that went against her very nature of sadism and general cruelty. But it was best to make sure... "May I...may I read one, sister?"

"Yes, please do. You can give me your verdict on them. I believe they may be too jolly."

"Too jolly?"

"Yes."

Giving her sister a very concerned side glance, Morgana picked up a piece of parchment near her and began to read.

_'To Arthur Pendragon, the Prince of Camelot,_

_I am going to find you when you are walking alone across the courtyard, or out on patrol, and I am going to engage in a snowball fight with you._

_Except that instead of snow, it will be fire._

_And instead of a fight, it will be me killing you._

_A Merry Midwinter to you.'_

"Morgause," The ward began cautiously after a moment or two of silence, "I am not completely convinced that this letter is at all jolly in any sense or implied meaning of the word."

The blonde leant over to glance at the parchment herself, rather squashing Morgana in the process. "Yes it is. I wished him a merry Midwinter."

Morgana, now with Morgause's face pressed against the side of her own, emitted a weary sigh. "I do not think it is necessary for you to be so _close_, Morgause. You could see the letter from where you were."

"But it is jolly, is it not?"

"No! You declare your wish to _murder_ him! That is the absolute _opposite_ of jolly!"

Morgause gave an indifferent sniff, commenting, "I should find it jolly if somebody gave me such a letter" before moving away from Morgana again and setting her gaze on the letter she was in the process of writing.

Yes. Well. _Of course_ Morgause would find such a letter endearing. She would probably think that an envelope full of sharp nails was a lovely added touch. Morgana reached for another letter in the hopes that it might be a little more light-hearted.

_'To my dearest sister, Morgana,_

_If I find mistletoe, I may well use it._

_Merry Midwinter!'_

The ward lowered the parchment, her face paling. _Wonderful_. It seemed Morgause's letters only came in two distinct styles: Murderous or creepy.

"_Oh_." Morgana heard the blonde begin from beside her, sounding not at all content "You have found your own letter. I shall have to write you _another_ one now to open on Midwinter Day."

And so the older witch started setting about completing such a task, pushing unwanted or used parchment off of her lap and onto Morgana's (there were complaints, but Morgause ignored them) and picking up her quill, a thoughtful expression on her face. _Hm_. _What to write...what to write_...

Morgana watched her sister for a moment or two, trying her best, actually, to send her an upset stare concerning the parchment situation. However, she received no response and she soon found herself rather drawn to observing Morgause's thought process instead. The blonde seemed to start on a scrap piece of parchment, trying her best to note down the key points she wanted to convey, which, for Morgana's letter, were currently:

'I like her a bit even though she lacks intelligence' and 'I suppose her face is my favourite face'.

After this clearly trying and lengthy process, another piece of parchment was taken and Morgause began to write, which was something that evidently caused her a lot of difficulty:

_'My dearest Morgana,_

_You ruined the first letter by reading it too early, so I have had to write you another._

_However, I do still think of you..."_

And here the blonde seemed to get stuck. It appeared to Morgana that her older sister evidently had some issues with expressing her affection through a letter, and simply could not bring herself to think of a kind word.

"What about 'fondly'?" Morgana prompted helpfully, rather of the mind that Morgause might cause herself an injury if she was left to her own devices for much longer.

The suggestion seemed to go down well, as Morgause obediently wrote the word in her best handwriting and then took a moment to gaze at, and appreciate, the masterpiece that had been created.

_But wait a second –_

"NO!" The blonde suddenly bellowed, ripping the letter violently in half and causing Morgana to shrink away from her in surprise "NO! You cannot help me write a Merry Midwinter that is addressed to _you_! That is ridiculous! You might as well write it yourself!"

As the two halves of parchment fell softly back into her lap, and silence filled the room, Morgause attempted to reel her temper back in. "It would be far easier," She mused aloud, after taking some steadying breaths, "If I could simply package a gentle face caress to you."

Silence again filled the room, but this time it had a distinctly _awkward_ aspect to it.

"I...I am not sure I would appreciate such a gesture all that greatly, sister." Morgana eventually replied, hoping she wasn't putting Morgause down too much. "Perhaps I could help you with your other letters?"

The blonde nodded glumly, shuffling over so that she was almost on top of her sisters' lap. Morgana, noting Morgause's rather saddened state, decided not to protest and shove her off the bed.

"Words are very difficult sometimes. I much prefer actions." The older witch was saying, taking some parchment from around them and choosing which one was good enough to write on.

"You seem to have no trouble voicing your affections to Cenred." Morgana replied, watching as Morgause threw some parchment over her shoulder that looked quite respectable but apparently, in her eyes, was not the epitome of papery perfection she sought.

"That is because I am not all that fond of him."

"Oh."

And just as Morgana was thinking to herself that the reply she had been given did not make all that much sense, Morgause began to prod her in the shoulder. "Teach me your ways, sister."

The ward eyed her confusedly. "...My ways?"

"With words."

"Oh! Yes! Sorry." Morgana took a moment to clear her throat and then looked upon the other woman as if about to impart a great deal of wisdom. It did not fill her with self-belief when Morgause simply stared back at her as if she had announced she had a mental affliction. "The top priority when writing a Merry Midwinter letter is to set a warm and friendly tone that makes the reader feel wanted and cherished."

"But I have already done that."

"You declared your wish to kill the Prince of Camelot with fire."

"I see no issue with that."

Morgana let out a sigh. "It was not _exactly_ friendly, was it?"

"Oh, well forgive me for not being a _Saint_!" The blonde snapped back touchily "I do apologize that it was not the very _essence_ of decency! I am sorry that I did not draw sunshine and hearts and...and _kittens_ all over the place!"

"Morgause - !"

"No! No, you are _quite_ right! How _horrible_ of me not to go and get the envelope itself blessed by a unicorn! How very _impolite_ of me! I should have made more of an effort to buy a _gold bar_ and _chisel my good wishes onto it_!"

"_For Goddess' sake_! You are so _sensitive_, Morgause!" The ward retorted, resenting the fact that her brief moment of outshining her sister in letter writing acumen was being ruined "I was merely pointing out that _murder_ is not the best topic to bring up in a Merry Midwinter letter!"

"Why ever not?"

Morgana dedicated just the briefest of moments to give Morgause a look that suggested she thought her absolutely insane. "Well, as _absurd_ as this may sound, it hurts people's feelings when one reveals a desire to brutally dispose of them without their consent-"

"But-"

"No." The ward quickly raised a hand, pressing it over her idiot sisters' mouth before she could go any further "_No_."

They exchanged glares and Morgana, rather worrying that the blonde might set her hand alight, lowered her arm again and looked back to the letters surrounding them. "Perhaps, instead of the...err..._snowball fight_...you could think of a _happier_ situation to write about?"

Morgause's mood seemed to skyrocket instantly. "Arthur getting trampled on by his own horse!" She suggested brightly.

"Well-"

"Arthur falling over and impaling his face on a pitchfork?"

"That was not exactly-"

"Arthur choking on Guinevere's hair during a tight embrace?"

At this, Morgana had to allow a good few seconds to pass by as the mental image of the two swirled about disturbingly in her mind. _Was it even possible to choke on someone's hair...?_ "I...no...no. As I have been trying to say, this is a _Merry Midwinter_ letter, not a declaration of his death."

Morgause let out a small sigh. "The two things are very similar."

"...Quite" The ward replied, giving her sister a sceptical side glance. "But since you seem to be having...difficulty with Arthur's letter, shall we try writing one to Gaius instead? It should not prove _too_ complicated-"

"I have already completed his letter."

"Oh. May I see it?"

Morgause nodded and briefly searched through the heaps of parchment around her before retrieving the old man's letter. She handed it over to her sister with a distinct feeling of pride. "I believe it to be my finest work."

However, when Morgana read the first line 'To the dilapidated physician with more eyebrows than hair', she could not find it in herself to agree with the blonde.

* * *

Letter writing was clearly not Morgause's forte.

The older witch had not handled any criticisms in a dignified manner, and had instead resorted to muttering curses and general wishes of doom and ill-fate to befall everyone but herself. Eventually, after a lot of cajoling and reasoning, Morgana had managed to force Morgause to promise not to send the letters to anyone, such was the terrible state they were in.

"It is not _my_ fault," Morgause had declared after brazenly throwing a scrunched up ball of parchment into Morgana's face "That people these days do not appreciate the effort taken when plotting another's death. If somebody invested such time into planning _my_ death, I would be suitably _honoured_!"

Morgana, with her patience truly tried and tested, had merely flung some parchment back at sister in retaliation. It was from there on, really, that the lesson in writing had gone rapidly downhill.

An all out parchment throwing conflict had ensued, in which both sides were left very angry and completely covered in paper cuts. It was only when Gwen had entered the chambers to wake Morgana, and was greeted instead by parchment on every conceivable surface and a ward who looked like she had just fought a war, that the two sisters had been forced to stop their antics.

"It was...it was a particularly strong gust of wind." Morgana had assured the maidservant, except that there were no windows open for the wind to have come from and Gwen looked anything but assured.

Morgause, being the infinitely supporting sister that she was, quickly decided to leave Morgana to handle Gwen's questions alone.

"But the parchment was all safely tucked away in a drawer, milady. How did it all escape?"

"Well..."

The blonde moved silently past the maidservant and turned to look back at Morgana, who seemed very flustered by this point. Gesturing to the mess she had helped to create and giving a very smug smile indeed, as if to say 'Isn't it _grand_ that I'm not going to be interrogated about this but you are?', Morgause had leisurely turned on her heel and left the ward's chambers.

Morgana's shaky excuses echoed down the corridor behind her. "You see, the...err...pigeons that roost nearby...they...they were swept in here too...by the wind...and...opened the drawer...with their little beaks..."

Morgause was only too happy to engage in a little victory dance as she continued down the passage and away from the trouble she most certainly should have been in.

* * *

All hell was breaking loose in the kitchens.

Apparently one of the young maids was supposed to have bought some lamb in preparation for the Midwinter Eve dinner that night, and had deemed it appropriate to purchase lots and lots of turkeys instead.

"But everyone has turkey at Midwinter!" The accused brunette was shrieking hysterically, tears streaming down her face.

"THEY HAVE TURKEY ON MIDWINTER DAY!" The head cook bellowed back. She was a very plump woman and was currently brandishing a rolling pin. "They do not have turkey for _every_ meal for the _entire_ duration of the holiday! The King expressly asked for lamb tonight!"

"B-But-"

"AND THERE ARE _GUESTS_!" The cook roared furiously, flinging the rolling pin at the bewildered girl before her, who only just managed to duck out of the way in time. "_THERE ARE GUESTS WHO ARE EXPECTING LAMB_!"

"I didn't mean to-"

"WHERE IS MY LAMB, EDITH? _WHERE IS MY LAMB_?"

To this, the maid let out a very heartfelt "I'M SO SORRY!" before erupting into such a state of uncontrolled sobbing that Morgause, who had been standing behind her for the whole time, gave her a swift, forceful hit to the back of the head and knocked her out.

It was in the girl's best interests. She had looked as though she were about to suffocate on her own distress, after all.

The cook, whose thoughts were now entirely focused on the lack-of-lamb situation, seemingly cared not for the fact that the brunette had apparently collapsed without reason. Storming over to the other side of the kitchens, and stepping over the unconscious girl in the process, she began to bark orders to the rest of the servants, who were all staring at Edith with widened eyes. "WHAT ARE YOU ALL DOING? YOU DO NOT HAVE TIME TO STAND AND STARE! THIS IS A _CATASTROPHE_! I CANNOT COOK LAMB WITHOUT ANY LAMB! EDWARD, PUT EDITH IN THE PANTRY. _I WANT HER OUT OF THE WAY_. BEATRICE, _FOR THE LAST TIME_, WOULD YOU FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL OF THE GRAPES! AND TOM, GO TO THE BUTCHERS IMMIDIATELY AND BRING US SOME LAMB. AND LET US PRAY..." Here, the cook took a deep breath, causing a very dramatic pause as if she were about to ask him to sacrifice himself to the Gods "..._AND LET US PRAY THAT THEY HAVE NOT SOLD OUT_."

The servants hastily began to fling themselves about the place, each of them looking as equally terrified and bewildered as the person next to them. It was clear they all knew they should be doing something important, but since only Tom, Edward and Beatrice had been given any orders, they were not entirely sure what _exactly_ it _was_ they should be doing.

Flour was thrown into the air, cutlery was swung about, food was tossed into the oven. Tom made a rapid disappearance through the door and up the spiral staircase, determined to return victorious from his lamb finding quest. Beatrice stood quite still, looking very thoughtful indeed, which seemed to be a state of being she was not all that well acquainted with. Edward, apologising profusely to everybody as he got in their way, obediently started to drag Edith towards the pantry.

Morgause, who had been completely invisible and completely amused throughout the entire drama, decided to follow Edward and the unconscious Edith as they made their way through a stone archway. She didn't much fancy staying in the kitchens now that everybody was running about, just in case they ran into _her _and accidentally knocked her into an open oven.

And why was Morgause in the kitchens in the first place? After leaving Morgana to her fate with a very suspicious Gwen, the blonde had been in search of grapes. Sadly, she hadn't found any on her way to the kitchens and as soon as she had arrived at her destination the lamb fiasco had occurred, rendering the place in a state of complete chaos.

As much as it displeased her, she wouldn't be able to look for grapes in the kitchens _now_.

The pantry was gigantic. Morgause supposed she should have been expecting that, what with it having to accommodate for Uther's enormous appetite, but it still left her feeling a little surprised and more than a little envious. The pantry in _her_ castle was not nearly so roomy. She watched as Edward shifted Edith into a corner beside some crates. _Curses_! A body certainly wouldn't fit in _her_ pantry. How very embarrassing. _She_ was the mass murderer, after all! Not only that, but_ there was still room to spare –_

Edward straightened up again, wiping the back of a hand across his sweaty forehead. "Blimey," He commented, evidently thinking he was only talking to himself "She's heavier than she looks."

Morgause nodded in agreement, despite being invisible, because after glancing over the unconscious girl she couldn't help but think the brunette could be the sort of person who was misleadingly weighty. The sort of person who looked like a stick for the majority of their life but somehow harboured an inner state of immensity, so that when one goes to pick them up, thinking they would be as light as a feather, they instead almost break their back. And then one is shouted at for being rude. "DO YOU THINK I'M FAT?" –

_Heavens_, her mind was running away with her. Coming back to reality, and watching as Edward left the pantry in exchange for the havoc of the kitchens, Morgause wondered whether there might be some grapes left that she had missed during her eating spree the day before. Well, there was no harm in looking...

Deftly stepping on top of Edith's stomach in order to help look over the top shelves, the blonde could only emit a sad sigh. No grapes. She glanced to her right, to her left. No grapes. An odd gurgling sound. She glanced down. Edith was turning blue. _Oh_.

The witch unhurriedly stepped off of the maid again and gazed forlornly about her. _Goodness_. Her pantry might be compact, but it certainly stocked a great deal more grapes than this abomination. There should be grapes on every available space. Who cared about cheese and...She narrowed her eyes, attempting to read a peeling label on a jar...and pickles? _Who cared_? Were either of those two foods as delicious as grapes? No! What an utter _travesty_-

And then she saw it.

In an alcove at the other end of the pantry...a small staircase leading downwards. She could barely contain her excitement. Did the pantry continue? Were there grapes to be consumed, waiting for her down some stone steps?

There was only one way to find out!

The blonde moved with all the speed and agility of a predator hunting its prey. She was down those stairs so quickly that she missed Beatrice waddling into the pantry only moment later, promptly falling over Edith's body and crashing face first into the crates. As much as the sight surely would have delighted Morgause, there was nothing, _nothing_ as important as the chance of finding more grapes.

However, it seemed that fate was making a mockery of her.

The room at the bottom of the stairs did not harbour a secret pantry stocked solely with grapes. In fact, it did not harbour a secret anything. It was merely a room where old gardening tools and equipment used to catch animals had been discarded and forgotten.

Morgause very almost fell to her knees and wept.

But, being the stonehearted, all-terrifying witch that she was, she did no such thing. She swallowed her sorrow and set about planning revenge. Revenge for the grapes that _should_ have been here but _weren't_. Somebody was going to pay for this. She did not care if they had nothing to do with it.

Dark eyes settled on a bear trap.

_They were going to pay for it._

* * *

Uther had not joined his guests for dinner.

They had been left in the company of Arthur and Morgana, who seemed to be equally as puzzled as to his whereabouts as the nobles sitting beside them in the dining hall.

"He will be here shortly, I am sure." Arthur was reassuring the gathering, although he was looking increasingly unconvinced himself.

There were nods of heads and awkward sips of wine in reply. Morgana was looking at her nails.

Time drifted by.

"Something incredibly important must have come up." The Prince of Camelot reasoned "Something my father had to attend to urgently."

The plates were cleared and dessert was served. An old woman sitting next to Morgana was still telling the ward how odd it was that the main course had included turkey when it was not yet Midwinter Day.

"Yes, very odd." Morgana replied disinterestedly, twirling a stray strand of hair around an index finger.

"I shall...be back momentarily." Arthur finally announced, rising from his seat and giving a slight bow before leaving the room in search of the missing King.

Polite conversation resumed between the nobles. The old woman complimented Morgana on her dress and the raven haired woman beamed. "I had it made especially for the occasion."

"How delightful! Yes, it is best to enjoy your looks while you still have them! They'll be gone before too long!"

The ward's smile dropped instantly, as if somebody had just told her the world was about to end.

Dessert was cleared. Arthur returned, looking a little pale. "My father gives his most sincere apologies. He is currently...indisposed with a problematic matter than must be attended to immediately. He wishes you all a merry Midwinter."

The guests murmured to themselves but remained courteous and well-mannered as Arthur subtly signalled to the servants waiting on them to refill everyone's goblets with wine. They were less likely to complain if they were all slightly drunk.

The blond sat himself back down in the seat on the other side of Morgana. She turned to him, a brow raised questioningly.

"A bear trap." Arthur replied quietly, reaching for his goblet. "In his bed. He sort of...sat on it, from what I can tell. Gaius is tending to him."

Morgana's eyes lit up. A bear trap? Perhaps he had grave injuries!

Arthur glanced to her, mistaking the sheer hope in her eyes for concern. "It is not serious." He comforted the ward, blissfully unaware that it was of no comfort at all "Gaius is sure he will make a full recovery. The trap was old and did not shut properly."

Morgana forced a smile. "Oh...I _am_ glad."

Arthur smiled back, before his attention was diverted to the nobleman next to him, asking him whether any tournaments were to be held after the snow had gone.

Morgana downed her wine in one and motioned a servant over to fill it again.

* * *

Morgause was sprawled out on the bed when Morgana eventually returned to her chambers. She had her face buried under a pillow and generally seemed to be in a very unhappy state indeed. Her shoes had also evidently been kicked off in a minor temper tantrum, since one was by the door and the other was all the way over beside a window.

The ward sighed as she moved over to her dresser, taking off her earrings. "What woe has befallen you this time, sister?"

"Mpfpffhphpfphff."

"I cannot hear you underneath my lovely feather pillow."

"There were not any grapes." Morgause repeated miserably, lifting the pillow just enough so she could be heard "I ventured all the way down to the forgotten basement and there were not any grapes."

Morgana frowned, placing her earrings gently into one of her jewellery boxes. "The forgotten basement?" She echoed, having never heard of its existence before. Although, she assumed, that was because it was _forgotten_.

"Yes. The one that looks like it might be full of grapes but is instead adamantly occupied by decaying scrap."

"Scrap?"

"_Yes_, sister."

"What do you mean 'scrap'?"

Morgause sat upright, moving the pillow away from her face and onto her lap instead. From her dresser mirror, Morgana could make out the weary expression on the blonde's face. "I mean _scrap_, sister. Unwanted rubbish. Rusty shears and old animal traps and the such like."

The ward's eyes widened as she turned to face the other woman. "Old animal traps?"

"_Yes_, sister! Must you repeat everything I say?"

"Morgause," The young witch began, fixing her sister with serious look "Did you put a bear trap in the King of Camelot's bed?"

Morgause shifted uncomfortably. She was suddenly very interested in poking at the pillow. "I...I am unashamed to acknowledge that I _may_ have had a vital role in its placement, yes."

"Oh, for the love of-" Morgana bit down on her lip, preventing a furious outburst from escaping. Calm thoughts. _Calm_. Calmness was needed when speaking with Morgause. "That...that is a _little_ bit of a wasted opportunity, do you not think, sister?"

"How so? Is he not dead yet?"

"Have you heard any bells ring?"

"No. But in my defence my head was underneath a pillow."

Morgana tried not to scream. Morgause patted the pillow affectionately.

"For your information, _Morgause_, he is _not_ dead. The trap was so decrepit that it hardly closed when he sat on it! He just has some grazes and will find it uncomfortable to sit still for very long!" The ward snapped tetchily, turning back around to the dresser and starting to unpin her hair. "Honestly, you could have put some more _thought_ into that plan. Why did you not find a trap that still _functioned_? It will be so much more difficult to put any other plans into action! The guards are on high alert!"

"Well," Morgause drawled sardonically from her cross-legged position on the bed "_That's_ a worry."

"Oh, _Morgause_-"

"No, as always, you are the personification of truth. If the _guards of Camelot_ are on high alert then all criminals may as well just hand themselves in. It is only a matter of time before we are caught and executed. It is certainly _not_ as if we could brazenly run out into the courtyard naked and engage in a ritual to bring hell to earth and nobody would bat an eyeli-"

"Well do _excuse_ me for being a little irritated that the _self-proclaimed_ most feared witch in the Kingdom cannot, _for the life of her_, murder a King when she is completely invisible!" Morgana interrupted, her voice steadily rising "All you needed to do was strangle him when he was alone! He would have been helpless! And instead you visit some..._shady_ basement where useless traps are kept and you decide to put one in his bed in the vain hope it might cause him some serious harm!"

There was a pause, in which Morgana's hair was freed from pins and tumbled down, almost in slow motion, over her shoulders and back. She then dedicated a good minute or so to appreciating her own beauty in the mirror, apparently not caring that she had been in the middle of an argument just moments before, and then turned around to give Morgause a glare. "And before you say anything, I am _not_ losing my looks."

The blonde, who had not been about to suggest anything of the sort, stared blankly back at her sister. She was finding it a little difficult to keep up with the sudden change in conversation. One minute she was being scolded, in a very rude manner, and the next the ward seemed to be suffering from self-confidence issues. "I...no. You look like you have always looked."

"Excuse me?"

"...You...seem the same..."

"So my appearance is boring now, is it?"

"No, no." Morgause replied hastily, starting to get the feeling she was fighting a losing battle already. "That is not what I-"

"Same old Morgana, same old _face_. Is that what you think?"

"I...I just...you look lovely as you always do-"

"SO I NEVER LOOK _INTERESTING_? I NEVER LOOK _FASCINATING_? I JUST LOOK LOVELY? THERE IS MORE TO ME THAN _MY OWN FACE_-"

It was at this point that Gwen decided to enter the ward's chambers and witness, with a very bewildered expression, Morgana apparently shrieking at herself about the qualities of her own appearance.

The ward's eyes snapped onto her and Gwen rather got the impression that she had interrupted a _private_ moment. "I...excuse me, milady." She began nervously, wishing more than anything that she had stayed downstairs with Merlin and helped re-decorate the Midwinter tree after all of the baubles had mysteriously fallen off the day before. "I just wanted to say Merry Midwinter Eve and...and I wondered whether you wanted a bath or some help undressing."

Morgana briefly glanced at Morgause, who had an amused smirk on her face, before deciding on a course of action. Which did not include a bath. _Definitely no baths with Morgause in the room_ – "I am...I think I am content in my own company tonight, thank you Gwen. You may have the rest of the evening off." She offered a strained smile.

Gwen smiled back. "Oh. Thank you, milady. I shall see you in the morning."

"Yes."

The maidservant paused in the doorway, looking back to Morgana. "I've so been looking forward to tomorrow."

"Yes."

"Being Midwinter Day and all that."

"Yes."

"Are you excited, milady?"

"Oh, yes. _Ever_ so excited. I have always loved Midwinter."

Gwen's smile broadened. "I cannot wait to see what gifts you are given!"

"A great deal of hairbrushes and necklaces, I am sure." The ward replied pleasantly, trying to ignore Morgause who looked as though the sweetness of the conversation was making her nauseous.

"Until Midwinter morning then!"

"Yes."

Looking like the absolute epitome of happiness itself, Gwen bounced out of the room, closing the door behind her. Morgana let out a relieved sigh and looked back to Morgause, who was eyeing her as if she were awaiting a giant confession. "...What?"

"I was merely wondering whether there was any particular reason that you all but assaulted me over your appearance, sister."

"Oh." The ward's shoulders slumped and she turned to gaze into the mirror again. "The woman sitting next to me at dinner said I would lose my looks soon."

"How _traumatising_."

The sarcasm in Morgause's voice was sadly lost on the other woman. "It was. It truly was. You do not think I am losing my looks, do you Morgause?"

"Certainly not. You look lovel- I mean..._fascinating_."

The young witch shifted her gaze back to her sister, a hopeful smile on her face. "Really?"

"Absolutely."

"Oh, you can be sweet sometimes."

At this compliment, Morgause flinched as if she had been slapped hard in the face, but Morgana seemed not to notice or simply didn't care. "I suppose we had best go to sleep then. I have to be up early to stand on that wretched balcony with Uther as he wishes the crowds a merry Midwinter."

"Balcony?"

"Yes."

Morgause's eyes narrowed as a plan began to formulate in her mind. _Perfect...yes, it would be sublime._ And _dramatic_ too –

The blonde blinked, watching as Morgana struggled to get out of her dress. "Oh. Shall I help you undress, sister?"

The ward paused, in a very awkward position with one arm half trapped in a sleeve, and stared at Morgause for a few moments.

Morgause gave a large smile.

"I...no." Morgana replied slowly, pushing her sister back down with her free arm as the older witch tried to rise up and help her. "Thank you for the offer but I...I think I shall do well just by myself."

* * *

Morgana was awoken because of her sister for the second time during the blonde's visit. She had not wanted to be woken up, she had not asked for Morgause to take such action, but there Morgause was anyway, sitting beside her on the bed and poking her hard in the face.

"Sister, wake up!"

"Grfgfgghh."

"I care not for unintelligible sleepy responses. Awaken yourself!"

"No...I don't...I don't want to..."

"Of course you do! It is Midwinter Day!"

"...I want to sleep..."

"There are presents to be opened!"

"I was so happy when I was asleep..."

"_Morgana_!" The blonde gave the sleep-depraved woman a slap on the head, ignoring the grumpy murmuring in response. "I have not just brought all of your presents up here so that you could stay asleep! _You must awaken_!"

There was a tired sigh and one eye opened to look confusedly at Morgause. "What...what do you mean you brought my presents up here?"

"I mean that they were downstairs underneath the tree and now they are up here beside the bed."

The ward let out a groan. "...Oh Goddess...what time is it...?"

"Very, very early." Morgause replied cheerily, moving to grab a parcel. "I thought you could open them here with me and then, so that nobody suspects anything, I could use a spell to wrap them up again and send them back downstairs." She lovingly shoved a package in Morgana's face. "And then you can open them all _again_! I am effectively giving you two Midwinter's in one."

"How nice..." The ward answered, sounding as though she thought it was anything but. Sadly realising that she was not going to be allowed to go back to sleep until presents were exchanged, Morgana slowly sat herself up and started unwrapping her first present.

Morgause looked absolutely beside herself with excitement...until the wrappings fell away to reveal a hairbrush.

"Oh, this is pretty." Morgana commented, apparently most pleased with the gift.

"Pretty boring." Morgause countered, looking as though she were in a bit of a sulk.

"_Morgause_! Do be nice! I am sure somebody went to a great deal of effort to find this for me. Whose name is on the label?"

"That is not important. My present to you is far better."

"...It would be helpful to know who had given me what-"

But apparently this information was not processed by the older witch, who had already grabbed the hairbrush out of Morgana's hand, thrown it over her shoulder, and then thrust a much smaller and less well wrapped present at the ward. "Open it."

"But my hairbrush-"

"Insignificant. This is superior."

Morgana looked doubtfully at the small gift but began to unwrap it all the same. Morgause was looking extremely confident as a tiny chiselled figure of a witch emerged. Her sister did not seem to share her enthusiasm. "What...what exactly am I looking at, sister?"

The blonde stared at her as if it was incredibly obvious what the present was and she was a lesser woman for not understanding the significance of it. "It is a _witch_, Morgana. I made it for you because I know how much you like playing that 'Knights and Dragons' board game. I thought it would infinitely enhance the game if it were instead called 'Witches and Warlocks'."

The ward gazed back at her, looking none the wiser.

"I will carve more figures until we have a complete set." Morgause explained, feeling rather annoyed that the _clearly_ amazing gift she had presented Morgana with was not going down as well as she had hoped. "Until then we can...use grapes as spare game pieces."

"...Yes..." Morgana replied after a moment or two, still not completely sure that the wooden witch in her hand was the best present she had ever received. "...But will we not have to change the rulebook if we remove the knight and dragon aspect from a game revolving around knights and dragons?"

There was a slight pause. Morgause looked as though that particular thought had never crossed her mind. "...I suppose...some adjustments will be necessary..." She mumbled quietly.

"It really is ever such a nice present though, thank you, sister."

The blonde pouted unhappily and Morgana gave her a quick, affectionate ruffle of the hair – which was something she rarely did for fear of having her entire arm set on fire. "I shall cherish it forever. Really, I shall. Just like my bracelet."

"Is it better than your hairbrush?"

"Much, much better."

"...Alright then..." Morgause grumbled, passing Morgana another present.

The ward's other gifts were not as thrilling as the blonde had hoped. There were more hairbrushes than could be used in a lifetime, a great deal of handheld mirrors and a lot of earrings and necklaces. But in contrast to Morgause's bored expression, Morgana seemed to be positively delighted. "This is wonderful! Look at all the jewellery I have!"

"They are not as great as the present _I_ gave you."

"Of course not, sister. But they are still _lovely_."

Morgause glared at the gifts. _How dare they please her sister more than a wonky witch she had taken hours chiselling? That was the very height of discourtesy–_

"Morgause," The raven haired woman began, interrupting her sisters' angry thoughts "Would you like to open your presents now?"

"You have them in your chambers?"

"Yes, they are under a floorboard."

"Oh, how _charming_."

"Well I had to make sure Gwen would not find them!" Morgana replied, gesturing to a particular section of the floor. "Could you go and fetch them?"

"I am not a _dog_, Morgan-"

"Fetch!"

Morgause eyed her for a second, like a serial killer might eye their next victim, but did as she was told and rolled off the bed, heading towards the floorboard that hid her gifts. As she went about wrenching the floor apart, cursing loudly and sending a lot of verbal abuse Morgana's way, the ward merely picked up one of her mirrors and enjoyed a quick indulgence in narcissism.

"Sister."

Morgana blinked, lowering the mirror to find Morgause back on the bed with parcels in her lap. "Oh, you found them!"

"Evidently."

"Open them then! You shall be most pleased, I _assure_ you."

And so she was. At first, anyway. Morgana had given her three old magic books that she had stolen on a trip to the secret room in the library, some grapes that were, admittedly, a little squashed, but were consumed with immediate effect all the same, and a very nice silver ring that Morgause worryingly placed on her ring finger before Morgana insisted she swap it onto another. "We are not _married_, sister."

The last package, sadly, contained a dress. A green dress, to be precise. A green dress that was clearly _not_ red. Morgause stared down at it gloomily.

"What do you think of your dress, sister?" Morgana prompted after several minutes went by and the blonde showed no signs of speaking.

"It is not red."

"No, you see, I thought you could try to branch out to different colours."

Morgause did not look convinced.

"Please try it on?" The ward ventured.

"I am not sure that I want to."

"But it will look wonderful on you."

"But it is not red."

"Please?"

"I am undecided on the matter."

"For _me_?"

Morgause looked up to see Morgana staring back at her with large, hopeful eyes. _Goddess how she hated that look _– "Fine! Fine!" The older witch relented, moving off of the bed and opting to get changed right there and then in front of her sister.

"_Morgause_!"

The blonde turned her head to raise a brow at the woman. "Yes?"

"I was rather of the mind that you would get changed in the _other_ section of my chambers."

"Why ever should I do that?"

"So that I could avoid mental scarring."

There was a slight pause. Morgause looked confused. "But I have seen _you_ naked bef-"

"OTHER SECTION." Morgana commanded quickly, pointing in the direction she wished her sister to go.

Grumpily muttering under her breath, the blonde stomped out of sight.

"And it was unintentional!" The ward declared after a few moments of listening to Morgause huffing discontentedly as she changed. "All of those times that you saw me...without my...I mean...lacking in...it was _unintentional_!"

"How so?"

"The first time you appeared in my bath without warning!"

A moment's pause. "...I...yes, I suppose that is a valid point." Morgause replied, finding that she was trying to put her head through a sleeve.

"And the second time you burnt my dress off!"

"...That is...a fair statement to make."

"And the third time you tried a new spell to teleport me from one side of the cave to the other and instead only succeeded in teleporting my clothes!"

"...This is not painting a very good picture of me, Morgan-"

"And the day before yesterday," The young witch continued, determined to see her point through "You ran into my chambers and announced your wish to join me in the bathtub!"

"I was cold! That point is not val-"

"And then you watched Gwen help me out of the bath!"

Morgause shrugged to herself, looking down at the green monstrosity she had just put on. "Well," She began, sounding very nonchalant "I was bored and there was not much else to look at."

"You could have looked anywhere! _Anywhere_ else in the _entire_ room, Morgause!"

The blonde reappeared, moving to stand before the bed. Apparently the mental trauma she had caused her sister was not something she cared deeply about. "If you have _quite_ ceased your hysterics, Morgana-"

"I am not being hysterical! I am being _factual_!" The ward retorted, arms folded across her chest. "And that in itself is disturbing enough-"

"_The dress_, sister."

Morgana let out an irritable huff and glanced over the green material. _Goodness_! Her mood lifted immediately. "Oh...oh, now _that_ is rather splendid."

"I look like a tree." Morgause replied, evidently not sharing her sisters' enthusiasm.

"You do not-"

"Or a blade of grass."

"You look wonderful!"

"I look _ordinary_." The blonde answered, sounding as though saying the very word caused her physical pain. "_Me_! Ordinary! It is a tragedy of the highest proportion! I like to look threatening and ominous at _all times_...or at the _very least_ a bit suspicious."

"One can still look brooding when wearing green!" Morgana replied defensively, thinking about all the green dresses she had in her wardrobe.

"But I do so _enjoy_ wearing red-"

"Oh, fine! Fine! _I_ shall keep it then-"

Morgause let out a horrified gasp, taking a step back as though she thought her sister was about to leap across the bed and assault her. "_No_! It is _mine_!"

"I declare you just announced your distaste for it!"

"That does not negate the fact that it is _mine_ and I _want_ it!"

"But you will not wear it-"

"That is beside the point!"

Morgana stared at her, open-mouthed, for a few moments, unable to quite comprehend the other woman's stupidity. "You...you cannot waste a dress in such a way! Such an act is _unspeakable_!"

"Then stop speaking about it."

"But-"

"Out of sight, out of mind!"

"It...but it is..." Morgana pointed frantically at the garment her sister was wearing. "..._It is still in my sight, Morgause_!"

The blonde glanced down. "Oh!" She hurriedly made her way into the other section of the ward's chambers again. "Out of sight!" She called merrily, unaware that Morgana was currently undergoing a slight nervous breakdown.

"It is a crime against fashion!" The young witch lamented as she heard Morgause begin to get changed again "I cannot...how shall I _live_ knowing there is a dress not being used and enjoyed? By my own _sister_? _My own flesh and blood_-"

"Well I have to live, _every day_, in the knowledge that you are _catastrophically_ unintelligent and I do not complain!" Morgause retorted, emerging in her first outfit of black trousers and white shirt. She ignored the ward's indignant protests. "_Now_, if you do not mind, I am about to set plan nine hundred and..." Her eyes narrowed as she tried to recall the exact figure they were on. "...nine hundred and...twenty-"

"Forty."

"Nine hundred and forty. I am about to set it into motion."

Morgana raised a brow as the blonde started rewrapping her presents.

"And if all else fails," Morgause muttered, already in a tangle with string and brown paper. "There is always the balcony."

* * *

The sisters were relying on the balcony.

Plan number nine hundred and forty: Enchant the wrapping paper on Uther's presents so that it tries to strangle him when he opens them...had failed.

It had all looked so hopeful as they sat in the dining hall over breakfast, with Uther jovially cracking jokes that nobody laughed at except for himself. He was much recovered after the bear-trap incident that nobody now spoke of and he had, in fact, never seemed happier. Arthur and Gwen had even been exchanging heartfelt looks as she cleared his plate and refilled his tankard. Gaius, who had been asked to join them by a very happy Uther indeed, was smiling at Merlin, who in turn was bringing everybody's presents over from under the tree and placing them in piles on the table.

"Not right in my _face_, Merlin." Morgana had snapped when the servant had dared to put a present before her – a present that she already knew contained a handheld mirror.

"Sorry." Merlin had replied, putting it between the ward and her glass of wine instead.

"Now I cannot reach my drink."

"Sorry." Merlin had repeated, moving the present back so that it was right in front of Morgana's face again.

Morgana had glared at him. _It was like he was doing it on purpose sometimes-_

However, it pleased her greatly when she saw Morgause, invisible to everyone else, trip the clueless young man over as he passed her by on his way to the tree. He fell confusedly into the remaining presents and a couple of baubles dropped onto his head when he eventually found himself half in and half out of the tree.

Arthur had let out an irritable sigh. "What are you _doing_, Merlin?" He called from his seat at the table.

"I just-"

"No, don't answer."

"But-"

"Just hurry up and bring us our remaining presents. And _don't_ fall over this time."

Uther, perhaps a _little_ merry on ale, had simply smiled into his tankard before suddenly looking up at everyone, as if about to announce something of vital importance. His words slurred together somewhat. "What...everyone, _everyone_! Everyone...what...what is a pirate's favourite colour?"

They all stared back at him politely.

"_Maroon_! It is...it...maroon!" He looked to Morgana hopefully "Maroon!"

The ward gave an awkward laugh.

"Why don't you open the first present, father?" Arthur had offered, hoping to stop the King's jokes before they got any worse.

"Oh, yes! A good idea! A good idea!" Uther had agreed, nodding as he reached for a parcel. "I should have expected such a good idea from you, Arthur! Being my son, after all, eh?"

"Yes, father."

"He takes after me." The King informed Morgana after he had a gift safely in his grasp "It's...it is in the bloodline, good ideas are. _In the bloodline_." With his free hand, he had patted the ward affectionately on the wrist.

Morgana glanced over to Morgause, who was still stood near the tree and was evidently trying not to laugh. _How dare she_! She was probably having a jolly good giggle to herself about the fact that Morgana was related to the drunken abomination. Which...wait a second..._was Morgause laughing at the implication that it was in Morgana's blood to have good ideas?_

"Yes, I think that fact is _evident_ for _all_ to see." The ward had replied loudly, glaring into what looked like thin air "The Pendragon's are _incredibly_ intelligent."

"Here, here!" Uther approved, feeling very proud of himself indeed.

Arthur had merely frowned at the ward's sudden decision to dish out compliments, quite unaware that they were related and she was, in fact, trying to compliment _herself_. Unsuccessfully, actually, since Morgause had been left merrily wiping a tear from her eye as she silently shook with laughter.

_Horrible, vile Morgause_! "Shall you open your present?" Morgana had asked the King, hoping that his imminent death might cheer her up slightly.

"Ah, yes!" Uther smiled broadly and began to take off the wrappings.

It was at this point that the paper and string had suddenly, and in what Uther thought was a rather uncalled for manner, lunged for his neck and tightened themselves there violently. There was choking, there was spluttering, there were bulging eyes. Gaius looked very alarmed, but in his old age could do no more than wave a hand at Uther and announce, although it was already incredibly obvious "The King is being strangled!"

Both Gwen and Merlin let out startled gasps and rushed forwards to help, only to run into each other, colliding in rather spectacular fashion that would have no doubt warranted a lot of laughter from the others had the King not been currently being strangled, and fallen unhelpfully to the floor.

So Uther's life rested in Arthur's hands. The Prince sprang into action, quite literally, as he hurled himself at the King, with all the good intent of saving his life and being praised as a hero. However, in his urgency, he had sadly misjudged the distance between himself and his father and quickly found himself crashing to the floor beside the King's chair instead.

Gaius had looked to Morgana, who was leisurely leant back in her seat, glancing over her nails and deciding that her cuticles needed seeing to. "My lady!" He called, his tone suggesting something of vital importance was happening.

She slowly dragged her gaze away from her hands and looked to the old physician, apparently unaware of the loud wheezing sounds coming from Uther. "Yes?"

"_The King_!"

Morgana had briefly glanced to the dying man, who was now turning a lovely shade of purple, before turning back to Gaius and asking casually "What? Is there something the matter?"

"He is choking!" And just as Gaius had been about to get up and sort everything out himself, like he found himself doing a lot despite being at least four times everybody else's age, Arthur had sprung up and torn the paper and string away from his father's neck.

Uther had started to take huge gulps of air, Merlin and Gwen had awkwardly picked themselves up and offered nods of congratulations in Arthur's direction for being the saviour, Gaius had let out a sigh of relief and Arthur had stood, with his chest puffed out a bit, looking every inch the hero.

In contrast to everybody else's uplifted moods, Morgana's jaw had clenched and eyes narrowed. She glanced to Morgause, who was _supposed_ to have been fending off anybody who tried to help the King in his time of need.

Although it disheartened her greatly, she had not been altogether surprised to see the blonde at the other end of the hall where she had apparently found some grapes in a bowl that had been missed during earlier eating sprees, and decided they were of far greater importance than the murder of the King of Camelot.

"Morgana," Arthur had said, interrupting the ward's wishes that ironically Morgause would choke on the grapes she was eating, "You did not...you were sitting right next to...he was being strangled and yet you did _nothing_-"

"_Oh_!" Morgana had interrupted, as if taken completely by surprise. She leant towards Uther, looking very concerned. "Were you _choking_? I do apologize, I did not realise."

The King waved a hand, dismissing the apology. "It is...alright..." He managed after a moment, his voice sounding very croaky "I know...that had you known something was wrong...you would have helped me..." He gave the raven haired woman a fond smile.

She eyed him for a moment and then forced a smile back. "Oh, yes. Of _course_ I would." And then Morgana had eased herself back against her chair again and taken a generous sip of wine, thinking terrible, _murderous_ thoughts.

Uther had not been allowed to open any more presents, as Gaius had declared that they might _all_ be enchanted. This had saddened the King greatly, who made do with telling a lot more jokes to try and lift his spirits, only to realise that the only person who found them amusing was himself.

* * *

"...and so we are at our best when we pull together! In these harsh winters, everybody must help one another so that Camelot can continue to be great..."

Morgana's cheeks hurt. Uther's speech was going on far longer than anybody had envisaged and she had been forcing a smile throughout the duration. It was also cold on the wretched balcony and she rather wished her sister would hurry up and complete plan number nine hundred and forty one: Push the King off the balcony so that he falls to a horrible death and then blame it on his own lack of balance and general intelligence.

Morgause, who was standing nonchalantly behind the King, was apparently far too busy listening to the speech, with a sort of disgusted look on her face, to remember that she should be committing a most heinous murder.

Morgana, trying to keep the smile as best she could, hissed out a very quiet "_Sister_" in the hopes of bringing the blonde back to the task at hand.

She received no response. Uther was talking about sharing and caring for one another and Morgause looked as though her ears might start to bleed.

There was nothing for it. The ward, praying that the crowds were either asleep or frozen to death so that they did not notice, gave the invisible blonde a quick, hard kick in the shin. Morgause had to bite down on her lip to prevent a yelp of pain, and threw a glare in her sisters' direction as if to say 'What-the-hell-are-you-doing?'

Morgana gave a subtle nod in Uther's direction and then focused her attention back on fake smiling.

_Oh_. Suddenly everything came flooding back to Morgause. Well then, Uther had blabbered on for long enough. She rolled up her sleeves, brushed a stray strand of gorgeous blonde hair back behind an ear, took a brief moment to compose herself and generally get in the mood for murder, and then threw both hands forwards against the King's back with as much force as she could muster. Which was quite a lot, evidently, as with a sudden, surprisingly girly shriek, Uther toppled over the balcony and plummeted towards his untimely death.

The crowd let out a unified gasp of horror. Arthur, who had been standing the other side of his father, shouted a long, dramatic "_NOOOOOOO_!" as he grasped at thin air. Morgana smirked pleasantly to herself. In the shocked silence that followed, Morgause, giving a sniff of indifference, peered over the ledge of the balcony.

And promptly swore incredibly loudly, not that anybody but Morgana realised when the sound had come from.

There was none other than _Merlin_ underneath the balcony, with Uther sprawled on top of him in a very haphazard and undignified manner. Clearly the servant had somehow _known_ what was about to happen, as he always managed to do despite being of low-birth and low intelligence, and had attempted to catch the King. Except that Uther was a fair deal heavier than Merlin and had crashed down painfully on top of him, winding the servant and very almost killing him in the process.

Guards rushed forwards to help the King up, leaving Merlin on the frozen ground looking very dazed. Arthur was already rushing inside and downstairs, quickly appearing through the castle doors and running over to his father, a worried expression on his face. "Father? Are you hurt?"

"I am fine, Arthur. Fine." Uther replied, despite looking pale and shaken. "It was fortunate that your servant was standing there at the time."

Arthur glanced down to the young man in question. "Merlin!" He reached down and pulled his friend up, patting him hard on the back and apparently not noticing him wince. "Sometimes..._very occasionally_...you have your uses."

Merlin, in rather too much pain to bother arguing, gave a humble nod. "I was...just...in the right place at the right time. A lucky coincidence-"

There was a loud "COINCIDENCE MY FOOT-" from the direction of the balcony, and everybody looked up to see the King's ward standing awkwardly by the ledge. She rather wished her sister didn't have a mouth sometimes.

"...I...I have no idea who said that." Morgana announced, resolving to kill Morgause at the very next opportunity. She pointed vaguely down at somebody at the side of the crowd. "...Although I rather thought it came from that direction."

Everybody turned to the accused man, who had brown hair and generally looked very grubby. "I...what? No! It weren't me!"

"Denial!" The ward called.

Uther gestured angrily to the innocent peasant. "Arrest him!"

"What?"

There was a small brawl as the guards flung themselves at the man and the man valiantly tried to resist arrest. His efforts were in vain, however, as he was soon dragged away, shrieking his innocence.

Morgana smiled. Everybody looked back up to her as if waiting for her to say something. "I..._oh_!" She turned her gaze to the King. She supposed that, being the _ward_, everyone was expecting that she should act like she cared he had almost died. "Are you quite well?"

"Yes! No harm done!" Uther replied, now dusting himself down.

Arthur gave a smile.

Merlin was rubbing his side painfully.

Morgause let out an exasperated sigh, rubbing her forehead.

Morgana, suddenly recalling all nine hundred and forty one of the failed plans, briefly thought about flinging _herself_ off the balcony.

* * *

"It is a pity that you must leave, sister."

"You do not seem all that upset."

"Oh, I am. Awfully, _awfully_ upset."

Morgause scowled at the other woman. "You have just handed me my shoes and you are now putting my cloak on for me."

"Yes. And in doing so, I am _terribly_ consumed with grief."

The blonde let out a grumpy huff as Morgana made sure the cloak was secured in place. "You appear to want to get rid of me, sister."

"I certainly do not! I want the _exact_ opposite of that!" The ward reassured the other. She looked to the shoes in Morgause's grasp. "Are you going to put those on or would you like me to do it for you?"

"Morgana!"

"I am just trying to make your departure all the more easier for you to bear."

"You are just trying to get your chambers back to yourself."

The ward gave a rather fake gasp of shock as she tried her best to look insulted. "Do you think so _lowly_ of me?"

"Yes."

"Well, _really_!" Morgana, with startling quickness, grabbed the shoes and knelt down, forcing them onto her sisters' feet. She ignored the blonde's protests. "I simply think it would be for the best if you left _now_, in case it snows hard again and you cannot make the journey back to the cave."

"I do not want to go back to the cave."

"Of course you do."

"I do not."

"You cannot stay here when the spell runs out and you become visible again, sister."

"I could sleep in your cupboard." Morgause suggested hopefully.

Morgana straightened up again and gave her sister an affectionate pat on a shoulder. "Now you are entering the realms of fantasy."

"But-"

"Off you go!"

"One more day-"

"I shall visit you soon!"

Morgause glowered at the ward. "_I am not happy_."

There was a long pause. Morgana thought to herself that Morgause looked as though she were imagining a thousand slow and agonizing ways in which she could butcher not just her sister before her, but everyone in the Kingdom, including children and puppies and kittens and unicorns.

"Well..." The ward began nervously, feeling as though a part of her soul might be crushed with the hatred in Morgause's eyes if this continued any longer "...Perhaps just _one_ more day."

Morgause's expression brightened immediately and she gave a large and, as always, slightly mentally unhinged smile. "I thought you might say that."

"...Yes."

The older witch promptly kicked off her shoes again and bounced over to the window, which she had grown to like looking out of because it meant she could comment on everyone's inadequacies as they crossed the courtyard.

"Morgause..."

"Yes, sister?"

"You legitimately scare me sometimes."

"Oh." The blonde turned to look at the ward, and her smile grew even wider. "How _delightful_."

* * *

_Authors Notes:_ _Who was hurling those snowballs at Gaius? Was it Merlin? Was it Arthur? Was it Gwen? Uther? Morgause? Geoffrey? Some guards? OH, THE MYSTERY. I will leave it up to you to decide..._

_So. A lot of things happened. But I think we all just need to take a moment to remember that Uther sat on a bear trap. And it bit him on his buttocks. Not much...but it did. IT BIT HIM ON HIS BUTTOCKS._

_Now I have that out of the way, REVIEW LIKE A REVIEWAHOLIC. Type me something! Sing me a song! Somehow send me your feelings through interpretive dance! LET ME LOVE YOU DOWN. Or up. Depending on your preference. But not sideways. I won't love you sideways. It sounds uncomfortable.  
_

_Wishing you a merry Christmas, despite it not being anywhere near Christmas,_

_Your forever mentally unstable author with a penchant for updating really irregularly (but she hopes you love her anyway),_

_TheDeathlyMarshmallows_

_x  
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	23. There's No Party Like a Royal Party

_Authors Notes: DON'T LOOK AT ME, I'M A TERRIBLE PERSON, JUST DON'T LOOK OK. I KNOW. I. KNOW. IT'S BEEN LIKE EIGHT MONTHS OR SOMETHING. NO UPDATES. NOT A WORD. NOT A WHISPER IN THE WIND. NOT A SMOKE SIGNAL. NOT EVEN A WINK IN THE DARK. I AM THE WORST AUTHOR THERE HAS EVER BEEN. I REGRET IT ALL OK. BECAUSE I KNOW. I KNOW. WE COULD HAVE HAD IT AALLL. IF I'D JUST UPDATED IN MY SLLEEEEEPPP. BUT THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS WHEN I AM ASLEEP I AM ASLEEP, THUS RENDERING ME UNABLE TO TYPE OUT ENTIRE CHAPTERS AND UPDATE DURING THAT TIMEFRAME. WHICH ONLY GIVES ME THE DAYTIME. DO YOU KNOW HOW DIFFICULT THAT IS AT UNIVERSITY? IF I AM NOT WORKING I MUST BE PARTYING OTHERWISE I AM A FAILURE OF A STUDENT. AND I CANNOT DO THAT TIME MANAGEMENT THING THAT HAS TO BE DONE Y'KNOW AND SOMETIMES I TRY TO WRITE THIS STORY BUT I REALIZE I HAVE AN ESSAY IN THE NEXT DAY SO THEN I HAVE TO STOP AND IT MAKES ME SAD AND SOMETIMES THE BUNNIES THAT LIVE IN THE FIELD OUTSIDE CRY TOO AND EVEN THE DUCKS BY THE POND. OK. DON'T QUESTION ME. THAT IS THE GRAVITY OF THE SITUATION. YOUR OPINION IS IRRELEVANT. THESE ARE THE HARD, COLD FACTS AND YOU MUST ACCEPT WHAT HAS COME TO PASS JUST LIKE FRODO HAD TO ACCEPT EVERYTHING HE WENT THROUGH OK. AND I MEAN HE GOT STABBED BY A NAZGUL AND HAD TO GO THROUGH SOME SERIOUS ROCKY PATCHES IN HIS BROMANCE WITH SAM AND HE STILL SURVIVED. ALL YOU GUYS HAD TO DO WAS WAIT FOR AN UPDATE. Y'KNOW, LIKE, I REALIZE THAT'S SORT OF ON PAR WITH TAKING A RING THAT COULD CAUSE THE END OF EVERYTHING YOU LOVE IF IT GOT INTO THE WRONG HANDS ALL THE WAY TO A MOUNTAIN WHICH IS ACTUALLY NAMED AFTER DOOM AND THERE'S LIKE A 99% CHANCE YOU'LL DIE WHOLE SITUATION THING, BUT I HAD FAITH YOU WOULD ALL LIVE AND HERE YOU ARE WITH THE UPDATE INCHES AWAY FROM YOUR FACE AND THE WORLD IS STILL INTACT SO EVERYTHING IS A-OK. LIKE. I DON'T KNOW WHERE THIS WHOLE PARAGRAPH IS HEADED ANYMORE. I JUST STARTED TYPING AND IT HASN'T STOPPED AND I'M ROLLING WITH IT. BUT REALLY YOU SHOULD ONLY ROLL WHEN YOU'RE ON FIRE AND YOU'VE STOPPED AND DROPPED, SO I'M GOING TO CEASE THIS GIBBERISH WITH A FLIBBITY OF A JAB.  
_

_(End caps lock moment of intense feelings and overflowing emotions)_

_Oh you guys. You guuyyss. I am sorry for how long it's taken me to update. I AM DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT. I wish I could just pick you all up and carry you in my arms, and you would be a beautiful kitten circus of joy and rainbows and everything would be lush and maybe a bit trippy but it would be alright because you would accept my apologies and I would fall to my knees in thanks and all of you kittens would erupt from the circus of my arms and climb onto my head where you would make a colony of fluffy forgiveness where the only rule is to let bygones be bygones and scones to be scones and giraffe's to be giraffe's and kittens to be fluffy._

_Yes._

_That is the image I want._

_Savour it._

_Savour the image._

_There'll never be another quite like it until the time that there is._

_I am speaking with words._

_This chapter is made out of them too._

_Enjoy with all the enjoyment of a fluffy colony of kittens._

**I present to you a chapter in which Morgana finally has her crown, Morgause starts making new laws, celebrations get in full swing and Camelot wakes up to find not only a new monarch on the throne, but also an elephant on the rampage**

_Thelosthungergames - Plan 939 may well be about heatstroke, but if it was I think we can safely assume it failed :P I know, poor Gaius! THE ATTACKER DID NOT EVEN SHOW THEMSELVES IT WAS HIDEOUS WHERE IS YOUR SPORTSMANSHIP? 'Yays for the whole story! 'Tis awesomeness incarnate.' NO **YOU** ARE AWESOMENESS INCARNATE YES YOU ARE DON'T DENY IT DON'T EVEN TRY BECAUSE I WILL KNOW AND I WILL FIND YOU AND SLAP YOU WITH AN OVEN GLOVE YES I WILL. (It will be a slap born out of love but a slap all the same)_

_Velociraptor256 - 'For all its very long length, this chapter remains excellent all the way through!' YOU ARE KILLING MEEEEE. And I am dying a death but it's one of those deaths that makes you happy and sort of melt a little bit while you are engaging with it but then you realize you're not dying because you are, in fact, just squeeing over a compliment and it's wonderful and sometimes star dust and unicorns erupt out of your eyes and rise up into the sun set. It may well have been Evil Magic Villain of the Week...but then it may not have been...WE'LL NEVER KNOW GOod LaWD THe MYSteRy!_

_ Dawn that Shines - Morgana losing her looks is a serious issue ok! She likes her looks a lot! And I think we're all sad Uther didn't die after his fall :( 'So is morgause in LOVE with morgana?' WHO KNOWS? IT IS ANYONE'S GUESS. All I can say is she DOES like creeping on her an awful lot but then again her whole personality is a bit on the insane side SO IT IS A GRAY AREA MY FRIEND, A GRAY AREA. This chapter tastes of deliciousness? OH GOD YOU ATE IT THAT IS THE HIGHEST PRAISE I CAN'T EVEN DEAL WITH THIS ANYMOORREE_

_SilverHeart09 - 'I CANNOT EXPLAIN MY JOY FOR THIS AMAZING PIECE OF MODERN LITERATURE!' YOU DID NOT JUST CALL THIS MODERN LITERATURE OH LAWD IT IS BARELY LITERATURE AT ALL MY GOOD GLIMMER PUP COME HERE AND LET ME LOVE YOU ALWAYS. I am all of a wonderment that you loved the bear trap! I LOVED IT TOO OK AND I MIGHT BE BIASED BUT SSHHHH. Mmmm my tumblr page you found? Pleased this has made me. PLEASED I TELL YOU._

_bubblepunk12 - Awh, poor Edith. Nobody cared! :P 'This may or may not be bad but I would appreciate a well thought out death threat/mid-winter letter.' I SHARE THIS HUMBLE BUT COMPLETELY CORRECT OPINION. I mean, the thought that has to go into them, y'know? I'd appreciate it too. Thank you for the luck at university! Everything has gone as swimmingly as a fish with more fins than arms, which is always a good thing._

_ChristineThePirateQueen - 'Poor Morgana for having to deal with the creepy creeper Morgause.' I know. She has to deal with it almost every day. It's a hard life she leads! The pottermore friendship is a beautiful indeed. Although I don't go on it much :S BUT THE LOVE IS THERE OK DON'T DOUBT IT_

_WaitingOnTheWorld - Yes, she is obsessed far too much with her sister for her own good. But she can't help it. She's just a bit of a creeper. You know what? Your reasoning behind her love of grapes is a wonderful thing that lead to many hearty laughs. And I rarely describe laughs as hearty but it happened and as it happened I distinctly remember thinking 'Gosh this could be described as hearty' and so it came to be and the prophecy was fulfilled. 'I bet it was some invisible penguins and giant gummy bears throwing the snowballs' I WOULD NOT BE SURPRISED. I. WOULD. NOT. BE. SURPRISED._

_HappyAce88 - 'another hilarious chapter from a hilarious author' NO STOP IT STOP IT IN A WAY THAT MAKES YOU NEVER STOP. Yes, poor Morgana needs to improve her responses after failed plans! SHE HASN'T IMPROVED AT ALL IT IS TERRIBLE. 'I cracked up laughing and almost fell off my seat.' I am so happy to have unbalanced you in a such a hazardous manner :D_

_Kitty O - I'll love you all the way up to where up starts to look a lot like down or something equally gravy. 'Geoffrey was throwing them.' I LIKE THIS SUGGESTION. IT MAKES ME SMILE. BOTH INSIDE AND OUT. I know my chapters are kinda hench but this one is smaller so please look upon me with a kind face that radiates sunshine and pleasant birds with fabulous plummage. 'They are better that way. You're right.' I just know. 'Femslasher!' IT'S BASICALLY CANON HAVE YOU SEEN MORGAUSE STROKE MORGANA'S FACE 'Morgause's crush on Morgana has gone beyond amusing and into weird.' I think it was always weird. Always. 'Arthur stole Leon's NOOOOOO! how dare he? I use those NOOOOOs!' Don't you worry, I'll sue him! 'Have I mentioned that I think it would be brilliant if you wrote a story like this, but about Merlin and Arthur, or Merlin and Gwen? (or Uther and Gaius?)' Ooooh ideas, ideas. But I barely update this one as it is! If I get more free time I promise I will! I WILL, I WILL._

_mysilentwitness - Arthur and Morgana's chemistry is insane! Actually, Morgana's chemistry with ANY of her relatives is a bit off the charts because apparently that's what she digs. 'Kind of like her heart, no? Oooh! Burn. Sorry, Morgause!' She'll throw a fireball at you. Don't think she won't. '*coughLESBIANcough* But I love them' I think that's everyone's confused reaction, to be honest :P 'Poor Uther.' I know! Ruining someone's Christmas is a terrible thing! 'I LOVE YOU AND ALL OF YOU AND YOUR WORDS AND YOU!' OH GOD THAT'S GOOD BECAUSE AS IT HAPPENS I LOVE YOU TOO OK WELL THERE'S NOTHING ELSE TO BE DONE WE'LL GET MARRIED AT DAWN_

_phoenixfaithc - 'I don't understand how you can have them do something so simple as screaming and it has me trying to catch my breath because I'm laughing so much.' I don't understand either, I currently have top scientists working on the answer but it seems that what has happened is collectively you and I have defied the laws of physics and biology in order to create a fantastic moment in which you almost died due to not gaining enough oxygen and I simply lost just that little bit more of my ever decreasing sanity. But they're not sure, I'll double check.'Her continued insults of Morgana are hilarious perfection.' You make me feel feelings. A lot.  
_

_Water1Wolf - I'm glad you accept the spatula caresses because they would have happened anyway :) 'Except it wasn't failing, it was just finding 937 ways NOT to take over the kingdom/kill Uther/whoever. Because Morgause never fails.' Morgause literally could not have put it better herself. 'Also, I am very, very sad that Morgause did not get to send out those letters.' So am I. I may somehow find a way to incorporate them into a flashback or something. Because it needs to happen like a happening thing. 'Or perhaps Morgause found a time-travelling spell and went back in time to do it... o_O She did, didn't she!' I wouldn't put it past her. She probably stole the TARDIS or something knowing her :P_

_MerelyLies - 'I think I've said it before, but I really love creepy! Morgause.' It's the only Morgause there is! Aside from murderous, evil witch!Morgause :P 'YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I LAUGHED WHEN SHE PUT THE RING ON HER RING FINGER.' AAHH I'M SO PROUD TO HAVE INDUCED SUCH BEHAVIOUR OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM IT WAS MY ENTIRE PLEASURE WITH A SIDE SAUCE OF RAINBOWS AND GLEE I ASSURE YOU. 'It's my birthday on October 27th. Just mentionin' it. Not at all hinting how a Halloween chapter would be the best present in the cosmos.' I am so sorry! As you can see I've completely missed the date with all the spectacular fail of a jelly...not...wobbling. WAAH FORGIVE ME MY PRETTY FOR I HAVE BEEN HIT BY THE FAIL EXPRESS D:_

_Bean Cat - 'Your writing always make me legitimately LOL' YESS IT'S WHAT I AIM TO DO MY YOUNG SPARKLE SPLEEN. I AIM, I AIM. 'My author's name is Laoise Potter; I hope you shall recognize me!' oH MY goD WhAt THIS IS WONDERFUL I SHALL FIND YOU AND READ YOUR FICS AND I AM SO EXCITED HAVE A VERY BELATED WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME AND BRANDY AND PARTY POPPERS WHEEEEEE! 'YES, IT'S A WORD. SO SAYS I.' AND I, AND I!_

_LemonsandRosemary - I don't know what I'm doing to you! Or anybody for that matter! Probably giving you all severe mental trauma GOOD GOOD EMBRACE IT. 'I am experienced in the realm of fork stabbing and it is safe to say that Morgana would have won that fight ;)' I am very pleased to have an experienced fork stabber on board! This is good news indeed, I am most pleased, have a wink back my pretty ;) 'Also I have an epic thing for Kaite McGrath... and Emilia Fox :P' WHO DOESN'T? That's the question that needs to be asked. I'll tell you: NOBODY. 'Also I give you hugs, child, simply because I love you! Also asdfghjkl.' That's it I can't go on I am done I am just done leave me GO ON WITHOUT ME AND MY EMOTIONS  
_

_Adolescently - 'THIS IS GLORIOUS.' GUUUHH MY FEELINGS ARE EVERYWHERE AT ONCE. 'I salute you. With a fish.' There is nothing better to salute with. I am both bursting with pride (literally my limbs are all over the place) and in awe at your choice of animal to gesture in my direction with. WELL. I SALUTE YOU WITH A PORPOISE MY FRIEND. A PORPOISE._

_RennFlight - EVER? EVER? ARE YOU HAVING ONE OF THOSE WHAT PEOPLE LIKE TO CALL LAUGHS? You please me. 'I blame you for the excruciating pain in my throat. ;)' I realize that if anybody else sees this out of context it looks quite non-pc but I don't care and you know what, I am proud to be the cause of that pain and I am going to wink right back at you oh yes I am ;)  
_

_Define X - 'you happen to be very good at dishing out the LOLs, and it feels very good to be the LOLee' Om nom nom nom! YOUR COMPLIMENTS SET ME ALIGHT WITH JOOYY. Oh that devil wrapping paper! A genius plan that could only have been thought up by the evil and warped minds of the Morgawesome sisters! ' perhaps... a-new-chapter-soon? *pulls out puppydog eyes*' I'm sorry, it really wasn't soon! But those eyes are reeling me in and I am going to keep you now and you are going to be mine. Ok? Ok.  
_

_Goddess of Swords - 'as a first time reader I feel I must inform you that you as a person are wondrous. All happy shiny rainbows and shit' WHAT EVEN IS LIFE OR BREATHING OR CHEESE OR CRACKERS. RAINBOWS AND SHIT? OH MY OH MY I AM SPOILT FOR CHOICE I LOVE YOU COME HERE RIGHT NOW. 'And this story is so funny it's unfair.' MY HEART IS MEltInG 'I really really wish you'd continue it soon, and perhaps involve itching powder somehow.' That awkward moment when I did neither. BUT YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME YOU CAN'T TAKE THAT BACK MWAHAHAHA. I will involve itching powder at some point! BUT TODAY IS NOT THAT DAY I AM AFRAID.  
_

* * *

_**Evil, Shady Dealings**_

* * *

**23.**

**There's No Party Like a Royal Party**

* * *

Maybe if the druids were far more talented in hiding their whereabouts, then none of this would have happened. Maybe if Camelot was better defended or had higher walls, then none of this would have happened. Maybe if Merlin had been paying close attention to everything that he shouldn't be paying close attention to (as he so usually did), then none of this would have happened.

But as it had been, the druids were horrifically easy to find for a people that claimed to be incredibly secretive, Camelot had what increasingly appeared to be about ten men in its army and walls of average height, and Merlin had, for the first time, been unable to stop atrocious acts from taking place.

And so it was that Morgana found herself sprawled out most unattractively on the floor of the throne room, without really understanding how she got there or why. And not only that, but the light flooding in from the windows hurt her bleary eyes and every time she tried to sit herself up she found her head spinning and was forced to stop her efforts.

Even recalling the events that had lead to her current predicament proved difficult. Everything was a blur, a hazy mess, and try as she might, the young witch could not for the life of her understand why she would be lying in the middle of the throne room.

Were there not council sessions to be had? Where was Uther? Arthur? Where were the guards? Why had she just been _left_ here-

"Oh, so I see you have _finally_ deemed it appropriate to wake up."

Morgana definitely recognized _that_ voice. But why ever would _she_ be in the castle? What if she was _found_? The ward frowned, trying to take in her surroundings more accurately through the ever increasing fogginess of her mind. However, rather than spotting the source of the voice, the young witch's eyes landed on something far more interesting and perplexing.

Her eyes landed on _a crown_.

Yes, a crown. Not two feet away from her. Right by...a broken bottle of wine?

"In your own time, sister. It is not as if I am in severe discomfort."

This time Morgana managed to raise her head in the general direction of the voice, but was confronted with such a sight that she had to take a few moments to understand what exactly it was she was witnessing.

Morgause, most feared witch and powerful woman who, quite literally, stalked the land, was dangling from an unused torch holder on one of the walls, her silver poncho twisted and torn around it.

Morgana did not know quite how to express the magnitude of her bewilderment, so she began with what she felt most comfortable with, and that was fashion "I...you...is that a _poncho_?"

"I like to think of it as more of a _cloak_, actually." Morgause replied haughtily, trying to retain a sense of dignity despite her current predicament. "We have had this conversation before. Honestly, that wine has gone _straight_ to your head."

_Cloak? Wine? Previous conversation_? "I...I do not..."

"We have no time for such _stuttering_, Morgana. Come and help me down."

The younger sister slowly, and very unsteadily, got to her feet. Taking a moment simply to stand still in the hopes that the room would stop spinning, Morgana raised the very important question of: "How long have you been there for?"

Morgause let out a disgruntled huff, a clearly unpleasant memory having been brought to the surface of her mind. "Since the catapulting competition went a little awry."

"...Catapulting competition?"

"You should know, sister! You organised it! _Now let me down_!"

By this point it was safe to say that Morgana could not have been more confused had an entire circus act entered the throne room and started to frolic about in tight leggings and funny pointed hats. As it was, she was instead confronted with Morgause wearing a _poncho_ whilst hanging from a _torch holder_, apparently due to some dubious competition involving _catapults_ that she_, the King's ward_, had organized in the _throne room_. And not only that, but a _crown_ was leisurely occupying a small patch of the floor.

Trying in vain to recollect anything about the night before, Morgana stumbled over to her sister and began tugging lamely at one of her legs. Then, as if that had settled the matter, she simply stated "I have done all I can. You are quite unhelp...able."

Apparently Morgause was less pleased with her efforts. "Morgana, that is neither a word nor true." She glanced down at the younger witch as she began to rub at her forehead painfully. _Oh for Goddess' sake_- "You can stop that at once. I might have held a little sympathy for you if it had not been the case that you happily drank _any_ alcoholic substance you came into contact with last night." The blonde paused, watching as Morgana let out a pitiful whining sound and instead began rubbing at her eyes. "You are a _mess_, Morgana."

"I do not...I do not even remember what happened..."

Morgause let out a long, weary sigh. "Plan number one thousand and six succeeded. We have overthrown the monarchy." She gestured as elaborately around the room as she could, considering she was trapped inside her own poncho. "And I merely suggested that we celebrate, and so celebrate we did."

Morgana was looking doubtful.

Morgause was looking vaguely disgusted, and let out a small murmur of "...One of us more so than the other..."

"No...I do not...I do not believe..." And yet...the younger woman's eyes settled on the crown. _Could it be that they had really...?_

"If it were not the case, sister, then would you have awoken on the floor of the throne room and would I be currently indisposed on this torch holder?"

"...No."

"Precisely. Now, you are testing my patience to its very limits and unless you wish me to gnaw my way out of this garment with my own teeth and then strangle you with it, I suggest you get me down from here."

Morgana took a moment to stare at the torch holder, and then her sister, and then back again. Her brows furrowed as the situation apparently called upon more intellect than she could muster. "I do not know _how_."

_Goddess, why was she burdened with someone who had such an alarmingly low level of intelligence?_ "You will have to cut me free from my cloak."

"...I see only a poncho."

"YOU WILL FREE ME FROM THIS WRETCHED SITUATION THIS INSTANT, MORGANA, AND YOU WILL DO SO WITH GOOD GRACE!"

It was at this moment that Gwen walked through the double doors and into the room, staring in shock at the mess the space was in, before her eyes landed on the sisters. Morgana, deciding that everything was far too much for her, simply let out a groan and stumbled away from the blonde, bending down slowly on her way to pick up her crown and place it crookedly on her head before lurching towards the throne.

By now, Gwen's mouth was slightly agape, although that soon stopped when she realised Morgause was clicking her fingers and pointing at her angrily.

"Yes, you! Serving wench! Stop standing there gawping and _let me down_!"

However, the poor maidservant seemed unsure of what to do. Where did her allegiances lie now that Morgana was on the throne? Should she do as Morgause bid her or grab a sword and fight in the name of Uther and Arthur? Although...that would mean certain death and then she would be utterly useless-

"ARE YOU MENTALLY DEFICIENT? _I SAID LET ME DOWN!"_

Gwen looked meekly over to Morgana, who was now leisurely seated on the throne. She received a vague wave in her direction and a reply of "I do advise you go, please Gwen. She will only set something on fire otherwise."

So, awkwardly, the maidservant made her way over to the entangled Morgause and began the unfortunate task of helping her down, which generally included a great deal of verbal abuse on Morgause's part and a lot of discomfort on Gwen's. Eventually, and to what appeared to be both of the women's surprise, Morgause promptly fell from the torch holder and on top of Gwen.

Morgana, whose eyes had been shut as she tried in vain to banish her headache, could only scowl as the sound of high-pitched shrieking reached her ears. Taking a deep, calming breath, and reminding herself that it would probably be inappropriate to have the other two women beheaded on her very first day as Queen, the witch opened her eyes again to find Gwen on the floor with Morgause straddling her.

Queen Morgana Pendragon of Camelot let out a long sigh.

The blonde, apparently quite content with her newfound seat, stayed precisely where she was and opted to begin conversation "What are our plans of action for today, sister?"

"...May I...suggest that you start with...letting me stand up?"

Morgause turned her head slowly to glare down at the woman beneath her. "You may do _no such thing_."

"Morgause, let her alone."

Dedicating a moment solely to glowering at Gwen and showing her _just_ how displeased she was, Morgause moodily stood up and shrugged off the rest of her tattered _cloak_. Then, flipping some blonde hair over a shoulder, she stalked over to the Queen. "I thought we might begin by creating a few new laws. It would set the tone for the rest of your reign."

"Yes, yes. Whatever you think best, sister."

The older witch, looking _most_ pleased with herself, turned to move off to the other side of the room and find some parchment. She took great delight in issuing Gwen a disapproving look as she passed her by.

Gwen, now on her feet again and brushing herself down, glanced up to Morgana. She couldn't believe she was the same person she had spent years serving. But perhaps, even after everything that had happened... "Milady-"

"YOUR HIGHNESS." Came the furious correction from Morgause's direction.

_Yes...Morgana wasn't a ward anymore_... "...Your highness, I cannot help but feel that the way...the knights have been treated and the Ki-" Gwen stopped herself just in time, feeling the glare from Morgause boring into her back "...and Uther...it is not just."

Morgana, quite in opposition with how Gwen thought she would react, merely frowned. "And...what...exactly?"

"They are in the dungeons, your highness."

"Oh." This news seemed to prompt a memory in the Queen and she shifted slightly on the throne, looking down at Gwen's concerned face. "Well that is precisely where they should be, is it not?"

Gwen knew she had to be delicate here. Open loyalty to the old King and his knights would not be tolerated, that much she knew from the distinctly colder way in which Morgana was eyeing her. "They...I am not sure it gives the right impression to the people."

Morgause, brushing past Gwen with a handful of parchment in her grasp, let out a snort of amusement. "We have just overthrown the monarchy, you _fool_. No first impression is going to be the _right_ impression."

"But-"

Apparently Morgause did not value Gwen's opinion very highly, although she rarely valued anyone's opinion in high regard except for her own, as she swiftly elbowed the maidservant in the side so that she was standing before her sister instead. "I think you will find, _your highness_," She gave Gwen a brief, pointed side glance "that the best way to begin your rule is to slaughter some of the citizens."

Here, Gwen must at least be accredited with allowing a _slight_ pause for Morgause's opinion to sink in before she started the counter-attack. "Oh, Morgana, _you can't_-"

"_YOUR HIGHNESS_." Morgause interrupted furiously, almost shredding the parchment in her hands such was her agitation "_How many times_ - You will address your Queen in the appropriate manner or _I will have your hea_-"

"Morgause! Calm yourself!" Morgana raised a hand, feeling quite empowered when both women instantly ceased their squabbling. _She could rather get used to this Queen malarkey..._ "I have known Gwen ever such a long time and she has every right to call me by name."

The blonde, in contrast to this opinion, looked as though she was going to be sick. "_No_-"

"Yes." Morgana stated slowly, forcefully, and in a fashion that she fancied rather befitted a Queen.

A few moments passed by, wherein the sisters glared at each other without blinking and Gwen felt increasingly like she was witnessing an argument between a married couple, before Morgause eventually, and perhaps for the first time, relented. "...As you wish. But we shall speak about this issue later. Presently, I wish to send out a patrol to decapitate the first fifty peasants they encounter."

"You can't!" Unsurprisingly to both sisters, the voice of reason was Gwen's. "Pointless bloodshed will win you no favour!"

"Nobody wishes to hear your opinion, you malignant little cretin-"

"Morgause, be civil! I wish to hear both of your opinions on the matter." Morgana took a moment to try and clear her head. She _did_ wish the room would stop insisting on spinning. "What you are saying, sister, is that I should execute some of the people...in order to assert my authority?"

Morgause was beaming. "Yes."

"And you, Gwen, are saying that such a course of action would lead the people to dislike me?"

Gwen gave a resolute nod.

"I see." Here, there was a very, very long pause as Morgana closed her eyes and, by all accounts, looked as though she had fallen asleep. Gwen and Morgause exchanged glances and, taking the opportunity while it was there, Morgause gave the maidservant a quick kick in the shin while the Queen wasn't looking. The surprised yelp of pain brought Morgana back to her current situation and she slowly opened her eyes again. "...Could we not combine the both?"

Another pause. Gwen was rubbing her shin.

"No." Morgause replied, wrinkling her nose in disgust. "No we could not."

"I think it would be possible." Morgana continued regardless, apparently oblivious to the stupidity of her idea "We could send a patrol to kill the first twenty-five citizens they spot and the next twenty-five they encounter would be given flowers."

At this point, the blonde was seemingly too repulsed for words and simply stared at her sister in what was genuine revulsion.

Gwen, thinking this was her time to yet again show her obviously superior, and far saner, intellect, replied cautiously "That is...giving out rather mixed signals, do you not think, your highness?"

"On the contrary, I think it shows that I am both willing to murder anybody who tried to rise up against me and reward anybody who does not."

This particularly splendid display of idiocy was too much for Morgause. "On the contrary, _sister_, it shows that you are prone to impromptu massacre and random displays of affection all within the same morning."

The Queen took a moment to ponder over this opinion and, apparently finding that her brain was by no means near working order, merely let out a groan and rubbed at her forehead again. "I am too ill to puzzle out this conundrum."

"Morgana, you are hungov-"

"_Ssshh_!" The younger witch raised a hand to silence Morgause _yet again_ "You two are to decide on what action to take."

Morgana was granted only a split second before she was bombarded with excuses.

"NO. _NO_. I cannot work with her, she is a _servant_-"

"Our opinions are so wildly different-"

"She makes me physically sick. I shall vomit everywhere-"

"I dare say we won't come to a single conclusion-"

"_SSSHHH_!" The hand was yet again waved, silence befell them, and Morgana took a deep breath as she rose to her feet. "The Queen has spoken. Do my...bidding." And, ignoring all further complaints, she staggered towards the doors. "I am retiring to my bed for the foreseeable future. I want this room cleaned up and all of my royal decisions made for me." She turned to give the two women a quick glance over. "And I wish to have pheasant for dinner this evening."

"..."

"And I want the entire taxing system changed."

"..."

"And I want all of the neighbouring kingdoms invaded and conquered."

"..."

"And I want a statue built in my honour."

"...And you wish all of this to be done by the time you awaken?" Gwen ventured uncertainly.

"That would be preferable, yes." And with a nod in their direction, Morgana stumbled out of sight.

* * *

Things were not going well.

The two women were seated at the long table in the dining hall, with scraps of parchment surrounding them on both the floor and the surface of the table.

As far as Gwen could make out, Morgause was a very stubborn woman, absolutely convinced that everything she said was correct and anything anybody else said was idiotic and to be ridiculed. She was concerned with only three main things which were, 1. Her sister 2. Her own interests and 3. Grapes (which, and Gwen was not entirely sure how, had cropped up a total of seven times during their conversation despite them having nothing to do with running a kingdom). The blonde was also incredibly temperamental and had indulged in every manner of tantrum possible, only to suddenly take delight in how shiny her hair was looking, or to comment on the fine weather they were having. She was unashamedly everything Gwen disliked in a person.

As far as Morgause could make out, Gwen was a very good-natured young woman whose patience knew no bounds. She was a superb listener and seemed to be in the habit of putting across her own opinions in a very polite way that almost made one want to side with her solely on account of her wonderful manners. She was always worried about everyone else, but did not appear to be all that anxious about her own welfare. She was selfless. She was generous. She was liberal and quietly stoic. She revelled in flowers and smiles and the little things in life. She was, in every sense of meaning, everything Morgause hated.

And it was due to these facts that the two women were having difficulty on agreeing about anything at all.

"Just one." Morgause was stating forcefully, concerning an issue she was clearly very passionate about "That is all I am suggesting. I do not see how it could do anybody any harm."

Gwen stared at Morgause. It was the well known stare that expressed her sheer disbelief at another's stupidity, and that she had now grown so accustomed to using by this point in her life that it happened simply out of habit. "It would hurt the child."

"In what way?"

"It would entail their death."

"Guinevere, you keep on bringing up such small grievances that they are almost non-issues."

"I cannot pretend that I am a supporter of sacrifices!"

"I am not asking you to. I am merely asking you to fetch me a small child."

The maidservant folded her arms across her chest, looking increasingly appalled at the idea. "I must refuse."

Morgause scowled. _Trust_ _Morgana to have a servant who had her own beliefs and morals! Trust Morgana to have a servant who would sit there adamantly and refuse orders! _"Are you always so unreservedly _good_?"

"Goodness has nothing to do with it. I am only true to my heart-"

"Oh Goddess, how _vile_." Looking as though she been witness to a mass killing or, even, the apocalypse itself, Morgause leant back in her chair to survey the other woman critically. "Well if you will not agree on this issue then we have only to go back to the beginning."

Gwen, as always, was the very personification of patience itself. "To the beginning it is."

Heaving a tired sigh, the blonde picked up a piece of parchment. "Proposed law number one: Every night is party night." She looked to Gwen seriously.

"No."

"You said that before and if you remember it did not sit very well with me."

The maidservant glanced down to the other end of the table, where they had been seated earlier and which was now black and charred. Yes. She remembered very well. Then again, no response ever really went down well with Morgause. Summoning her courage, Gwen replied "It would be a shameful waste of resources."

"I believe those involved in the parties might beg to differ."

"It would be greedy and unjust when there are people with not enough to eat."

"Then let the people _starve_! If anything, the deaths of some citizens would bring the population down to a more agreeable level. Then there would be plenty to eat for _everyone_."

Hating that the notion had some kind of vague, morbid logic to it, Gwen shook her head. "No."

Here, Morgause let out a genuine snarl of disgust, and glanced down to the piece of parchment again. "Proposed law number two: The burning of the lower town."

"We are in disagreement again."

"But it is most unsightly."

"Innocent people would die and others lose their homes and-"

"Oh, _simmer down_, Guinevere! It was merely a suggestion!" Screwing up the parchment and tossing it to side, Morgause shot a glare in the maidservant's direction. "This is not working."

Gwen, as polite as always, did not answer and merely sat where she was, looking very attentive and thoughtful.

The notion drifted into Morgause's head that the reason _why_ she disliked Gwen so much was simply because she was so revoltingly adorable and considerate that one almost wanted to pat her on the head and then go skipping about in fields and-

Gwen's face fell with such rapidity that one might wonder whether she had just had the monstrous misfortune of seeing Gaius naked. Morgause raised a brow. "...Is something the matter?"

There was no response, just Gwen staring out of the window opposite her with wide eyes.

"Are you thinking over proposed law number sixteen: The decapitating of all the flowers in the land, again?"

No reply. Just an expression of the utmost shock.

"Because I could not help but notice you were on the verge of tears when I suggested the idea-"

"It's an elephant."

The blonde narrowed her eyes slightly, struggling to understand the sudden conversational change. "...I do not wish to startle you out of whatever odd delusion it is you are currently indulging in, but what you are facing towards is a _window_. If it is merely the case that you are losing your grip on reality, then I hasten to inform you that I will have _no choice_ but to execute you here and now on account of your becoming completely useless and a general waste of space-"

"No, it's an _elephant_!" Gwen interrupted, raising a hand to point out the window. "An elephant has just walked into the courtyard!"

Morgause, eyeing Gwen suspiciously for a moment, slowly turned in her chair to glance out of the window. There was a very long silence. The blonde turned back around to face Gwen with a very sombre expression on her face. "Yes. I can confirm that is, in fact, an elephant."

"...But...what...how-"

"I ordered it for Morgana."

A moment of brief reflection for both parties. Gwen's expression turned to one of mild horror. Morgause gave a sniff of indifference. And suddenly a loud crash from outside, causing Gwen to shriek in surprise and Morgause to remain utterly unresponsive as sounds of mayhem from the courtyard echoed out around them.

"You...ordered...Morgana...an _elephant_?"

"From your previous deductions upon seeing a large, gray mammal walk past the window, I think you can assume that is correct."

"In what...how...why ever would you-"

"Well, since you asked," Morgause began, shifting into a more leisurely position on her seat in order to tell the tale, "I was reading in my smaller library a while ago, _long_ before my sister, in what was a _catastrophic_ display of her permanently lessening intellect, burnt it all down, about warfare tactics. It seems to be the case that some of the ancient armies of the south east used elephants in battle. I propose to attempt to do the same with this elephant."

Gwen could barely muster a reply, and underwent a few false starts, which made Morgause cringe in distaste, before she managed "Do...I...Do you know _anything_ about elephants? Do you even know what they _eat_?"

The blonde let out a snort of amusement. "Of course I do. Is it the case you think me senseless?"

Gwen gave her a long, long stare, but no verbal reply.

Morgause tried not to pay attention to the distinct feeling of someone stamping forcefully all over her pride. "I do believe we are at a disagreement once again, Guinevere."

Evidently Gwen was at a loss for words as the minutes drifted by without either of the women speaking. The sounds of commotion outside grew louder and louder, until Gwen could bear it no longer. "Should you not attend to your elephant?"

"It is not _my_ elephant, it is the Queen's and you will address it as such."

A deep, steadying breath. "...Should you not be attending to the..._Queen's_ elephant?"

And then suddenly, the bloodcurdling scream of a man undergoing his last moments of life in agony, a loud trumpet of an elephant and the sounds of stone crashing to the ground.

Morgause, giving a moment to take in all these noises, slowly took an apple from a bowl on the table and took a bite, chewing thoughtfully on it as the screams increased in intensity until it seemed as though hell itself was emptying its legions into the courtyard. "No, no. I think the guards are handling the situation perfectly well as it is."

A body slammed into the window and slid down and out of view again.

"I hasten to disagree."

"Well, how _very_ surprising. I may _vomit_ from the shock."

But Gwen was gaining courage now, and straightened up in her seat to face the absurd woman beside her. "I do believe you haven't the faintest idea how to care for an elephant, nor the resources to do so had you the knowledge in the first place."

It was difficult to try and remain brave as Morgause took a bite into the apple again, narrowing her eyes at the maidservant who, gaining the distinct impression that the blonde was imagining a thousand painful ways in which she could kill her with only the aid of the fruit in her hand, felt beads of sweat forming on her forehead.

But yet, there was another high-pitched wail from outside and then, from the direction of the doorway, "_Would somebody care to tell me what exactly all this infernal noise is about_?"

Morgana was standing between the open doors, obviously having made a hasty descent from her chambers since there was only a bed sheet draped over her frame. Morgause also noted that her sisters' hair was wet. The din outside must have interrupted a bath she was having which also, coincidentally, meant she would most likely be in a foul mood.

Swallowing the mouthful of apple and then gesturing vaguely towards the window, Morgause nonchalantly informed the younger witch to; "Please remain calm, sister, and stay inside the castle. There is an elephant in the courtyard."

_What...?_ Morgana looked to Gwen as the only sane and reliable source of information and was concerned to see the maidservant nodding in confirmation. "An...an elephant? In the courtyard?"

"It's trampling the guards, your highness." Gwen replied solemnly.

"Well...I...I...we must..._you_ must get rid of it!"

Morgause blinked and, after a moment or two of watching her sister staring at her pointedly, realised it was, in fact, _she_ who was being addressed. _Goddess_- "I will do no such thing. I ordered that elephant myself and it cost a vast amount of your gold-"

"_My gold_?"

"Yes. As Queen of Camelot you do harbour a rather wealthy sum-"

"But how did you - when - I have only - you cannot have ordered an elephant and had it arrive _on the same_-"

Letting out a very irritated sigh, Morgause rolled her eyes. Sometimes it was difficult being _so_ intelligent. Increasingly, she found she had to explain _every_ minor course of action she engaged with to her sister because the younger witch was _far_ too slow to keep up by herself. "I ordered it _weeks_ ago, Morgana. I knew this latest venture of ours would work and Camelot would be ours by the time the elephant arrived-"

Morgana, as usual, was struggling to understand. "How? _How_ could you have known? What if the plan had _not_ worked and we were still in the forest? We would have had an _elephant_ to look after, _for Goddess' sake_-"

"Sister, it may have somehow inexplicably escaped your notice, but we have an _immortal army_ at our disposal. In what reality would this plan _not_ have worked?"

"_We may never have found the cup of life for starters and_-"

"Oh, _really_, Morgana. Stop fussing about the logistics and begin to appreciate what I have generously added to the growing ranks of our army."

However, the Queen did _not_ have the expression of thankfulness and adoration on her face that Morgause was expecting. Instead, the blonde found herself looking at a rather deadpan expression which indicated to her that, _maybe_, Morgana was not as pleased about this plan as she should be. "An elephant."

"Not just _any_ elephant, sister. An _immortal_ elephant."

This particular bit of news was greeted with a very long silence, wherein Morgana did not move a muscle or give any vague indicator as to whether she was even alive, and Gwen merely sat where she was and gave an awkward cough which she covered politely with the back of a hand.

Morgause shifted in her seat, feeling rather under scrutiny in a situation that so obviously should have been marked with wild celebrations. "Well, not quite immortal _yet_, if I am being utterly accurate in my statement. But it soon will be."

"An immortal elephant?" Morgana echoed, her voice steadily rising. "_An immortal elephant_? Yes, well, that is _just_ like you, Morgause. That is _just like you_ to go and think of the _single_ most elaborate and absurd idea in the _whole of creation_-"

"I thought we could set it on fire and have it conquer our enemies in its rage."

"_Oh for goodness sake_!"

"I do not understand what there is not to like about this latest venture."

"PERHAPS THE GENERAL INSANITY OF IT ALL!"

The argument continued, growing in intensity with every second, and Gwen realised that she was catching a rare glimpse of how the two sisters operated. She had assumed they would be highly intelligent and diligent with their plans, yet here they were shrieking inanely at one another and Morgause had even deemed it appropriate to throw the bowl of apples in Morgana's direction.

"YOU CANNOT DO THAT! I AM THE QUEEN!"

"I WILL DO WHATEVER I LIKE AS HIGH LADY OF THE REALM!"

"HIGH LADY OF THE WHA-"

"DO NOT QUESTION ME!"

"THERE IS NO SUCH THING!"

"YES THERE IS!"

"NO THERE IS _NOT_, MORGAUSE!"

In fact, it seemed the pair had completely forgotten the more pressing issue at hand: the rampaging elephant in the courtyard. _This_ _never would have happened had Uther been on the throne_... Gwen cautiously cleared her throat.

Both sisters, who by this point were _quite literally_ at each other's throats by the doorway, turned their heads at the same time to glare at the maidservant, demanding in unison: "_WHAT_?"

"I-It's just that...the elephant is head butting the ramparts and I fear they may collapse."

A moment of silence as the two sisters let the information process and then, instead of the well thought out and dignified plan of action that Gwen had hoped for:

"IF THOSE WALLS COME DOWN ON MY FIRST DAY AS QUEEN OF CAMELOT, I WILL TIE THE NOOSE AROUND YOUR NECK _MYSELF_-"

"OH, HOW VERY CHARMING, SISTER. IT IS NOT AS IF YOU WOULD NOT BE ON THE THRONE WITHOUT MY HELP IN THE FIRST PLACE-"

"YOU FLATTER YOURSELF, MORGAUSE-"

"I SPEAK ONLY THE TRUTH-"

"I WOULD RATHER YOU SPENT YOUR TIME RIDDING MY CITY OF A RABID ELEPHANT-"

"THAT ELEPHANT IS THE _CORE ELEMENT_ OF OUR NEXT PLAN-"

"I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!"

"_THEN WHY ARE YOU COMPLAINING_-"

The next part of the argument reached such levels of supersonic screeching that Gwen could not entirely make out what either party were saying. Morgause seemed to be repeating "BRAINLESS WENCH!" a lot, as well as a great deal of crude words that brought a slight blush to the maidservant's cheeks. Morgana, on the other hand, seemed to simply be letting out one very long and anguished scream. It seemed to do the trick though, as Morgause eventually stomped out of the throne room, huffing and puffing wretchedly to herself.

Morgana, looking rather pleased, gave Gwen a nod of acknowledgment. "Thank you for your help, Gwen. You have always been most loyal and informative."

Gwen, thinking she had done no more than state the utterly obvious, gave an awkward nod back and forced a smile, watching as Morgana left the room, no doubt to grace her warm bath again.

And so the maidservant was left on her own, with the sounds of Morgause roaring furiously at the guards to "PULL YOURSELVES TOGETHER!" from the direction of the courtyard.

Gwen tried not to feel guilty about Morgana's misplaced trust in her. Little did the Queen know that the maidservant was planning on helping the King and Sir Leon to escape, so that Arthur, Merlin...Gaius...everyone could return. Everything could be as it had been.

Camelot needed a monarchy that was not governed by two twisted and warped sisters, hell bent on revenge and destruction. Uther might not have been the fairest of Kings, Gwen thought as a yell of "UNHAND THAT ELEPHANT!" reached her ears, but at least he was not completely and utterly insane on _every_ conceivable level.

* * *

It was the fourth day into Morgana's reign as Queen of Camelot when Morgause finally admitted the immortal elephant plan had not quite panned out the way she had hoped. On account of the fact that not a single person in Camelot knew how to look after an elephant, it was becoming increasingly apparent that the whole venture had been a spectacular waste of both time and gold.

"Just let it go." Morgana was insisting as they stood beside the beast in the courtyard, which was currently napping due to a magical charm Morgause had bestowed upon it after day two. "Let it run into the wild like the...elephant it is. Elephants like the wild do they not?"

"I do not know."

"...You do not seem to know much for the woman who ordered the elephant in the first place."

"You do not seem to know much for the woman whose elephant it is."

Morgana tried to remain patient. "It is not _my_ elephant. I do not want it."

"Just because you do not want something does not mean it is not yours."

"Morgause..." The younger witch paused, trying to choose her words carefully. Evidently, her sister was in a slight depression over the failure of a plan she had, however absurdly, thought was going to lead to the conquering of all their enemies. She did not want to upset her further. "...It is not practical to keep an elephant here. It was a lovely idea, _truly_, but I think it is time we set it free so that it can rejoin all its...elephant...friends."

"I wanted it to kill everyone."

"I know."

"It was going to be so dramatic and beautiful." Morgause continued wistfully "Could you imagine the sight of a flaming immortal elephant charging across the hills towards rival kingdoms, crushing anything in its path? Perhaps with the sun set to its back? And a swirling mass of dust driven up into the air by its feet?"

"I...well...no, that is a little odd to imag-"

"And it would never end. _Never_. It would just carry on charging about forever, trampling on everyone and everything. It would go down in _legend_. It would come to be known as the Flame Tusked Terror and _I_ would be known as its creator. And as the elephant lived on forever, my name would live on forever."

There was a polite pause. "...Quite." Morgana replied, sounding as if she was not at all in agreement. In fact, she thought Morgause had put a worrying amount of thought into this particular fantasy, and the whole notion had to be squashed _immediately_. "But what is going to happen instead, is your releasing the elephant from the sleeping spell and we shall step well back and let it find its way out of Camelot and into the wilds with the aid of some of the guards." She gestured to a group of men from their immortal army who stood a few feet away. They each looked incredibly nervous, which was probably due to the fact that limbs could still be crushed even if one was of the immortal disposition. Morgana gave them a warm smile before patting her sister sympathetically on a shoulder.

Morgause merely gave a glum nod and the two sisters walked as far away from the elephant as they could with it still remaining in sight. The older woman's eyes glowed a faint gold and after a moment or two the elephant raised its head.

What ensued next was a great deal of trumpeting, a minor incident including one guard being impaled on a tusk and then thrown off into a nearby stone wall, and a bit of a scuffle wherein another guard found himself half inside the elephants mouth before it decided his taste was not enjoyable and therefore spat him out and set about trampling on him instead. Eventually, after so much screaming even Satan might have gained earache, the elephant was herded towards the entrance to the courtyard.

"It is very sad." Morgause commented, shaking her head slowly as she watched the elephant stampede inanely out of the courtyard and towards the lower town with the guards running after it. "Very sad indeed."

Morgana nodded solemnly, linking arms with the other witch. They stood there for a time, with the fading sounds of the elephant trumpeting and causing chaos echoing about the city. Morgana glanced to her sister. "Would you like some grapes?"

"I would like that very much, sister."

The two headed back inside the castle, whilst far away, on a ridge overlooking Camelot and the farmland surrounding it, Merlin crouched, surveying the kingdom. He was on a brief scouting mission, wishing to gain a little idea of what might be happening to Camelot now that Morgana was on the throne. However, he could see little from the distance he was at, and was just about to give in when he spotted something large charging across Camelot's drawbridge at vast speed.

An odd trumpeting sound echoed around the land.

Merlin squinted and watched, in baffled amazement, as an elephant stampeded out of Camelot, over the citizen's crops, and then off into the horizon and out of sight.

* * *

_Authors Notes: Yes yes ok calm down it's alright, this chapter is, in fact, set during The Coming of Arthur Part 2, and the next chapter will continue on from it, but do not fret your little glittery cactus bonnet, THE STORY WILL CONTINUE AFTER THE END OF SERIES 3._

_I felt change was necessary, I WANT TO KEEP UP WITH THE TIMES OK, and so we are hurtling towards what I like to call the second arc of the story that will be set in the gap between the end of series 3 and the start of series 4. Because I find it hard to believe that Morgana and Morgause didn't attempt some plans during that year gap. Even if Morgause was a bit on the 'I-think-I-might-be-dying-a-slow-and-painful-death-for-unexplained-reasons' side of things. So yes. It will be happening soon. ARE YOU PSYCHED BECAUSE I AM PSYCHED. ARE YOU WITH ME? YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE! HIGH FIVE TO TYRANNY!_

_And I'm sorry that this chapter was shorter than others have been but I just wanted to update to let you all know that I'm alive. I know I say this always...but hopefully the next update will be much sooner! LOVE ME PLEASE._

_Yours at literally all times because you are, in fact, a colony of kittens on her head,_

_TheDeathlyMarshmallows_

_x  
_


	24. There's No End Like An Abrupt One

_Authors Notes: IT'S AN UPDATE. NO I'M NOT LYING, I AM SPINNING NO YARNS. THIS IS A GENUINE IN-YOUR-EYEBALLS UPDATE. Oh goodness gracious, that was faster than the last update, hm? BET YOU WEREN'T EXPECTING IT, HM? Well here it is anyway! SUCK IT UP YOU CHAMPS.  
_

_I mean, ok, it was still like nine weeks, but nine weeks is better than eight months so I'M IMPROVING BE GENTLE WITH ME OK I DO MY DARNED BEST.  
_

_Anyway, the main thing is that you read and enjoy. Although how much enjoyment there'll be with all the angst that bombards this chapter I DO NOT KNOW. It wasn't meant to contain so many **fEELinGs** but then The Coming of Arthur Part 2 happened and you can't really write that from Morgana and Morgause's point of view without it getting a little bit emotional. JUST ROLL WITH IT OK SOMETIMES SAD THINGS HAPPEN IN FUNNY STORIES I MEAN WHAT  
_

_P.s. **SHAMELESS SELF-ADVERTISING**: If you want to be a total beauty please go and read my new story: A Song of Myth and Magic, which is a wacky Merlin/ASOIAF crossover. I will love you if you do. Even more than I love you already. Which is a lot. Too much maybe. But love happens where it happens so you will just have to accept it :)  
_

_ENOUGH WORDS  
_

_HAVE MORE WORDS  
_

_LET THE CHAPTER BEGIN  
_

**I present to you a chapter in which literally everything goes tits up, a good deal of angst makes a rare appearance, and Morgause's pride gets continually stamped on  
**

_Kitty O - I WILL NEVER ABANDON YOU ALL, DON'T YOU DARE THINK IT FOR A SECOND. THERE'S TOO MUCH LOVE IN YOUR DIRECTION FOR ME TO DO ANY ABANDONING. 'Okay you're forgiven.' Thank you, I kneel at your feet and sob at your loving kindness and give you a bouquet of kittens. Is the title based off a song? I AM AFRAID THIS KIND OF KNOWLEDGE ESCAPES ME. Not intentionally! 'What plan was it that worked?' The immortal army plan! The only plan of Morgause's that ever worked! 'I can't explain what I'm thinking but I trust you understand.' I understood that so much it hurt a little bit, and I might've nodded my head as I read it and whispered about our mutual understanding in a very affectionate manner. That sounds creepy. MAYBE IT WAS MAYBE IT WASN'T SSSHHHH. 'Was she just flirting with Gwen in her own take-charge way?' Most probably, it is Morgause after all. And yes they are all idiots in Camelot. Every darned one of them (except maybe for Gwen). 'Must you kill the random people?' Yes it's in my contract that I wrote myself :) 'She's a nutso. You're a nutso for thinking of her.' Asdfgjg hsdjkglhje jgkg this is one of the best compliments I've ever received and I love you. HIGH FIVE TO TYRANNY INDEED!**  
**_

_bubblepunk12 - GOTTA LOVE ME SOME TYRANNY OM NOM. 'I think everyone should have their own immortal elephants. And a magic school bus, it would be very educational. I wish my school would have a catapult competition' You just put so many amazing images in my head I cannot even. WHY IS THE WORLD NOT LIKE THIS, HM? WHY? I WANT ALL OF THOSE THINGS TOO. 'thanks for updating' IT IS MY PLEASURE (you wouldn't think so the way I post so irregularly, but I do actually enjoy writing PROMISE) good lord, LOVE 'YA.  
_

_Rhemila - I'm so glad you get so excited when you see an update! I GET THAT EXCITED WHEN I SEE YOUR REVIEWS YES I DO. 'It is perfect as always!' Ow my feelings are doing too many things STOP IT IT'S TOO MUCH JOY. AND you're excited for the S3 - S4 gap? YOU ARE WONDERFUL. 'Will Agravaine be included as well sometimes?' I can confirm that YES, yes he will. I couldn't have put the reasoning better myself. Morgana does need someone to bully after all the bullying from Morgause she's put up with :P (and I'm sure Morgause will do a great deal of bullying Agravaine herself)  
_

_Water1Wolf - 'I see this in my inbox. First thing I do? Squeak. Second? Go on Facebook and message my friend: IT HAS RETURNED' This literally killed me with happiness, I am no longer here, I am typing and updating from the spirit world. LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE. 'I DON'T CARE THAT YOU TOOK A WHILE BECAUSE NOW YOU'RE BACK!' YOU ARE TOO KIND I AM WRITHING IN ALL MY EMOTIONS. 'If these are her clues, no wonder Morgana couldn't solve the mystery!' She has problems solving most things, the poor bb :( 'I half expect Gwen to just end up sorting everything out for them. No, wait, I do expect that.' She is the only sane person there so that obligation would fall to her...if she stayed... 'With the Relally and everything.' Tell your friend I cried and it was beautiful.  
_

_Dawn that Shines - 'I feel as if I shouldn't review as payback for you making me wait such a horribly long time.' WAAAHHH REMEMBER THAT I LOVE YOU AND CONSTANTLY THROW PUPPIES AND SPARKLY THINGS IN YOUR DIRECTION. 'Ahh, so maybe Morgause is... I'm not completing that thought.' Whatever it was...I'm sure she is. I'm sure everyone is sure she is :P 'I'm gonna go and read the last half of the story, which I'm sure will be as excellent as a rainbow pooping unicorn' That is the epitome of excellence I feel so PROUD.  
_

_Laoise Potter - THANK YOU FOR THE APPLAUSE. Good old Morgause has an excellent mind geared towards completely overly-elaborate plans and it's wonderful (if not life threatening at times). 'You, my genius friend, are forgiven for your months of absence simply because of the level of supermegafoxyawesomehotness in this chapter.' Supermegafoxyawesomehotness? YOU MADE AN ADJECTIVE OUT OF ADJECTIVES FOR ME, OH LAWD I JUST CAN'T ANYMORE, REVIEWS ARE TOO MUCH TO HANDLE. 'I adore hungover!Morgana and her terrible ideas.' Me too. It was one of my favourite bits to write :D  
_

_Define X - LOTR references for ALL the things! Om nom nom hobbits and wizards and elves and mordor, I mean what, shut up I'm not fangirling- 'I can just see the picture of Morgause hanging from a torch holder and giving Morgana a grouchy speech' I wouldn't have liked to be Morgana in that situation, I gotta admit. 'Oh, only Morgause... and she kicks Gwen in the shin! Older sister indeed.' Well she has to put people in their place. She is MORGAUSE ;) 'I love how Gwen is trying to be reasonable, and Morgause is whining like a child.' Gwen is sane, Morgause is...Morgause is a special snowflake. They were never going to see eye to eye :P I love that you also love this fact it makes me feel pleased inside and maybe outside too YOU CAN'T STOP ME. 'just another perfectly normal day.' Every day is normal day in Morgawesome land. 'By now I have lost all control and am rolling around, laughing hystarically' And that's all I ever wanted, my love. ALL I EVER WANTED.  
_

_ChristineThePirateQueen - 'I love that a plan finally worked and Morgana doesn't even remember!' CLASSIC MORGANA. She's such a derp sometimes, ya gotta adore her. 'Poor Gwen had to work with Morgause...' It's a fate even Satan would grimace at. 'Leave it to Gwen to be the voice of reason!' Somebody has to be sane! The whole of Camelot is MAD ;P LOVE YOU AND YOUR REVIEWS BEAUTYCAT  
_

* * *

_**Evil, Shady Dealings**_

* * *

**24.**

**There's No End Like An Abrupt One**

* * *

"Forgive me for not understanding right away, sister, but may you repeat the circumstances in which you lost Gwen's trail?"

"There was a rock fall. Suddenly and inexplicably."

"The spell would still be working though, I assume? You could still have followed her?"

"Well-"

"Even if it was not, you could have just gone back up the ledge and followed them from atop the ledge? And even failing that you might have attempted to track them down, is that not correct?"

"No."

"How so?"

Morgause scowled her most fearsome scowl - a scowl that only ever appeared when she was in the wrong and she knew it. It was a feeling she was most unaccustomed to and refused to properly acknowledge through sheer stubbornness. "I was feeling agitated."

"...Agitated?"

"Yes."

"Morgause," The Queen of Camelot began, shifting into a more leisurely position on her throne, "You decapitate, impale, bludgeon and burn people to death without becoming agitated. In fact, you barely bat an eyelid and it is probably your most note-worthy and worrying characteristic. Am I really to believe a slight rock fall disturbed you _so_ much so that you had _no option_ but to give up the trail of our foremost enemies?"

Morgause gave a shrug and a loud, unladylike sniff of indifference. "If it would please you."

"It does not."

"This news is saddening yet tolerable."

"Morgause-"

"Occasionally there are hardships in life, sister, and you must learn to accept them."

"Not when the future of my reign is at stake-" Here, and Morgana could not quite believe her eyes, the older witch had deemed it appropriate to use her magical abilities to send a bowl of grapes flying into her arms so that she might have a snack mid-conversation, "_Morgause_!"

The blonde glanced up at her sister, a handful of grapes coming to a premature halt en-route to her mouth as she briefly paused to wonder what Morgana was getting so worked up about. "What?"

"I am speaking to you!"

Morgause nodded, now unconcernedly chewing on her favourite food.

Morgana resisted the urge to use her own magic and have the remaining grapes in the bowl explode. "You cannot _eat_ when your Queen is addressing you! Especially not when you are under reprimand for having let our enemies escape!"

"Yes I can."

"No you _cannot_, Morgause."

"I am doing so right now."

"That is not relevant."

"Yes it is. I dare say one would be hard pressed to find anything _more_ relevant-"

"_MORGAUSE I WANT YOU TO PUT DOWN THOSE GRAPES AND PAY ME SOME ATTENTION_!"

The echo of Morgana's hysterical shriek took awhile to fade and Morgause found her ears were ringing in the aftermath, which was most disagreeable. The guards standing on duty by the door were simply trying to remain blank faced and impartial to the whole situation, which to their credit they did a valiant job of. The silence that followed was punctuated only by the sound of Morgause biting down slowly on a grape that had been popped into her mouth a second before her sisters' indulgent outburst.

Morgana let out an irritated tutting noise and motioned to the blonde. "Come here."

Morgause took a step forwards.

"No, _closer_."

At this, the older witch looked most perplexed, perhaps even a little cautious, and after a moment or two of trying to figure out what Morgana was up to with limited success, she swallowed the grape and walked over to raven haired woman. And then promptly sat on her lap. Morgause heard a loud groan of exasperation from behind her and felt Morgana's forehead thud against her back. "You were the one who asked me to come closer."

"...Out of curiosity, sister, what is your definition of 'closer'?"

"Your lap."

"In that case we can pinpoint exactly where this all went wrong."

"You should have been more specific."

"Forgive me for assuming you would take the appeal to move closer as an appeal to move closer and not an invitation to sit on my lap."

"But sitting on your lap is closer than where I was beforehand." Morgause stated, sounding more and more bewildered as the conversation continued. _Had the crown weighed down so much on Morgana's head that she was rapidly losing what little brain cells she had left - ?_

Apparently Morgana was too weary to argue. _Besides_, she thought as she wrapped her arms snugly around Morgause's waist, _having an impromptu hug was not the worst of fates_. "What are we to do then?"

"Well, you appear to be embracing me, so I dare say I shall stay seated here despite your melodramatics-"

"I meant about losing Gwen and Arthur and...all of them." Here, Morgana seemed to be struck by an idea that was so disconcerting it caused her to scrunch up her face into a frown. "...Wait...so then...you...you even lost track of _Gaius_? The ailing old man about a thousand years old-"

"I do believe we should sit tight and bide our time." Morgause interrupted, loud enough to drown out the sounds of her sisters' irritatingly valid point. "We shall stay behind Camelot's safe walls and wait for them to make the first move."

A moment's pause to allow the plan to sink in.

Then, Morgana's hesitant, doubtful voice "But should we not attempt to _find_ them, sister?"

"No."

"Are you _quite_ sure? You do have a habit of deciding on plans of action without really thinking them through-"

"This is a completely infallible idea, sister, and I would rather you did _not_ question my methods. I have been plotting and scheming far longer than you have." Morgause replied, in a rather haughty manner that implied no amount of discussion would sway her on the matter.

That didn't stop Morgana from trying though. "But we have a large, immortal army and a vast amount of resources at our disposal. I am almost _certain_ we could find them if we sent out enough patrols-"

"No. My plan is far better."

"It is just that-"

"And much akin to my faultless plan, _I_ am far better at everything than everybody else."

"But-"

"_Far better_."

Morgana gave a long, long sigh. Morgause looked down at the bowl of grapes in her hands. The guards remained motionless. A couple of minutes drifted by.

"Should you like a grape, sister?" The blonde asked, turning slightly on Morgana's lap so that she might face the other, a grape in hand.

The younger witch raised a brow as Morgause slowly moved her hand forwards, apparently set on _feeding_ her sister the grape. _Oh Goddess_, this was all reminding Morgana _far_ too much of Morgause's liaisons with Cenred- "No, no. I do believe I am quite content as I am, sister." The Queen replied politely, trying to move her head away from the incoming hand.

Morgause looked a little put out but ate the grape herself all the same, munching quietly on it as she gazed disinterestedly around the room.

In contrast to her sisters' relaxed attitude, Morgana was frowning again. Her train of thought had taken an unexpected turn that left her quite puzzled. "...Where _is_ Cenred?" She asked confusedly, after a moment of trying to remember if she had seen him recently, only to realize she hadn't seen him since Camelot came under her control.

"Dead." Morgause replied, with all the indifference of somebody commenting on the weather in order to stop a dire lull in conversation. "I had him killed."

"Oh."

Occasionally the thought drifted into Morgana's head that her one and only ally in _all_ of the world was a short-tempered woman, prone to murdering others according to her ever changing whims. She could not say it was a _particularly_ comforting thought, especially in her current situation with her arms looped around the woman's waist.

"I do _enjoy_ killing things." Morgause enthused, popping the last grape into her mouth.

Sometime_s_, Morgana decided, it was best not to dwell on Morgause's state of mind at all.

* * *

The Queen of Camelot realized her sisters' plan had not worked the moment she heard the warning bells ringing. Most unfortunately for her, this happened just as she was about to beat Morgause at a game of chess, which was such a rare occurrence she had already decided to throw a banquet in her honour immediately after she made the winning move.

As it was, however, the two witches slowly raised their heads to catch each other's gazes as the sound of the bells echoed out around them. Morgana was going to sarcastically comment on how surprising this turn of events was but Morgause promptly told her to "Keep your wretched mouth closed" before irritably standing up and brushing down her silver cloak. "This will not be an attack on the castle." She stated, despite having absolutely no evidence to back up the claim whatsoever "I am sure it is something very minor that the guards are being unforgivably overdramatic about."

"Sister, they are _immortal_. It would not make sense for them to ring the bells unless we were under attack-"

"My plans are unfaultable." Morgause continued forcefully "A serving girl might have seen a mouse and panicked. I shall go and see what is to be done."

Morgana glanced her sister up and down with a raised brow. "Might you want to take off that silver poncho _just in case_ you find yourself in battle-"

"No." Morgause snapped, her pride feeling well and truly stomped upon "And for the last time, it is a cloak. A silver _cloak_." With that said, she turned on her heel and made for the door out of the library, calling over her shoulder for Morgana to "Stay out of any fights and do not do anything stupid".

"I thought we were not under attack?" The younger witch's voice sounded out, with a tone of slight triumph as if she had won the argument.

"We are not." Morgause affirmed angrily, pausing in the doorway to briefly shoot a glare in her sister's direction.

And then she was gone.

* * *

"I have a feeling I won't be seeing you again."

"No. You won't."

She turned and caught a glimpse of the elderly physician, and then she was being thrown backwards through the air by some invisible force. Back, back, back-

_Well, this is bloody typical,_ she thought as she haphazardly crashed to the floor, _it would be the decrepit old man I could not be bothered to track down who miraculously appears out of nowhere and throws me about the place._

He would not get away with making her seem such a fool though, that was for sure. If he thought he could battle her one-on-one with magic and win he had another thing coming. Morgause rose to her feet, an arm extending towards the old fool. She'd make him _burn_-

And then she was catapulted into the air _again_, and it all went so quickly the only thing she had time to register was the burst of pain in the back of her head as she collided with something hard.

She felt herself fall, fall, _fall_-

This could not be happening. There was no way, no reality, in which this could have possibly happened. Why had she not used a counter-spell? Why had her reactions not been fast enough? She had moved so _slowly_-

_Bloody poncho_! Morgause wished she had the energy to tear it off in her final act, if this was indeed to be the end. The cursed thing had slowed her down! If she had just been wearing her armour everything would have been different! She would have incinerated Merlin and Gaius and everybody else until there was nobody left except she and Morgana!

Damned fate, damned everything!

She did not _lose_! She was _Morgause_! The all-powerful, all-intelligent witch. She was fearless and cunning and made the very heavens tremble when she used her magic. Nobody fought her and lived! They would turn to ash and simply blow away in the breeze! She could best _anybody_ in a sword fight. She was high priestess of the Old religion. She was related to _the_ Morgana Pendragon, rightful Queen of Camelot! Morgana Pendragon who was gifted and clever and wonderful, and who would bring this ungrateful Kingdom to its knees, just like they'd always planned.

Just like they'd _always_ planned.

As Morgause hit the stone floor, she prayed that she wouldn't die here, not just yet.

She wanted to see all of that first and the smile that would be on her sisters' face as the world burnt down around them.

* * *

Morgause had only been gone two minutes and Morgana was already tapping her fingers impatiently on the side of the chessboard. Did her sister really expect her to just sit here and wait as alarm bells rung and the sounds of a battle echoed out? She would not be Queen if she did such a thing!

The young witch was out of the library in a couple of seconds, the back of her red dress sweeping out behind her in a way she fancied most dramatic. She hurried down the corridor, the yells of combat getting louder and louder as she turned corners and made her way quickly through winding passages. Where was Morgause? Where was anyone? Where was the battle _happening_?

She stopped for a moment and strained her ears. It was if the shouts were coming from below- _The dungeons_! They were trying to rescue Uther before bringing the fight to her!

Morgana narrowed her eyes. As if they could hope to survive against she and Morgause and an immortal army! She turned and made for the dungeons, and as she neared she found some of her immortal soldiers were hurrying the same way. The young witch was almost shaking with excitement. This would be the day that Uther and Arthur finally met their end and justice could be restored - !

And then a scream from somewhere far away in the castle, a surge of pain through her head that momentarily clouded her mind, and the immortal soldiers who had been just a little ahead of her were now exploding and shattering in a glowing light-

_Morgause_! It was the only thought that truly mattered, that truly stuck in her mind. The Queen of Camelot turned, stumbling in her haste, and made for the direction of the scream, momentarily forgetting all about Uther and Arthur in the dungeons.

Momentarily forgetting all about her revenge.

* * *

"No! No!"

The sight of her sister, unmoving on the floor was the most terrifying thing Morgana had ever been faced with. She rushed to her side, falling to her knees and sobbing, gathering the blonde up in her arms. This couldn't be happening, _this couldn't be happening_, this was _Morgause_, she never got hurt - ! "Sister!"

But there was no reply, there was nothing. Everything was being taken away from her just like it always was.

"It's over, Morgana."

The witch raised her head and looked Merlin straight in the eyes with such hatred that it made the young man tense, almost flinch. She had never hated anyone as much as he at that moment. The way he stood there as if he was in the right, as if _he_ was the victim. "No, you're wrong." Morgana answered, voice thick with grief and anger. "This has just begun!"

She glanced down at Morgause again, at the woman who had always been so strong, now motionless in her arms. "No..." She shook her head, praying that this wasn't real, praying that the blonde would open her eyes again. _Was this how Morgause had felt when she'd found her poisoned on the floor?_

And then Morgana Pendragon screamed. She screamed and screamed until her throat was raw and she could hear nothing else. She screamed at the injustice of it all, at the way she'd been given her throne only for it to be taken away again by some _stupid_ boy and his elderly mentor. She screamed for the people of Camelot who blindly followed Uther under his tyrannical reign, she screamed for the loss of magic in the Kingdom, for the loss of lives in the purge, for the way everything had turned out in the end and, most of all, she screamed for Morgause as she cradled the blonde tightly in her arms.

She was only vaguely aware of the windows shattering and the ceiling coming crashing down around them.

* * *

It had to be admitted, she wasn't _entirely_ sure where she was. In fact, for a moment or two she wasn't entirely sure of _anything_, especially the circumstances leading up to her lying here on...whatever it was she lying on. _Oh Goddess she wasn't back in that dank cave again was she-_

"Sister?"

Finally! _Something_ she thought she recognized! Morgause slowly and very unsteadily propped herself up onto her elbows, ignoring a pain that burst into being in the back of her head, and squinted at the blurry figure standing ahead of her. Was that Morgana? Was that Morgana holding _firewood_?

But apparently the firewood was not important. The firewood was dropped to the floor. Morgana ran to her sister, forgetting all social graces as she leapt onto the bed - _oh it was a bed_ - and firmly forced the blonde back down onto her back. "Ssshhhh, you must rest."

"...I haven't said anything yet." Morgause replied, with a distinctly croaky and..._weak_ sounding voice.

"Ssshhhh." Morgana, now squashed right up beside her sister, seemed to be close to tears. "I was beginning to think you would not wake."

By this point, Morgause was _most_ bewildered. What monstrously catastrophic event had happened that meant she should be confronted with a hysterical younger sister upon awakening? And why did her head hurt so much? Where were they? Why had Morgana been carrying firewood? _What was happening?_

"...do not ever do that to me again, do you hear?" Morgana was blubbering into her shoulder "I was so worried! I could not sleep, I could not eat. It took everything just to collect the wood for the fire and you did not show _one_ sign of life in all this time. You just lay there and it was horrible-" On and on she went, seemingly not caring that Morgause had just woken up into what seemed a completely different world which chiefly consisted of a crying Morgana and a splitting headache.

"Where are we?" The blonde asked, trying valiantly to gain some bearings on the situation.

"A hovel."

Right. Yes. Lovely. That was _precisely_ what Morgause had wanted to hear. In fact it was probably high on her list of undesirable places to wake up, second only to that wretched, gloomy cave that she'd resided in for the best part of a year. "...Why exactly...?"

"Merlin and Arthur, all of them, they attacked the castle and..." Morgana paused, raising her head to frown at the other woman "...you do not remember?"

It took only one look at the expression of confusion and anger on Morgause's face to judge that no, no she did not remember. "They attacked the _castle_?"

"Yes. They destroyed the cup of life and you got hurt fighting Merlin and Gaius. I thought you were dead-"

"_I_ got hurt fighting _Merlin_ and _Gaius_?" Morgause repeated, sounding not a piece happy to hear such news.

Morgana nodded sadly. "You were unconscious when I found you. We had no choice but to flee."

There was a very long silence after that and Morgana snuggled back down against her sisters' shoulder, seemingly very content just to have her awake again. Morgause could not confess to such happiness. In fact she felt as though she'd been punched in the face, and not just due to the way in which her head had been pounding since she awoke. _She_ had been defeated by a serving boy and an ancient physician? What realm of madness was this? She had evidently woken up in completely the wrong sphere of reality and had only to close her eyes and fall back asleep in the hopes that she should awake back in Camelot, where Morgana was lounging joyfully on the throne. Morgause closed her eyes...

"I conjured up this bed, you know."

Morgause tried to ignore her sister...

"And the chairs. I made the shelving though. And the door. This used to just be a small cave and now it has rugs and a place for a fire and I think it quite sweet. Don't you?"

Evidently there was not to be any peaceful resting yet, despite Morgana's earlier shushing. "..._You_ conjured up a bed and a chair?"

"Yes."

Morgause was more perplexed than ever. "But you can only conjure up the odd shark or heron."

"I seem to have a better grasp of my magical abilities now." Morgana replied, doing her best to breeze past the rudeness of her recovering older sister "I think it was seeing you hurt...and having everything taken from us. It made me stronger."

Oh. "But not..._too_ strong?" Morgause queried in what was almost a hopeful tone.

"A great deal stronger than I was."

"But..._I_ am still strongest?"

Morgana paused to think for a moment, and then replied "I am not sure, in all honesty. We shall have to wait and see what that blow to the head has done to you." Blissfully unaware of Morgause's bruised pride, the witch then sat up to start stroking carefully through the blonde's hair and check the place of impact. "You still have a bump. You should have seen it when I first brought us here. I thought surely you were going to...to..." She trailed off, sounding shaky and weepy.

Morgause took her siblings' hands in her own and looked at her in a sombre way. "Sister?"

"Y-Yes?"

"Tell me something. And you must be truthful in your answer."

Thinking that Morgause was about to say something of real import and significance, Morgana attempted to mentally ready herself for the conversation ahead. "Anything."

"Did you...did you manage to bring _any_ of the grapes with you?"

Morgana stared at Morgause.

Morgause stared at Morgana.

The blonde was more surprised than she should have been when her younger sister began hitting at her angrily and shrieking hysterically about her insensitivity.

* * *

_Authors Notes: OK IT WAS ANGSTY DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT I GAVE YOU WARNING YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN PREPARED. I RESTORED NATURAL ORDER AT THE END OK IT'S ALL ALRIGHT NOW  
_

_And do you know what this means? Do YOu knOW WhAt THiS MEanS? We are moving on! We are flapping with the times! IT'S HAPPENING MY FRIENDS IT'S HAPPENING THE ARC SET IN THE SEASON 3 - SEASON 4 GAP IS COMMENCING SOON IT IS HURTLING TOWARDS US, GRAB ONTO YOUR BUTTS AND HOLD TIGHT THINGS ARE CHANGING  
_

_Except not really because the Morgawesome sister's never really change, do they? They just get progressively madder  
_

_AS ALWAYS I AM ADORING YOU ALL FROM AFAR AND EVERY TIME I SEE A REVIEW I STROKE THE SCREEN AND CRY BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS MAGICAL AND NOTHING HURTS  
_

_Oh man, I just have so many FEELINGS  
_

_Y'all raven!  
_

_Or an equal term of endearment  
_

_Yours forever and always, like even if it's the apocalypse I'll be standing there with my arms outstretched and I'll scoop you all up and you'll be mine,  
_

_TheDeathlyMarshmallows  
_

_x  
_


	25. Witches in the Wood

_Authors Notes: IT'S BEEN 84 YEARS (if you get this reference you get a gold star). IT'S BEEN A LIFETIME. SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED. SO LITTLE HAS HAPPENED. NOTHING HAS HAPPENED. EVERYTHING HAS HAPPENED. WE HAPPENED. CATS HAPPENED. THIS CHAPTER HAPPENED. RACHEL TICE HAPPENED (you get a gold star for this one too). A COMET IN RUSSIA HAPPENED OR SOMETHING IDK. THE QUEEN HAS GASTROENTERITIS. LOTS HAS HAPPENED._

_AND I'M SORRY._

_I know I say it every time. I know you're just shaking your head, probably crying because of the sheer emotion of it all (you better be crying, I deserVE SOME TEARS DAMN IT), you might even be whispering "No, I'm so done right now" and be moving the mouse to exit the page. But I say to you STOP. STOP RIGHT NOW. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. BECAUSE I NEED SOMEBODY. I NEED SOMEBODY WITH A HUMAN TOUCH (this is the third gold star, yah-huh). _

_It isn't my fault I'm so lazy ok? Blame my genetics. EveryoNE BLAME EVERYTHING ON YOUR GENETICS. Because it's inbuilt laziness alright? SHUT UP THAT'S TOTALLY A THING. I DON'T NEED TO LISTEN TO YOU. YOU'RE NOT MY REAL MUM._

_...Anyway I guess I'd better stop rambling sometime soon? Idk I've just miSSED YOU ALL SO MUCH I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ALL FOREVER. 5EVA EVEN._

_But alas, that is socially unacceptable, so I shall just say to you 'Sorry this took so long, please love and forgive me, I got a pikachu onesie for my birthday so that was top priority' and then bid you adieu._

_...P.S. OOOHHHH IT'S THE SHINY NEW ARC TAKING PLACE BETWEEN SERIES 3 - 4. OoOooOHHhH SO PUURRTTTYY I HOPE YOU LIKE IT_

_P.P.S. THIS CHAPTER IS HUGE LIKE TWICE THE SIZE OF THE LAST ONE BECAUSE IT'S BEEN AGES AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE ALL WORTH IT LIKE LOREAL_

_P.P.P.S. IF YOU WANNA READ SOMETHING STARRING MORGAUSE AND GWEN THEN YOU CAN GO AND BE LOVELY AND READ MY FIC 'CATCH ME IF YOU CAN'. WHAT WAS THAT? SHAMELESS SELF-ADVERTISING AGAIN? SHUT UP I DID NO SUCH THING_

_P.P.P.P.S. REVIEW REPLIES ARE AT THE BOTTOM NOW SO THEY DON'T TAKE UP SO MUCH ROOM BEFORE YOU GET TO FEAST YOUR SQUISHY EYES ON THE DELICIOUS WORDS THAT I TYPED WITH MY VERY OWN FINGERS MMMmmmMMmMMMMM_

**_I present to you a chapter in which Morgana has essentially become an incredibly powerful hermit and Morgause is finding the shift in the power balance between them very difficult to come to terms with_**

* * *

_**Evil, Shady Dealings**_

* * *

**25.**

**Witches in the Wood**

* * *

Despite Morgana's best efforts, there was simply no escaping the fact that the hovel in the woods was cold and gloomy and uncomfortable. There was also no escaping the fact that Morgause irrevocably refused to go back to her castle.

"We are far nearer to Camelot here. We will be able to bring down any patrols that stray too close and slowly whittle down their numbers." She'd said.

Morgana who was sat beside the cooking pot, bleakly trying to muster up a meal for the two of them out of a desperate combination of mushrooms and bark, had not looked impressed.

"Keep your friends close but your enemies closer" The blonde had persisted "And your sisters even _closer_".

There'd been a lengthy pause at the latter comment, in which the two exchanged long stares and Morgana looked as though she were questioning _every single one_ of Morgause's motives up to this point (which was something, quite frankly, she found herself doing with alarming recurrence) until Morgause eventually cleared her throat and continued.

"There's a farm only an hour away that grows grapes" She'd said. "And I am rather partial to the odd grape".

Well, that settled that then.

* * *

"Morgause, do you even know which plants are poisonous and which aren't?"

"Of course."

"It is just that you seem to be pointing me rather carelessly in any direction."

"That one will be fine."

"You are not even looking at it."

"It is perfectly edible, I assure you."

"How can you _possibly_ know that without even clapping eyes on it?!"

Morgause, sat on the trunk of a fallen tree with her eyes shut, looking exceptionally relaxed compared to her sister who was crawling about on the forest floor, gave a shrug "I have a hunch."

"A hunch?"

"Yes."

"...Morgause, look at me for a moment."

One dark eye lazily opened and focused on the irritated figure of Morgana and her muddy dress.

"Do you know what is _wrong_ with this scene, Morgause?" The young witch continued, clutching a fistful of plants and herbs as she spoke. Her sister opened her mouth to reply but Morgana would be _damned_ if her moment of self-righteousness was ruined, so she quickly interrupted "_I will tell you what is wrong._ I used to be a Queen, Morgause, just in case you had forgotten. Yet here I am on my hands and knees, scrounging about amidst dirt and leaves for something to eat."

A slight pause. Morgana noted, not without a generous dose of frustration, that Morgause was looking as unconcerned as ever. "I am _royalty_." She emphasized, hoping to induce some form of sympathy out of her older sibling. "I am of _sovereign blood_-"

"And I am distantly related to the Kings and Queens of Grapethion, yet I have never complained about getting _my_ hands dirty."

It was here that Morgana imparted a lengthy and very concerned stare in her sisters' direction. "Morgause, despite having absolutely _no_ evidence to back up that claim _whatsoever, _due to Grapethion being a _fake_ kingdom _you_ made up, that is not even _remotely_ the same situation-"

"Yes it is. My great-great-great-great-great grandmother, on my father's side of course, was Queen of Grapethion. It is not a fake kingdom at all. So in reality we are _both_ of royal lineage."

A vast, uncomfortable silence stretched before the two siblings as Morgause promptly closed one eye again and Morgana was left to gaze at her with rapidly increasing incredulity. _Yet again_ the young witch found herself wondering just how in the heavens Morgause could flit so easily between terrifying psychopathic tendencies to complete and utter nonsense. "...And how exactly do you _know_ that this kingdom of Grapethion exists and one of your ancestors was its _Queen_, Morgause?"

Another leisurely shrug of the shoulders. "I have a hunch."

"_Oh for Goddess' sake!_"

And with plants and herbs thrown carelessly behind her, Morgana was swiftly tackling the infuriating blonde off of the tree trunk and onto the forest floor, cheerily pushing handfuls of leaves into her face as the older witch let out a highly undignified shriek of protest.

* * *

Morgana wasn't quite sure _how_ but neither herself nor Morgause seemed to have been poisoned by the few plants she'd moodily brought back to the hovel and cooked into a soup. Either the two of them were very lucky to be alive or Morgause knew a great deal more about the wildlife around them then she let on. Morgana suspected it was the latter.

"Might you pass _me_ some soup, sister?" A hopeful voice floated by.

Morgana glanced over to her sister, seated in the chair next to her own by the fire. "I was rather of the impression you could manage such a feat yourself."

Apparently Morgause was of no such opinion herself. "_Must_ I hasten to remind you that I was hideously injured only two weeks ago?"

Green eyes glanced over scars. A sinking feeling of regret. "Do what you like." The younger witch muttered miserably, slumping a little lower into her chair "It is not as if we have a kingdom to run anymore."

Morgause let out a sigh. _Yet again_ the conversation seemed to have diverted onto the topic of their defeat at Camelot, despite it having begun with Morgause merely asking for some soup since Morgana had been kind enough _not_ to pour her any or even acknowledge she existed and needed food in order to survive.

It was hard to believe that things had been almost _pleasant_ after Morgause had awoken. Her sister had simply been so relieved to see her conscious that all grievances for her throne had been forgotten, and Morgause found herself being attended to most attentively. Morgana plumped her pillows, Morgana fed her, Morgana read to her, Morgana sat beside her in bed and practiced little bits of magic (it wasn't much, just spheres of comforting light that shifted into the shapes of animals, but Morgause found herself smiling all the same).

They had even attempted to address the issue of the mysterious scarring covering the right side of Morgause's body. Apparently Morgana hadn't the faintest idea how the scarring had come about and when Morgause questioned that she thought she had simply hit her head, the younger witch gave a shrug and commented sadly that "Sister, I am just as confused as you are".

Whatever the reasons were behind the disfigurement, the blonde had been exceptionally displeased with it for the first week, attempting to cover most of it up so that it was out of her sight. Apparently it "showed weakness" and was "a horrific blemish" on her otherwise "perfect" body. But eventually, after much cajoling and Morgana having to _repeatedly_ inform her older sister that the scarring looked "exceptionally dramatic", Morgause had begun to accept her new look. This didn't stop Morgana's own feelings of guilt - she should have reached Morgause sooner, should have protected her, shouldn't have let her go in that _bloody silver poncho_ - but she hoped to seek revenge on both Merlin and Gaius in time.

As it happened, Morgana was also trying out a new style of appearance. One that involved tattered black dresses, hair that was increasingly looking like a giant birds nest and copious amounts of green eye shadow.

Morgause glanced over the hunched up figure in the chair next to her with evident distaste. Losing Camelot was one thing but watching Morgana, who had always taken a _superhuman_ interest in her own appearance, steadily give up on her looks altogether was quite another. Morgause leant over to prod her sister in the arm. "...Is it _imperative_ that you do not brush your hair ever again?"

"Yes."

"It is just that I fail to see how this course of action will aid you in _any_ way."

Morgana let out a very unfeminine grunt of annoyance and took another sip of soup. Apparently Morgause was not even worth replying to anymore.

Sadly for the young witch, however, her sister had never been one to let things go. "Well thank you for that fantastic conversation, Morgana. It was truly inspirational and I feel a changed person for having taken part in it."

"For goddess' sake, just get up and serve yourself some soup!"

"This is not about the soup anymore, sister, this is about the diabolical state your hair is in."

"Of course it's about the soup, you are in one of your childish strops again!"

"I do _not_ have childish strops - !"

"Oh hush!" Morgana, seemingly not in the best of moods, flung her now empty bowl over a shoulder and gestured to the pot of soup over the fire. "If you cannot be bothered to get up then just use magic."

Morgause shifted uncomfortably in her seat, averting her eyes from her sisters' direction. "...I do not feel like it."

"You do not feel like it?"

"No."

"You, a high priestess of the old religion, do not feel like using an ounce of your power to save you the trouble of getting up?"

"...No."

Morgana eyed her sister for a moment, taking in the clenched jaw that was jutted out slightly in defiance...perhaps pride...or was it something else? It was always difficult to tell whether something was genuinely troubling Morgause or whether she was simply trying to look as dramatic as possible. But in this case...the ex-Queen of Camelot furrowed her brows in concern. She had a notion of what the trouble might be, although she had been hoping it was not the case. "Morgause..."

"I am not speaking to you whilst your hair looks like that."

"You can tell me anything, you know that-"

"At this rate I shall have to shave your head completely."

"It is just that I haven't seen you use any magic since you awoke-"

"_Yes, thank you Morgana!_" Morgause snapped, throwing a glare in the younger woman's direction "Heaven forbid I am ever left without you and your unique talent for stating the _undeniably_ obvious! Perhaps I shall attempt to use some magic in a moment to make your grotesque excuse for hair fall out, hm?!"

A slight pause as the blonde's particular choice of words sunk in.

Attempt. _Attempt, attempt, attempt to use some magic._

Morgana's eyes softened. She rarely felt sorry for her sister - especially in cases where Morgause was merrily throwing heavy objects in her direction with every intention of killing her - but seeing her try to keep a brave face in such circumstances was decidedly moving. Morgause had always been so _proud_ of her grasp of magic and she'd positively _delighted_ in the moments when she'd been allowed to set something - or some_one_ - on fire. _No, no, no. This would not do at all! Morgause could not deal with this alone!_ Morgana shuffled her chair closer to the other, stared at Morgause sympathetically, nodded her head slowly in understanding, patted her gently on the arm and-

"What in the name of _sanity_ are you doing, Morgana?"

The younger sibling tried her best not to look _too_ offended. It was no easy feat however, since Morgause was staring at her as if she had declared a sudden wish to drop her _entire_ claim to the throne of Camelot and throw a gigantic celebration in Arthur's honour instead. "I am being caring and concerned about your welfare!"

Morgause emitted a gagging noise before pulling away from Morgana's grasp. "I am sure I have done nothing so grievous as to deserve such a fate." She choked out, sounding for all intents and purposes as if she might vomit everywhere at the nearest available moment.

Morgana, if she had not done so beforehand, was now looking _every inch_ the offended party in the conversation. "Well, _honestly_ - !"

"And do not get so _close_, sister. I do not wish to have that knotted abomination you call hair anywhere near me."

"It is not _that bad_, Morgause!"

"Clearly we need to invest in a mirror. Parts of it are turning green."

"I happen to like the colour green."

"But do you happen to like it in your _hair_, Morgana? Because that is simply unnatural and I will not stand for it."

Morgana eyed the blonde for a moment, who was staring back at her with such evident disgust that one should think she was sat before _Gaius_ instead, before licking her lips and cautiously continuing. "...Well, you cannot rightly do anything about it, can you?"

Morgause's eyes narrowed dangerously.

Her younger sibling carried heedlessly onwards. "You evidently have no grasp of your magical abilities anymore whereas I am stronger than ever. Our roles are rather reversed and if I happen to like strands of green in my hair then there is not a single thing you can do about it. I dare say you would barely even challenge me in a fight."

A slight pause. Morgause leant forward in her chair, her face only millimetres away from her sisters'. "Oh, really?"

"Yes."

"You are quite sure?"

"Absolutely." Morgana replied, attempting to remain calm and resist the urge to shriek loudly and flee from underneath the older witch's intense gaze. What could Morgause _do_, after all? She certainly wouldn't be able to set anything in her near vicinity alight and if she tried to run and grab her sword then Morgana would have _more_ than ample time to use her magic and-

Sadly for the young witch, however, it was at this juncture in the conversation that Morgause felt the need to swiftly smash their heads together with such force that Morgana was sent reeling off her chair. It was so sudden, so _unexpected_, that Morgana, reduced to hysterical shrieking, could only flail her arms and legs about in a most indecorous display. Before she could even register what had happened - par the _intense_ amount of pain in her forehead - she found herself sprawled face down in the dirty floor of their hovel with Morgause seated leisurely on her back. In fact, in direct contrast to the agony and bewilderment that was currently taking centre stage in Morgana's life, Morgause appeared to be none the worse for wear. Delicately brushing a stray strand of golden hair from her face with one hand and keeping a tight grip upon Morgana's wrists, which she'd yanked behind her back, with another, Morgause gave a triumphant smirk. _Well, this was much more how the dynamics of their relationship should work!_ "You were saying, Morgana?"

"Fppfhfppfhfpfthhtttphtfpht!"

"...I must confess that I did not quite catch that."

Morgana raised her head as much as her current situation would allow and, in an admittedly undignified display for somebody who used to be a Queen, choked out a great deal of dust and dirt. Now with clear lungs and the decidedly vital ability to breathe restored, Morgana let out a defeated groan. "Are you not in _any_ discomfort, sister?"

"Well, since you ask, I do not think I have ever _truly_ recovered from the trauma of hearing about Uther's dalliances with that troll-"

"_I am referring to the head butt you just generously imparted upon me!_"

Blink blink. _Oh_. Morgause gave a small shrug as if the topic was not of great importance to her and was one, in actuality, that she had almost forgotten about already. "No I am not in any discomfort regarding that action, sister."

"How?!" Morgana blurted out, finding the whole situation _vastly_ unfair. "How are you not in _any_ pain?!"

"Because I am excellence personified."

The younger witch dedicated just a brief second to allow this particularly arrogant remark to sink in before giving a weary groan and letting her head _thunk!_ back onto the floor.

_...Bloody Morgause._

* * *

Attempting to address the delicate issue of Morgause's sudden and completely inexplicable dive bomb in magical abilities was not going well. The older witch was far too proud to sit patiently beside Morgana and look over spell books about tame charms and enchantments when, as she had taken to repeating _many_ times, she was used to "whimsically setting faces on fire and raising legions of the undead".

Would she spend time practising a few simple hexes? No.

Would she attempt to manipulate the smoke from the fire into the shape of an animal? No.

Would she try and use magic to turn Princess' fur bright pink? No, she'd "throw herself off the nearest available cliff" before she had anything to do with "that damned creature".

Morgana had only _once_ managed, through a lot of inappropriate face stroking and smirking, to coax Morgause out of their hovel to practice levitation spells. The younger witch had lined up a lovely assortment of pebbles on the ground earlier and cheerily steered Morgause towards them, babbling on about "Practice makes perfect" and "Do not think too much about it, just _enjoy_ yourself!".

In a completely unsurprising turn of events, however, Morgause did _not_ enjoy herself for even one fleeting second. The blonde stood before the pebbles, pouting and sulking and generally indulging in a generous bout of pessimism until Morgana gave her an encouraging albeit _slightly_ forceful nudge forwards. Morgause had thrown a glare back at her that screamed 'Do that again and die' but Morgana had managed to retain her act of enthusiasm and simply offered her a large smile and an upbeat "I have _complete_ faith in your abilities!".

Morgause had looked back to the pebbles with a scowl on her face. Outstretched a hand at the nearest one and muttered some ancient words. Watched as the pebble gave a half-hearted wiggle and then remained motionless. Turned back to Morgana.

A slight pause as the ex-Queen of Camelot regarded the pebble with a highly underwhelmed expression on her face before darting her eyes back to meet Morgause's. Another forced smile as she clapped her hands together optimistically and amended, "I have complete faith in the _return_ of your abilities!"

It was on that particular note that Morgause had immediately attempted to storm back into their hovel and descend into a violent, bitter rage. Morgana, apparently having a different mindset on the matter, had quickly flung herself against the blonde's back, wrapped her arms tightly about her waist and literally _dug her heels into the ground_ in order to stop her leaving.

They had spent the next ten minutes bringing a whole new meaning to the phrase 'Two steps forward, one step back' in which Morgause had yelled every curse word under the sun as she tried valiantly to reach the door to the hovel and Morgana had let out one long piercing shriek of displeasure as she was dragged slowly forwards, her feet leaving shallow grooves in the ground behind them. When it looked like all was lost and Morgause was going to _finally_ get a foot in the doorway, Morgana had glanced up at the door and jerked her head to the left, her eyes flashing gold as the door followed the motion of her head and promptly slammed shut. Morgause had then paused in her struggle forwards, with Morgana still wrapped around her tiredly, and stared at the shut door silently. A few moments drifted by, wherein Morgana attempted to catch her breath and regain some form of composure, until Morgause had said softly "...I miss being able to do things like that."

Morgana had patted her gently on the side at that and replied, "I know you do."

And Morgause had turned around in her arms and said "...I rather think I shall give levitation another go."

And that was that.

* * *

Sadly it hadn't turned out as well as either of them had hoped.

Morgause had marched purposefully over to the pebbles and practiced for the next hour to no avail. Morgana had gone inside the hovel and appeared again with a clay mug in hand, offering it to Morgause and declaring that she should take a break. The blonde had taken a sip, paused, and then frowned over the rim of the mug at her younger sister. Morgana had smiled and waved a hand in a breezy manner, saying that "Well we do not have any wine or mead so I boiled some water over the fire and put some moss in it for flavour". Morgause had remained silent but continued to stare at her sister discontentedly. Morgana had smiled back at her until her gaze drifted to the clay mug in Morgause's hands, whereupon the smile faltered and her eyes narrowed slightly.

"Don't." Morgause had said, knowing _exactly_ what was going through the other woman's mind. "Not a word."

"But-" Morgana had begun, images of beautiful silverware flashing through her mind.

"_Don't you dare_."

* * *

It had been two hours into Morgause's practice of levitation spells when she managed to raise half the pebble from the ground. Morgana had giggled delightedly, clapped her on the back and enthused "Isn't this _fun?_ It is just like when _you_ were teaching _me_ all those years ago."

And then Morgause had scowled, turned around and irritably hit her sister over the back of the head, snapping "This is not fun, this is brief deluge into _hell_".

It had been three hours into Morgause's practice of levitation spells when Princess had darted out from underneath some nearby bushes and merrily sent all the pebbles scattering. Morgause had sworn loudly and Morgana, fearing for Princess' safety, had shooed the cat away to play somewhere else.

One rather gained the impression, however, that Princess had not been playing but had carefully plotted to ruin the perfect line of pebbles all along when she hopped up onto a tree stump and sat there watching the two sisters amend the line with a distinct air of triumph about her.

It had been four hours into Morgause's practice of levitation spells when Morgana had finally grown bored of watching and had wandered off to amuse herself. Morgause had stubbornly continued her efforts alone, feeling a sudden rush of victory and excitement when the pebble _finally_ levitated to the height of her head. "Morgana!" The blonde had called elatedly "Morgana, look, _I have done it_!"

But there was no Morgana rushing to her side to see her success. Morgause had frowned and glanced about her, the pebble hovering precariously in the air before her. And that was when she had seen it. That was when the levitation practice had met its premature end and marked the beginning of Morgause's seemingly endless sulk.

Because that was when Morgause had seen Morgana, a little way off through the trees, with an arm outstretched and a large rock hovering in the air in front of her. A proud smile on her face.

And that was when Morgause, in a rather jealous childish tantrum, had managed to send the pebble rocketing into the side of Morgana's head, causing the younger witch to lose her concentration and the rock to crash down hard on one of her feet.

And that was when Morgana had begun hopping about in a circle screaming in pain and Morgause had yelled uncaringly from her spot in front of the hovel "OH WELL _YES_, DO FEEL _FREE_ TO STEER _ALL_ THE SYMPATHY IN _YOUR_ DIRECTION MORGANA".

* * *

Morgana was sat in a chair opposite Morgause, her leg outstretched and her foot resting on her sisters' lap. Morgause was dejectedly wrapping the foot in make-shift bandages that they'd fashioned out of old strips of cloth. Morgana was wincing and scowling and tutting and glaring.

"That was completely unnecessary, you know." Morgana said after awhile.

"I was not doing anything wrong." Morgana said.

"It is not _my_ fault that you have lost your grasp on magic." Morgana said.

"Yes it is." Morgause replied, knotting the strips of cloth together. "I was injured fighting for your right to the throne."

There was a small silence at that, interrupted only by Morgana letting out a quiet sound of disbelief. The young witch leant back in her chair, arms resting leisurely on its sides, an expression of dismayed amazement on her face. "_Really_, Morgause? After all we have been through, you say something like _that_? That is low even for someone like you-"

"What do you mean _someone like me_?" Morgause shot back, looking up from Morgana's foot to match her sisters' glare.

Morgana licked her pale, cracked lips, choosing her next word with deliberate ill will. "Cruel."

"_Cruel_?"

"Yes."

The two sister's, sitting opposite one another, held each other's gaze. Morgause took in the sight of Morgana lounging in her chair as she had done on the throne. Took in the hard look in her eyes and the slight smirk on her lips. Remembered when Morgana had been a Queen. Remembered how comfortable and wonderful and _terrifying_ she had seemed with a crown on her head. Thought, not for the first time, that she might be sitting before a young Uther.

"I am cruel when I need to be." Morgause said softly, in a voice most unlike her own "I am cruel to people when I believe it to be necessary to our cause. I am not cruel to those I care for."

"You set people on fire, Morgause. Do not try and play the saint with me."

The blonde didn't have anything to say to that.

A cloud must have begun crossing the sun outside, because what little sunlight that had managed to pass through the window above the bed and light up the room began to fade on Morgana's side.

And Morgause simply sat and watched as her sisters' features got lost in the creeping darkness.

* * *

Morgause did what Morgause always did when she was feeling hard done by and sorry for herself; she made a nest in the blankets on the bed and submerged herself in them, refusing to come out.

Morgana drifted about the hovel miserably, trying not to put too much weight on her injured foot. She was unable to focus her attention on any one task for any length of time. She would try and organise the odd assortment of jars on the shelving or she would try and read a book on enchantments, only to find herself routinely glancing over to the unhappy bundle under the blankets.

After a particularly unproductive few minutes when Morgana found herself completely unable to concentrate on sweeping the floor, she had sidled over to the bed once and very gently poked the blanketed mass. Then she had stood there waiting hopefully for a response, but she had received none and her shoulders had slumped and she had dragged herself wretchedly across the room to try and organize the jars again.

She hadn't _meant_ to be so mean to Morgause.

Well.

Except that she _had_, and that's what made the whole thing so terrible.

Morgana had noticed it after Merlin had poisoned her. A horrible, twisted pit of anger and bitterness deep inside of her that surfaced when it liked and tried to drag others down with it. It was a side of herself that she didn't entirely like but didn't entirely shirk either. She had tried to hide it and tried to suppress it but it was growing increasingly difficult, especially now after their defeat at Camelot. There was always that little bit of anger just bubbling beneath the surface, making her skin feel too tight, making her feel like she couldn't breathe properly. She was restless. She was tired. She was vengeful. She was broken. All at the same time. It was confusing and most disagreeable.

And she had never taken it out so harshly on _Morgause_ before. She was used to being able to throw the occasional dagger in Arthur's direction or dabble in attempts to send Merlin flying down a flight of stairs. But now that they were in hiding in a _cave turned hovel_ in the middle of a _wood_, Morgana couldn't do any of these things. There was absolutely _no_ outlet for her simmering anger _or_ her perhaps _slightly_ psychotic bouts of vengeance seeking. And that wasn't fair. That wasn't fair at all. What was a girl to do when she couldn't sneak about a castle in flamboyant red clothing and stab the occasional person? How could she sleep at night knowing that she hadn't been able to attempt to bludgeon the King to death that day?

No, no, no. This wasn't good for her at all.

And it wasn't good for her slightly over-affectionate relationship with her sister either.

After all, had she really just called Morgause _cruel_? The one person who had always stayed by her side and had her best interests at heart? Admittedly, yes, Morgause happened to have a penchant for throwing countless objects and fireballs in Morgana's direction. And she had also, on numerous occasions, attempted to stab or decapitate her. And she _might_ have set the odd person on fire and _possibly_ dabbled in necromancy. But were they _really_ such big crimes in the long run?

A slight pause.

Morgana frowned.

Morgana stared down at the jar in hand for what seemed an eternity as she made a rare re-acquaintance with her morals.

_No_, Morgana thought, quickly shaking her head and placing the jar on the shelf. _No they were not._

After all, it was probably not best to get _too_ caught up in morality when you were plotting the downfall of an entire monarchy.

* * *

The hours dragged by slowly. Morgause was not moving. Morgause would not have dinner. Morgause was still endlessly sulking and Morgana was still endlessly trapped in her feelings of guilt.

Well, this wasn't doing either of them any good, Morgana eventually decided. If they were ever going to get around to murdering the King and his good for nothing son then this needed to stop and they needed to start speaking to each other again.

Morgana crept over to the side of the bed. Paused. Stood there for awhile trying to think of the right thing to say. 'Sorry' didn't really cover it and 'Get up and stop moping' didn't have a particularly friendly ring to it.

In the end Morgana Pendragon, the ex-Queen of Camelot, lifted the blankets slowly and asked her sister quietly "...would you like to try and get the green out of my hair?"

And after a short pause as they stared at one another, Morgause gave a small nod and said "Alright".

* * *

The knotted, wild mess presented to Morgause was quite a stark change from the soft, glossy locks she was used to. In fact, such was her bewilderment that she could only stare speechlessly at her sisters' hair for a long time, not entirely sure where or how to begin.

Morgana fidgeted on the chair anxiously. "...What do you think, sister?"

Morgause, stood behind her, was not about to offer any comforting white lies. "I fear it beyond redemption."

"It cannot be all that bad."

"Again I feel the need to suggest the ownership of a mirror."

"Well if you fancy going to the market in Camelot then you are _more_ than welcome to indulge in such a proposal."

"I fancy going _anywhere_ that is not in the immediate vicinity of this hovel." Morgause replied, attempting to untangle a knot of hair with her fingers. "Could we not go for a walk to the ruins west of here this evening?"

"...You can if you wish. I do not want to engage in such an activity."

"Morgana, the problem I am hinting at here is that you do not want to _go_ anywhere or _do_ anything more than a couple of minutes away. Ever." The blonde said exasperatedly. The knot, much to her displeasure, was not coming loose. She diverted her attention onto the green strands instead.

Morgana shifted on her seat uncomfortably. "There is nothing wrong with being a little cautious of the outside world."

"I fear I must remind you that you used to sneak out under the cover of darkness and journey all the way to the woods alone in order to meet me. At what point then were you 'cautious of the outside world'?"

"Well...that was before..." Morgana trailed off, wringing her wrists nervously.

Morgause glanced over her sisters' shoulders to watch the restless state of her hands. Paused. Frowned. Their defeat at Camelot had evidently taken a rather larger emotional toll on the younger witch than she had first thought.

"Morgana..." Morgause began, in a very caring tone.

"...Yes, sister?" Morgana replied, ready and willing to receive some sympathy.

"I cannot shrug the feeling that you have become a bedraggled hermit long before your time."

A slight pause as the truthful news hit home. Indignation was clear across Morgana's face. "Morgause, _I have not_!"

"Yes you have."

"I have not!"

"Yes you have."

"Have not!"

"Have too."

"Have not!"

"Have too."

"Have not!"

"Have too."

"_SO WHAT IF I HAVE_?!" Morgana finally relented, voice wavering emotionally. "Is it any wonder after all I have been through?! After all the _betrayals_-"

"Yes, well I was just going to suggest-"

"NO _DO NOT_ _SPEAK_, I AM REVEALING CHILDHOOD TRAUMA!" Morgana snapped, causing the witch behind her to raise her brows, stop attending to her hair and settle in for a whirlwind of rage and perceived injustice.

"I was always criticised for _everything_ I did, ever since I was _young_!" The ex-Queen began, and Morgause sadly realised she was in for another one of Morgana's epic monologues that started right from when she was child to the present day.

"There was no sympathy, you know, despite the fact I never knew my father or mother! Well, I _say_ father but Gorlois was truly only _your_ father wasn't he? Because while you were skipping about on some Isle of sorcery and merriment _I_ was being raised by my _real_ father who conveniently _forgot_ to inform me that he and I were related." Morgana took a moment to allow a terrible scowl to settle itself across her features, hoping that although Uther was leagues away he might suddenly gain the inexplicable feeling that somebody wished him great harm. "He only ever cared about Arthur and _Arthur's_ rights to the throne. _I_ was not even worth acknowledging as his own daughter! I was just his _ward_. His ward who was expected to sit beside him and look pretty but never _do_ or _say_ anything. And when I ever _did_ dare to do anything I was always reprimanded or leisurely thrown in the dungeons! It was terrible when I was a child! It was always 'Don't bash Arthur over the head with that toy sword, Morgana!' and 'Don't lace people's food with Gaius' poisons, Morgana!'"

"...In all fairness that _particular_ story even reached _our_ ears on the Isle." Morgause said "From what I heard, you were rumoured to have almost killed three guests-"

"I WAS JUST PLAYING CHEF!" Morgana screamed hysterically, the unfairness of it all getting too much for her. "_Honestly_, everybody took offence so _easily_! I could barely throw a _brick_ in Arthur's direction without arousing everyone's suspicion-"

"Well, again, that is arguably a well-founded criticism on everybody else's part since it _was_ one of our plans to murder him, wasn't it-"

"_Would you stop interrupting, Morgause_! For _goodness sake_, here I am trying to explain all my emotions to you and you are more concerned with the _logistics_ of things!"

Morgause shifted behind her awkwardly. "Yes. Sorry. Go on."

"All my life it was _'Well done_ Arthur!', 'Look how _splendid_ Arthur is with a sword!', 'Isn't Arthur _fantastic_?', despite the fact _I_ was better than him at, and I exaggerate not, _everything_!" Morgana continued hotly, apparently not going to be content until she had completely unloaded all her emotional baggage "And then as if that _in itself_ was not enough to tip a person over the edge, I had to grow up in an environment that was _openly_ hostile towards magic, only to find that, _whoops_, I appear to be a witch! I was constantly terrified! Objects around me would happily burst into flame or shatter _completely_ against my will and I had to waft around the castle in the knowledge that if my secret was ever found out _I would be killed_! Executed for something I had no control over! Tied to the stake in the middle of the courtyard and burnt to death while Uther and Arthur looked calmly onwards! And then-and then-" Morgana, apparently finding everything almost too much to deal with, paused to take a few deep breaths.

Behind her, Morgause was slowly and quietly pulling up a chair to sit on. She was clearly not going to be allowed to go anywhere anytime soon.

"Not to mention Uther's execution of Gwen's father!" Morgana was beginning again "And literally _every other action he decided to take _because, without fail, _every_ choice he made was the _wrong_ one! And then...and then..._Merlin_." His name was spat out with evident disgust. "One of my only friends who nonchalantly decides to poison and try to _kill_ me! And for what reason, Morgause? _For what reason_? Yes, we might have been trying to rid the world of Uther, but he is a genocidal _tyrant_! In what world are we living in when people like you and I are becoming the villains?! We hadn't even _harmed_ anybody else during that plan, simply sent them to sleep! We didn't even have any plans to make me Queen because we did not know about my birthright! We were just simply trying to kill Uther after all he had done to us and our people! And the _only option_ Merlin seems to think he has is to betray and kill me?! Whatever happened to talking things over?! There was absolutely _no_ discussion on the matter! No 'Why are you doing this, Morgana?' or 'Why aren't you so in love with genocide as the rest of us, Morgana?', just _sudden and brutal attempted murder_! I mean is it _any wonder_ I sided with the likes of _you_, hm?"

"...Am I supposed to take that as a compliment?"

"Oh, you know what I mean!" Morgana said, waving a hand dismissively "You are egotistical to the most extreme degree, temperamental and more than a little bloodthirsty at some instances-"

"Well thank you for the moral support, sister-"

"No, but _you are not listening_, Morgause!" The young witch interrupted tetchily, shooting an unhappy glance over a shoulder at her sister "I am _trying_ to say that you are the only person in this world who has _ever_ accepted me for who I am. And you have _never_ tried to reinforce the incorrect belief that I am a monster who should be killed simply for having magic. You are _everything_."

"Oh." Morgause replied, unexpectedly too flattered for words.

"_Exactly_." Morgana said. "And I simply cannot believe the way that everybody appears to be so stunned at my actions! _Especially_ Uther! Sitting on his throne acting like a victim! And that throne, might I add, he gained _through conquest_ in a similar way to what _we_ are attempting yet _nobody_ bat an eyelid when he did it! I mean how he manages to cultivate _any_ sympathy out of _any_ person is completely beyond me when he merrily committed genocide not thirty years ago! People seem to forget that though, don't they? They just float about happily in their bubble of convenient, selective memory loss while those with magic are still burnt to death whenever they are found!"

"Yes. I am afraid they do."

A small silence finally settled over Morgana, who had been beginning to sound a bit hoarse and had seemingly decided to rest her voice. Morgause inched her chairs forwards and began attending to her sisters' hair again, trying not to dwell _too_ much on exactly _what_ the green in Morgana's hair was.

"Gwen did that a bit." Morgana said quietly after awhile "The selective memory loss thing."

"Most people do."

"But she was different and better in so many other ways that I wish she hadn't."

"Perhaps she was just quiet on the matter because of her position. She was not a noble like you, sister. If she had spoken out the consequences would have been much worse than they ever were for you."

"...That...that made a remarkable amount of sense, Morgause." Morgana said, turning her head to stare in a mix of wonder and disbelief at her older sister.

"Of course it did." Morgause replied, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world "_I_ said it."

* * *

Getting the green out of Morgana's hair had not ended well. Not many things did where the two sisters were concerned though, so it didn't come as a great surprise to either of them.

Morgause had attempted to brush the green...whatever it was out, only to find in complete astonishment that the green strands were in fact long pieces of string with knots tied at the end of them. She had held one between thumb and forefinger and stared at it bewilderedly for a couple of minutes before asking Morgana, who was now flicking through an old book in her lap, "Sister...have you tied _green string_ into your hair?"

There had been a lengthy and uncomfortable silence at that, broken only by Morgana eventually looking up from her book and quietly conceding "...People grieve in different ways, Morgause."

"I..you.." Morgause had been at an uncharacteristic loss for words at that, her dark eyes darting from the string in hand to Morgana's hair and back again "..._String_?!"

"Well you were unconscious and near death and we had just lost Camelot and I did not know what do with myself."

"_So you chose to tie green string into your hair_?!"

Morgana had let out a grumpy huff and looked back down to the book, turning some pages until she found a topic that grabbed her attention. In this instance, it had been 'Uses of magic IV: Throwing people forwards and backwards'.

Morgause had been too disgusted with her sisters' blatant act of stupidity to remark on the matter any further, and had simply gone about trying to unknot the cursed things from her hair. It became exceptionally apparent, however, that the pieces of string were well and truly tangled in the wild mess of hair and unknotting them was an impossibility.

"We shall have to cut them out." Morgause had declared.

"You are not coming anywhere near my hair with a knife, Morgause." Morgana had replied.

A pause.

"I could try to use magic to get rid of them." Morgause had said.

"...I...well I am not entirely sure-" Morgana had begun.

"You said you had complete faith in the return of my abilities." Morgause had interrupted "This will be a good test. Or am I to assume you were lying to my face?"

Morgana had taken a brief moment to think through her options, and had decided that confessing to lying in Morgause's face was perhaps not the most sensible thing to do if she wished to live long enough to have a crown on her head again.

"No, you are quite right." Morgana had said, with a slight feeling of dread "That sounds like a delightful idea."

* * *

It had not been delightful.

Morgause had muttered some words and the string had turned into actual hair. Only very, very, obviously and unavoidably _green _hair.

Upon realising it was now a permanent feature, and upon watching Morgana twirl a strand of green round one of her fingers and thoughtfully remark "Hm. I guess I shall have to wait for it to grow out", Morgause had let out one of her longest and most infuriated screams to date.

* * *

Morgause attempted to dive back into her blanketed nest of self-pity, feeling revolted and wretched at her lack of magical abilities.

Morgana leapt up from her seat and flung herself in the way, trying to wrap her arms around the unhappy blonde.

"No, I do not want a hug!" Morgause snapped, hitting at the other woman's hands.

"But you have always loved my hugs!"

"Not your _pity hugs_! I refuse to be trapped in a _prison of sympathy_!"

"Let me console you!"

"No!"

"Just let it happen for Goddess' sake!"

"I will do no such thing!"

"Can we not be functional _just for once_?!" Morgana begged exasperatedly.

"One time too many!" Was Morgause's unsympathetic answer, as she tried to dart around her sister and underneath the blankets.

Unfortunately for her, Morgana was too quick and managed to leap in the way, forcing her arms around Morgause. She held her still in one arm, not without a bit of trouble, and raised her other arm to stroke gently through her sisters' mane of blonde hair. "It is alright, Morgause. You will improve with every day."

"I don't even like you." Was Morgause's unhappy reply (she'd always rather been of the opinion that insults were the best way to cover up insecurities, after all), "You just follow me around everywhere."

"I know, there there, sshhh."

"You are completely deficient in charm and wit and all that lends to character. A bit like an ogre but somewhat prettier."

"...I shall try to take that as a compliment"

"Then you misheard me." Morgause said miserably, giving an emotional sniff.

Morgana couldn't help but roll her eyes. Morgause could be _ever_ so difficult sometimes. "Everything will turn out fine in the end, sister." The younger sibling ventured after awhile, hoping she sounded a lot more convincing than she felt.

"...Do you promise?" Morgause asked meekly, head buried in her sisters' shoulder.

There was a moment of silence at that and then Morgana, who was trying not to think too much about all the evidence to the contrary, had replied "Yes. In fact, I'd bet my life on it."

* * *

"But why _scars, _sister? And why are they only on the _right_ side of my body?"

"Morgause, we have addressed this issue time and time again and you know for a _fact_ that neither of us has _any_ idea what is ailing you."

"_But it does not make any sense!_ All I did was hit my head, I am _sure_ of it-"

"Look, let us be bluntly honest about the situation, sister," Morgana interrupted, glancing over her shoulder to Morgause who was on horseback behind her "Not an _ounce_ of your illness makes even the _vaguest_ bit of sense."

Morgause scowled back at her, looking the absolute embodiment of discontentedness as rain lashed down around them. "I cannot say this current attitude of yours is bringing me a wealth of comfort, Morgana."

"Well perhaps you should not have brought me on this particular excursion, _Morgause_."

"_Oh_," Morgause said, sounding highly offended "So we have resorted to saying each other's names sarcastically now have we, _Morgana_?"

"I don't know, _Morgause_, from our conversation I was under the impression we were stating the undeniably obvious."

"Sarcasm does not suit you, _Morgana_."

"Having friends does not suit you, _Morgause_."

"Being a bedraggled hermit does not suit you, _Morgana_."

"_Oh!_" Morgana whipped her head around to glare furiously in her sisters' direction. "That was just unnecessary!"

"_Your existence is unnecessary_!" Morgause snapped back childishly.

"Morgause, do _not_ make me come back there because _I will!_"

"I do not want you anywhere near me, _your hair is disgusting_-"

"RIGHT," Morgana declared, pulling on her reins and coming to a sudden stop "THAT'S IT. _THAT. IS. IT_. I AM DONE. WE ARE TURNING AROUND AND GOING HOME."

"What?!" Morgause cried indignantly, looking as though the entire world had just come crashing down around her "_No!_"

"You only have yourself to blame, Morgause!" Morgana replied briskly, steering her horse in the direction they had just come from, much to her sisters' dismay.

"But I have done nothing wrong!"

"_You insulted me_!"

"Well it is not _my_ fault that you have become a hermit and I am struggling to come to terms with it!" Morgause retorted defensively, thinking her sister was _entirely_ overreacting.

"I am _not_ a hermit, Morgause!"

"Yes you are, you never want to travel more than five minutes away!"

"You cannot blame a woman for being a little cautious these days!" Morgana replied, a tad more shrilly and emotionally than she would have liked.

"What do you mean 'these days'?!" Morgause demanded, leaning over and grabbing a tight hold of Morgana's reins as she made to pass her by.

The two stared at each other heatedly for a moment.

"Oh, _you know_!" Morgana eventually relented, sounding most irritated "War tensions and...bandits and...an unpredictable climate!"

"_An 'unpredictable climate'_?!"

"_You_ asked, Morgause! _I_ merely answered!"

"Yes, but what in the name of _sanity_ are you blithering on abou-"

"_I am entitled to my own opinion, sister!_ I used to be a _Queen_!"

Morgause narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "Is that what this is about? What happened at Camelot?"

Morgana eyed the blonde for a moment and then haughtily raised her nose to the air. "...It might be."

"But this current venture has _nothing_ to do with that. I simply want to test my magic in a _highly dramatic_ real-life scenario."

"...And seeking out a patrol and attacking them is the best way to do that?"

"_Yes_." Morgause replied, as if speaking to someone under a terrible mental affliction "Yes it is."

A short silence. Morgana regarded her sister with slight distaste. "But it is going to be _ever_ so embarrassing."

"Oh for Goddess' sake, not _this_ again-"

"I have a point, Morgause! It is not as if I am plucking excuses from the air!" Morgana retorted, her voice wavering into the slightly emotional again "How can we show our faces after being defeated by an ancient old turtle of a man and a serving boy? It's hideous! _We're hideous_!"

"Morgana, get a grip, _honestly_!"

But the ex-Queen of Camelot apparently had nothing further from her mind as she promptly dropped the reins and began sobbing loudly into her hands.

Morgause dedicated at least a full minute to watching her sisters' sudden meltdown, in a slightly awed _and_ disgusted kind of way, before awkwardly moving a hand to pat her on the shoulder. "...There, there, sister. Not all is lost." A slight pause. Dark brown eyes scanned over the hunched up figure on the horse. "...Except perhaps for your sanity."

Morgana let out a piercing, anguished wail and began to sob even harder, her entire frame shaking violently as the trauma of the moment apparently overwhelmed her. Morgause, fearing that her sister might be close to falling off her horse if she cried with any more enthusiasm, cleared her throat and tried again. "Everything will be fine, sister. This is a necessary step so that I might regain my former grasp of my abilities."

"But what if something goes _wrong_?" Morgana choked out from behind her hands.

Morgause couldn't help but frown. "Sister...we reached plan number _one thousand and six_ before Camelot was ours. And if I recall correctly you did not _once_ hold up a hand to me and say 'No sorry Morgause, that sounds too dangerous. _What if something goes wrong_?'"

"Yes, but-"

"We are two outcasts trying to overthrow the monarchy. In what realm of reality would the path before us be paved in gold and good-fortune?"

"But I don't-"

"Were you expecting a fanfare to be heralding us in through Camelot's gates? Did you think our names would be sung in heroic ballads for years to come? Maybe _angels themselves_ should have descended to wish us luck and-"

"I don't want you to get hurt!" Morgana blurted out emotionally, lowering her hands just a little to peer over at her sister through teary eyes. "_I don't want you to get hurt_."

And then contrary to the touching and poignant atmosphere that Morgana had spent a great deal of time cultivating, Morgause smacked her sister swiftly over the head and began to laugh.

And laugh.

And laugh.

"Oh, Morgana!" She eventually managed, wiping a tear from an eye "As if a patrol could hurt...as if I could..._as...as if_-" And then she was off again, almost bent double on her horse as she shook with laughter.

And Morgana, who had been weeping only moments before, who had drifted about the hovel since their defeat at Camelot thinking she might never laugh again, and who knew it was really against her better judgement to encourage such reckless behaviour from Morgause, couldn't help but join in.

* * *

_Authors Notes: yeAH SO THERE WAS SOME ANGST, WHAT OF IT?! YOU WANNA GO? YOU WANNA GO?! YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE?! YOU WANNA FIGHT?! I COULD TAKE YOU. I COULD TAKE YOUR GRANDMA. YOU WANNA BRING YOUR GRANDMA AND FIGHT IT OUT?_

_WELL YOU CAN'T COZ THIS IS THE INTERNET. PUT DOWN THEM KNUCKLES AND MAKE YOUR GRANDMA A CUP OF TEA AND SAY IT WAS FROM ME (I'm not hitting on her, I promise)_

_(Or am I?)_

_(I'm not)_

_(But how will you know?)_

_(Ssshhh stop it)_

_Ok but like f'real my ladies and gentlemen, I hope you liked the chapter. Just setting the scene with Morgana getting a little more crazy vis a vis being embarrassingly defeated at Camelot. Because I mean she was like mad crazy psychotic in Series 4 so we gotta get her almost to that tipping point by the end of this arc am I right? aM I RIGHT?_

_I'm right._

_I know it, I can feel it._

_You can feel it._

_We can all feel it._

**_Feel it._**

_Anyway, next chapter they'll be ambushing a Camelot patrol or sumfink idk so get ready ok because there's gonna be ACTION._

_Love you all and if you send me a review I will definitely get as emotional as Morgana and I might not be on a horse but I'll almost fall off my chair and that's almost as dramatic I think._

_ADIEU ADIEU AND CIAO AND ADORATION AND LOVE_

_TheDeathlyMarshmallows_

_x_

* * *

**REVIEW REPLIES (OoOoOh look you have your own section now, thAT'S HOW IMPORTANT YOU ALL ARE TO ME)**

**Kitty O** - Well, well, well the crossover is Merlin and the A Song of Ice and Fire series. You might know it better if you watch it as 'Game of Thrones' on TV? Or yOU MIGHT NOT KNOW AT ALL. AAAHH. _MYSTERIES_. (I haven't updated it in awhile though...I'M SO LAZY WAAH) 'And she almost makes you wish she could survive' - almost?! ALMOST?! YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME CRY. HehehhEHEHEHehee. I'm glad the chapter made you happy though, because it makes me happy that you're happy, you feel me? You feel me. wE HAVE A CONNECTION.

**Dawn that Shines** - I missed her grapes too! coME BACK GRAPES, MORGAUSE LOVES YOU. Also your definition of 'closer' is the correct one. You, me and Morgause know where it's at AM I RIGHT. Also yes, it is definitely a CLOAK. (I mean, obviously it's a poncho but it's best not to let Morgause hear these things). 'You have earned that rainbow pooping unicorn. But you can find your own butterflies to feed it' - BUT DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD BUTTERFLIES ARE TO FIND AND CATCH? dO yOU KNOW?! DO YOU?

**NeonTiger5** - 'I dont think any fic ever makes me laugh quite so much as this one does' - yoU'RE MAKING ME EMOTIONAL STOP IT. Hehee. I'm glad you appreciate my effort with the whole 'creepy' side of their relationship... because goDDAMN is it creepy. (Also slightly endearing? Not sure how that works. I'll get back to you on that one)

**Define X** - You kNOW WHAT. You're right! The guards ARE underappreciated! Where's all the fic about the guards huh? HUH?! I SMELL A CONSPIRACY. 'AWWW... She DOES care! *sniffle*' - I know it mADE ME WELL UP TOO. AND FEAR NOT MY YOUNG CORNCOB, the end is a way off yet! And I'm not planning on stopping writing it after this arc...hUH I MEAN WHAT I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING YOU CAN'T HOLD ME TO ANYTHING I DIDN'T SIGN ANY PAPERS

**Water1Wolf** - 'Morgause is utterly insane' - This is, without a doubt, the single most simple but truthful sentence I have ever read about anything ever. And I congratulate you on that. In fact, you get sOME CAPITAL LETTERED WORDS. Aww yiss. And YEAH force your friend to make an account! I will usher her in with comforting spindly arms! And who could resist that? Who I ask you? WHO?

**P.E.E.V.S.Y** - OoOooh, thank you thank you and merci! You literally just complimented me so much I dunno what to do I feEL LIKE I'M MELTING AND IT'S BEAUTIFUL

**Rhemila** - GAH YOU'RE TOO KIND! HehEHHEHEHEe. 'I knew Morgause liked Morgana!' - yes she hides it well, like when she hurls fireballs in Morgana's direction, but deep, deep down in the gaping black tempestuous abyss of her heart she_ sort of_ likes Morgana, she _guesses_. HEHEE. And I hope your excitement for what was going to happen next was fULFILLED 'O LIGHT OF MY LIFE

**mischief-manager00** - 'Just in reading this, Morgause has become one of my favorite characters!' - YES. YES. AWW HELL YUSS. THAT'S WHAT I'M AIMING FOR IN THIS. I'M GONNA CONVERT YOU ALL! ALL OF YOU! MWHAHAHAHAHAA! AwwwWw you're too kind to me though rEALLY. Thank you thank you, you lovely thing!

**FallenPrayers** - i lOVE CHOCOLATE BUNNIES SO GOOD START. 'I can't take any episode of season 3 seriously now' - GOOD. THIS IS A GOOD THING. I AM HAPPY. OUI. I love you too! And I hope you laughed just as much reading this chapter!

**mizamoomoo** - Literally rolling on the floor? LITERALLY?! THERE IS NOTHING AN AUTHOR WANTS MORE OH GOD I AM BLESSED. 'A shark? I sometimes don't even want to know where your ideas come from.' - That makes two of us you gorgeous gorgey face...that makes two of us...

**Eliza S** - TWENTY SIX TIMES? ARE YOU MAD? I HOPE YOU ARE BECAUSE we'RE aLL MAd hERE. You'll fit right in! 'They're in love. DO YOU FEEL THE LOVE?' - I think anyone who was in a mile radius of a TV screen showing the two of them feLT IT. They had mad inappropriate chemistry. MAD. HehehhEHEHe. I'm proud I changed your view on both of them...cos obviously they ARE both insane and utterly incapable of doing anything properly and in a serious manner. HEHEHEHEE. 'Or just write season 5. ;)' - you know what mAYBE I'LL WRITE SERIES 6. I'M GONNA DO IT. THEY CAN'T STOP ME BRINGING MERLIN BACK. THEY'LL HAVE TO FIGHT ME. AND I HAVE A PIKACHU ONESIE SO I'LL WIN. HAH.

**Cheesypriestess** - 'You are a really good writer, y'know that?' - yoU'VE JUST KILLED ME I'M GOING I'M GOING I'M GONE I'M DEAD THIS IS THE END NOTHING WILL TOP THIS MOMENT THANK YOU-nO WAIT. A GOLD STAR? FOR ME? **I GET A GOLD STAR?!** OH GOD I'M SO HAPPY I'M GONNA CRY. 'I love reading your reactions to the reviews.' - thank buttered toast for that beCAUSE I'M HAVING A FIELD DAY WITH YOU, YOU GLORIOUS ANGELFACE. 'I think you killed me.' - GOOD. We're even! And yes! Exclamation points are that necessary thANK YOU FOR APPRECIATING THEM. Hehehhee. HEHEHEHHEHEE I SAID.

**emily9155** - nO YOU COMPLIMENT ME SO. I'M NOT WORTHY OF SUCH MAJESTY. 'English is not my first language and sometimes its hard to reading. But still, you have beautiful way with words.' - this makes me so happy, thank you! I'm in awe of you being able to understand my madness because that's hard even for people who speak english as their first language! HEHEHEHEHHHEE. 'Morgana and Morgause, oh...I start to ship these two right from the beginning.' - I think most people did, let's be honest, because their chemistry waS SO. DAMN. INAPPROPRIATE. FOR. SISTERS. Everyone should just roll with it anyway like cOME ON IT'S THE 21ST CENTURY, AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT? Also, don't be sorry for errors! YOU ARE LOVELY.

**Dbananad** - 'I can't believe that Morgana and Morgause ever get anything done... well they really don't... with the way they act.' - This is so accurate it's a wonder to behold. And it also made me smile. A lot. 'if only Morgause could focus on killing Uther as much as she does with Morgana.' - YOU ARE MAKING ME LAUGH STOP IT THAT'S MY JOB. 'I think it's marvelous, but why grapes? Was it planned or just a random phenomenon that exploded into writing genius?' - you know what I don't even know. I'm gonna say it was a mix between me wanting Morgause to have something that rivalled her obsession with Morgana, and a majestic and beautiful random phenomenon that entered my brain. whaT CAN I SAY, I WAS BLESSED. 'Please update soon. Not having your story is like having a gaping hole in my heart.' - NOW YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME CRY. YOU'VE PUT ME THROUGH AN EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER ASKLFHASLFK. But I hope this filled the hole in your heart for a little while at least!

**Hope** - You read through the whole thing in a day?! That's deDICATION RIGHT THERE. I'm glad you like the story so much and I hope you like this chapter tooooo! YOU'RE A+

**kristygirl4u** - nO YOU'RE PURE GENIUS. HEHEHEE. Reading since last night? thAT'S DEDICATION TOO. IT MAKES ME SMILE. Is it bad that I'm kind of glad you've been deemed ill by some of your friends? No? LET'S JUST SAY NO. I LOVE YOU TOO, WE'LL LOVE EACH OTHER. TOGETHER. FOREVER.

**sudoku** - 'Morgause never addressed Morgana by name ever and her plot to take the throne was always so dramatic.' - you just dropped a truth bomb so hard you opened a knowledge crater and thAT MAKES ME PLEASED SO YOU'VE EARNED YOURSELF SOME CAPITAL LETTERS AWWW YISSS. Glad you like the story! HEHEHEE.

**Catindahat** - aaAAHHHH YOU'RE SO NICE TO MEEEEE. I hope you liked reading this chapter as much as the others!

**livingarandomreality** - a new reader? A NEW READER. AWW YEAAHH, I STILL GOT IT. 'I stopped doing homework until about 2 minutes before it was due, I nearly missed classes' - I AM A GOOD INFLUENCE AND NOBODY CAN TELL ME ANY DIFFERENT. whAT DO YOU MEAN TOO PERFECT?! NO STOP IT I'M GONNA GET TEARY EYED AGAIN AND THIS CAN'T BE GOOD FOR MY HEALTH. (but do I care?) (I don't care) (Or do I?) (I NEED TO STOP DOING THIS) (sorry sshhh just love me) 'BBC should make a 3 1/2 season with these as the episodes!' - NOTHING WOULD MAKE ME HAPPIER. I think I might just stroll over to the BBC studio and submit this fic and be like "You're welcome". That would go down well right? RIGHT? 'Do you have a list of all rules of malevolence because I would love to read all those.' - ...they may or may not make an appearance in a chapter yoU'LL HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE. 'I'm really looking forward to a season 3-4 storyline because so few people have done that.' - WELL I HOPE THIS WAS OK FOR YOU. I HOPE YOU LIKED IT. THERE'S MORE TO COME. NOBODY CAN STOP ME. MWHAHAHAA.

**Forever Day** - Breaks are ok! Breaks are good! Probably the healthy thing to do I conGRATULATE YOU. 'I was never a huge fan of Morgause but your Morgause was excellent and your Gwen as well.' - HELL YES THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY. Especially the Gwen appreciation! SHE NEEDS MORE APPRECIATION SHE'S AWESOME. 'The only thing I could imagine improving it was if one of them got a proper love interest and the other went mental.' - ...I see I see, I see and read this with my eyes and I think...I think to myself... _maybe one day...in a chapter or two...in the future... I could make this happen..._(I hope you read that in an emotional and dramatic way as if I was on a beach staring off into the horizon because you were supposed to) HOPE YOU LIKED THE UPDATE, LOVELY

**StoryGamblette** - WELL I LOVE YOU TOO SO NOW WE'RE EVEN. 'This story has to be one of the funniest and most thoughtfully written ones out there.' - I might cry? I'M GONNA CRY I'M JUST GONNA LET IT HAPPEN. 'With the season 5 finale, I can totally see why morgana is so bitter, if her visits to morgause were one tenth as funny and as tender (you can see their love between the lines) as this, she would be pissed if her sister died.' - THIS ALSO MADE ME EMOTIONAL I AM A WRECK RIGHT NOW AND I LOVE IT SO THANK YOU AND LET'S ALWAYS LOVE EACH OTHER IN A JACK AND ROSE FROM TITANIC KIND OF EPIC WAY


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